Category Archives: marriage advice
Alec Baldwin Gives Marriage Advice to Newly Engaged Niece Hailey Baldwin and Justin Bieber
Alec Baldwin is offering marriage advice to his niece, Hailey Baldwin, and her fiancé, Justin Bieber.
The 60-year-old actor attended the Toronto International Film Festival premiere of The Public over the weekend, where he publicly reacted to the engagement news for the first time.
“People who get married young — and they are very young — I want them to just spend time with each other,” Alec told etalk. “Obviously, [Justin] in particular has this crazy superstar career.”
And Alec certainly knows a thing or two about tying the knot in the spotlight. He’s been married to wife Hilaria since 2012, and the two share four kids together: daughter Carmen, 5, and sons Rafael, 3, Leonardo, 1, and Romeo, 3 months. He also shares a daughter, 22-year-old Ireland, with his previous wife, Kim Basinger.
“When you’re married… like, right now, I’m quite a bit older than both of them, but I got married recently a few years ago. And my wife and I had four kids in four-and-a-half years. We have a lot of little kids,” he explained. “The thing is, all the work I do now is based on my family. There are movies I got offered where they say, ‘Come leave town for five weeks. No, we can’t travel your family with you, we don’t have that in the budget.’ And I pass because I don’t want to be away from my family.”
“And I hope that they realize that,” he continued. “If you want to have a successful marriage, you have to be together. You gotta stay together.”
Nicholas Hunt/Getty Images for NYFW: The Shows
Just one month after rekindling their romance, Justin, 24, proposed to Hailey, 21, in July while the two were vacationing in the Bahamas. Although it’s been a while since Justin popped the question, Alec claims he doesn’t know anything about the wedding plans just yet.
“I don’t know any details,” he said. “I know nothing!”
A source told ET earlier this month that despite some people criticizing their seemingly whirlwind romance, Justin and Hailey’s love is the real deal.
“Justin has always been in love with Hailey and is looking forward to being married,” the source said. “Justin has been in the spotlight for a long time, and his childhood was accelerated. After years of ups and downs, Justin took some time to evaluate everything in his life, took time off his tour [and] music and got to enjoy a more simple life.”
“With that time, Justin knew he wanted to spend his time with Hailey and have a future with her,” the source added. “Wedding planning hasn’t really started other than talking about what the couple would like when they do tie the knot.”
As we patiently wait for a wedding date, hear more on the lovebirds in the video below!
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Son's whirlwind womanizing has father worried
Dear Amy: My 25-year-old, self-sufficient son has met and decided to marry a 21-year-old young lady from the Philippines who is in this country on a work visa.
She must return to her country in October. He has only known this person for less than three months.
As with many modern young people, he met her via a website, and he has fallen for her hook, line and sinker.
I fear that he is rushing into this decision to expedite her ability to return to the States and become a U.S. citizen, and to save the relationship.
In my opinion, distance does not make the heart grow fonder. Distance creates relationship difficulty.
I worry that the young woman is just using him to get out of an impoverished life in her country. I understand these motivations. They might actually be in love, but they are rushing into this.
Women are his Achilles’ heel. He feels incomplete without the affirmation/affection of a woman.
As his father, what should I do?
Should I be supportive? Or should I distance myself from the situation?
Neither choice feels right.
Do you have any advice other than, “we have to let our kids make their own decisions”?
– Upset Father
Dear Father: What were you doing at the age of 25?
Twenty-five-year-olds serve in the military, fight wildfires, start companies, run for office, choose their own romantic partners and become parents.
And yes, 25-year-olds also sometimes make boneheaded choices.
Read more:
“Parenting” someone this age can be an exercise in frustration, as you struggle to detach from someone you have watched (and worried over) since birth.
Now, in adulthood, your son’s life choices have accelerated past your ability to understand and control them. And yet, his choices actually have nothing to do with you. You don’t need to necessarily celebrate or enable his decisions. Nor do you need to weigh in with your adult knowledge or instinct of how foolhardy this particular choice might be.
The beauty here is that you are off the hook regarding your son.
And yes, you should be supportive – or at the very least, neutral – regarding your son’s partner.
Is she taking advantage of him? Is he taking advantage of her? Stay tuned! But for now, what a relief – because you don’t have to know.
