Relationships Talk

• Christine Forster married her partner of 10 years, Virginia Edwards, this year
• But she continues to feel the pressure of ‘coming out’ when with new people
• She spoke on the Thinkergirls podcast about how to come out at work
• Her advice was to ‘come out’ to one or two trusted friends and use humour 

By

Matilda Rudd For Daily Mail Australia

Published:
20:12 EDT, 9 May 2018

|
Updated:
20:18 EDT, 9 May 2018

Christine Forster married her partner of 10 years, Virginia Edwards, earlier this year after Australia voted in favour of changing same-sex marriage laws.

She’s never been one to shy away from a debate and has spoken openly and often about how her views differ from that of conservative ex-PM Tony Abbott – who also happens to be her brother.

On the Thinkergirls most recent podcast she explained to a listener who had started at a new job how to come out as gay to his colleagues.  

Christine Forster (middle) married her partner of 10 years, Virginia Edwards (left), earlier this year after Australia voted in favour of changing the marriage laws

Jason, who is an industrial painter, said while he is very proud of his sexuality, the very heterosexual males he works with makes it feel like he has to come out all over again.

Christine said he should start by having ‘one on one conversations with the people that you trust.’

‘Once he’s out to one or two of his friends he will feel more comfortable,’ she explained.

To lighten the seriousness of the moment she also said it helps to crack some jokes around the announcement. 

To lighten the seriousness of the moment she also said it helps to crack some jokes around the announcement

‘Attack it on a broader sense with humour. Don’t be intense about it. If other people are uncomfortable, crack jokes and make light of it.’

Despite having married her female partner Christine said she still has to ‘come out’ in new situations. 

‘It happens all the time. In some ways I had an easy ride because everyone knew who I was. In different places, work places, you have to do it all the time. It can be very uncomfortable,’ she said.  

‘People now know that being gay is something Australia is okay with. I have physically noticed a difference (since the plebiscite). You see so many couples being demonstrative. The country has accepted us.’ 

Christine Forster married her long-term partner at a ceremony in Sydney

Christine Forster married her long-term partner at a ceremony in Sydney.

Ms Forster and Virginia both said they were ‘very excited’ to be tying the knot with the former prime minister’s sister telling reporters at the time ‘it’s been a long time coming’.

Mr Abbott, who opposed same-sex marriage, attended the ceremony and said he was ‘very happy’ for the couple.

‘I’m looking forward to having a new sister-in-law,’ he said previously.

Ms Forster, a City of Sydney councillor, played a prominent role in the campaign for gay marriage which was legalised after 62 per cent of participants in a national postal survey backed the move in mid-November. 

Life-size statues depict the corporal work of mercy of visiting the sick in the Nativity scene in St. Peter’s Square at the Vatican Dec. 2017. (CNS photo/Junno Arocho Esteves)

Question Corner

Mass attendance required?

Father Kenneth Doyle

Wednesday, May 9, 2018Faith

Help us expand our reach! Please share this article on social media

Your friend, though, might feel added comfort if she heard this same advice from a priest.

Father Kenneth
Doyle

Q. An elderly woman in our parish has terminal lung cancer. I have seen her condition deteriorate over the last two months. She is no longer driving, is very weak and is now on oxygen full time. I had been helping her to get to church, and the other day she told me that she “goes back and forth” over whether she is still required to attend Sunday Mass.

Out of sympathy, I responded that I thought it would be OK if she did not attend. But now I worry that I may have said the wrong thing. Did I? (City and state withheld)

A. Relax. You gave her the right advice. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says: “The faithful are obliged to participate in the Eucharist on days of obligation, unless excused for a serious reason (for example, illness, the care of infants)” (No. 2181).

Note that the catechism does not define the gravity of the illness that would excuse, leaving room instead for the person to make the judgment. If the illness were contagious, or if — as, it would seem, in this case — the burdensome condition would preclude a prayerful experience, a person need not (indeed, should not) go to church and would be better off praying at home.

