Category Archives: marriage advice
Tax Advice for Couples Considering Remarrying: Part Two
In a previous column, I explained why couples entering into second or third marriages should consider the tax consequences beforehand. To illustrate how I’d advise them, I created Marsha (entering into her third marriage) and John (entering into his fourth marriage). And both recently became AARP members.
Why did I cite their multiple marriages and allude to their ages? Because of the increase in so-called gray divorces among those aged 50 and older. Remarriages typically prove to be less stable than first marriages. Divorces among those 50-plus and remarried are around double the rate for those who’ve only been married once.
To reinforce those troubling statistics, I remind Marsha that Oscar Wilde characterized marriage as, “The triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”
Marsha, a perennial optimist, was dismissive of Wilde’s warning and unfazed by John’s three previous divorces. She’s sure that the fourth try for him and the third try for her will be the charm.
I unveil Plan B: Marsha should ask for copies of John’s federal and state returns. What they reveal might persuade her to remain single or, if they wed, to file separate returns.
Suppose what Marsha initially discovers speaks well for John. He’s a model taxpayer who diligently submits returns and payments by their due dates and promptly replies to IRS correspondence. A dubious Marsha asks whether it’s worthwhile to delve deeper.
I tell her to persist in her scrutiny of his returns as they can provide many kinds of insights into him. Below are three such items.
1. Alimony payments
On the front of a 1040 will be deductions for alimony payments to John’s ex-wives. Did John tell Marsha about those payments?
2. Dependency exemptions for children
A divorce settlement (or settlements) allows John as a noncustodial parent to claim such exemptions. The place to claim them is on the front of a 1040. Has he told Marsha about those children?
I alert Marsha to changes introduced by the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act that Congress passed in late December of 2017. TCJA abolishes exemptions starting with the 2018 tax year. While TCJA ends deductions for alimony paid pursuant to divorce or separation agreements entered into after the close of 2018, it grandfathers write-offs for payments under agreements John and others entered into before the close of 2018.
3. Gambling
John’s returns show substantial amounts of gambling winnings as the source for “other income” on the front of his 1040s. While the IRS allows him to offset those winnings with deductions for gambling losses, his losses are deductible only up to the amount of winnings.
TCJA adds another requirement for John and other gamblers who incur wagering expenses, such as travel to and from casinos and tracks. For tax years 2018 through 2025, John has to add those expenditures to his total losses before he compares total losses to total winnings.
After John complies with the rules for determining total losses, he claims them on Schedule A as miscellaneous deductions. His winning wagers don’t directly offset losing wagers as trades in stocks, bonds or other investments do on Schedule D.
Given the cap on losses, I caution Marsha to ask whether, in the past, he’s incurred nondeductible losses that far exceed his winnings. If so, the amounts John wagered might indicate that he’s a compulsive gambler.
In the last article in this series, I’ll discuss five more items.
Former staffer shares Barack Obama's 3 questions to see if you've found 'the one'
While query No. 1 might seem overly simple, Obama broke it down for him.
“You will spend more time with this person than anyone else for the rest of your life, and there is nothing more important than always wanting to hear what she has to say about things,” he explained.
As for questions No. 2 and 3, they didn’t really require explanations at all.
“Does she make you laugh? And I don’t know if you want kids, but if you do, do you think she will be a good mom?” he continued.
Michelle Obama snuggles against former president Barack Obama before a videotaping for the 2015 World Expo, in the Diplomatic Reception Room of the White House, March 27, 2015.Amanda Lucidon / The White House
Being able to say yes to all three of those questions is, evidently, all it takes.
“Life is long,” Obama told Pfeiffer. “These are the things that really matter over the long term.”
After musing over the questions for a moment, Pfeiffer replied that his partner was “incredibly interesting, funnier than I am and will be a phenomenal mom.”
That’s all it took to convince Obama that his pal was making a good choice.
Barack Obama kisses his wife, Michelle Obama, after giving his acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention in Denver on Aug. 28, 2008.Alex Brandon / AP
“Sounds like she’s the one,” Obama said. “Lucky you.”
And lucky him, too.
Barack Obama and Michelle Obama watch the fireworks over the National Mall from the roof of the White House, July 4, 2010.Pete Souza / The White House
After all, this good advice comes from a man who’s been with his bride for more than 25 years and clearly has no regrets.
