Category Archives: Marriage & Divorce
KBC 10 grand finale highlights November 23, 2018: Big B gives hilarious advice on marriage to Kapil Sharma
In the grand finale episode of KBC 10, Indian Idol contestants began the show by giving a performance. Amitabh Bachchan then greeted the audience and welcomed social worker, Harakchand Savla along with Bollywood director, Anurag Basu. Together, the two played the game wisely and climbed up the ladder swiftly.
They used the 50: 50 lifeline to win Rs 25 lakh and eventually took home the same amount. It was then time to award the winner of KBC Play Along contest. Nikhat Fatima emerged on the top of the leaderboard and was gifted a car.
Post this, Sparsh Shah came for a performance. All of 15, it was learnt that Sparsh was born with a bone disorder. However, despite his illness, he loves to follow his passion for music. He enthralled the audience with his melodious voice and impressed Big B.
Next week, Kapil will be joined by environmentalist Ravi Kalra, the founder of the Earth Saviours Foundation as part of the Karamveer special. In the preview teaser, it is shown that he seeks Mr Bachchan’s blessings for his show and marriage. While playing the game, Kapil asks Big B for his advice on marriage. Big B excitedly tells Kapil that before the wife tells him anything, he should say sorry. This mantra will always help him.
HEART ADVICE: Which man should I choose?
Q: I have been dating two guys over the past year, and now it’s time for me to choose which one to get serious and settle down with.
One of them is my age – he is a lot of fun, good-looking, great to be around and he makes me really happy. The problem is that he has no goals and direction. He is just happy with the job he has now as an accountant and has no plans to further himself or even start a business.
The other guy is five years older than me, and very driven, although he is boring. He doesn’t make my heart ‘sing’, but he will be a good provider for the children and for me if I settle down with him.
What do I do? Should I follow my heart or my mind? Please help.
READERS’ ADVICE:
Marriage is a life thing. You have to be very sober when making this decision. It’s always good to marry someone who is goal-oriented and someone who also supports your goals. You can’t always only think of fun. In every relationship, communication is the key thing, and in most cases, feelings are two-way traffic. Let the second man know your likes and dislikes and he will be able to balance his life to avoid being boring. If you are ready to settle choose the best suitor and you won’t have a twinge of regret. If need be go, for professional help i.e. counselling. You will be in a position to understand yourself more.
Mercy Baiyenia, via email.
You have been dating Mr. A and B over the past year. Now, it’s time to make a decision regarding whom to marry. I ask you these questions: Which age bracket do you prefer for a husband? Do you value fun, a good-looking husband and temporal happiness, or a very driven husband who will provide for you and your children in future? If you follow your heart you will be choosing something which is positive, lasting and deep. If you follow your mind you will be choosing something which is temporal and shallow. You are responsible for your own happiness; it is you who should be creative so as to allow your heart to sing. These things should not come from outside you; if it does, it is only for a short time. I wish you good decision making.
Achieng Dara, via email.
You are now confused over whom to choose; this is what happens when you cheat. Be with the man who makes your heart happy. Someone you can call a best friend. Someone you can always talk to and share your emotions with. Don’t be with a man just because of the monetary aspect. This will assist you make your decision. Calvin Queens, via email.
Don’t rush the decision. I know you feel like the sooner you can figure out who you want to be with, the better. But realise this is a major decision! Not to put too much pressure on you, but it could impact the rest of your life. During that time, hopefully, one of the guys will do something good or bad to make the decision much easier for you. As long as you haven’t committed to either guy and don’t feel like you’re being disloyal to one guy by hanging out with the other, then you should take some time to make the decision.
James Njoki, via email.
EXPERT ADVICE
Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:
From years of experience with marital issues I have found that almost 90 per cent of women choose the focused man, the provider, over the man who made them happy but once the dust settles they felt like they entered into a union with little or no affection; where love was just an overly used word but there were no feelings that related to love.
Those same women found themselves seeking thrills outside the marriage to bridge the emotional void in their home. Financial stability is great but at what cost? It is true that love does not pay bills nor school fees but misery and depression can cause death. I advise happiness first above all. The choice is yours.
Husband doesn't know how to deal with wife's affair
Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Dear Carolyn: My wife is having an affair, and I know all about it. In fact, I knew about it before it even started, as she came to me telling me she was interested in a physical relationship with someone she had just met.
Ever since then I have been faced with the choice between telling my wife to stop, or allowing it to continue to its conclusion.
What I really want is for her to want to stop on her own and, more importantly, to want me in the same physical and emotional sense that she wants her fling. Though my wife denies it, I have always felt like a “check-box husband” – the kind who has all the qualities she would write down on a piece of paper when thinking of her ideal husband (though I’m far from perfect). But rarely has she demonstrated the passion or desire for me that I would hope for from my wife.
