Category Archives: Marriage & Divorce
They grew up together, apart before marrying
Cameria Shan “Tina” Beasley and Terrence Blake could have met, maybe they should have met — but they didn’t meet until the time was right.
“Now I’m like, ‘God meant for us to be together,’ but we just kept missing each other,” Tina says.
The first time I saw my future spouse:
She says: “I thought he was very sweet and shy.”
He says: “I didn’t like her hairdo.”
On our wedding day:
She says: “I just remember the look he had on his face when I was coming down the aisle. He had the biggest smile on his face.”
He says: “I was just a bundle of nerves. I was very nervous, very scared. I mean, I was very happy, but I was so consumed with being nervous about the whole ordeal. I was just praying a lot.”
My advice for a long happy marriage:
She says: “Keep God first in your marriage and don’t go to bed angry.”
He says: “Put the marriage in God’s hands and whenever you don’t understand something about your spouse or you’re kind of confused about things I believe you should pray to God and he will give you the answer about what your spouse needs from you or what you need to do.”
Tina and Terrence lived on the same street when they were babies — but Terrence and his family moved away when he was about 6 months old.
“I was just being born because we are six months apart. I’m born, he leaves,” she says.
They went to the same elementary, junior high and high school in the same small town, Camden, and they would find out later that their grandparents grew up together in the even smaller town of Rosston.
No doubt they passed in the halls countless times over the years, but Tina only remembers seeing Terrence once — when he rode her bus after school one day so he could go to the barber shop — before she got a glimpse of him through a window at school. She was a sophomore, in French class; he was a junior, in Spanish class. The Spanish and French classrooms were connected, with the teachers’ office in between.
“It was like one big office but on opposite sides,” she explains. “I could look through the window and I was like, ‘Who is he?”
Her friend knew.
“I was like, I like him. She said, ‘That’s T. Blake. You know, T. Blake.’ I was like, ‘No! I don’t know him,'” she says.
Her friend agreed to do some reconnaissance to find out if Terrence was dating anyone and to report back.
“He had just broken up with someone,” Tina says.
Terrence was on the football team, and Tina was under the impression he was shy.
“My friend didn’t think he was quiet,” she says. “She knew the other side of him. So she talked to him and when he came up to me I was blushing — I was really, really blushing. I couldn’t believe it because I had the idea he was going to be shy. But he came up and introduced himself to me.”
Terrence hadn’t seen Tina, either, before their friend pointed her out.
“I could be kind of tunnel-visioned so I had never noticed her. I thought she was pretty but her hairdo … it was a little ‘hood,'” he jokes. “I didn’t really know if she was going to be nice or not.”
They talked for a few minutes and Terrence decided she was nice, and he said he would call her that night. She didn’t get that call, and the next day she asked him why. Terrence said he had called her but the woman who answered — Tina’s grandmother — told him Tina was busy washing dishes.
“I told my grandmother she almost ran off my husband,” Tina says.
Their first date was to a Valentine’s Day dance at school.
“My grandmother told me it wasn’t really a date because I wasn’t old enough for that,” she says.
Her grandmother dropped her off, nonetheless, and she went inside to wait for Terrence but he was late.
“I was like, ‘Oh, my goodness, this dude is not coming,’ but he came,” she says.
It wasn’t that he had been complacent about their “date” — it was just the opposite.
“I was just nervous. I was trying to relax and not be anxious about the whole situation so I was trying to play it cool and I ended up dozing off,” he says. “I was pretty late.”
Tina gave him kudos for showing up after that.
“The picture guy waited and we were the last picture of the night,” she says.
They dated through high school, but took a break when Terrence graduated and went to Louisiana Tech University in Ruston, La. They kept talking, though, and when he transferred to Arkansas Tech University at Russellville, while Tina was attending the University of Central Arkansas in Conway, their proximity led to more time together.
“That’s when we got more serious,” she says.
Terrence proposed to Tina at his grandparents’ 50th anniversary reception, just after they had renewed their vows.
