Category Archives: marriage advice
Marriage Advice for Panama Jackson, Who Is Getting Married This Week
Photo: Iris Mannings (Iris Mannings Photography)
Three weeks ago, while Panama and I were doing a talk at Princeton University, I shared the story of how, although we first met in 2004 and started VSB in 2008, we didn’t meet in person until our three-year anniversary party in D.C. in 2011.
The more I tell that story, the less sense it makes. It’s geographically absurd. D.C. and Pittsburgh are a four-hour drive apart—a trip that seems even shorter because Breezewood, Pa., exists between them as a convenient halftime to break it up. It takes longer than that to go to Costco. That it took seven years for us to actually see each other was ludicrous.
It also, of course, is a meta-commentary on the sorts of relationships fostered by the internet, the ubiquity of which is so singular that it’s become atmospheric. Anyone attempting to shoehorn a distinction between digital life and “real” life now is a clueless anachronism. We just didn’t have to see each other in person to know and trust each other and didn’t feel a need to force a meeting, instead allowing it to happen organically.
The bulk of the senselessness of that story, however, is mined from the fact that Panama is one of my best friends now. Considering what we’ve experienced together, us seeing each other for the very first time in 2011—just seven years ago—feels absurd-er. We founded and sold a business.
A list of the places we’ve been to together includes Los Angeles (twice), New Orleans (twice), Chicago, Stanford, Yale, Harvard and Princeton. We’ve met each other’s families and been to each other’s homes. He met my wife before she was even my girlfriend; I met his fiancee years before they had children and got engaged. He helped carry me down the steps at Ozio when I blacked out during my bachelor party in 2014, and I, well, made sure he at least stayed hydrated at his. He would have been a groomsman at my wedding if I had them. (Wedding parties are expensive, and I was still broke-adjacent then.) And I’m looking forward to Friday when I’ll be a groomsman at his very lightskint African celebration.
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My bachelor party, approximately four hours before the blackoutPhoto: Damon Young
Anyway, just as he had a head start over me with children, I have a four-year head start with marriage. If marriage were a Ph.D. program, I’d be close to defending my dissertation around now. This officially makes me a marriage expert—wise and resourceful; sensible and shrewd; perceptive and pragmatic; astute and sagacious.
This wisdom has equipped me with the ability to deliver poignant, sapient, applicable and timely advice. I’m a motherfuckin’ marriage maven. A black-ass marriage Yoda. Because of this, I’ve decided, in anticipation of his wedding, to give Panama the greatest gift I could possibly give him: A collection of best practices I’ve gained from experience, combined with a few nuggets of especially handy advice that helped me.
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Without further ado, here’s everything I can possibly say to help ensure that his marriage is a long and fruitful one:
And if there’s one thing I totally, absolutely, definitely need to tell him — a relevant and unique insight about marriage — it’s this:
Also, just because I’m feeling jolly and magnanimous, here’s a list of other people they should maybe listen to about their marriage:
I hope that helped.
Cardi B Opens Up About Her Feud With Nicki Minaj, Her Marriage And The Advice She Got From Kris Jenner
By .
Cardi B has got no time for Nicki Minaj.
The “Bodak Yellow” rapper is featured on the cover of the new issue of W magazine, and in it she opens up about reaching a breaking point in her ongoing feud with Minaj.
“For a while now she’s been taking a lot of shots at me,” Cardi said. “I spoke to her twice before, and we came to an understanding. But she kept it going.”
Photo: Mickalene Thomas for W
But it was Minaj liking and then unliking a tweet about Cardi’s qualities as a mother that seems to have really set the 25-year-old off.
“I was going to make millions off my Bruno Mars tour, and I sacrificed that to stay with my daughter,” she said. “I love my daughter. I’m a good-a** f**king mom. So for somebody that don’t have a child to like that comment? So many people want to say that party wasn’t the time or the place, but I’m not going to catch another artist in the grocery store or down the block.”
Cardi also opened up about her decision to marry Offset last year.
“When I got married with my dude, we still had a lot of doubts, because our relationship is not like everybody’s,” she explained. “He was always travelling, and I was always travelling. We’re artists. So I used to see him, like, twice a week, and, you know, he’s known for having different women, and I’m known for, like, not taking sh*t from guys. But we really loved each other, and we was scared to lose each other.”
She also shared how giving birth to her first child in July affected her emotionally.
“Four weeks after giving birth, I was supposed to start rehearsals for a fall tour with Bruno Mars and I couldn’t even squat down,” she said. “People don’t really talk about what you go through after pregnancy… When Kulture was born, I felt like I was a kid again; everything was making me cry, and I needed a lot of love. I feel better now, but sometimes I just feel so vulnerable, like I’m not ready for the world yet.”
Photo: Mickalene Thomas for W
RELATED: Cardi B Hits Back At Nicki Minaj’s “Payola” Claims
With all the drama surrounding her, though, it was Kris Jenner who gave Cardi some of the best advice when they spent time together over the summer.
