Category Archives: marriage advice
New Book Reveals Barbara and George HW Bush's Secret to a 73-Year Marriage: Never Sleep in Separate Beds
George H.W. and Barbara Bush‘s epic love story is chronicled in a new book by their granddaughter Ellie LeBlond Sosa that reveals details about the former first couple’s “secret” engagement and advice on a lasting marriage. (“It’s a two-way street!”)
A week before her death on April 17 at the age of 92, Barbara Bush gave a last interview for Sosa’s book, George and Barbara: A Great American Love Story, out Friday. According to Sosa, Barbara was “still bright and candid — and in love with my grandfather.”
“You have to go 75 percent of the way,” Barbara said after Sosa asked for marital advice, according to the book. “Be thoughtful and make things nice for your husband or wife … it’s a two-way street.”
She added, “I believe I’ve had a very happy marriage and I’m having a happy marriage.”
Al Bello/Getty
George and Barbara shows how deeply Sosa’s grandparents loved and respected each other. The book references some of the numerous love letters the couple wrote each other during WWII, and reveals that George was adamant about remaining sexually abstinent until he was married.
“Some men and women who were uncertain of their fates [during the war] decided to skip the long-established rule of waiting until marriage, but George and his older brother Prescott did not agree,” Sosa writes.
George and Barbara shared their first kiss before he left for training, which was “a first for both of them.”
While it’s well-known that the young couple married on Jan. 6, 1945, after a “secret” engagement, the book sheds light on how news of their engagement first leaked. During WWII, George served as a Navy pilot, while Barbara pursued studies at Smith College before eventually dropping out. They’d privately agreed to get married when George returned home on leave, but Sosa writes that their secret didn’t last long.
The wedding
CORBIS/Corbis/Getty
“A classmate at Smith kept pressing Barbara to go out on a double date,” Sosa writes. “After Barbara declined a few times, the classmate decided she must not like men and said she was an item with her roommate, Margie. That’s when Margie told everyone Barbara was actually engaged to George Bush.”
After word got out, the couple told their parents and friends. Their wedding announcement ran in The New York Times, and George made sure to keep a copy.
Their young family
Newsmakers/Getty
It remained in his wallet for decades, Sosa writes.
The book also excerpts one love letter George wrote to Barbara on Dec. 12, 1943.
“I love you, precious, with all of my heart and to know that you love me means my life,” he said. “How often I have thought about the immeasurable joy that will be ours some day. How lucky our children will be to have a mother like you.”
The couple’s son, former President George W. Bush, pays tribute to his parents’ 73-Year marriage in the foreword for the book, writing, “Because they were more committed to their marriage than they were to themselves, they were each willing to sacrifice their own needs in order to satisfy the other’s. Throughout my life, Mother and Dad demonstrated truly selfless love.”
The couple’s deep connection supported a relationship that spanned more than seven decades. Together George and Barbara navigated their daughter’s death (Robin died of leukemia when she was three), and the ups and downs of George’s political career and failed reelection bid. (George H.W. Bush served one term as the 41st U.S. president and his son George W. Bush went on to serve two terms as the 43rd president.)
Even when their health began to fail, the Bushes’ love gave them strength.
“Their doctor suggested that [George and Barbara] consider sleeping in separate beds because rest is so important at their age,” Sosa writes. “But they refused for as long as possible. George argued that when he woke in the middle of the night, he needed to be able to reach out and know that Barbara was there.”
Since Barbara’s death, George H.W. Bush, 93, has been in and out of the hospital. But he still considers himself lucky.
“Enjoying a great book and a wonderful walk down memory lane this morning,” George H.W. Bush tweeted on Friday, holding a copy of his granddaughter’s book. “Yet another reminder of just how lucky I have been in life.”
George and Barbara: A Great American Love Story by Ellie LeBlond Sosa and Kelly Anne Chase is on sale now.