Your friend, though, might feel added comfort if she heard this same advice from a priest. Why not call your pastor and let him know about the woman’s situation? He might want to call and assure her that she is not obliged to attend Mass. Even more important, he can visit her, bringing her holy Communion and, perhaps, the anointing of the sick.

Q. My son was born and raised Catholic, attended Catholic school and received all of his sacraments. Now he is about to marry a very nice Protestant woman. Her cousin is a Protestant minister, and he has been asked to perform the wedding ceremony. I remember that you had recommended that a member of the Catholic clergy also be involved in such a ceremony.

The uncle of their best man happens to be a priest, and my wife and I tried to encourage our son to have that priest participate in the wedding, but unfortunately they said no. What are the long-term ramifications of this? Will their marriage be recognized by the Catholic Church as valid? And if one day they should decide to raise their children Catholic and have them receive the sacraments, will they run into any trouble? (Virginia)

A. A Catholic priest need not be present at a mixed marriage ceremony in order to have it be recognized as valid by the Catholic Church.

However, your son and his fiancee — some time prior to the wedding — would need to meet with a Catholic priest to obtain from the diocese the necessary permissions: a) for the marriage to take place in a setting other than a Catholic church; and b) for the officiant to be someone other than a Catholic priest or deacon.

Even if the couple does not choose to do this (the result being that their marriage is not recognized by the church), that does not preclude them from having a child baptized in the Catholic faith — provided, of course, that they intend to raise the child Catholic. (In the words of Canon 868.1.2 of the church’s Code of Canon Law, “there must be a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion.”

Pope Francis in 2009, while still a cardinal in Argentina, was reported to have told an Italian news magazine that “the child has absolutely no responsibility for the state of the parents’ marriage. And often a baptism can be a new start for the parents as well.”

– – –

Questions may be sent to Father Kenneth Doyle at askfatherdoyle@gmail.com and 30 Columbia Circle Dr., Albany, New York 12203.

Comments

Help us expand our reach! Please share this article on social media

Recent articles in the Faith & Family section

As discussion of domestic violence persists among evangelicals, seasoned pastors and others who minister to families are advising their ministry colleagues on what to do when they encounter physical abuse in a marriage.
 
At issue in evangelicals’ discussions are controversial comments by Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary President Paige Patterson regarding women, divorce and domestic abuse. See reports here, here and here.
 
“When we have a case of domestic violence, my recommendation is that we immediately deal with making safety the number one priority” for the “spouse that’s being abused physically,” said South Carolina pastor Marshall Blalock, whose state was called by Charleston’s Post and Courier “among the deadliest states in the union for women” in terms of domestic violence.
 
“In some cases,” creating a safe environment “may mean law enforcement is involved,” Blalock, pastor of First Baptist Church in Charleston and president of the South Carolina Baptist Convention, told Baptist Press (BP). “… We’ve learned in South Carolina domestic violence oftentimes leads to very serious cases, even people being killed. So you never want to put yourself in a situation where you underestimate the gravity of domestic violence.”
 
Blalock, a 30-year pastoral ministry veteran, said his state’s laws require reporting domestic abuse any time it involves a child. He recommends reporting abuse of a spouse any time children are present in the house.
 
Two studies by LifeWay Research – one in 2017 and another in 2014 – have highlighted pastors’ views on domestic violence.
 
Last year’s study found 89 percent of American Protestant pastors believe their churches regularly communicate that domestic violence is not acceptable. Still, 45 percent say their churches have no specific plan to help victims of abuse.
 
The 2014 study found 62 percent of pastors have provided “couples or marriage counseling” to those experiencing domestic violence, and 56 percent address the subject in messages at least annually.
 
Joanna Berry, vice president of family and international ministries for South Texas Children’s Home Ministries (STCHM), a ministry partner of the Baptist General Convention of Texas, told BP pastors should both address domestic violence from the pulpit and prepare to point abuse victims to resources.
 