Her affair demonstrates she is capable of such emotion, but maybe not just for me. The affair is the symptom, what do I do about the disease?
– Check-Box Husband
Terrible situation, I’m sorry.
Unless they agree openly and upfront to other arrangements, spouses deserve either to enter marriage feeling completely wanted or to have the wedding called off.
I think it’s time to stop thinking about how you want this to turn out, though, and start thinking about how it can turn out.
Read more:
For example, you say: “I have been faced with the choice between telling my wife to stop, or allowing it to continue to its conclusion.” You actually have other choices besides this, but you don’t mention them. Maybe you aren’t even thinking about them … and I suspect it’s because these are the only two that allow you your happy ending, where your wife returns passionately to your marriage. Right?
In both of them, she at least stops the affair – at your initiative or hers – and stays married to you, and from there your hope for passion stays alive.
It is a hope, though, that reality apparently doesn’t support.
So I urge you to start thinking of options that reality says are possible.
Those include: your ending the marriage, of course; or your staying in the marriage as-is, knowing you’re right about the check-box despite her denials, and adjusting your expectations of her accordingly; or staying in the marriage, but doing so as she does – with no compunction about getting your needs met on the side when the marriage itself doesn’t meet them. Just tell her, as she told you, when you’re interested in someone else.
It’s not a great lineup of choices, I’ll grant you that. However, each of them involves doing something different, whereas now you are waiting for something different, without any sign that anything is going to change. That’s torture. Whatever you choose, please don’t choose to put yourself through that.
Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.
Read or Share this story: https://www.freep.com/story/life/advice/2018/11/24/affair-marriage-advice/2003147002/
Getting married? Financial mistakes you should avoid – Livemint
Avoid taking any huge debt for marriage-related expenses, say financial planners. Illustration: Shrikrishna Patkar
Mumbai: From love and respect to compatibility, a lot goes into making a marriage right. With the wedding season around the corner, if you plan on tying the knot, here are a few things you should consider to make it financially stronger:
Financial life
Even before getting married, it is a good idea to know the financial life of your partner. “It’s important to know how the other half handles money before the marriage. Know their income and spending habits. For all you know, one could be a savings kind and the other a big spender,” said Mumbai-based Nisreen Mamaji, certified financial planner (CFP) and founder, Moneyworks Financial Advisors.
In the West, many people run a credit check on their potential partner. “Just like a couple seeks family planning advice from a doctor before marriage, it is good to get a professional for your financial planning as well. It’s good to have a discussion around money matters such as retirement goals and investment goals before you get married,” said Mamaji.
Read: Destination wedding on your mind? It can be in your budget
Don’t start on the wrong foot
Wedding day is all about creating beautiful memories and having the time of your life. However, a lot of couples tend to go overboard with their wedding expenses, said Deepali Sen, CFP and founder partner of Srujan Financials Advisers LLP. “It’s imperative to stay within the budget and not go for something you can’t afford.
You could seek the help of a professional advisor for a financial road map–
One lavish day paid on credit would mean your account in married life opens in the negative.” Avoid taking any huge debt for the big day. “A lot of people are getting tempted to spend using zero equated monthly instalment (EMI) offers, credit cards and personal loan for the wedding day. Then they spend years repaying the debt. Why start a foundation with debt?” Mamaji concurs. Ideally, you should start saving for your wedding expenses at least a year in advance. If you don’t have enough money to take care of your wedding expenses, borrowing from family and friends may work as such a loan would be interest-free. However, if that is not an option, selling your investments is marginally better than taking on a huge debt.
Update your paperwork
Once you have tied the knot, it’s time to start completing the necessary paperwork. “It’s important to get all your financial documents updated wherever you think you want to add your spouse as a nominee —from life insurance to other investments,” said Mamaji. Then there are other financial documents such as the address. You may have to change it across your investments and bank accounts. If the woman or the man has changed their name after marriage, then the change needs to be made on all financial documents. You would have to start with updating your permanent account number card and passport.
Decide your style
When it comes to a couple’s money management, there are two schools of thoughts. “If both the spouses are earning, they may want to maintain their individual financial identities. But some financial aspects need to be looked upon as a team. For instance, you could equally contribute towards household expenses and family vacations even as you maintain your individual financial identities with separate accounts and investments,” said Mamaji.
This style works well for many couple who prefer to not merge their financial lives totally. “We have seen many cases where a woman’s money goes towards all expenses and the husband’s money goes towards investments. If the marriage failed, the woman was left with nothing in her account.” If you have separate accounts, you can work it out by mentioning co-ownership on the papers. Some experts, however, prefer a different style where financial lives are merged and everything is done jointly. There’s no wrong answer here. It depends on the couple. We recommend you seek the advice of a professional advisor who will be able to help you with budgeting, financial goal setting, investments and a financial road map for your journey as a couple.
