Nearly all marriages come with financial challenges. Big or small, money issues are going to come up and it can be stressful. Whenever we are feeling strapped, my husband and I tend to, well, overreact, and try to completely overhaul our finances. We’ve been known to try to save thousands of dollars in a week or spend zero money for an entire month. It’s the financial equivalent of a crash diet and therefore it never works.
I thought it might be smart to talk to an expert to find some actually doable, sustainable ways for us to save money. So I called Bruce Tynan, a financial planner for Decker Retirement Planning, to ask him what will actually work to help us cut back on our spending. With his insights, we tried something different: small, manageable changes that could make a dent in our finances without sending us into a splurge cycle. After a month of putting these five tactics to work, we have found that not only did they have a positive effect on our bank account, they had a positive effect on our marriage, too.
1. We set a grocery limit.
How in the hell is our grocery store bill $127 for just two people? Perhaps it’s because I think it’s perfectly acceptable to spend $3 on a single serving of Greek yogurt with a name that I cannot pronounce or eat frozen quinoa “burgers” that are placed in the “healthy” frozen food section of the store. Times have changed.
When my husband and I were newlyweds, our weekly grocery limit was $30 and consisted of a solid rotation featuring Totino’s pizza, generic tuna helper and spaghetti with canned meat sauce. As our incomes grew, so did our spending habits, and our weekly grocery bill has gotten out of control.
Tynan says that because a grocery bill is not a fixed expense—like a car payment or internet—it can be drastically reduced. He suggested creating a meal plan before going to the store and buying only for those specific meals. In addition, he says, “I prefer to buy my groceries online. This way I know exactly what my total bill will be before I buy.”
I took Tynan’s advice and plan for the week, and even kicked it up a notch by looking at my grocery store’s online sale items in order to plan our meals. A sale on shrimp and tortillas? Seafood tacos. A rotisserie chicken? How luxurious with discounted couscous. I loved the variety it provided to my always-the-same meals. I skipped ordering online, made sure not to go to the grocery store hangry, and stuck to my list. The result? Our weekly bill has yet to exceed $75 and once dipped to a record-low $42.
2. We now walk…everywhere.
As I type this, my thighs are chafed. It’s summertime in New Orleans and I’ve spent a month walking nearly everywhere I’ve needed to go. But I feel so rich! Walking and biking is my jam, but since the introduction of Uber, I’ve admittedly become lazy and often reliant on the convenient transportation app. I peeked at last month’s bill and we’d spent $145 on Lyft and Uber. I vowed to walk if the destination is within 3 miles and I can get there safely.
Tynan says, “Aside from walking, public transportation is the next best alternative. Buses and light rails are a perfect way for getting around in any urban area,” and while I shouldn’t have to have that fact pointed out to me, it took someone else saying it to make us actually go, Oh, right, we can use public transportation. We took his advice and—in addition to using our two legs—we hopped on the city bus four times in a month and took one romantic streetcar ride. The former provided much-needed air conditioning and I could read my book or we could chat without distractions. Bonus: Nate didn’t get road rage. But my favorite was the walking, which was also like a completely free built-in date. We’d often choose a far-away restaurant, grab a go-cup of wine (legal in NOLA), and take the extra long stroll as a pre- and post-dinner activity. Not only did it save us cash, but it was a nice chance to catch up, and we got exercise, too.
3. We started staying in on the weekend.
This is the worst for me because, frankly, it’s boring. Once Friday rolls around, I feel that I’ve earned a night out for the hard work I’ve done all week. But lately, we’ve created a bad habit of going out Friday night, then again on Saturday—and often Sunday for brunch. Our weekend fun was getting ridiculously expensive, so we vowed to stay in one night per weekend.
Soon enough, we learned that staying in doesn’t mean that we can’t have fun or celebrate the week’s end. One Friday, we had a drink on our porch and then cooked dinner together. Not surprisingly, this proved to be a lovely evening. On another non-going-out night, we put together a puzzle and watched a movie. One Friday was spent playing Trivial Pursuit and eating frozen pizza and drinking wine. When we got the itch to go out, we walked to the movie theater, used our Movie Pass (the genius monthly movie subscription) and then stopped at the grocery store to split a po’boy and a bottle of wine for a late lunch, tallying a $20 date. The point: It wasn’t like our normal evenings of reading or binge-watching TV, so it felt like a date night, but we didn’t drop a fortune.