“From the pulpit a pastor can present how women should be treated, using many examples, including Jesus,” Berry said in written comments. “Testimonies from recovering women are extremely impactful. The church can also provide counseling services, a confidential phone line [and] list resources on their website. Resources should include where a mother with children could go for respite and healing, keeping in mind that most women will not have financial resources to pay for this.”
 
STCHM and some other Baptist children’s homes – ministries affiliated with more than 20 Baptist state conventions – offer abused women “a safe environment, counseling, spiritual and practical training to rebuild their lives and … skills to help with a variety of issues, including job skills – all at no cost,” Berry said.
 
LifeWay Research found that among churches with resources for domestic violence victims, 76 percent have a referral list for professional counselors, 64 percent have finances to assist victims and 61 percent can find victims a safe place to stay. Fifty-three percent have a referral list for legal help.
 
Tony Rose, a 31-year veteran of the pastorate with a master’s degree in conflict management in addition to his theological training, noted “the pain and effort and energy and angst it causes a pastor who’s willing to step into the messes of people’s lives and walk with them.” But he said the effort is worth helping hurting people.
 
“We do not need to hide” domestic abuse, Rose, pastor of LaGrange (Ky.) Baptist Church, told BP. “We don’t need to fear making [abuse] public. The church doesn’t have a reputation to guard. She has a character to guard. Reputation is what people think of you. Character is what you really are.”
 
After a report of abuse is confirmed, “the first thing” a pastor should do “is get the couple to separate for safety’s sake,” Rose said, adding separation is not the same as divorce.
 
During the separation, both the husband and wife should get counseling – either from their pastor or a Christian provider the church recommends, said Rose, who chaired the Southern Baptist Convention Executive Committee’s Mental Health Advisory Council.
 
The goal of counseling a couple dealing with domestic abuse is to preserve the marriage, Rose said. Yet he believes in severe cases there is “freedom of conscience to grant divorce and remarriage” for “something as far out and against Christian truth and the covenant of marriage as abuse.”
 
Like Rose, Blalock said he believes divorce is justifiable in some cases of abuse, though some godly pastors disagree. He called physical abuse “a serious violation of the marriage covenant.”
 
Alan Branch, an ethics professor at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, noted the variety of views among evangelicals about abuse and divorce, but he said a wife is never “required to stay in a situation where she is in physical danger.”
 
“There is no specific passage of [s]cripture which addresses divorce and domestic violence,” Branch told BP in written comments. “There are two issues: What is one’s stance on divorce and what is one’s stance regarding domestic violence. There are a wide variety of moral stances regarding divorce among Southern Baptists.
 
“In 1 Corinthians 7:15,” Branch said, “Paul says that if a non-believer chooses to leave a believing spouse, the believer is no longer bound [to the marriage]. The situation Paul has in mind seems to be case where two non-Christians get married, and then one of them comes to faith in Christ after they are married. If the non-believer decides he or she doesn’t want to be married to a Christian, many Baptists understand Paul to be giving an allowance for divorce. For some, physical abuse is considered a kind of ‘abandonment’ and thus an allowance for divorce in cases of physical abuse.”
 
Other Southern Baptists, Branch said, “do not see any allowance for divorce in the Bible. For people with such a moral stance, the idea of a permanent separation is often suggested” in cases of physical abuse.
 
Regardless of their views on divorce, Blalock said, pastors should always get abuse victims to a safe place and never “make people feel like if you’re a good Christian, you shouldn’t say anything about” domestic violence. Silence “is not helping our families.”
 
The Southern Baptist Convention last spoke to domestic violence in a 1979 resolution which recognized it “as one of the serious moral issues of our time,” encouraged pastors and churches to minister to domestic violence victims and urged “clear and responsible public policy related to domestic violence” at the local, state and national levels.
 
(EDITOR’S NOTE – David Roach is chief national correspondent for Baptist Press, the Southern Baptist Convention’s news service.)