“I prayed and I was just so nervous and I was unsure and I didn’t want to get married and I didn’t want it to fail,” says Terrence of his preparation for popping the question. “My parents got divorced so I asked God if this is what I should do. I really feel like God put this on my heart that this was what I should do and that he would be with me.”
They were married on June 16, 2007, in Tina’s church, Shady Grove Baptist Church in Harmony Grove.
They have three children — Terrence II, 10, Terryn, 8, and Torryn, 3 months.
Tina is a mental health para-professional at Pinnacle Pointe Hospital. Terrence is a lab tech supervisor at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences.
Terrence did introduce himself to Tina when the time was right, but she still considers him reserved.
“He was trying to act like he wasn’t shy,” says Tina, who’s glad he talks to her now.
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Tina and Terrence Blake went to the same small school for years before they noticed each other in high school. “Now I’m like, ‘God meant for us to be together,’ but we just kept missing each other,” Tina says.
High Profile on 11/25/2018
This Week’s Wedding Announcements – The New York Times
The couple met in August 2014, after Dr. Wolf’s reporting on human rights violations in the Middle East resulted in online threats. When she began inquiring about security, colleagues recommended Mr. O’Shea.
“The first thing she asked me was, ‘How are you doing?’ he recalled. “I thought, ‘She’s my concern, I should be asking her that question.’”
They embarked on what Ms. Wolf described as “a very professional relationship,” with Mr. O’Shea accompanying her to any event with a potential for danger.
“We went to a lot of geopolitical events and I admired how she handled herself,” he said. “She wasn’t afraid to ask tough questions, and she was always concerned with getting to the root of a problem, rather than trying to come away with the best sound bite.”
Dr. Wolf was equally impressed with Mr. O’Shea.
“He did a great job taking care of all of the harassment issues, which made my life so much better,” she said. “I really respected him for that, and was very grateful.”
Six months later, the job was finished, but Dr. Wolf and Mr. O’Shea, each of whom has two children, were only just beginning.
“At that point, I felt like he was my best friend, I was completely at home and at peace in his presence,” Dr. Wolf said. “Not only is he brave and honorable, but he’s kind to everybody, including my children, and he has a great Irish sense of humor.”
Molly Therese Sammon and Jeffrey Michael Berryman were married Nov. 24 at the Journeyman Distillery, a whiskey maker and events space in Three Oaks, Mich. Michael C. Hathaway, a friend of the couple who became a Universal Life minister for the event, officiated.
The couple met at the University of Notre Dame, from which both graduated.
Ms. Sammon, 28, is a special-education teacher at Blacksburg High School in Blacksburg, Va. From 2012-15, she was a special education mathematics teacher at Chicago Vocational Career Academy in Chicago, where she was a Teach for America corps member. She received a master’s degree in special education from National Louis University in Chicago.
She is the daughter of Maureen Fitzpatrick Sammon and William J. Sammon of Beverly Shores, Ind. The bride’s father is a purchasing-department manager, in East Chicago, Ind., at ArcelorMittal, a Luxembourg steel company. Her mother is a volunteer coordinator for the League of Women Voters of Porter County, in Valparaiso, Ind.
Dr. Berryman, also 28, is a postdoctoral associate in theoretical particle physics at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg. He received a doctoral degree in theoretical particle physics from Northwestern.
He is a son of P. Jeanne Berryman of Niantic, Conn., and James P. Berryman of Old Lyme, Conn. The groom’s mother is a nurse at the Center for Compassionate Recovery, a drug and alcohol treatment center in Madison, Conn. His father is a partner in Suisman Shapiro, a law firm in New London, Conn.
Samantha Lynn Arpino and Eugene Katsman were married Nov. 24 at the Royalton Mansion in Roslyn Heights, N.Y. Rabbi Randy Sheinberg officiated.
Ms. Arpino, 28, is a senior accountant and certified public accountant for Peterson Management in New York. She graduated from Hofstra University.