Dear Amy: I’m a 20-year-old student. I am very concerned for my mother.
I have a 34-year-old half-sister who is constantly dragging our mom into her destructive, abusive on-and-off relationship. Sadly, there are also children involved.
My sister leaves the children with my mom for the summer and during weekends throughout the year.
The children are under 10 years old, so this is a lot of work for my mom, who has just been diagnosed with diabetes.
My mom is constantly stressed about the next big drama going on in my sister’s life.
Recently there was a situation with my sister, and my mom told me how stressed she was and how she feels like she is going to collapse.
How can I help? I think my mom needs to set up boundaries, but when I confront her, she always ends up defending my sister. My mom doesn’t seem to take time for herself or put her health first.
– Caring Daughter
Dear Daughter: You should do what you can to assist your mother – while carefully guarding your own boundaries. From your description, your mother and your sister are locked into an unhealthy relationship. But also understand that because there are young children involved, your mother may feel both taken advantage of, and duty-bound, as she tries to help.
You should write to your mom, telling her your own truth – that you are very concerned about her illness and the impact of stress on her health. Tell her that you love her and that you worry about her. Ask her to pull back and to protect herself.
Your job is to continue your education and to build a good life for yourself. You can’t be helpful to others if you also get pulled under.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to the letter from “Upset,” the stepfather whose felon stepson had become religious, and wanted to move in with the parents.
As a former law enforcement worker/counselor, many drug-using felons “find” religion in prison.
Why, I can’t say – perhaps they see it as a form of salvation – but it rarely sticks.
Your advice was totally correct. The mother needs to get help to stop enabling. This is paramount.
– JMC
Dear JMC: Thank you.
You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.
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Explosion, then silence leaves wife unsure what to do next
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for seven years. Having both been married and divorced before, we committed and agreed before we married that the words “separation” and “divorce” would never be discussed in our future.
We have a large circle of friends and attend music festivals that include old-time dancing, which I love. We both agreed that it’s OK to dance with others occasionally.
An acquaintance, “Frank,” attends a couple of the same festivals. He’s married, but his wife has medical conditions, so she can’t always accompany him. Frank also loves to dance, and when his wife is not available, he dances with many ladies.
Last weekend, we attended a festival. Frank asked me to dance a couple of times on the second day. When we got back to our camper, my husband blew up at me, accused me of “coming on to” Frank and said, “I’m leaving you. We’re done. I’m not putting up with this anymore. You ticked me off yesterday, as well, and that’s enough.”
When I asked what I’d done the day before, he said, “I don’t remember, but you tick me off every day, so it doesn’t matter.”
He threatened to pack up and leave right away and said I could go home with “him.” I was in disbelief at his accusation, which was the furthest thing from the truth. I remained calm, and slowly he cooled off. After some time, we returned to our seats and resumed socializing and dancing. We finished the evening and headed back to the camper. We packed up the next morning to head home.
My husband has not said another word about this, and we have returned to our usual routine. He’s back to his usual happy self, as if it never happened! I’ve thought this through, and I believe that my husband’s jealousy stemmed from his fear of rejection. His first wife left him for another man. But his words haunt me, and I’m not sleeping. We have had a good marriage and often speak about how blessed we are. We’re followers of Jesus Christ, and I am committed to the vows we made before God, but he seems to have forgotten our commitment.
I have spoken to no one about this but am at a loss as to what to do. Of course, I will no longer dance with anyone else — but what else can I do? I can’t just pretend that his words didn’t cut me deeply, and now there is the issue of trust, on both sides. He has an attitude of unforgiveness, which has been evident many times in the past (not just with me). Your advice would be greatly appreciated.
— Perception vs. Truth
Dear Perception vs. Truth: You’re right that it’s an issue of trust on both sides — because trusting a partner doesn’t just mean trusting the person not to be unfaithful; it means trusting the person not to try to control you or make you feel lesser in any way.
Your husband broke your trust the day he blew up at you. That was bad. But even worse was his silence about it afterward. Everyone makes mistakes; what’s important is our willingness to talk through them and grow from them.
I strongly recommend seeking the guidance of a marriage counselor or religious adviser, as your husband’s emotional volatility might make it difficult to work through without a more objective third party present. If his outbursts escalate to a point where you don’t feel safe, call 911 or The National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233.