Millennials are in no rush to the altar—here's how long couples date before getting married
Long gone are the days of earning your diploma, walking down the aisle, and quickly filling your house with kids—often before you can legally take a sip of champagne to celebrate. According to new research, millennials are taking their sweet time to tie the knot.
An eHarmony report on 2,084 long-term, heterosexual couples between the ages of 25 and 34 years old says that Americans are waiting an average of six and a half years before saying “I do,” the New York Times reports. The reason for their extended courtship? They want to first establish their careers, figure out their finances, and travel before settling down—and develop a really strong, healthy relationship (and friendship!) with their partner in the process.
“With this long pre-commitment stage, you have time to learn a lot about yourself and how you deal with other partners.” —Helen Fisher, anthropologist
With a longer courtship, couples can really take the time to dig deep before rushing into anything, which is so important because successful relationships take work. Yes, you want to feel at ease (and completely yourself) when you’re with your partner, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to do your homework—like figuring out your love language so you know the best way to communicate, or thinking about how your parents’ relationship shaped you so that you better understand your expectations for your own potential marriage. Maybe you also need to learn to love each other’s faults.
And there’s one more benefit to pumping the brakes on your journey to ever after: “With this long pre-commitment stage, you have time to learn a lot about yourself and how you deal with other partners,” anthropologist Helen Fisher told the New York Times.
A secure, healthy relationship begins with you—knowing your needs, your weaknesses, your goals. And that doesn’t happen overnight.
Orbiting might be the newest dating trend to plague your relationship-seeking universe. And find out how to navigate the dating scene if you’re in your 40s.
Government has 'legitimate aim' to protect traditional marriage, Hong Kong appeal court rules, overturning landmark …
Hong Kong’s appeal court on Friday overturned a landmark judgment requiring the government to grant the same spousal benefits to employees in same-sex marriages as those enjoyed by their heterosexual colleagues.
In a blow to the city’s LGBT community, the Court of Appeal ruled that the government – as not just a private employer but “a custodian of Hong Kong’s prevailing socio-moral values” – had a legitimate aim to protect the institution of traditional marriage.
“By granting same-sex married couples … access to spousal benefits, which are unique to marriage, the very status of marriage would diminish significantly in the eyes of the public,” one of the judges, Appeal Justice Jeremy Poon Shiu-chor, said in a written ruling, noting that people might think the government was recognising gay marriage via the “back door”.
The three presiding appeal judges also cited the city’s mini-constitution, the Basic Law, as a source of constitutional backing for the protection of traditional marriage.
Landmark win for gay Hong Kong civil servant over husband’s benefits
“The extension in the present case of the benefits and privilege under challenge would lead, almost inevitably, to similar extensions in other areas concerning, for instance, public housing, social welfare, public medical benefits, employment benefits and protection, pensions and life insurance,” Chief Judge Mr Justice Andrew Cheung Kui-nung said.
By granting same-sex married couples … access to spousal benefits, which are unique to marriage, the very status of marriage would diminish significantly in the eyes of the public
Appeal Justice Jeremy Poon
Angus Leung Chun-kwong, a gay senior immigration officer, initiated a judicial review against the Civil Service Bureau in late 2015, after it refused to accept Scott Adams, whom he married in 2014, as his husband when he applied for spousal benefits. He won the case in April last year at the High Court, prompting the government to appeal.
“It is a huge step back for equality in Hong Kong,” a disappointed Leung complained in a statement following Friday’s overturning of the earlier ruling.
“We are not asking for special treatment. We just want to live our life fairly and with dignity.”
Leung said he would seek legal advice on whether to take his case to the city’s top court.
His court victory last year was hailed by LGBT supporters as a “rare judicial recognition” of the community.
But the vibe changed on Friday, when the three appeal judges handed down a 69-page ruling explaining why they had rejected the lower court’s position.
They said the present case centred on a balance to be struck between the government’s legitimate aim of protecting traditional marriage and the “inroads into Leung’s right to equality”.