She is the daughter of Karen R. Arpino and Michael S. Arpino of North Hempstead, N.Y. The bride’s father is the director of business development in New York for JAK Creative Design, based in Darien, Ill. Her mother owns Karen Arpino Interiors, an interior design business in New Hyde Park, N.Y.
Mr. Katsman, 34, is a senior manager and certified public accountant for EisnerAmper, an accounting firm in New York. He graduated from Boston University.
He is the son of Lyudmila Katsman and Alexander Katsman of Suffern, N.Y. His mother is the accountant and business administration manager for Onkyo U.S.A., an electronics provider, in Upper Saddle River, N.J. His father is the accountant for Partnership for the Homeless in New York.
The couple met in 2014 while working together at EisnerAmper in New York.
Cynthia Shor, David Church
Cynthia Lynch Shor and David Anthony Church were married Nov. 20. Cantor Zachary S. Konigsberg officiated at the Village Club of Sands Point, N.Y.
Ms. Shor, 71, is the executive director of the Walt Whitman Birthplace Association, which operates the site in Huntington, N.Y., where the poet was born, in 1819. She graduated from N.Y.U., received a master’s degree in literature from American University and was a doctoral candidate at what was then called the Steinhardt School of Teaching and Learning at N.Y.U. She is an emerita director of N.Y.U.’s alumni association for the colleges of arts, science and engineering.
She is a daughter of the late Gladys E. Lynch and the late Patrick Henry Lynch Jr., who lived in Des Moines. Her father retired as a plumber for Wolin Plumbing in Des Moines. Her mother retired as a licensed practical nurse at Mercy Hospital in Des Moines.
Dr. Church, 74, retired as the principal of Kingston High School in Kingston, N.Y., and is now a consultant in Greer, S.C., for charter schools, providing board training, leadership consultation, and also helping to establish new charter schools. He graduated from Long Island University, received a master’s degree in educational administration and business from Baruch College and received a doctoral degree in educational administration and policies from Hofstra University. He is also a director of the International Ballet in Greenville, S.C.
He is a son of the late Concetta Aulisio Delessio and the late Dominick Delessio, who lived in Brooklyn, and was raised by an aunt, the late Martha Delessio Church and her husband, the late Frank J. Church, also of Brooklyn. The groom’s father was a machinist at the Eberhard Faber Pencil Company in Brooklyn, and later in White Haven, Pa. The groom’s aunt worked with her husband at his printing and engraving business in Brooklyn.
The bride’s previous marriage ended in divorce, and the groom was a widower.
The couple met in June 2016, when Dr. Church stopped by the Walt Whitman Birthplace just a little after all the tour guides had left for the day and Ms. Shor offered to guide him through the site herself. Afterward, he asked her to have coffee with him, and when she agreed, he suggested that perhaps they should have dinner instead. “We ended up in a lovely Italian restaurant, we were the only customers there, tucked in a corner table, and we talked for two and a half hours,” Dr. Church said. “It was absolutely delightful.”
Carolina Vélez, Adam Quatrini
Carolina Maria Vélez and Adam Nicholas Quatrini were married Nov. 19 at Holy Family Catholic Mission in Rutherford, Calif. Deacon Chuck Cancilla officiated.
Ms. Vélez, 30, is an advocacy manager at Microsoft in New York and an adjunct professor at Washington & Jefferson College in Washington, Pa. She graduated from Carnegie Mellon University, from which she received a master’s degree in public policy and management. She also received a law degree from the Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law at Yeshiva University in New York.
She is a daughter of Dr. Marcela Bohm-Vélez and Dr. Rafael I. Vélez of Pittsburgh. The bride’s father is an anesthesiologist for the Allegheny Health Network and a founder of CIMA Software, a software company in Sharpsburg, Pa.; Brainstage, a company that specializes in medical technology in Carnegie, Pa.; and Carmolex, a drug discovery service company in Pittsburgh. Her mother, a radiologist who specializes in women’s imaging, works in private practice in Pittsburgh. The bride’s parents also own Horizon View Farms in Rockwood, Pa.