4. We travel more thriftily.
We travel often, yet we continue to treat every trip like a special vacation: spendy dinners, once-in-a-lifetime activities, and fancy hotels. Tynan suggested booking a rental home, instead of a hotel, to save a lot of money. For an assignment along the Florida Coast, I rented an Airbnb. And he was right: During this trip—over a holiday weekend—it saved us loads of money. We could cook breakfast in “our house” and sip a bottle of store-bought wine on the balcony after dinner. My favorite part: sitting on the porch in our pj’s and watching the sunrise. Yes, I missed being in a full-service hotel, but it was a nice treat to feel as if we lived like locals—plus it saved enough money to tuck away toward a future trip.
5. We’re using cash, like in the olden days.
I haven’t used checks in about five years, and I rarely carry cash—especially now that everyone I know has Venmo. We don’t even have an actual bank in the city we’ve relocated to and it’s not a big deal. But Tynan says one of his biggest tips is to use cash. “I know what you are thinking: Who uses cash anymore?” he said to me. “Hear me out: When you set aside cash for social activities, it becomes harder to overspend. Once the money is gone, that’s it—it’s gone. Plan your nightlife around your budget, and not your budget around your nightlife.”
Per his advice, we withdrew a set amount and doled it out into envelopes, each one marked for a specific discretionary use, like restaurants or tennis. And while we did fail at this often by using our credit cards, it made using the cash fun—like an excuse to go on a date for coffee. The envelopes felt like permission to do something for us—even if it was already within our budget.
Anne Roderique-Jones is a freelance writer and editor whose work has appeared in Vogue, Marie Claire, Southern Living, Town & Country, and Condé Nast Traveler. Twitter: @AnnieMarie_ Instagram: @AnnieMarie_
Twenty years ago, Princess Cruises revolutionized the industry by launching the first ocean-going wedding chapel.
Since the Grand Princess set sail from Istanbul, Turkey, May 26, 1998, thousands of couples have tied the knot at sea.
Couples could combine the wedding and the honeymoon, and the event would cost less than a conventional ceremony — about $27,000 less, according to a 2009 cruise industry survey.
Some memorable vows have been exchanged at sea: Tami Van Dusen and Tim Ashley of Colorado Springs, Colo., were married earlier this year in a swimming pool aboard the Crown Princess so Ashley, who uses a wheelchair, could stand next to his bride.
Francisco Vargas and Ben Gray of Fort Lauderdale, Fla., this year became the first same-sex couple legally married at sea. Because of legal wrangling in Bermuda, where many cruise ships are flagged, Celebrity Cruises — its ships are registered in Malta — is the only line currently offering same-sex couples legal marriages at sea.
Nearly all major cruise lines contacted for this story would not reveal trends or divulge the number of weddings they perform annually. Exceptions were Carnival Cruise Line, which performs about 2,600 weddings annually, up from about 2,200 a decade ago, and Norwegian Cruise Line, which reported doubling its wedding business to about 350 ceremonies annually in the last four years.
Cruises allow couples to have a more intimate experience with a small group of friends and relatives, said Barbara Whitehill, managing director of the Wedding Experience, which provides wedding services for several cruise lines, including Carnival and Celebrity Cruises.
“A lot of people today want to have a closer group that really means a lot to them, instead of inviting the whole town to church,” Whitehill said. “Cruising definitely gives you something new every day that you can share with your guests.”
My wife, Mica, and I chose a vow renewal ceremony aboard a Princess Cruises vessel that sailed in May from the Port of Los Angeles to Vancouver, Canada. We invited a handful of guests to join us and hoped, as all couples do, for smooth sailing.
The groom wore shorts
Van Dusen and Ashley each had a different reason for getting married aboard a ship. Ashley, a quadriplegic, wanted to stand with his bride and figured a ship’s pool would provide the buoyancy he sought.
Van Dusen wanted to get something right this time around.
“I told him I would never get married again,” she said, “unless I went on a cruise for my honeymoon.”
They hired a travel agent who specializes in assisting those with disabilities. But when the agent started asking about a wedding in a ship’s pool, the same answer kept resounding: no.
Finally, they heard what they had hoped for: Crown Princess would drain a pool partway, and Capt. Vincenzo Lubrano said he would be honored to perform the ceremony.
Bride Tami Van Dusen is escorted into a pool aboard the Crown Princess to wed Tim Ashley. Tami Van Dusen Ashley
Ashley and Van Dusen’s brother wore shorts and black shirts with suspenders and bow ties. The bride’s white dress was cut just above the knee. As she walked out to meet the groom, already standing in the pool with the aid of a walker, the Rascal Flatts’ song “Bless the Broken Road” played.
“That just fit both of us as far as where we had been in our lives before we met each other,” Van Dusen said.
