Relationships Talk

Matthrew 6:33 says “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” First and foremost, you should steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, and God-provisions. You have no reason to worry about missing out or not being provided for. When you devote your life to God, you quickly find that all your everyday human concerns will be met. This includes finding a spouse and relationship later on in life. Prioritize God, getting to know Him, and living out a life for Him and the rest will fall into place in His perfect timing.

One problem many singles have is being impatient. They are so excited to find the love of their life that they sometimes blind themselves to reality. They miss out on important red flags in a relationship, or justify the person’s issues. However God does not want us to settle for someone mediocre. Each of us is much more valuable that. While we won’t find anyone that is 100 percent perfect, you should have some personal non-negotiable standards. For example, you might want someone that wants to someday have children like you do. Don’t give that dream of having a family up just because you want to settle with someone that doesn’t have the same values.

While you shouldn’t settle for a partner, you also should be open and accepting of other people for who they are. When you get into a relationship, you should never manipulate your significant other into someone that they aren’t. No matter how much you try and change someone, at their core there are certain things that they can’t, and shouldn’t, have to change to satisfy you. Remember that God made us all free individuals, and built each of us to be beautiful. There is value in each of us. Don’t waste your time trying to force someone to fit the mold of who you want in a partner. They might just not be the one for you.

If it’s God’s Will for you to marry, it will happen perfectly in His timing. Until then, don’t stress or worry. Instead, enjoy and savor your time being single. Live in each moment and be actively present. Only focusing on your future will cause you to miss out on some great moments that are happening right now. Have fun spending time with friends and family, pick up a new hobby, or focus on your career. Don’t be that person that swipes right and left for hours on crappy dating apps, ignoring the people that already do care about you.

When looking for that future spouse, find someone who will stand with you and be in your corner no matter what. Through the tough times, the good times, through sickness and in health you want someone that isn’t going to forget the vows they made. True commitment from others can be hard to find in today’s society. We are often presented with temptation, and someone that isn’t 100 percent committed might be susceptible to other options. God wants you to be with a person that is always dedicated to you, no matter what crazy situations life throws your way.

Being overly prideful is the thief of love. When not kept in check, pride can even turn into narcissism. This is not how great relationships are developed. A relationship takes a lot of patience, love and work. They have to be built up on a strong foundation. When you are a prideful person, this makes building solid relationships difficult. You won’t be able to find the relationship God has for you this way, and may end up single longer than you had hoped. Be proud of your accomplishments in life, but don’t think that you are better than anyone else.

The Lord created intimacy between two people in marriage to be a beautiful gift. When you plant the seeds of purity in your single life, you are able to reap the benefits and blessings from this harvest all throughout your marriage. You will one day get to experience what it really means to be in love and connected with someone else. When you are intimate before marriage, you not only go against what God has planned for you, but you deteriorate what makes it special. Save yourself for the person you marry and you will be very happy you did.

The main thing that sours a marriage or any relationship is when people stop doing the little things for one another. Marriages deteriorate every day because people stop putting in effort. Don’t get stuck in a rut where you don’t think you need to show your passion, commitment or motivation. Showing gratitude towards others, especially in romantic relationships, is important because appreciating the little things shows the other person that you care about them. When someone does something nice for you, think about how special you feel. Learning this before you get into a relationship will help you be set up for success long-term.

To all the singles desiring to be married and raise a family, you must first get comfortable with the job of washing feet. This is advice you may have heard before, but didn’t fully understand. What married couples mean when they say this is that change isn’t easy. It’s dirty, messy, and can be incredibly difficult. You have to get comfortable with the idea that change is necessary in a relationship, and just a part of life. This is something you learn more as you grow up, so don’t stress if you aren’t as adaptable to change as you want to be yet. Be aware of it and work towards the goal.

Relationships fail. Sometimes it’s an amicable split, where two people realize they just aren’t meant for each other. Other times it’s a horrible fall out that leaves both parties feeling broken, helpless, angry and hurt. Oftentimes we carry around the pain of past relationships instead of resolving them and letting it go. We bring our lack of trust into new relationships, and penalize our new partner for things someone else has done. This will only make things harder. Instead of always thinking a relationship will blow up in your face, you have to learn to let go of the past to give new partnerships a real chance.

