Category Archives: marriage advice
Grandpa's 6 tips for a successful marriage
For more than 40 years, Peter Davidson has spent his career writing mystery novels, college textbooks, corporate training manuals, children’s books, magazine articles and songs.
In all that time, the one genre Davidson never touched was love and relationships. That is until his grandson, Joel Schendel, got engaged.
“Joel and I joke around quite a bit and when he got engaged, I thought it would be fun to write down a few pieces of advice that might be helpful, but funny, too, and they were all based on real-life situations with my wife and myself and our relationship,” said 76 year-old Davidson, who has been married to his wife, Beverly, for 48 years. The two have six children and 12 grandchildren (including Joel.)
Davidson, who is based in both Iowa and Arizona, said he kept writing things down and before he knew it, what started out as a fun project to make his grandson laugh turned into a blog, followed by his newly published book, “Marital Advice To My Grandson, Joel.”
“I figured now that I have all this material, why share it with only one person when I could share it with the world?” Davidson said.
“Marital Advice To My Grandson, Joel” is a light, funny, endearing handbook filled with nuggets of advice for newly married couples, as well as any married couple, no matter how long they’ve been together.
Chapter topics include: “Settling into married life,” “Understanding your wife and other myths,” “Becoming even more exemplatory,” and “In it for the long haul.” Davidson also offers quotes of wisdom scattered throughout the book. Examples include:
• “Just think-of the billions of men in the world, your wife chose you. That’s how special she thinks you are. Make it your life’s mission to prove her right.”
• “Money can buy almost anything, but it cannot buy the love of a good woman.”
• “Be careful what you confess to in a weak moment – women have a memory like an elephant.”
“I have no background or degree in psychology,” said Davidson, who does hold a master’s degree in business. “These are just my feelings from personal experience, and advice I think will foster a good relationship and a happy marriage.”
I don’t know about you, but I think when it comes to offering marital advice, Davidson’s resume is pretty impressive, purely given the fact he’s managed to stay happily married for almost half a century!
Here are six of my favorite pieces of advice from Davidson:
1. There are some magical words that will help make a strong marriage. The first three are “I love you.” Two other words are “Thank you.” Another is, “I’m sorry.” Two other ones: “Yes, Dear.”
2. Remember that when you enter a marriage you are going from a single person to a team. So, instead of I, me and my, it’s now we, us and ours.
3. If there are conflicts, a lose-lose situation is “I don’t care what happens to me as long as I destroy him or her.” A win-lose resolution is “Not only do I want to win, but I want my spouse to lose.” The goal should be a win-win situation, where both people come out feeling really good. For example, let’s say I want to go to a ballgame on a Saturday afternoon and she doesn’t want to go. The win-win is, I go to the ballgame and you go shopping with your friends and let’s meet up later for cocktails.
4. My wife asks regularly, “How does my hair look?” or “How does this blouse look?” Saying something positive is an opportunity to give a compliment and make her feel good.
5. A married couple develops their own language and secret code. It might be a touch, wink, sigh, voice inflection or word that has special meaning to them. It is one of the unique things about married life that forms a special bond between the couple.
6. To quote Winston Churchill, “Never, never, never give up.” That said, sometimes it’s not possible to salvage a marriage, but at least give it a good try before giving up on it.
I don’t believe that marriage is easy, but that doesn’t mean married couples can’t be happy, even blissful. I think staying happily married is sort of like a job. It takes effort to talk effectively, to plan dates, to be thoughtful and to make your partner feel cared for, special, important, adored, and respected. But the key is, couples have to do these things for the right reasons. Not because they feel guilty or because it’s expected, but because giving to that person is something they truly want and enjoy. There. That’s my advice for Joel.
“Marital Advice To My Grandson, Joel” is available at bookstores and on Amazon.com.
• Jackie Pilossoph is a freelance columnist for Chicago Tribune Media Group. She is also the creator of her divorce support website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Pilossoph lives in Chicago with her two children.
Stars share their marriage advice for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle
Keep talking, trust each other…and enjoy a regular tipple together: these are some of the marriage tips passed on by celebrities to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.
Stars including celebrity chef Jamie Oliver, actor Michael Morpurgo and film-maker Baz Luhrmann have been sharing their secrets to a long and happy union with ITV News ahead of the royal wedding.
Romeo and Juliet director Lurhmann said a perfect marriage is a building conversation “that continues forever”.
He said “It grows and things change, but you still somehow are having that connection that you had when you first met.”
Broadcaster Dan Snow says they should “talk all the time, do things together and grow together. That, and drink a lot of gin.”
His advice might contrast with that of singer Cheryl Baker of Bucks Fizz – now known as The Fizz – who says that time apart can be golden.
“Don’t spend all you time with each other, spend as much time as you can apart,” she advised.
Others were less certain about the recipe for success.
“I think you’d have to ask my wife, ” said actor Morpurgo, adding: “I don’t know that it’s organisable.”
But perhaps chef Oliver has the one sure-fire tip for success.
He told the royal couple the key to keeping a marriage was “Just don’t go away, keep hanging around and never go.”
10 of the world's most romantic wedding destinations
If all the talk of the royal wedding has got you dreaming of your own big day, cast your eye over our suggestions of some of the globe’s most romantic wedding destinations.
Tuscany, Italy
Castello di Vincigliata is undoubtedly the most popular wedding venue in Florence – and for good reason. This 13th century medieval castle stands on a rocky hill mere miles from the centre of historic Florence. During warmer months, visitors can enjoy the romantic courtyard and lawn, plus a terrace with a truly memorable view of the city. Prices available upon request.