The captain leaned over one end of the pool and led the service. As it ended, the couple kissed and walked arm in arm, crying, to the pool’s other end.
Their plans for a small wedding were short-circuited when other passengers caught wind of a wedding in the pool, its contents sloshing back and forth with the ship’s motion. As many as 200 people started clapping by the ceremony’s end.
“It was breathtaking,” Van Dusen said. “I felt like a princess, and Tim got what he wanted. I would not change one single thing.”
Their wedding certificate, instead of showing a place, delineates a spot in the Caribbean: 22 degrees 2 minutes 7 seconds north latitude and 77 degrees 19 minutes 3 seconds west longitude.
A rarity aboard ship
Vargas and Gray were married Jan. 29 aboard Celebrity Equinox in the Caribbean. They were looking for an intimate environment that would allow them to spend a few days with their loved ones.
“It was the right combination of wedding and fun,” Gray said.
He went scuba diving in Cozumel, Mexico, and Grand Cayman, and Vargas explored shore destinations — one with his mother and another with Gray’s father and his girlfriend.
The ceremony was flawless, they said, until the captain got to the end and began to pronounce the couple as man and wi–. Catching himself just in time, Gray said, the captain introduced them as “husband and husband.”
Ben Gray, left, and Francisco Vargas became the first same-sex couple to be legally married at sea Jan. 29 this year aboard Celebrity Equinox. Celebrity Cruises
“It was a real crowd-pleaser,” Gray said.
The major cruise lines are urging Bermuda to reverse a law signed in February outlawing same-sex weddings, which extends to Bermuda-flagged vessels at sea.
The law was passed in response to a Supreme Court ruling in Bermuda that appeared to pave the way for legal same-sex weddings aboard Bermuda-flagged cruise ships in international waters. The legal wrangling continues.
A cruise wedding on land
Some couples choose to travel with their wedding party and guests but hold the ceremony itself at a cruise destination. Alyshia Jackson and James Alexander of Whitby, Canada, were married in April in front of Konoko Falls in Jamaica.
The bride’s mother, Donna Jackson, a travel agent, made the arrangements — with the assistance of a wedding planner — for a sailing on Regal Princess, with 54 on-board guests.
“We were able to party together for a week, waking up in a different place every day,” Donna Jackson said. “A lot of people with us who hadn’t cruised before were asking when the next cruise was before we were even off the ship.”
Braving choppy seas
As Capt. Todd McBain beckoned us inside the Emerald Princess’ wedding chapel for our vow renewal ceremony, the deck pitched suddenly, and us with it.
“You haven’t been drinking, have you?” he asked my wife and me, smiling.
Um, no. The unopened Champagne was waiting on ice back in the stateroom.
Inside the chapel, my wife’s relatives waited, perhaps pondering, as I was, all that had transpired in the 22 years since we had tied the knot in a small Fresno restaurant.
This chapel was smaller by far, but cozy and welcoming, with sprays of flowers and two candelabra sporting faux candles. My wife held a bouquet of white roses that matched the single white rose pinned to the lapel of my jacket.
As the deck continued to tilt — the ship was braving a gale-force headwind that topped 40 mph — the captain genially guided us through the familiar refrain of shared burdens and joys, the power of love and the necessities of trust and loyalty.
The captain had told us beforehand that weddings and renewal ceremonies tend to follow a similar form, yet each is unique. In one recent service, he said, the couple each poured a small vial of sand into a common receptacle, signifying how their lives would blend.
Vow renewals are even more popular than weddings, McBain said. The next sailing after ours had four vow renewals planned for one day.
McBain closed our ceremony with a wish for our love to grow and the requisite permission every groom waits to hear: You may now kiss your bride.
“Now,” he said afterward, turning to our family members, ”we just have to smooth out the seas a little.”
Welcome marriage advice, even 22 years later.
Weddings at sea
Major cruise lines offer wedding options in port — often performed before embarking — as well as at sea and at cruise destinations. Some lines’ weddings at sea are symbolic only; those that are legally recognized cost about twice as much. A sampling:
Carnival Cruise Line:At-sea packages include a pre-cruise wedding planner, two-tier cake, sparkling wine toast and keepsake wedding certificate. Weddings at sea are symbolic only. Prices start at $1,450. Vow renewals cost $825 to $1,450.
Celebrity Cruises: At-sea packages include a pre-sailing event manager, traditional cake for two and a bottle of Champagne. The ceremony led by the captain is legal. Prices start at $2,995. Celebrity is currently the only line offering legally recognized same-sex weddings at sea. Vow renewals begin at $595 (performed by cruise director) to $895 (performed by the captain).
