Category Archives: marriage advice
Married a Thousand Times (He's the Rabbi)
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Married a Thousand Times (He’s the Rabbi)
Rabbi Scott Colbert has married more than 1,000 couples over the last 45 years in many states and countries, including Costa Rica and Israel. “I’m at the point where I’m marrying the children of the parents I married three or four decades ago,” said Rabbi Colbert, who is 71 and recently retired. Both a rabbi and cantor, he started his career in the 1970s in San Antonio at Temple Beth El. He later spent 30 years in Atlanta, completing his career as head rabbi at Temple Emanu-El there.
In August, he and his wife, Karen Abrams Colbert, who reside in Sandy Springs, Ga., celebrated their 50th anniversary. Today he still marries approximately 50 couples a year.
What differentiates you from other rabbis? All couples need some counseling. I adhere to a 168-question survey. It’s a psychological examination that looks at 12 to 14 different areas: financial planning, communication skills, closeness, flexibility, family, each other, expectations of marriage, and sexual compatibility. They take the quiz separately, but we go over the answers together. It gets issues out on the table so that they can avoid problems later.
Where are the most interesting wedding locales? Lakes, hotels, wineries and ski slopes. The nicest are the beaches at sunset. I’ve been flown to Disney World. It’s hard to be serious when Mickey Mouse is in your face.
What makes you uncomfortable? A wedding is a holy moment. Guests are snapping photos. You try to explain this is a time when people are uniting their lives and being guided together. It’s not always a time for photos. I’ve had the bride and groom extend the kiss a little too long and that makes people very uncomfortable. Dancing down the aisle, however, is great.
Is there something you include in every wedding? I know rabbis who do cartwheels down the aisle after the pronouncing. I’m not like that. I’m warm, companionate and serious. Two weeks before a couple marry, I ask them to write a love letter to each other, which they open the morning of the wedding. I’ve asked them to send me a copy in advance. I always check to make sure they’ve read it, and I usually incorporate something from their letters into the sermon. Sometimes it’s funny; sometimes it’s serious. It’s an excellent exercise in communication for them and it gives me a bit of insight into their personalities. Couples enjoy doing it, and they like it when I use their own words during the ceremony.
Do you stay in touch with the couples you marry? Each year I mail or email 200 or 300 anniversary cards.
What marital advice do you offer? I encourage the couple to remember why you fell in love. What brought you two together, not what’s tearing you apart. It’s a life choice that you’re making. You need to forgive, have a sense of humor and to show love for the other person. The wedding is a half-hour in a person’s life, but it’s the marriage that’s important. The ceremony is going to be beautiful, but building your lives together is more important.
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve experienced? I performed a wedding at the foot of Camelback Mountain in Phoenix and a rattlesnake slid down the aisle. Another time a bee kept circling my nose and on the ‘Amen’ I slammed the rabbi’s manual book together — with the bee in the middle of it.
Do you remember the first time you officiated? I was 27. It was the summer of 1973. I was in Texas and had only been at the congregation for two weeks. The bride was exceedingly pregnant. They wanted the child to be the product of a married couple. Back then that was still very important. Right after exchanging of the rings her water broke under the huppah. I’d prepared a nice sermon, which we skipped, and finished the ceremony quickly. He stepped on the glass. Then I went right to, “I now pronounce you husband and wife. Now go to the hospital.”
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Men and Women Share the Sweetest Thing Their Partner Has Ever Said to Them
Relationships
Oct 15It may feel like romance can get lost in the shuffle of everyday life, but these couples remind us that love is often expressed most in the little moments.
Timeless romance
Erica and Josh Hartwig are surrounded by love daily through their photography business Organic Moments Weddings, but that also means they essentially spend 24 hours a day together running a company and raising their five kids. Still, Erica says Josh is truly an old romantic. She recalls one tender moment when the seven of them were on a secluded beach. “We were laying snuggled on the sand, 60 degrees out, blankets on, our kids playing, and no one else there,” she says. “Josh said, ‘When I die this is what will flash before my eyes. This is the best part of life.’ I fell in love all over again.” These romantic quotes from books will make your heart melt.