Musha Bay, Bahamas
If you’ve got some serious cash to splash, consider the utopian Musha Bay and the Islands of Copperfield Bay in the Bahamas. This elite destination offers a range of pink sand beaches with natural rocky cliffs and a two-mile long sandbar in the middle of the impossibly blue ocean. Musha Bay incorporates five luxury homes, each with its own private beach. Guests can swim and snorkel in Thunderball Grotto, where scenes from the classic 007 film were shot. At the end of the day, there’s also a fireworks display and bonfires on the beach. Estimated prices per head range from $2,375 to $3,250. Better get saving…
Paris, France
An oldie, but a goodie: Paris is synonymous with romance and the five-star Peninsula hotel is the ideal base from which to revel in the City of Love. It offers a number of wedding packages, but the pièce de résistance has to be the awe-inspiring private terrace for two at the highest point of the building, offering a breath-taking view of this iconic city. Doubles from €765.
Alhambra Palace, Spain
While marriage inside the Alhambra Palace itself is not currently available, there are plenty of options to marry within its shadow. Alhambra Weddings offers a range of options including Moorish palaces with fountains, gardens and courtyards, Andalusian country houses and venues with views over the Alhambra itself, with the snow-capped mountains of the Sierra Nevada in the distance. Prices available upon request.
Nusa Dua, Bali
As the most popular island holiday destination in the Indonesian archipelago, Bali isn’t called the Land of the Gods without good reason. An irresistible combination of fine sandy beaches, temples and clear, blue water, home to some of the world’s best diving spots, make this a dream wedding location. The Mulia Resort & Villas has topped many lists of the most romantic wedding locations in the world and offers a range of weddings on the beach, in the gardens or even in a floating glass chapel. Doubles from 5,600,000 IDR (£295).
Buðir black church, Iceland
The Buðir black church is one of just three black churches in Iceland. Painted with pitch to protect it from the harsh Icelandic elements, there has been a church on this site since 1703. Located in the remote western region of the island, Buðir, and surrounded by snow topped mountains, this unique destination is truly wild. While the aurora borealis can’t be arranged to order, you’re most likely to see the lights from September to mid-April. Prices available upon request.
Uluru, Australia
The Ayers Rock Resort in the heart of the Australian outback provides a dramatic backdrop for wedding snaps. Couples can exchange vows on their own private dune top with the majestic Uluru as the backdrop, which blazes with colour come dusk. Due to the extreme temperatures throughout the Red Centre, couples are advised to wed at sunset or sunrise. Longitude 131 offers luxury pavilions with a pool, spa and fine dining; from A$2,700 (£1,499), all-inclusive.
Half Moon Resort, Jamaica
Jamaica is consistently voted one of the most popular wedding destinations in the world and the Half Moon Resort offers a range of options for those looking to take the plunge. Ceremonies can take place on the edge of the Caribbean Sea, in a royal pavilion or have an intimate garden setting. Additional activities on offer include beach bonfires, rum tasting and a sunset catamaran cruise. Doubles from $243.
Machu Picchu
Those with a sense of adventure may like the idea of holding their nuptials in front of Machu Picchu’s iconic landscape. The Belmond Sanctuary Lodge claims to be the only hotel located at the entrance to the Incan citadel and includes a spa and gardens to enjoy if you get bored of the view. Live Andean music, traditional touches and local flowers can also be arranged. Doubles from $950.
Cliveden House, Berkshire
Well, if it’s good enough for Meghan! This is where the future princess will be spending her final night as a single woman and from first glance it’s easy to understand why the historic venue is suitable for future royalty. This Grade I stately home includes a range of celebration rooms, a spa and incredible views of the Thames valley. Doubles from £445.
Your Best Marriage Advice (CC: Harry and Meghan)
Squeaky clean
“Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.”
— Jem Stewart, Halifax, Nova Scotia
Make like ‘Frozen’
“If it’s not a deal-breaker, let it go. There are many small annoyances in life and marriage, but forgetting them in favor of the big picture makes everyone happy.”
— Alana DiCicco, Portland, Ore.
Love-love
“Don’t keep score.”
— Elana Zucker, New Jersey
Deal with it today
“‘The secret to marriage is to deal with Monday’s business on Monday; deal with Tuesday’s business on Tuesday; don’t wait until Sunday to complain about everything that happened the whole week.’ I received this sage advice at the age of 16 from my plain-spoken, long-married high school debate coach, and I still think of it 27 years later.”
— Lillian Potter, Silver Spring, Md.
Ice, ice baby
“Always fill the ice cube tray. The priest who married us gave us this advice 35-plus years ago, in the days when you had to manually fill the trays in order to have ice. Nothing worse than opening the freezer and finding no ice! The general premise holds true today: always be thoughtful and considerate of your partner, in large and small ways.”
— Patricia Donovan, Manasquan, N.J.
Say yes to therapy
“Agree now that it only takes one of you to think you need couples therapy to get you both to therapy. Even if the other thinks everything is fine, if one partner thinks you need help, then you need help.”
— Joanne Weidman, Los Angeles
Leave it in the past
“Remember that when you get angry, ‘if it’s hysterical, it’s historical.’ This just means that if you get really riled up over small things … it’s more about your past, so leave your dear spouse out of it. This is advice from my mother-in-law, Noni, married for 65 years, and the happiest woman I’ve ever known.”
— Ruth Wimsatt, Costa Mesa, Calif.