Mr. Quatrini, 32, is a lawyer in Greensburg, Pa., at Quatrini Rafferty, for which his father, Vincent J. Quatrini Jr., is a founding partner and managing partner. He graduated from Dickinson College in Carlisle, Pa. The groom received a law degree from Duquesne University in Pittsburgh.
He is a son Patricia Quatrini and Mr. Quatrini Jr. of Greensburg. The groom’s mother is an assistant professor at Indiana University of Pennsylvania.
The couple met after being set up by Ms. Vélez’s brother-in-law in 2016.
Maya Popa, Sam Nester
Maya Catherine Popa and Sam Matthew Nester were married Nov. 23 at the Explorers Club, a professional society based in New York that promotes scientific exploration, where they are members. The Rev. Charlene Powell, a Presbyterian minister, officiated.
Ms. Popa, 29, is an English teacher and the director of the creative writing program at the Nightingale-Bamford School in New York. She graduated summa cum laude from Barnard College and received an M.F.A. in poetry from N.Y.U. She also received a master’s degree from Oxford.
She is the daughter of Catrinel I. Popa and Radu D. Popa of New York. The bride’s father is the associate dean of the law library at N.Y.U. and a writer. Her mother was, until September, the vice president for design at Hue, the fashion legwear company, in New York.
Mr. Nester, 31, works as the artistic director of the Bridge Arts Ensemble in New York, and is a member of the trumpet faculty for the Juilliard School’s music advancement program, for which he is also the artistic administrator for community engagement. He is also the director of brass bands at St. Hilda’s & St. Hugh’s School in New York. He holds a doctorate in musical arts from the Manhattan School of Music.
He is a son of Christine A. Nester and Matthew C. Nester of Brisbane, Australia. The groom’s mother is an assistant in nursing at Seasons Aged Care in Kallangur, Queensland, Australia. His father, who is retired, was the financial coordinator for major infrastructure projects for the Brisbane City Council.
The couple met in 2011 at Joe, a cafe in New York.
Keo Chea, Edward Chan
Keo Kanhchana Chea and Edward Kuei Chung Chan were married Nov. 23 at St. Patrick Catholic Church in Philadelphia. The Rev. George Schommer, a Roman Catholic priest, performed the ceremony. On Dec. 7, the couple is to have a second ceremony at Club One, an events space in Repulse Bay, Hong Kong. Brian Wang, a friend of the couple, is to lead the ceremony.
Mrs. Chan, 38, is an assistant director of the public engagement division at the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau in Washington. She graduated from the University of California, Davis, and received a law degree from the University of California, Hastings.
She is a daughter of Mealany Poum Chhim and Rithy Chea of Rocklin, Calif. The bride’s parents retired as the owners of a Stop & Shop grocery store in Rocklin.
Mr. Chan, 35, is a principal of 1315 Capital, a health care private equity firm in Philadelphia. He graduated from Johns Hopkins University, and received an M.B.A. from the University of Pennsylvania.
He is a son of Brenda Chan and Dr. Yuk Charn Chan of Philadelphia. The groom’s mother retired as a certified public accountant in Philadelphia. His father is a retired biochemist with SK Biopharmaceuticals in Fairfield, N.J.
The couple met in January 2014 through a mutual friend in Washington.
How to Decide Whether to Marry – Psychology Today
Marriage is often wonderful. Many people swear by it.
It’s also bizarre. You’re electing to commit to lifelong devotion, to feeling like wanting to accommodate another person forever no matter who they turn out to be over time.
Having children is elective too, though more like electing to enter an arranged marriage. You get the child that your genetics arrange for you.
In marriage, you’re volunteering to throw all in with someone of your choosing, which, when you stop to think about it, is rash. If instead, you were committing to lifelong devotion to a spiritual leader, you’d be joining a cult.