Supportive spirit
Despite a successful law career, Elena Ledeoux says she frequently doubts herself, especially when, recently, she was launching a new startup company. “One day when I was fretting that it wasn’t going to work, my husband gave me a big hug, looked me in the eyes, and said, ‘You can do it. You’ve always done it,’” she recalls. “His complete, unwavering belief in me was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. And it helped me get through the initial period before my company took off.” Don’t miss the surprising secrets of the most happily married couples.
Doting dad
It means a lot to Randy Krauss, who has been married for eight years, when his wife tells him how much she appreciates the type of father he is to our sons. “I didn’t grow up with a father figure and it means a lot when she lets me know that I’m doing a good job by our kids,” said Krauss.
Debra Fileta of TrueLoveDates™ Releases a Book to Educate & Prepare Couples for Marriage
Love is at the center of Debra Fileta’s life and career. According to her bio, her love for Jesus Christ grounds her personal relationships, and her Christian faith motivates her to help others in her professional work.
Author and blogger Debra Fileta speaks candidly about love, sex, dating, marriage, and relationships.
As a licensed counselor, blogger, and author, Debra is all about sharing the love and rejoicing in married life. She is a happily married woman with three beautiful children, so she can speak from personal experience about the blessings of cultivating a healthy relationship.
After writing an insightful book called “True Love Dates,” Debra started the TrueLoveDates blog to share her marriage advice with couples the world over. She now uses this platform to dole out values-driven dating and relationship advice to a primarily Christian audience.
Debra also travels across the country to promote a marriage-positive message at churches, colleges, conferences, and other events. She views herself as part of an online ministry for love, and she is always looking for ways to spread the word.
Recently, Debra published her second book to drive home the point that a happy marriage starts with you. “Choosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me” is an inspirational guide for any couples feeling burnt out or stuck in a rut. Debra’s down-to-earth advice has resonated with millions of people from all walks of life.
This marriage expert knows that love may not always come easy, but she encourages couples to stick it out, take responsibility, and do the work it takes to turn a “me” into a “we.”
“My main hope, and the drive behind my entire message through my books, articles, courses and podcast is to teach people that healthy people make healthy relationships,” she said.
How a Viral Blog Post Became a Bestselling Book
Debra’s blog reaches millions of people worldwide, and her audience grows bigger every day as she creates more resources and materials for couples. Thanks to her tireless effort and outreach, Debra has become an authority on marriage and healthy relationships.
“Choosing Marriage” empowers readers to make the decisions that will lead to love.
In May 2018, Debra released a book titled “Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me” to highlight the core principles of a committed relationship. She based this book off one of her more popular articles, “Marriage Is Not About Your Happiness,” which was read by over 3 million people. Debra uses a combination of survey results (taken from 1,000 couples) and personal experience to reveal the trade secrets of successfully married couples.
“The premise of the book is the idea that we go into marriage so unprepared and uneducated about how to do it well,” she said. “We get more driver’s ed training than we do marriage preparation, which is absolutely insane considering how big the decision of marriage is and how much it impacts every facet of our lives.”
Debra closes the knowledge gap in the dating scene by outlining eight core values necessary to a happy, healthy marriage. She urges readers to choose love and commitment over loneliness and conflict. The book addresses people at all relationship stages — even those who aren’t in a relationship at all — and provides them with the foundational tools to transform their love lives.
So far, the book has received praise from all corners of the industry. In fact, 95% of its Amazon customer reviews gave it 5 out of 5 stars. Debra told us she has received thank-you messages from readers who embarked on transformational journeys after taking her advice.
“I’ve heard from people who said it saved their marriage, and others who’ve said it’s completely changed their perspective on marriage,” she said. “It thrills me to hear all this, and I’m praying this book will continue to infuse hope and healing to this generation.”
A Podcast Featuring Real Questions From Real Daters
In addition to her book, Debra tackled another big project this year by becoming a regular podcaster. She launched the Love + Relationships Podcast to grow her authority and expand her audience, and, so far, it has been tremendously successful at doing both.
