Category Archives: marriage advice
Redding couple celebrates 80 years of marriage
Margaret and Delbert Wood
Eight decades of wonderful memories and love, that’s how one couple, who has been married for 80 years, describes their time together.
Delbert Wood, 98, and Margaret Wood, 97, got married in 1938.
Three children and many grandchildren later, Delbert and Margaret still adore each other and their love continues to grow.
The Wood’s moved to Redding in 1941 from Washington where Delbert helped build the Shasta Dam. Just three years later, he was drafted in World War II and sent to Germany.
“She lived up here on Magnolia Street when I went over to chase the Germans around and they chased me awhile too and ended up in the hospital over there,” said Delbert.
“I got to chase anyone while he was gone,” added Margaret. Delbert responded with a big laugh and a grin, “Yeah, while I was gone she got to chase anyone.”
It was only 30 days of fighting overseas when Delbert was injured after being hit with shrapnel that paralyzed his leg.
A few years later, he returned home to Margaret but while away, he always kept her close by carrying a picture of her in his shirt pocket, close to his heart.
Delbert said to this day, he continues to carry a photo of Margaret with him, the first picture they took together in a photo booth in high school.
When asked for advice on how to make a marriage last 80 years, Delbert said, “I learned not to argue with her, she wins,” as he affectionately looked at his wife.
“She’s always been happy. Wake up in the morning and look out the window and say what a beautiful world. Always had a real positive attitude,” said Delbert.
From hiking Mount Lassen, to long walks through their neighborhood to motorcycle rides, their memories are of each other.
“We have been good partners, we traveled a lot together. We used to go to Alaska every year with our RV and spend the summer up there, Death Valley in the winter. So we got a lot of good traveling, been really lucky people,” added Delbert.
All fathers should take Judge Judy's parenting advice
Since approximately 1910, the third Sunday in June honors the “Y” chromosome and Hollywood’s prayers begin: “Honor thy father and thy mother.”
Fathers, caution is advised. Venus is in your fifth house. Pluto is in your seventh house, that bimbo is in your beach house, and unless you’re careful, the wife’s at the window in the main house.
May new papas Clooney, Jagger and Timberlake hear Judge Judy on Father’s Day:
“Every successful woman I know had a father who adored her. My father applauded my victories and minimized my defeats. I wanted to please him and make him proud of me. I hope he’s smiling.”
Jim Gaffigan, whose daughter is 9 years old, wrote the book “Dad Is Fat” and doubtless shares the opinion that to impress the wife, a husband just must respect her, compliment her, protect her, hear her and love her. To impress a husband on Father’s Day, the wife just has to show up naked and bring a pizza.
In honor of this semi-holy day, sensitive gentle kindly family conscious Peter Fonda tells me of his three wives: “The one I met in 1974? Someone gave us the wedding and we got married Father’s Day. Of course, I’d been married before, but only once on Father’s Day. Another marriage was on Armistice Day.”
One for the ladies, please
Although it’s Father’s Day, to be fair, we now honor great lady Ann Richards, Texas’ former governor, with Holland Taylor’s “Ann” on the new streaming service BroadwayHD: Holland: “Even as a child, Ann was sensitive to those powerless. Then community organizer, boycotter, civil rights worker, housewife who’d open her card table for write-ins against unconstitutional labor. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. Took me three years to do this project.”
The film is out Thursday. Flag Day.
Stories of our fathers
Barbara Walters’ dad, Lou, owned NYC’s Latin Quarter nightclub: “His obit in the paper that mattered to him, in Variety, included the line: ‘He believed in full lighting.’ What could’ve been better for a showman?” . . .
Ron Howard: “I always watch soccer this day.” . . .
Ray Romano: “My memories are always kids throwing up.” . . .
Channing Tatum, who for Halloween dressed daughter Everly, 5, as a unicorn; Chris Pratt, who took little son Jack fishing for barracuda; DJ Khaled, whose son’s birthday party included actual tigers — feel excited.
