Category Archives: marriage advice
Words of advice for couples considering marriage
Dear Annie: Wedding season is upon us. I have been married for over 30 years, and I would like to share some wisdom and hard truths with any prospective brides or grooms.
The man or woman you are marrying will not change. Many things are hard-wired by the time we are in our late teens. To avoid a lifetime of regret and disappointment, please pay attention to the warning signs and your gut instincts.
When we are young, we begin with hope and enthusiasm. These are good traits, but they can also blind us to reality. Take your time entering into this commitment. When differing attitudes arise on occasion, it’s a chance to see what your future would look like with this person.
No amount of love or sacrifice can change a person. Please take my word for it.
If your prospective husband does not believe in calling when he is out late, you will spend many nights lying awake, wondering where he is and worrying. If your prospective wife does not cook or clean and has no interest in doing so, you won’t have many home-cooked meals or a tidy home.
I have spent most of my life trying to adapt to the marriage I am in. This is my fault. I don’t blame anyone but myself. I wish the 57-year-old me could talk to the 24-year-old me and tell me how it is. If I could have seen into my future, I might well have been much happier.
Now I find myself absolutely brokenhearted — defeated, ashamed, lonely. My bad. The signs were there. I ignored them. I can’t believe I am almost 60 and unhappier than I can ever remember being.
I have resigned myself to this life. There are too many little ones who rely on me for security. To divorce this man would wreck our family. And because he shows a completely different person to the rest of the world, no one would support me. To leave this marriage at this stage is not an option. I have lost the will to even stand my ground.
If you are considering getting married and have a little nagging voice that is trying its best to be heard, listen. Please. I have learned to be my own best friend and get through each day. And that, people, is no way to live.
— Doing a Life Sentence With No Parole
Dear Doing a Life Sentence: I wholeheartedly agree with your advice to heed intuition and think carefully before entering a marriage. And you’re right that no one should expect marriage to change or “fix” a person.
But I have to ask you to please consider not resigning yourself to such unhappiness for the rest of your life. Just think: The 77-year-old you might write another letter, wishing the 57-year-old you had made a change. You still have decades ahead of you. They could be the happiest years of your life.
If you feel trapped in the marriage because of financial dependency, consult a lawyer and look into your options. There may be more there than you think. If your husband is abusing you physically or verbally, call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 for further guidance or just someone to talk to.
Dear Annie: This is in response to your answer to “Sleeping Bare”: If I have to evacuate my house because of a fire, being nude will be the least of my problems.
— Naked Ed
Dear Naked Ed: Your letter made me laugh out loud. Fair point.
Annie Lane, a graduate of New York Law School and New York University, writes this column for Creators Syndicate. Email questions to dearannie@creators.com.
Chaplain's Pulpit: Make spouse priority: Good parenting starts with good marriage
Shortly after I married my wife I found myself seeking advice from one of my church leaders, and I will never forget what he told me that day.
At first I thought his advice was harsh, but soon accepted as not only profound, but incredibly true.
“Always make your marriage the top priority in your Family,” he said. “Your children need to know that she is your first love and that they came second. The Family started before they arrived and they will soon leave, but she is there forever.”
It sounded like he wanted me to love my wife more than my children. I didn’t know what to think. Should I really not love my kids as much as my wife? I soon began to realize that what this pastor told me was great wisdom. He wasn’t telling that my love for my children needed to be less, but he was telling me that I must make my marriage the most important relationship in my Family.
In his book, “Family Shepherds,” Voddie Baucham provides insight about how to keep marriage a priority in our Families. He offers three reasons why we must prioritize marriage over children.
1. Children will eventually leave the home. One day, our kids will grow up and leave the home to start their own adult lives. If the kids are the foundation of our Family, then their departure will mean our Family’s demise. It is like building a house on a rented removal slab – as soon as the lease is up, the slab is removed and the house crumbles.
2. Our marriage forms the cornerstone of our children’s security. Children are able to have a confident identity if they can see security in their parents. When our children see a strong marriage they can freely live in a safe, positive and helpful environment. We have a chance to show our children the commitment and cooperation of Family with our marriage relationship.
3. One of our primary goals in parenting is to prepare children for marriage. We have a chance to teach our children exactly what marriage is all about. How we demonstrate married life is exactly what our kids are going to see as “normal.” We need to be sure to demonstrate what it means to sacrificially love one another. Fathers get to teach their sons how to one day be a husband and father, and their daughters what kind of man to marry. Mothers can demonstrate to their daughters what a mother and wife can be and what kind of woman her son should look for.