Debra gives thoughtful advice to help people enrich their relationships.
Singles and couples call in to ask for Debra’s advice, and the professional counselor recommends proven strategies to remove conflict and build healthy relationships. ” It’s just been so much fun getting to interact with my callers in such a candid and unscripted way,” she said, “and the feedback I’ve received about this new podcast is just fueling my excitement for future episodes.”
Debra’s down-to-earth and easy manner keeps people listening, and she isn’t afraid to dive into complex or sensitive topics in episodes that run up to 45 minutes long.
Whether she’s discussing trust issues or the human sex drive, Debra offers an honest assessment of modern relationships and practical tips to bring more love into life. This educational yet entertaining podcast is available on Stitcher and iTunes.
Debra told us the podcast seemed like a natural way to expand her blog, which focuses on creating a dialogue about marriage, because she can speak directly to her audience and deliver more long-form advice in an engaging way. She said the podcast has also paired well with her social media presence.
“One of my favorite things about my blog and social media is how much interaction I get to have with my readers and how much interaction they have with one another,” she said.
Debra Shares a Wholesome Message With Millions of People
Since she wrote her first book in 2013, Debra has counseled millions of singles and couples to find true love. Her core values as a Christian, a wife, and a mother have shaped her advice and her perspective. She speaks with moral authority and compassion about the relationship challenges facing today’s dating population, and she does everything she can to reach out to people feeling lost — because she knows she can help them find their way.
Debra is a passionate supporter of marriage, and her books, podcasts, and blog posts lovingly guide people to create relationships that last a lifetime. Her new book emphasizes that love doesn’t just happen — it starts with you and the choices you make in your life.
“Learning how to get healthy is the best thing you can do for your future dating relationships as well as your future marriage,” she said, “because you attract people who are on your same level of emotional, psychological, and spiritual health.”
Divorce is contagious, and that might be a good thing
Divorce is contagious, studies suggest, and having a close friend who is divorced increases your risk of ending your marriage. But that doesn’t mean that happily married people are vulnerable to some sort of airborne irreconcilable differences. It means that, for people are already struggling in their marriages, a happy, divorced friend could be all it takes to send them over the edge.
“If divorce has had the effect of moving friends forward in their lives, then they are particularly likely to view divorce not as an unfortunate end but as a solution,” Craig S. Pedersen, an attorney and partner at the Meyer, Olson, Lowy and Meyers law firm, told Fatherly. It is not that misery loves company, but a successful, particularly amicable divorce can look appealing to an outsider.
Having a divorced, close friend raises a person’s divorce risk by 75 percent, according to one study of 5,209 men and women. Results also revealed that people are 147 percent more likely to divorce if they have multiple divorced friends in their social network, compared to married people with mostly married friends. Divorced siblings render people 22 percent more prone to split. Even having divorced coworkers comes with a 50 percent increase in divorce risk.
The study makes a compelling case for divorce contagion, but one of the main limitations is that every stage of marriage is heavily influenced by peer pressure. There’s evidence that people are significantly more likely to have babies within two years of their friends starting families, and that we tend to marry when we sense that our peer groups are getting hitched. Divorce may be contagious, but it may well be the result of a lot of people getting married or having kids for the wrong reasons, Jessica Markham, a divorce attorney, says. “A lot of people get married and have kids that shouldn’t marry anyone and probably shouldn’t have kids,” Markham told Fatherly.
For couples already experiencing problems and considering divorce, a close friend’s choice to end their relationship is often the final straw. Having a divorced friend “can provide the shot of courage that one has been looking for in advance of taking that daunting first step toward ending a bad marriage,” Pedersen says. But it does not have to be. The key to ensuring that your friend’s problems don’t bleed into your own marriage is understanding that friends are good at listening, but they’re generally terrible at giving neutral advice. And the closer friends are, the more influence and less perspective they tend to have, psychotherapist Brooke Sprowl warns.
“They often project their own experiences and preferences onto one another when giving advice,” Sprowl told Fatherly. “If a friend sees divorce as the only way to work through relationship problems, they are likely to advise you to to take that route.”