If you are looking for everlasting happiness, understand that you will never find it in another person. True joy in marriage is found when two whole people are joined by God, and through Him they work out their marriage together. They enhance each other, rather than complete each other. You can never rely on another person to make you happy. This only sets you, and the other person, up for failure. They ultimately will do something to hurt you because no one is perfect. Another person cannot fix your depression or low self-confidence, for example. This is something you need to work on yourself with God.

You have to be willingly committed to walk with Jesus before you make the decision to walk down the aisle. Jesus wants us to be committed to Him, and understanding of how He lived His life here on earth. When we study His actions, we learn how to be the best version of ourselves. We want to strive to be more Christ-like, because it sets us up to be great partners in relationships. We learn the values of grace, kindness, and the like that Jesus showed others. If you have questions about how Jesus lived, consult with a pastor or other trusted Christian leader.

Proverbs 19:14 says “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” Many single Christians get nervous that God is not going to show them the person they are supposed to marry. The truth is, though, that God will always provide for His children. God has shown us time and time again that He keeps His promises. There is no reason to stop trusting Him now. When you feel nervous or unsettled, take up your Bible. Remind yourself of the gifts God has already blessed you with, and you will help restore a little more trust.

While God will provide for you, that doesn’t mean you should live your life being passive. You aren’t going to find your spouse if you sit around at home all day. Sometimes you need to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. This doesn’t mean you need to spend your time looking for your next relationship in a club or bar if that isn’t your thing. There are other great ways to meet new people. Attend a new Bible study, a hobby group, or rec league. Do something you enjoy doing, because you will find more like-minded people that way.

For Christian singles, it is important that they don’t allow cultural influences to shape or motivate their dating journey. You need to stay true to yourself and to the Lord, rather than what the dating trends currently are. For example, “ghosting” another person, or simply cutting them off from your life with no explanation, is not an action that Jesus would approve of. You can gently tell someone you are no longer interested rather than ghost them. Don’t conform to how others are trying to dictate the dating world. Do what you feel comfortable with, and you will save yourself a lot of heartache.

You have to know who you are before you can evaluate someone else’s compatibility with you. What are your goals? What are your values? How important is your faith and how important is it to you that your partner shares that faith? Remember, confidence attracts, and it’s much easier to be confident when you know who you are and what you want in life. Take time while you are single to get to know who you are and where you want to go in life. This will help you from wasting time with people that aren’t a good match for you.

Trying to maintain a life-long relationship is impossible without the Lord. You and your significant other both need to share a trust in the Almighty. Are you both willing to present your problems and difficult situations to Him for help when the time arises? Are you willing to spend time at church or in a Bible study together? No relationship will be strong without keeping Jesus at the center of it. When you are looking for your next partner, make sure they are someone that wants to enhance your faith in God, rather than strip you of it. You need to be a person that motivates your partner to become closer to God as well.

God has some passages in the Bible that explicitly spell out the meaning of love. One of the most popular is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 which says: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” These are some great guidelines on how we should love one another, both in friendships and romantic relationships. If you don’t understand what a healthy love is, then you won’t be able to give it out to someone else. It also makes you susceptible to accepting fake love.

Learn to be a “fruit” inspector in order to discern the relationships you allow in your life. God isn’t going to tell you to be with someone that doesn’t treat you right, doesn’t follow Jesus, or the like. Those should be immediate red flags that the person isn’t God’s choice for you. If you are having difficulty understanding who you are supposed to be with, speak with God. Pray to Him, read His Word, and ask for a sign. Consulting with Him will give you guidance on what next steps you should take. God is all-knowing, so trust in Him.

Communication is incredibly important in any relationship, including dating. When you are starting to get to know someone, you need to be honest and direct with them. If they ask you if you want children someday, don’t lie in the hopes of giving the “right” answer. This is not the way God wants us to find the person meant for us. You will only end up wasting your time on someone that isn’t a good fit for you, and doing so hurts the other person as well. Matthew 5:37 says “simply let your yes be yes, and your no be no.” This means you need to be intentional with your words, and be honest with what you say to others.

Being a single Christian can be hard. There are times you think you will never find the one God has for you, but with a little patience you will realize God will bless you with the person you need. Don’t spend time stressing over what might happen, but instead be present in your life now. Everything else will fall into place.