Gay Games is Hong Kong’s chance to show the city’s inclusivity
Mr Justice Cheung noted that the case in Hong Kong was different from elsewhere because of the Basic Law, Article 37 of whcih stipulates that “the freedom of marriage of Hong Kong residents and their right to raise a family freely shall be protected by law”.
It was undisputed that the word “marriage” referred to the union between a man and a woman, Cheung said. He therefore concluded there was “a fundamental, constitutional backing” for the government’s legitimate aim.
To grant certain benefits to same-sex couples, Cheung said, “is to offend, challenge, question, confuse, or subtly change society’s established understanding and concept of marriage, which … is rooted in its traditional, historical, social, moral or religious background and values, as embedded in Article 37 of the Basic Law”.
The court should therefore attach more weight to the constitutional backing and social preference for heterosexual marriage, he said.
LGBT community needs legal protection, not just awareness campaigns
Cheung warned of the risk of opening the floodgates if such rights were allowed to be extended. One should therefore look beyond what Leung had endured and turn to the implications that followed, he said.
Mr Justice Poon said the government’s position went beyond a “contractual role”, calling it a “custodian of Hong Kong’s prevailing socio-moral values” to justify its role in protecting traditional marriage.
Justice Cheung said unless there was an amendment to the Basic Law, or a new interpretation, Friday’s judgment would remain the court’s position. The third judge, Mr Justice Johnson Lam Man-hon, said it was up to society “to decide if the unique status of marriage should be expanded to provide for homosexual marriages”.
Leung’s challenge against the Inland Revenue Department was also unsuccessful.
The High Court had ruled earlier that the civil servant’s marriage status could not be considered for the purpose of taxation, and the appeal court on Friday upheld that ruling.
Raymond Chan Chi-chuen, the city’s only openly gay lawmaker, said he was “deeply disappointed” by the court’s “conservative judgment”.
“The court was making a judgment on morals when it said it must defend the existing marriage system based on the moral values of the majority,” he said.
“The court also argues that only the heterosexual majority enjoys the freedom of marriage. I do not agree with the narrow interpretation. In my view, human rights should never be decided solely by the majority of people.”
HSBC to allow same-sex couples to be insurance beneficiaries
A permanent Hong Kong resident, Leung joined the Immigration Department in 2003 and tied the knot with Adams on April 18, 2014 in New Zealand.
Leung’s solicitor, Mark Daly, said he feared the judgment was “reflective of, and is likely to embolden, anti-LGBT paranoia”.
“If this type of judicial analysis prevails, it does not bode well for minority rights and Hong Kong as an international city,” he said, adding that the judgment deviated from international human rights law and common law.
Never Turn Down A Cup Of Tea And Other Marriage Advice For Meghan Markle
TOPSHOT – Britain’s Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and his wife Meghan, Duchess of Sussex (GARETH FULLER/AFP/Getty Images)
As Harry and Meghan settle into married life, a few Anglo-American couples based in London share their wisdom on the mutual attraction between Brits and Yanks, how to deal with the in-laws and why you should never turn down a cup of tea.
Kiley, 33, from Indianapolis married to Nath, 36, from Burley-in-Wharfdale, West Yorkshire
Anna, 34, from Los Gatos, CA married to Luke, 25, from Milton Keynes, UK
Merilee Bridger, 42, from Columbus, OH married to Richard, 32, from Cambridge, UK
How did you meet your partner?
Kiley: “He was on holiday in DC where I was living at the time, and he got snowed in at my house when he was attending a party I was having.”
Anna: “Through a theatre company.”
Merilee: “On a group cycle ride in our triathlon club.”
What did you find attractive about your partner? Why do you think American women are attracted to English men and vice versa?
Kiley: “He’s super handsome and has a different sort of style, but also his quiet and polite demeanour…but the accent didn’t hurt either! I’ve always enjoyed the mystery of a foreign man.”