“Kris told me, ‘People are going to talk badly about you, but it doesn’t really matter as long as you’re making money,’” she recalled. “And it’s true. If you read the online comments, it seems like everybody hates the Kardashians. Each and every one of them. But how can that be true if everything they sell sells out?”
Woman seeks to divorce husband, 70 to lock him from daughter's dowry
A woman has moved to court seeking to divorce her 70-year-old husband.
ALSO READ: Marriage advice from divorce lawyers
In her petition before Senior Resident Magistrate Yvonne Khatambi, Joyce Chemutai also wants the court to stop Joel Lang’at from demanding a share of their daughter’s bride price.
The two are said to have separated for over 20 years. They officially married on January 31, 1992 at the registrar if marriages after living together for years. However, they went their separate ways two years later.
Chemutai told court that Lang’at keep quiet until last year when he contacted her early this year demanding a share of what she was given as their daughter’s bride price.
Bride price or bridewealth is money, property or other form of wealth paid by a man or his family to the family of the woman he wants to marry.
The petitioner said she decided to file the case to dissolve the marriage since their union was still legal despite the fact that they had separated.
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Chemutai said she has not sought maintenance from Lang’at and should therefore keep off.
“The main reason I am filing this petition is stop my husband from benefiting from our daughter’s bride price since he abandoned her while she was still young,” said Chemutai.
“The respondent (Lang’at) deserted the petitioner (Chemutai) without cause or consent. He withdrew from cohabitation with the petitioner and denied her conjugal rights at their matrimonial home in Salgaa, Rongai Sub-County within Nakuru County,” reads the petition.
ALSO READ: Woman seeks to reclaim city home
Chemutai also claimed that she was forced to take her three kids and flee to her parents’ home after the torture was unbearable. She stated that she has been catering for her kid’s education and upkeep.
She further insisted she was deprived of comfort and solace by her so called husband after Langat moved on and married another wife while their marriage was still subsisting.
Chemutai believes that their marriage cannot be salvaged because it had broken down and she was convinced reasonably that the solution will be to dissolve the union.
In the response to the petition, Lang’at stated that Chemutai was lying and he was the victim in their separation.
“I never deserted my wife. In fact, she is the one who deserted me, cut off all communications and denied me the chance to be with my children and care for them,” claimed Lang’at.
Lang’at said that Chemutai became cruel and denied him solace and that the fact that their marriage is irreconcilable was caused her unfaithfulness to him.
Mr Lang’at appealed with the court to grant him more days, in order for him to provide more witnesses to support his claims.
ALSO READ: Ex-lover wants custody of another woman’s child
“The respondent has 14 days to provide the witnesses pending the case ruling,” ruled Khatambi.
The case will be mentioned on October 30.
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Dear Abby: Opposites share long marriage despite separate lives
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 30 years. Although my husband and I are both positive people, we have not had a happy marriage.
He leads the life of a bachelor, including sex with other women and unilateral decision-making. He’s outgoing, generous and well-liked. I’m a homebody who often feels lonely and rejected.
Outsiders would be surprised at the true nature of our relationship. We have been to counseling, but it didn’t help. Why do I stay in this marriage? What’s wrong with me? Are there others like me? – INCREDULOUS IN INDIANA
DEAR INCREDULOUS: You wouldn’t have stayed married to your husband if you didn’t derive some benefit from it. Because counseling didn’t change the dynamic between you and your husband doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have some independently.
Your problem may be lack of self-esteem or fear of being alone, a problem shared by many women in dysfunctional marriages. If you’re sincere about finding the answers to your questions, they await you in the office of a licensed therapist.
DEAR ABBY: My older sister recently passed away after a 22-year battle with lupus. She beat the odds for so long, and even gave us the miracle that is her son.
Logically, I understand that medically there was nothing left the doctors could do, but emotionally I feel like I killed her because I went along with the doctors. Is it normal to feel this guilt?
I have nightmares every night now because I hear her last words. I see how she was both on and off life support. When I make myself eat, I overeat. But honestly, I could easily go back to never eating like I did before. Is all of this normal for the grief process? – FEELING GUILTY IN OREGON
DEAR FEELING GUILTY: Yes, what you’re experiencing is normal – to a degree. However, if the nightmares and feelings of guilt persist, discuss them with a grief counselor or a religious adviser.
You alluded to having “gone along with the doctors.” If by that you mean you agreed that your sister should receive palliative care at the end, you did her a favor, not a disservice.
DEAR ABBY: I dated this woman for almost a year. It ended when she gave me an ultimatum: convert to her religion or walk. She is Pentecostal, and I am Catholic. We are both deeply rooted to our own churches.
A few months have gone by. She still has deep feelings for me, but I don’t know if I feel the same way because of her ultimatum. One of us must convert or we won’t be able to move forward. But there are big differences between the two religions. What should I do? – CONVERTING IN THE SOUTH
DEAR CONVERTING: Because you are deeply rooted in your Catholicism and no longer sure you feel the same way about her, let her go so she can find a good Pentecostal husband. Religion is something a person must believe in, not switch to please someone else. There are plenty of fish in the sea for both of you, so keep fishing.