Annie Lane, a graduate of New York Law School and New York University, writes this column for Creators Syndicate. Email questions to dearannie@creators.com.
5 Ways to make it to your 60th wedding anniversary
Advice from St. John Chrysostom, who understood what it took to remain true to a vow.
Whenever I meet an older couple, I ask how long they’ve been married. I’m fascinated by how their lives have melded into one, long, happy shared experience. Perhaps what is so heartening is seeing how, not only are they still together, but they’re still very much in love. I have a parishioner, for instance, named Edith, whose husband recently had to be admitted to a retirement facility. She visits him every single day from mid-afternoon until bedtime. Because of his declining health, he almost never speaks, but they sit next to each other in silence for hours. They cannot and will not be apart. This is true love.
This type of love, says St. John Chrysostom, “is the force that welds society together.” The love of husband and wife is a bond stronger than death. Marriage and love are delicate, though, and the bond can be easily severed if we don’t nurture it.
John Chrysostom, a saint who lived in the 4th century, was never married. As a priest, though, he understood the commitment and faithfulness required to remain true to a vow. Over his lifetime, he preached a number of homilies containing practical advice for married couples on how to form a lasting bond with one another.
Collected in a book called On Marriage and Family Life, his words are a wealth of wisdom. I noticed as I read it that all the marriage issues back then are still the same today — philandering spouses, excessive wedding receptions, selfishness, unfair criticism, and broken households. I expected that Chrysostom’s advice would be stilted and irrelevant. After all, he was a celibate man from a different era, but it turns out that his views on love, marriage, and sexuality are optimistic and uplifting.
Here is some of his advice for married couples on how to form a lasting bond …
Pray together
Chrysostom writes, “Pray together at home and go to church.” Pretty straightforward, right? Maybe not, because it is well known that men frequently decline to attend church. The reasons for this are anyone’s guess, but the point is that when men fail to participate with the rest of the family in prayer, it creates a risk factor that stresses the relationship. Praying together creates unity, reminds us that God cares about our marriages, and provides a positive outlet to address any friction in the family.
Maintain chastity
Wait, what? Don’t confuse chastity with celibacy. Chastity doesn’t mean avoiding a sexual relationship, it means that husbands and wives are faithful to one another and treat each other with respect. Chrysostom teaches that, once we’re married, our bodies “belong” to our spouses. Chastity is the key that unlocks the joy of physical intimacy, and he wants everyone to know about it. In one sermon, he actually chastises his listeners for blushing about his open and positive appraisal of sex within marriage. To him, this is nothing to be embarrassed about or to keep secret. It is part of the happy bonding of the married couple.
Don’t obsess about the wedding reception
Chrysostom says, “Camels and mules behave more decently than some people at wedding receptions!” Some things never change. Even in his day, wedding receptions were out of control. He notes that a marriage is not about a drunken party, it’s about a lifetime together. An excessive wedding reception starts a marriage off on the wrong foot because it focuses on fancy dresses, dancing, and alcohol instead of looking forward to a lifetime together. Have a great time and enjoy the wedding and the party, he says, but don’t go overboard. I don’t know if the phenomenon of the party bus existed back then, but I’m sure he would’ve hated it.
No unfair reproaches
Sometimes we have to be honest with our spouses even if it means being critical. “Always begin by telling her now much you love her,” says Chrysostom, “Tell her that you love her more than your own life.” Always balance the reproach with a positive declaration of love, that way your spouse knows that you love her above all things and nothing would be more painful than being at odds with each other. A declaration of love is a reminder that even when arguments happen, it’s not to attack each other but is so a resolution can be discovered.
Love each other even when neither one of you deserves it
We don’t always deserve to be loved. There are times when we’re unfair, short-tempered, or aloof. Mistakes are made and it’s all-too easy for two people to hurt each other. Chrysostom says, “Even if you see her belittling you, or despising and mocking you, still … Suffer anything for her sake.” Love isn’t earned. It’s a gift we give to each other even when we don’t deserve it. Eventually, a spouse who patiently loves even through the hard times will see that love reciprocated.
Husbands and wives go through a lot together, but the bond of marriage is stronger than any trouble that might attack it. With a bit of hard work and a lot of love, someday we can all be like those happily married couples we occasionally meet who are celebrating 40, 50, 60 plus years.