My Family, your Family needs a solid marriage. We need to be sure to keep marriage as the top priority in our homes so that our Family will flourish and prosper in the way in which it was designed.
When our marriages are operating as they were intended, parenting is made much easier. Parents are able to keep priorities in line and train their children in an environment that demonstrates love and commitment. As a result, children grow up seeing healthy marriages, quality relationships and proper Family order. They are then set up for success on their journey to establish a Family one day.
Wisdom for couples considering marriage
Dear Annie: Wedding season is upon us. I have been married for over 30 years, and I would like to share some wisdom and hard truths with any prospective brides or grooms.
The man or woman you are marrying will not change. Many things are hard-wired by the time we are in our late teens. To avoid a lifetime of regret and disappointment, please pay attention to the warning signs and your gut instincts.
When we are young, we begin with hope and enthusiasm. These are good traits, but they can also blind us to reality. Take your time entering into this commitment. When differing attitudes arise on occasion, it’s a chance to see what your future would look like with this person.
No amount of love or sacrifice can change a person. Please take my word for it.
If your prospective husband does not believe in calling when he is out late, you will spend many nights lying awake, wondering where he is and worrying. If your prospective wife does not cook or clean and has no interest in doing so, you won’t have many home-cooked meals or a tidy home.
I have spent most of my life trying to adapt to the marriage I am in. This is my fault. I don’t blame anyone but myself. I wish the 57-year-old me could talk to the 24-year-old me and tell me how it is. If I could have seen into my future, I might well have been much happier.
Now I find myself absolutely brokenhearted — defeated, ashamed, lonely. My bad. The signs were there. I ignored them. I can’t believe I am almost 60 and unhappier than I can ever remember being.
I have resigned myself to this life. There are too many little ones who rely on me for security. To divorce this man would wreck our family. And because he shows a completely different person to the rest of the world, no one would support me. To leave this marriage at this stage is not an option. I have lost the will to even stand my ground.
If you are considering getting married and have a little nagging voice that is trying its best to be heard, listen. Please. I have learned to be my own best friend and get through each day. And that, people, is no way to live. — Doing a Life Sentence With No Parole
Dear Doing a Life Sentence: I wholeheartedly agree with your advice to heed intuition and think carefully before entering a marriage. And you’re right that no one should expect marriage to change or “fix” a person. But I have to ask you to please consider not resigning yourself to such unhappiness for the rest of your life. Just think: The 77-year-old you might write another letter, wishing the 57-year-old you had made a change. You still have decades ahead of you. They could be the happiest years of your life.
If you feel trapped in the marriage because of financial dependency, consult a lawyer and look into your options. There may be more there than you think. If your husband is abusing you physically or verbally, call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 for further guidance or just someone to talk to.
Dear Annie: This is in response to your answer to “Sleeping Bare”: If I have to evacuate my house because of a fire, being nude will be the least of my problems. — Naked Ed
Dear Naked Ed: Your letter made me laugh out loud. Fair point.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
Richard Gerth, greeter at Disney's Grand Floridian, has died
Richard Gerth, longtime Walt Disney World cast member who was well-known for greeting guests at Disney’s Grand Floridian resort, has died, according to a Facebook page devoted to him.
He was reportedly 92 years old.
Gerth frequently was seen at the entrance to the hotel, dressed in a cream-colored three-piece suit and hat. He was known among Disney fans for his smile and friendly demeanor. His blue Disney name tag was indication that he was a recipient of the Disney Legacy Award, an honor given to Disney employees for exemplary customer service.
Erika Roberts, who lives in Tallahassee, said she had first met Gerth at the Grand Floridian when she was 15 years old and that she stopped by to see him repeatedly over the years. He escorted her from the hotel to the limo on her wedding day, she said.
“He was such a great man. He really embodied everything that the Grand Floridian is supposed to be for people – this elegance, this grace, this sense of home,” Roberts said.
“He wasn’t always good at remembering people’s names, but he always remembered their stories,” she said.
Gerth told good stories himself and gave good advice, Roberts said.
“He gave me the best marriage advice on the way to the car,” she said.
Expressions of sympathy were posted on Twitter and other social media using words like “icon,” “legend,” “beloved” and “nicest, cutest man in the whole world.”
dbevil@orlandosentinel.com or 407-420-5477; Twitter: @ThemeParks