Since years sometimes erode warmth, what are Christopher Plummer’s views on Father’s Day? “I don’t remember any holiday but Christmas. Also, I give nothing, and that’s because wives cheat you out of everything.”
Prez taught me a lesson
President Donald Trump — my friend since the ’70s — good to me, always doing favors, was angry with me once.
For some reason, I did not attend his father Fred’s funeral in ’99.
Furious, he called with: “How dare you disrespect him?” Nearly 20 years ago, and I still remember this son’s rage at a friend not honoring his father.
Suggested gift ideas
And civilization’s special presents should be?
Kim Jong-ugh: a haircut
Chris Christie: a snack.
Anthony Weiner: a Monopoly set so he can have a get-out-of-jail-free card
Kanye West: a new pair of earrings
O.J.: a dart board, him standing in front
Robert De Niro: mouthwash
“I know Father’s Day’s coming. My boy asked what size cologne I wear.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.
Marriage: Life's ultimate journey
By Morgan Bryce
Associate Editor
Nearly a year ago, I embarked on the greatest journey this planet has to offer – marriage.
In the months, weeks and days leading up to this momentous occasion, I sought the advice of every happily married man I knew, in hopes of preparing for this huge leap.
Opinions and thoughts varied widely, but there was one consensus- the first year of marriage is always the hardest.
Time rushed by, and before I knew it, I was standing at the altar on my wedding day, about to promise before God, family and friends that this woman was about to become my charge, my keep, for the rest of my life.
What a responsibility! What a task! What a commitment!
As I slipped the ring onto her finger, those realizations were heightened. I was keenly aware of the gravity of my actions and what they signified; what their impact would have on the rest of my life.
Driving away from our reception, I cast a backwards glance in the rearview mirror. The friendly, smiling faces of my dearest family and friends became mere specks on the horizon, symbolic of what I viewed as the turning and flipping of the page to my life’s newest chapter.
During our rainy but peaceful week spent honeymooning at Panama City Beach, I came to discover and appreciate the beauty of this new era.
Our conversations, were the same, but the dynamic was different.
This woman was no longer my girlfriend or fiance, but my wife, MY FAMILY. There were no other labels left for each other other than husband and wife – which was so refreshing.
I’ve learned more about myself through this journey than I ever planned to. A journey that has revealed how blessed, lucky and fortunate I am to have found someone who could complete me, make me whole and feel like I could do anything I imagined.
And for that, Jessi Dawn, I am eternally grateful. Eternally grateful for you, and that you chose me. Eternally grateful for the Netflix marathons; late-night Krispy Kreme runs and quiet evenings spent in each other’s company.
In the series finale of my all-time favorite television show “The Office,” one of the series’ main characters, Andy, addresses the camera crew with the following statement, one that I’ve pondered over considerably the last 361 days.
“I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”
For the record, I’m here to say that I’m in the midst of my good old days. Through the grace of God, I have found someone who wants to walk with me through the valleys and summit the mountaintops throughout this journey we call life.
I’m looking forward to the next 365 days and beyond with you, Jessi Dawn.
3 Steps To Save Your Relationship When You've Drifted Too Far Apart
Don’t give up yet!
Most of us entered marriage with some sort of picture in our minds of how married life would be. For some individuals, the picture is very clear and easy to describe. For others, their ideal image of marriage won’t become clear until they begin to think about things that aren’t happening.
Things can slowly deteriorate, and learning how to save your marriage seems impossible. That’s when they realize they really did have expectations for what married life would be like.
Life happens! Within a few short years of getting married (and the time seems to pass very rapidly), our time and energy are taken up by many things.
Once children are born, they have many needs; and as they develop, they get involved in lots of activities that take up parental time — shopping for them, helping with homework, taxiing them to the next place they need to go, arranging doctor appointments, attending concerts, school events, recitals, and so on. Even with the best intentions and with determined intentionality, it can still be difficult for couples to maintain closeness, intimacy and enough time together to grow the relationship.