A Reflection on 8 Years of Marriage
School summer vacation has just begun. My husband and I sit in bed after our two children fall asleep and we discuss summer plans and trips. We always have accessibility issues at the back of our minds. I know he loves to go camping, but my disability doesn’t do well with camping. I feel bad that we can’t always do what he likes because I’m unable. Then he takes my hand, and we plan what we can do instead.
Last Tuesday marked eight years since our wedding. We are thrilled to have achieved this milestone since many couples do not make it that long. We love each other, but marriage isn’t always easy. Cerebral palsy throws another aspect into our marriage that we need to accommodate. How does a good marriage survive a disability and the rest of life’s challenges?
The older I am, the more I can imagine myself walking in certain situations. I can’t help but wonder if I didn’t have cerebral palsy what impact it would have on our marriage. However, I know I shouldn’t dwell on what I cannot do, but focus on what I can.
Getting married is much more complicated than I had thought it would be when I was a young woman. I imagined it to be easy if you just talk to each other and love each other. All relationships would be easy if it were that simple, but that isn’t realistic. I can’t stress enough how important it is to marry someone with whom you have many things in common. Do your goals match? Do your interests match? How about your future plans? What are your styles for raising children?
For some strange reason, when people see a couple in which one person is in a wheelchair and the other isn’t, they think the marriage is perfect. They also might believe that the person without a disability is a saint. Both of these concepts are false. Our eight years of marriage have had happy times and some difficult times, too.
Here is my advice on marriage for those with a disability (but the advice applies to most marriages):
- Use your head and heart before you say those wedding vows. Love is essential, but also think about compatibility, trust, friendship, long-term goals, how to raise children and pets, money, likes and dislikes. You’re going to be around this person most of your life. Make sure this is someone you’ll enjoy being with for the long run.
- Make sure they understand your specific needs. Having a disability is not the end of the world, but it needs to be discussed. Tell them what you can and cannot do. Make sure that they are aware that these needs might change over time.
- Communication is more important than ever. After eight years of marriage, we are still working out the best ways to talk to each other. It’s an ongoing process, but never stop talking and making sure that you’re heard. Your voice, opinions, feelings, and needs are important.
- Forgiveness and moving on are necessary. I’m not saying to accept emotional or physical abuse. The first time someone abuses you physically or verbally should be the last. I’m talking about the everyday things that might annoy you or the pop-up arguments about daily life. If you hold grudges, it’ll eat away at your marriage, and it will eat away at you!
- Don’t forget about the little things to do and say to each other. Saying “I love you” out of nowhere or giving your husband a small surprise will make him smile.
Marriage is wonderful, but it needs to be handled with care. If you aren’t kind, forgiving, loving, and trustworthy, your marriage will reflect it. It’s a two-way street, and it takes time to build.
***
Note: Cerebral Palsy News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cerebral Palsy News Today, or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cerebral palsy.
Kelantan Govt urges parents of 11-year-old child bride to legalise marriage
GUA MUSANG: The Kelantan state government has called on the family of the 11-year-old girl who married a 41-year-old man to legally register their marriage and seek a hearing at the Syariah court.
This comes despite the fact that Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Dr Wan Azizah Wan Ismail had on Sunday (July 1) said that the marriage was illegal.
State Women, Family Development and Welfare committee chairman Mumtaz Md Nawi also called on the family to seek the advice of the religious authorities in Narathiwat.
“As the marriage was solemnised in Thailand, it is better to also seek the advice of the religious authorities there,” she said.
Mumtaz also advised the “groom” to enrol the girl into a pondok school (religious school) or any other suitable education institution.
The girl, born to migrant parents, has never gone to school.
Meanwhile, Kelantan PAS Muslimat chief Siti Zailah Mohd Yusof revealed that the marriage was solemnised without the approval of the Narathiwat Islamic Religious Council (NRC).
“I met the NRC president Baba Syafie, and he said Thai laws also forbid marriages involving underage children. In this particular case, he also confirmed no application was made to the NRC prior to the solemnisation,” she said.
Galas assemblyman Mohd Syahbuddin Hashim said there could be more such cases involving child marriage but escaped public attention.
“However, we shouldn’t be judgmental. I have met the family, and found there is no element of compulsion,” he said.
The 41-year-old groom Che Abdul Karim Che Hamid said he would extend full co-operation to the religious authorities investigating into the case.
“I did not do anything wrong that is against the religion. I have sought the advice of religious authorities in Southern Thailand before marrying her.
“I can accept whatever punishment, but please do not force me to divorce. “Furthermore, I am engaged in a suspended marriage.
“My young wife would not be staying with me until she turns 16,” said the man who has two other wives aged 41 and 34.