Looks play a big part in many marriage decisions. Looks are a convincing, often life-altering optical illusion. Nothing appears more eternal than youthful hotness. Yet nothing is quite so perishable.
No wonder marriage is so heavily subsidized by hormones and culture, our bodies insisting on it, our culture extolling it. If it weren’t, we’d never make such a radical commitment. People don’t just marry drunk in Las Vegas. Many marriages are made under the intoxicating influence of hormonal conviction and subtle, yet wall-to-wall social pressure. Still, marriage can be a wonderful thing.
Dating in search of a lifelong partner is bound to make us ambivalent. We’re deciding to stop deciding about someone, in effect, to trust them forever. We’re pouring over details of another person to decide whether we can stop pouring over details and just love them.
Intoxicating hormones have to convince us to overlook lots because we’d otherwise be too cautious. And by now, with less social pressure to marry, our cautiousness gets expressed. We size each other up warily, more in line with what you’d expect from such a humongous decision.
So how best to decide whether to marry in times like these? Here are some tips, with some application to any big decision.
1. It’s the matrimony, stupid.
Courtship wariness can breed meta-wariness, wariness about each other’s wariness. Either of you might begin to suspect the other of “fear of intimacy,” or of being ungenerous, paranoid, controlling, narcissistic, needy, greedy, expecting too much, moving too quickly or moving too slowly, any of which may be true but isn’t necessarily. All of those characteristics are perfectly natural for two people doing this dance on the courtship tightrope before deciding whether to fall toward or away from each other, committing to each other for life or breaking up.
If you both enter into the courtship knowing that you’re on the tightrope, you’re less likely to take the jitters and jerks of the dance as personally, mistaking each other’s caution or zeal for a character flaw. It’s not you or your partner but the humongous commitment your considering making that’s giving you the jitters.
2. Fighting is a red flag; not fighting is even more dangerous.
Kids bicker. It drives their parents crazy but serves a purpose. They’re learning what works and doesn’t work in the give and take of life. Chalk it up to practice.
Courting couples have to learn how to fight too, learning how to minimize fighting in your give and take. You’re learning where to tuck in or jut out your elbows for the most efficient give and take. You’re also assessing whether you can tolerate the bickering that you probably won’t be able to eliminate. You’re stress-testing the relationship, which is much smarter done before than after taking your vows.
Again, if you both recognize that this is part of the courtship dance, you’re less likely to escalate into meta-fights – fights about the fact that you fight. As a result, you’re more likely to get a clear reading on what kinds of compromises you’ll have to make if you commit to marriage.
3. Throwing all in to see whether you want to throw all in.
Courtship in general, not just the bickering, is practice marriage, a tentative commitment which is a necessary but complicating oxymoron. You’re both mustering your most enthusiastic effort to determine whether you want to muster you most enthusiastic effort ‘til death do you part. You don’t want to buy marriage until you’ve tried it and you can’t try it ‘til you’ve acted as though you’ve already bought it. So you act like you’ve bought it and see how it goes. You pledge love to see whether you want to pledge love.
You have to. You’ve got to find out whether throwing all in compels your partner to reciprocate or get complacent. You give an inch hoping to discover that your partner will give an inch rather than taking a mile. If your partner takes a mile, run a mile. Get out before it’s too late. But in the testing, test earnestly. Really show up, to see whether you really want to show up forever.
4. In stress-testing the relationship, take pride in your strategic cleverness instead of taking self-protective umbrage.
Showing up is easier said than done, what with your understandable wariness about what you might be getting yourself into. It’s easy to feel compromised by partnership. Romance is the dream that you can just be yourself and loved unconditionally. Courtship starts with romance but moves on to something less dreamy, more realistic. You can’t just be yourself. You have to tuck in your elbows to make room for each other. If you pretend that courtship is like any other no-big-deal decision, you’ll feel surprised, insulted or threatened by the compromises – injured pride. That will throw off your assessment.
