Relationships Talk

by Andrea Wurzburger 1h ago

T.I. needs help figuring out how in the world he can make amends with Tiny, and there’s only one woman who thinks she is fit for the job: Toya Wright.

“Every marriage, every relationship, you’ve got the good times, the bad times, the ugly times, but communication, that’s the key!” Miss Toya is here to teach her friend T.I. a thing or two about communicating in his marriage. Tip seems to think that he and Tiny have both “done dirty,” but feels like everything that has gone wrong in their relationship is always blamed on him. Toya tells him, “None of us are perfect, but at the same time we have to learn to move a little different because we need to have respect for our families.” Okay, Toya! You’re preaching now!

Toya also tells Tip he needs to be a little more mushy when it comes to his wife: “Women like that sometimes…especially when you’re in trouble.” Tip seems to think that his car-sized “olive branch” should have been enough for Tiny, but maybe with a little nudging from Toya, he’ll realize that Tiny needs more than just material goods in order to forgive his past transgressions.

Check out the clip above to hear the rest of Toya’s advice and see if Tip will take any of it to heart on T.I. & Tiny: Friends & Family Hustle on Mondays at 9/8c.

WHILE marriage can be a wonderful and fulfilling experience, no lifelong commitment is likely to run smoothly at all times. Life can be full of ups and downs which can sometimes challenge the strength of your marriage. Marriages get strained for a number of reasons, where arguments erupt out of nowhere and get exhausting. A strained marriage is caused by a breakdown in communication.

HOW TO HANDLE A STRAINED MARRIAGE

Life coach Lifi Tlhaka from Burgersfort, Limpopo, says it’s a number of issues that lead to a strained marriage. He says communication, financial problems, in-laws involvement and decisionmaking are some of the common issues. “When couples grow apart, they no longer see the best in each other. It may be that calling and checking on your partner happens out of obligation as opposed to out of love. When one would rather spend time with friends than with his or her partner, then there’s a problem,” he says. He advises that there is actually a lot that can save the marriage to avoid being strenuous and handle it better. “Understand your own negative attitude in the marriage and the damage it inflicts on your relationship. Also initiate contact if a relationship has become tense, be proactive in setting things right,” says Lifi. He adds that sometimes it is about forgiveness of any situation that is being encountered in the marriage. “We all make mistakes. Leave the door open for transgressors to make amends. When you are wrong, don’t avoid saying you are sorry,” says the life coach. “Be sorry for the pain you have caused your loved one. To save your marriage, set the stage for reconciliation.” Lifi says in a marriage couples need to accept the situation. “There is little a couple can change. Be welcoming and gracious, and prevent a situation where problems escalate,” he says.

COMMON CAUSE

Lifi explains common causes that can strain your marriage. “Finances can easily become a source of stress and worry in your marriage. In difficult economic circumstances, couples can have worries about employment, bond repayments, bills, school fees and healthcare. The resulting stress and strain can impact on both individuals, making the marriage to be under pressure,” he says. Lifi says it is important to be able to discuss financial matters with one another in a supportive and constructive manner in order to be able to manage them in the best way possible.  

PARENTHOOD 

According to an online article by Catholic Marriage Care Service, having children can be one of the most wonderful experiences in life. However, parenthood can also put a strain on a marriage. “Deciding when to have children can be difficult for couples. One of you may not feel ready to commit to having children early in your marriage or may want to wait until a later stage for a variety of reasons such as career prospects,” he says. “Parenthood brings with it a change in lifestyle. In addition to the joys of having a baby, parenthood can involve sleepless nights, concerns about feeding and managing a baby which can all be a shock to the system for couples.”

DON’T AVOID SIGNS

Lifi warns that the isolation of one from another or when their presence starts to annoy you, can be a signal to a change of behavioural patterns. “Some couples would say ‘we used to go shopping together; now one prefers just to shop alone or we used to do household chores or even bath together and all of a sudden, somebody no longer feels like it’,” he says. “One needs to do some self-introspection and take stock of the current situation. Remember that most people won’t even notice that you are struggling or your marriage is strained. You are the one who will sometimes have to swallow your pride and go knock on doors that can help save what is left of your marriage.”