Anna: “We pretty much just clicked, so that’s a must for me. He was a lot of fun to hang out with and made me laugh. I found British men are more attracted to me than American, but I’m not sure why. Possibly because I’m ‘exotic.’ To one another we are both different but familiar — I’ve lived in three other countries besides the UK, and it is most familiar culture-wise. I find that Americans and Brits are generally obsessed with each other’s cultures, so it’s almost a natural fit. Living in Holland, France and Hungary, people were not necessarily excited to talk about America with me when they learned I was American, nor do Americans necessarily adore their cultures.”
Richard: “I wrote a whole wedding speech about this! But in short, the major things that attracted me to Merilee were: 1. Her optimism 2. Her energy 3. Her intelligence 4. Her good looks
The relationship started out kinda funny because we hadn’t meant to start dating. We just started cycling together, enjoying each other’s company, and then it grew and grew and grew. For whatever reason I’ve often dated foreign women — I think they’re more open and authentic than a lot of English women, and Merilee is definitely open and authentic. So there was just this naturalness to the relationship that I hadn’t experienced before, and I decided to follow it all the way to getting married to her.”
Merilee: “I never thought I would fall for an English guy. I’d lived in the UK for more than 10 years and always dated people from other countries. But I didn’t set out to date Richard, it just sort of happened. The biggest things that attracted me to Richard were: 1. His sense of humor 2. He was up for anything 3. His intelligence 4. His good looks….. I think American women love the intelligence and sarcastic sense of humor of English guys. Their wittiness and banter sort of hooks you in and then their dashing good looks sort of make up the whole package.”
Kiley: “Long distance sucked. Also, once I was over here we had different views on expressing emotion, but we get each other now. Mostly.”
Anna: “The biggest challenge for me personally is that both our parents are ageing and only one of us can live near our family at a time. That’s definitely a choice I made, and it makes sense for our situation, I just wish teleportation were easier. As I’d lived abroad a lot before moving to England, it wasn’t too difficult to adjust to life here as it is more familiar than other places I’ve lived. However, Luke and I have somehow both adopted slang from each other’s country. He now talks about buying diapers for his nephew and taking out the trash, whereas I say I need to borrow a few quid and take the dog on walkies on his lead. The only funny story that comes to mind is the time Luke asked me to make him a tea and I gave him 11 low-calorie sweetening tablets because I’d never seen them before. For some reason, at the time, it made sense to have so many because they didn’t seem very sweet!”
Richard: “I also wrote a wedding speech about this. Whoever quipped that Americans and English are two nations divided by a common language had it exactly right. English and Americans literally say things differently but they also mean to say things differently. If Merilee thinks something is awesome, I would say it’s ‘quite good’. If she would say something is super awesome, I would say it was ‘quite good.’
But more than that, Merilee always wants to be the outward champion of people (which is very American) whereas I’ll be the skeptical one (which is very British). And where she would always look to engage people, I would look not to.
Merilee makes friends on holidays whereas in the past I wouldn’t have dared speak to them as it’s almost an invasion of their privacy (Actually it isn’t – most people love it). She will also frequently be the loudest in any given location unaware that she is being that American, but as a Brit trained in the subtle arts of reading people’s facial expressions, I cringe and then tell her to be quiet.
Kiley: “Expect the unexpected.”
Anna: “Meghan needs to learn how to make British milky tea. I was never a tea person before I got over here, and still am not, but the stereotype is real. Tea isn’t just for chilly mornings, when you have a cold and bedtime. It’s for every occasion, multiple times a day.”
Kiley: “Learn to accept the clouds and the cold. It will make the sunny days even brighter!”
Anna: “Generally expect things to take longer, however this is more of a bureaucratic thing that she might not have to face being a royal. But honestly, the only big “issue” I’ve had living in the UK is that it seems that many things can never just be done quickly the way they can in the US. There is always some process for everything.