If this is descriptive of your life, you may find yourself wondering if this will ever change, and if your marriage has a chance to make it long-term. The answer is “yes, your marriage can last!” if you take some of the following steps:
1. Take time to think.
Ask yourself this: Just how bad does it feel to be in your relationship right now? Does it feel simply like you are drifting apart, but it could easily be fixed? Does it seem like you are living as roommates? Do you find that you are arguing way more than ever before? Do you or does your spouse seem to have tons of anger and resentment which make it difficult to ever engage in meaningful conversation?
Come up with a number on a 1-5 scale regarding your relationship. You are a 1 if it feels like it could easily be fixed, and you are a 5 if there is a ton of resentment and someone has dropped the “D” bomb (divorce).
Think about the approachability of your spouse. As stated earlier, “Life happens!” Think about what is happening in life right now. If either one of you is under undue stress or facing gargantuan deadlines, it may be better to postpone an intervention or to carefully plan it out. However, don’t put it off for long, or it may never get done until it is too late.
2. Take time to plan.
Based on your evaluation of things, it is now time to plan your next steps. This step may take some time, depending on how damaged you feel, and how damaged you believe your marriage is at this point. If you are a 4 or 5 on the relationship scale, you may have difficulty believing that things can be any different than the current status.
Here are some things to think through and jot down:
- What do I want? You don’t like things the way they are, so what DO you want? Even if it does not seem possible, at least think through and answer this question: “What do I want in our marriage?”
- What do I need? This could be another version of the previous question, or it could have a different answer. However, think it through and write it down.
- What does my spouse want? You have been married for a while, so put on your thinking cap. Write out what you believe your spouse wants in your marriage that is not there right now. The answer to this one may be as simple as making a list of the common complaints you hear from your spouse.
- What does my spouse need? This can be a very different answer from what they want. You know this person; you know their life, their personality and the way they approach life and the stresses of life.
What are the top 2 or 3 things that you KNOW would be helpful to your spouse RIGHT NOW with the things being faced in life?
Strategize how to discuss these things with your spouse. If things are going to change either way, for the better or for worse, someone needs to try to get things out on the table where they can be discussed. If the two of you have not had much success in attempting discussions of this type, then you need to do it in a different way than you have in the past.
You could discuss this with a friend to get some input, but be careful in doing this. Your spouse may not like the fact that someone else knows the struggles you are facing, and you don’t want to discuss it with a person who has trouble keeping confidences.
If you are involved in a religious community, try turning to someone who has been a mentor or advisor in the past. The goal is to come up with a way of entering into a discussion regarding your evaluation of the relationship and determine how to change it for the better.
3. Take time to act.
If you want to understand how to save your marriage, you have to take time to think this through. Your preparation should mean that the emotional edge has been taken off of your presentation, and it is now a little more factual than it was at first. Your spouse has not had the time to do that, so strap yourself in and hang on and allow for some emotion to be blown off at first.
Let your spouse know you have been thinking about things they may want in the relationship. When you give them the list of things you thought would be important to them, ask what you missed and allow time for the discussion.
Tell your spouse that in addition to wants they may have, you believe there are also things they need. Make it clear how you will be able to help with those needs.
These are some initial steps in addressing a relationship that is drifting apart. Don’t expect to solve everything in one discussion, and don’t be too hurt or let down if there is little to no change in your first attempt at this.
Both of you are caught up in life as it has been for a while. You both have patterns to your day, week and month.
Even if you both want to make small or even major changes, it may not be possible for a period of time. Appointments, meetings and activities tend to get scheduled far ahead, so try to bear in mind that it can take weeks and even months to free up time and energy to do something as important as investing in each other again.
Don’t give up.
Dr. David McFadden is a couple’s counselor at Village Counseling Center. Receive your free copy of the Better Life Magazine filled with articles with topics from taking good care of yourself, resolving conflicts in your relationship and discovering how to have success in your life.