The alternative is to take quiet pride in your strategic cleverness. Pat yourself on the back for bending over backward for your partner. Pretty cunning. It’s you skillfully testing how your partner responds. If you decide that bending over that much is not worth it, at least you’ll have the consolation of thoroughness which you wouldn’t get if hurt pride makes you stingy.
5. Leave morality out of it.
Though your culture might imply that marriage is an easy, obvious, natural virtue it isn’t. These days, it’s an optional preference, a lifestyle choice, not a moral imperative. You don’t have to marry. If you choose that lifestyle you’re under moral obligations within it. But you’re not under obligation to choose the lifestyle.
You are, however, under moral obligation to decide whether you want it. These days, the residues of our culture’s marriage imperative still have people feeling obligated to marry when their hearts aren’t really into it. Don’t be like that. Know your heart as best you can. To go through the motions of wanting to marry because you’re still under the influence yesteryear’s moral mandate is like the closeted gay entering hetero relationships. It’s unkind to the person you’re courting.
Also, in the practice bickering, moral mandates get tossed around. If you’re unwilling to do something for your partner, he or she might imply that you’re ungenerous, selfish or greedy, even narcissistic.
You might be, but courtship is a lousy test for whether you are. You’re testing your willingness to give all to someone forever. If you’re unwilling, it doesn’t prove that you’ve got some fatal character flaw. Despite what you hear from exes, not every person who pulls out of partnership is a narcissist. Deciding you don’t want to give all to someone forever might merely mean that you want to give elsewhere.
6. Rehearse a story that would rationalize each outcome.
As with any big decision, you’re going to feel a lot of subconscious tugs. “I can’t choose that. How would I ever justify that decision?” For example, “I can’t pull out of this courtship. It would prove that I’m ungenerous.” Or, “I can’t marry. How would I ever explain dropping my pledge to protect my independence?”
To neutralize those subconscious tugs, treat those questions as real, not rhetorical. For each possible choice, rehearse something you could say to justify it to you, some answer to some friend’s “what happened there?”
It doesn’t have to convince your friend who is likely to support and humor you whatever you decide, but something that would be convincing enough to you. Armed with an armful of self-justifications, one for each choice you might make, you can make the decision without subconscious tugs biasing your decision.
Prince Charles' secret note to Diana on the eve of their Royal Wedding
Prince Charles wrote his bride-to-be Diana Spencer a sweet message on the eve of their wedding, despite reportedly having doubts about his marriage, an insider has claimed.
The heir to the throne, who was 32 as he prepared to tie the knot, sent the note and gift to Clarence House where Diana spent the night.
Despite reportedly having doubts about their marriage, the note was supportive and offered her advice for the big day.
In her new book about Camilla, royal author Penny Junor writes: “The night before the wedding, which Diana spent at Clarence House with her sister Jane, he sent her a note, along with a signet ring that bore the Prince of Wales feathers.
Diana spent the night before her wedding with her sister (Image: WireImage)
“He wrote: “I’m so proud of you and when you come up I’ll be there at the altar for you tomorrow. Just look ’em in the eye and knock ’em dead'”, reports the Express.
Ms Junor also claims Charles believed the wedding was a mistake but knew it was too late to pull out.
She claims Diana changed in the lead up to their wedding and she became moody and tearful.
Alarm bells rang for Charles in the few meetings they had before they wed (Image: Reuters)
She writes: “Charles was not convinced he was doing the right thing in marrying Diana but there was no way out and, bolstered by the hope that things would be different once they were married, he put a brave face on it.”
Charles and Diana married in a lavish ceremony on July 29, 1981 which was watched by 750 million people around the world.
Earlier this year royal reporter Robert Jobson claimed Prince Charles knew the wedding was a “massive mistake” before he said I Do in a new biography.
Charles is said to have told his friends: “I desperately wanted to get out of the wedding in 1981, when during the engagement I discovered just how awful the prospects were, having had no chance whatsoever to get to know Diana beforehand.”
Before starting his relationship with Diana he dated Camilla, but she was not considered a suitable match.