Jimmy Martin heard Drew Jansen before he saw him.

Jimmy had just moved back to Minneapolis from New York. It was 1988, and he was with friends visiting the piano bar he had opened and played as featured pianist in for five years before he left. The woman he had sold it to had invited Drew to perform while she took a break that night.

“My back was to the piano when he started to sing and I thought to myself, ‘Who is that?’ And I turned around and I saw him and I said, ‘Who is that?!'” Jimmy says.

When Drew finished singing, Jimmy introduced himself. They talked for hours that night, joined by a couple of friends.

“We closed the bar down and they had to kick us out,” Drew says. “It was a lovely conversation.”

They saw each other off and on throughout that summer.

“I would be playing somewhere and he would come in and I would go on a break and go sit and visit with him and I would think, ‘Well this is so nice, he’s come in to see me,'” Jimmy says. “Well, he would talk to me for a few minutes and then he would say, ‘Well, I’m going to go and talk with so-and-so now.'”

Drew wasn’t looking for a relationship, but when Jimmy bumped into him in downtown Minneapolis he decided to take a chance.

“I said, ‘I’m not a lonely person. I’m going to try this one more time and if this doesn’t work, I’m done,'” Jimmy says. “So I said, ‘Are you available Monday night for dinner?’ and he said, ‘I am.'”

That Monday is the day they celebrate as their anniversary — Aug. 28, 1988 — although it would be 26 years before they could formally exchange their marriage vows.

In the meantime, they enjoyed road trips together and spent time with friends. Both were involved in the Twin Cities Theater community.

“We were always involved in theatrical productions of one type or another, though very rarely together,” Drew says.

Drew tagged along when Jimmy performed with Carmel Quinn, of the Arthur Godfrey Show, at the Irish Repertory Theater in Manhattan, and Jimmy went with Drew when he did an industrial show at the Bellagio in Las Vegas.

They did — and still do — crossword puzzles together and watched Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune and reruns of The Golden Girls.

They were in Savannah, Ga., for their anniversary in 2013 when Drew proposed. He had bought a $25 ring in one of the shops along the boardwalk before they had dinner at the Olde Pink House.

“I found a box with a little etching of the name ‘Jimmy’ in a ship so I put it in that and actually the box cost more than the ring,” Drew says. “But I did the whole get-down-on-one-knee thing after dinner and the whole room just exploded in applause.”

He had been nervous about the process, but not about how Jimmy would respond.

“By this point we had long gotten to the ‘this is forever’ phase,” Drew says. “And to be honest, the reason we chose the particular date that we got married is because that’s when the caterer was available.”

They had a garden wedding on May 24, 2014, in the backyard of their home, which they were preparing to put on the market right after they were married so they could move to Little Rock to be near Drew’s family.

“It was a very small wedding,” Jimmy says. “My children and grandchildren and my former wife and her husband — how about that? — were there.”

Jimmy has three children — Jimmy, Nora and Aaron, all of Minneapolis, as well as four grandchildren.

The minister passed Jimmy and Drew’s wedding rings around during the ceremony so their guests could hold them while sharing wishes for the couple’s future.

“Isn’t that beautiful?” Jimmy says. “One of my sons said, ‘I will always love you for being honest with us.’ And I thought, ‘Wow, that was a biggie,’ because sometimes you don’t know if what you’re telling them is what you should be telling them, even though it’s the truth. That one I remember in particular.”

Jimmy and Drew don’t often perform together, but they will be doing a fundraiser together for Argenta Community Theater. The Piano Men, as they’re called, will perform a musical celebration called What Matters Most, featuring Kathryn Pryor and Judy Trice, on Nov. 2 and 3 at the theater. Tickets are $100 per couple or $60 per individual.

“Partnered since 1988 and married since 2014, Jimmy and Drew celebrated 30 years together in August,” the news release about the event reads. “And that’s What Matters Most!’

“We’re different enough that we work together beautifully and I love the times we get the opportunity to do that,” Drew says. “If you’re writing a musical during the day and rehearsing it at night then you’re just not going to be around for a while, and some people might not understand that and we do. We each understand and support each other in whatever we’re doing.”

If you have an interesting how-we-met story or if you know someone who does, please call (501) 425-7228 or email:

kimdishongh@gmail.com

High Profile on 10/21/2018