Holland America Line: At-sea packages include an on-board wedding coordinator, one keepsake photo and Champagne toast for two. At-sea ceremonies by the captain are symbolic only. Prices start at $1,399. Vow renewals start at $129.
Princess Cruises: At-sea packages include an on-board coordinator, candlelight ceremony by the captain, two fresh floral arrangements, a bouquet and boutonniere, four 8-by-10 photos, single-layer cake, bottle of sparkling wine, deluxe breakfast and specialty dinner for two. Captain-performed ceremony is legally recognized. Prices start at $2,500, with marriage license, $2,998. Vow renewals cost $226 to $499.
Royal Caribbean International: At-sea packages include a ceremony for up to 10 guests, two-tier wedding cake, honeymoon dinner for two, a bottle of Champagne, breakfast in bed and chocolate-covered strawberries. Wedding is legally recognized. Prices start at $1,950. At-sea marriage license costs an additional $900. Vow renewals from $1,195.
Norwegian Cruise Line: At-sea packages include a bouquet and boutonniere, cake for the couple, Champagne toast, bistro dinner for two, canapés delivered to stateroom and more. The ceremony led by the captain is legally recognized. Prices start at $2,995. Vow renewals cost $499.
The Perfect Bride: Wedding Bells (9 p.m., Hallmark) — It’s wedding season, and Hallmark is ready. In this week’s matrimonial offering, a former marriage counselor turned trainer offers yoga and advice to couples at her marriage boot camps, but her boyfriend Nick is reluctant to take the leap because he’s afraid of repeating past mistakes.
Also on tonight . . .
The Crossing (8 p.m., ABC) — In the two-hour series finale, Jude and Nestor work with an unlikely ally, and Eve and Lindauer proceed with their plan to tie up loose ends.No renewal.
A Daughter’s Revenge (8 p.m., Lifetime) — A woman devises a terrifying plan to use her friend, who will be released from jail soon, as the instrument of revenge on her stepfather.
Gotti: Godfather & Son (10 p.m., A&E) — A two-night “Biography” documentary that tells the story of Mafia don John Gotti’s son John Jr. as the son tries to free himself from the last major mafia dynasty. It includes never-before-seen segments from a video of the last visit between a dying John Gotti Sr and his son at the U.S. Medical Center for Federal Prisoners. Part 2 airs Sunday night at 9 p.m.
Whether you’re just starting to date someone new or you’re in a serious relationship — it’s time to talk about money.
“It’s so euphoric when you start to fall in love, it’s wonderful,” Kevin O’Leary tells CNBC Make It. “But then, later on if you decide to stay together, the challenges of money and managing it come into play.”
Whatever your relationship status is, the personal finance author and investor on ABC’s “Shark Tank” says you should start asking about your partner’s spending and saving habits as soon as possible.
“Make money something you think about together,” he advises. “It’s going to be part of your life forever anyway, you might as well talk about it early on. It’s important, because you don’t want it to be the thing that makes you fall apart.”
So O’Leary’s preemptive advice is to start asking questions now.
“Before you get serious with somebody, you really should ask them, ‘What are your goals? How do you see yourself in 20 years? Who do you want to become, and how do you want to treat money? Do you want to save it, do you want to spend it, do you want to splurge it? What are your goals with your financial future?'” he says.
You should also be upfront and ask if they have any credit card debt, student loans or if they’ve had a history of gambling. And it isn’t too nosy to ask about their credit score.
“You can get it for free right off your phone these days,” O’Leary says with a laugh. “Maybe you say, ‘Hey, have you ever looked at it? Have you ever decided to think that’s important? Let’s check it.'”
It’s alright to ask early because the money habits of your significant other can have a direct effect on you, even before marriage: A 2018 study in the Journal of Economic and Family issues found that dating someone who is irresponsible with money can lower your quality of life.
“If somebody has a horrible credit score you want to know that before you get serious,” O’Leary says. And in the event that your relationship is headed for marriage, you’ll want to be on the same page. “Marriage isn’t just about love. It’s about forming a business partnership with somebody else, it’s a financial arrangement and people that think that isn’t the case usually end up divorced.”
When O’Leary was dating his now-wife, Linda, in the ’80s, the pair made sure to align their outlook on money. O’Leary proposed with a tiny diamond from a wholesaler and when they married in 1990, they had a low-cost wedding with pizza and beer. For their 25-year anniversary, O’Leary got her an upgraded 5.5 carat diamond.
For the O’Learys, it has worked for decades: “The best marriages are built on pillars that both sides agree on.”