GET HELP

Lifi says it is important for people not to ignore the advice of their marriage counsellors. “It’s more like consulting a medical practitioner after experiencing some health challenges, after you are diagnosed and given the medication, the call is with you whether to take the medication,” he explains. “Marriage counsellors as well will give you solutions to your problem, whether that will work for you, the other 50 percent of the answer is dependent on your application. “Seek help, get mentors or people who speak to you guys from time to time. Always avoid running to your respective relatives to tell them of your every problem. Always get professional help.”

USEFUL CONTACTS

The Family Life Centre 011 788 4784   

BALDWINSVILLE, N.Y. (WSYR-TV) – Halloween may be considered one of the scariest days of the year, but for Kim and PJ Schmid, of Baldwinsville, it’s the most romantic day of the year.

Twenty years ago on Oct. 31, the couple tied the knot and vowed — “until death do we part.”

“Even after all these years, we run into people that PJ invited that I didn’t know at our wedding and they’ll say to me, ‘I was at your wedding that was so much fun,'” Kim shared.

The wedding was complete with a costume party reception.

Now, their love for Halloween shows in every year’s couple’s costume. They’ve gone as “Mother Goose” and “Father Time for a Beer,” “Ursala and “Ariel” from Disney’s “The Little Mermaid,” and this year they’re celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary with a “Day of the dead” theme.

“She’s the mastermind behind most the costumes my ideas were so elaborate or according to Kimberly they were not as fun,” PJ said.

Only once has PJ been given the chance to take a swing at the couple’s costume ideas.

“I let him have his way one year and he had me dress up he was the Snow Miser and I was the Heat Miser. I had the hair and my face was browned out with a big red nose,” Kim said. “Oh my gosh I looked as absolutely hideous and scary as someone could possibly look.”

Their son Paul also shares a passion for Halloween creativity, but while he’s away at college — family dog, “Bea,” keeps up the tradition as well.

“She has a couple costumes,” Kim said. “She doesn’t mind a little gown every now and then it makes her feel extra sassy.”

After two decades of “spooky” marriage — PJ and Kim have advice to share others.

“The first few years were full of a little bit more tricks and treats, you know, in the beginning, and I’m hoping the next 20 or just ‘boo-tiful,'” Kim shared.

While their anniversary is known mostly for ghosts and goblins — groom PJ can’t help but smile every time he looks at his Halloween bride.

“I’m still in love with her every day when I look at her,” PJ said.

The Schmids have an outdoor neighborhood party to celebrate their anniversary and welcome trick-or-treaters to stop by for big candy bars, popcorn and other sweets.
 

In his book, The Seven Principles For Making A Marriage Work, renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman stresses the importance of “developing rituals that promote better communication and attunement with your partner.” In other words, creating (and sticking to) little things that help you enjoy life a bit more is essential to a happy, long lasting marriage. Maybe it’s a daily text or a weekly trip to the spot you first met.

To see how this plays out in real marriages — and to offer you a bit of inspiration if you’re looking for a ritual of your own — we spoke to 11 dads about the small things they do to keep their relationships fun and exciting, no matter how complicated life may become.

I Always Leave a Note (or Dirty Drawing) in My Wife’s Lunch

“I’m a big note guy. I work better in the morning, so I usually handle the lunch-packing duties, which includes packing lunch for my wife. I like doing it — it makes me feel useful. I always put notes in the lunches, too. For my kids, it’s usually just a ‘Have a great day!’ type deal. But, with my wife, they can range from jokes, to dirty drawings, to words of wisdom, and everything in between. The last one I wrote said, ‘It was so awesome how you didn’t give Halloween candy to the kid dressed as Trump.’ If I can make her laugh or smile during the day, I think I’ve helped our marriage thrive.”  – Collin, 38, Ohio

We Have a Couch Date Night Every Week

“We always watch American Horror Story together. Every week. I hate it. It’s weird, and terrifying. But, she loves it. And, I love her. Truthfully, I enjoy doing it because she gets scared and does all the ‘I’m scared!’ things that make me feel like I can protect her. She cuddles with me, puts my hand over her eyes. Stuff like that. So, while the show is definitely not something I’d watch on my own, I love the time I spend watching it with her. I look forward to it every week, and I wouldn’t miss it.” – Michael, 37, Illinois

We Get Sweaty Together 

“My wife and I exercise together before work, every other morning. Before we met, neither of us were super into working out but, after a few kids, we realized that it could be a good thing to start doing. So, every morning, while the kids are eating breakfast and waking up, we just do a quick, intense, 15-minute workout together. I’ve definitely become the more enthusiastic one about waking up and exercising, so I think it’s become ‘my’ ritual. But, we do it together, and we always end up smiling.” – Kirk, 36, Oregon

I Surprise Her With “9 Second Hugs”

“When we first started dating, I shared a news article with my wife that said nine seconds was the ideal length for a hug. It’s something about the amount of time it takes your body to release endorphins that makes nine seconds the sweet spot. So, randomly, I’ll grab her and say, ‘Nine-Second Hug!’ She laughs, usually. Sometimes she gets frustrated, if she’s trying to do something and I interrupt. But, it really does work. We just sort of stand there together for nine seconds and, when it’s over, we laugh, kiss, and go on with the day. It’s a pretty simple trick, I think.” – John, 42, New York

We Return to Our First Date Spot

“Every month, my wife and I have a date night at the place we went to on our first date. It’s just a small, basic bar in Akron, Ohio but it’s a special place for us. They ‘know’ us there by now — we’ve been going for years — so it’s a fun, welcoming experience overall. The recurring date was her idea, but going back to that specific bar was mine, so it’s also a great reminder that we’re a good team when we put our heads together.” – Joel, 35, Ohio

No Matter What, the Last Words We Always Say Are “I Love You”

“I was raised by parents who never, ever, ever let the last words said in a conversation —in person, over the phone, whatever — be anything but, ‘I love you.’ So, when my wife and I fell in love, I mentioned that to her, and I sort of insisted we adopt it, too. It might sound a little neurotic, but it’s just a way to make sure that, God forbid something bad were to happen, the words we’ll always remember hearing will be, ‘I love you’. Even if we’re fighting, we don’t walk away or hang up the phone without saying it. We do it with our kids, too. ” – Matt, 43, Florida

We Talk Trash Online Playing Word Games

“I challenge my wife to — and usually beat her at — Words With Friends at least once a week. It’s not the game itself, so much, but the chatting we do throughout. The trash-talking and stuff. For some reason, talking inside of WWF feels different than talking over email or iMessage. It’s almost always game-related, but the way we pounce on each other and go back-and-forth feels super flirty a lot of the time. Like talking on AIM in college. I guess it’s just my way of keeping connected with her a little less traditionally.” – Jeff, 33, North Carolina

I Always Touch My Wife’s Butt

“I love my wife’s ass. To quote Ron Burgundy, ‘That thing is good.’ So, as douchy as it might sound, I try to squeeze it or slap it whenever I can. She likes it, because she’ll always ask, ‘Why haven’t you smacked my ass in a while?’ if I don’t do it sort of regularly. I never do it around the kids, because they’re too young to understand the nuances of such a gesture within a loving relationship, but I do it in public sometimes. I’m sure people sneer. But, whatever, I love my wife’s ass.” – Josh, 39, New York

We Have a Collaborative Sketchbook

“I taught my wife about a thing my friends and I used to do called ‘Exquisite Cadavers’. It’s nothing weird, just the name we came up with for when one person draws a line or a shape on a piece of paper, and then the next person adds on to it, and then the next person, and the next person, and so on. I have no idea why we named it that. Anyway, I got a small sketchbook for my wife and I  and I’ll usually start a new one every week or two. We take the book to work with us and just add silly little things here and there until we’ve ‘finished’. Then it’s on to the next one. I love seeing what she comes up with.” – Al, 44, Ohio

We Give One Another Wet Willies. Seriously.

“I give my wife wet willies. True story. She’s a jokester at heart. She loves prank videos and fail videos on YouTube. So, whenever she’s not paying attention, I’ll sneak up and get her. It goes both ways, too. She’s gotten me in the shower – somehow she knew exactly when my eyes would be closed while I was rinsing off shampoo. She even had the balls to do it at church one weekend. I think my best one was when she was FaceTiming with her mother. I crept up behind her while her mother watched with just this sort of, ‘Huh?’ expression. It’s definitely a silly, stupid thing. But, it’s our thing, and it always will be.” – Neil, 37, California

We Volunteer at an Animal Shelter Once a Month

“My wife and I — and our oldest son — volunteer at an animal shelter once a month. We help walk dogs, clean the place, and stuff like that. As a family, we all just love animals. So, when we’re there, we’re all just really, really happy. I know my wife is a fantastic mother — I see her in action every day. But, there’s something special about seeing her with a little puppy or kitten that just melts me. It’s just so sweet, and reminds me why I fell in love with her in the first place.” – Bill, 39, Connecticut