Category Archives: Marriage & Divorce

21 Tips for Mastering a New York Wedding – TownandCountrymag.com

  Marriage & Divorce

Larisa Shorina Photography

Creating contemporary vibes in Brooklyn, curating vineyard cuisine in Long Island, or highlighting the grandeur of Manhattan’s iconic venues: there are all kinds of ways to round-out a quintessential New York wedding. For ideas that blend expertise with inspiration, we reached out to industry experts for their advice on throwing a seamless Big Apple bash.

Showcase your style.

“We enjoy Brooklyn weddings because they’re usually full of details that allow each couple’s personal style to shine through,” say Jon and Brittani Hon, founders of The Hons. “The spaces in Brooklyn lend themselves well to transformation,” they add. For this contemporary ceremony, a copper altar added contrast to the white brick backdrop and black ceremony chairs.

Embrace glamour.

“Beauty trends come and go, but classic hair and makeup is a staple for a New York City wedding,” says Linsey Snyder Wachalter, Owner of Face Time Beauty Concierge. “Focusing on bold brows, porcelain skin and a champagne shimmer on the lids, you can take a traditional look to modern in a New York minute.” Hairstyles, she says, can vary depending on the dress and the actual texture and length of the hair. “We love a traditional ponytail or a top knot on a New York City bride.”

Highlight exclusivity.

Dave Robbins, owner of Dave Robbins Photography, knows the importance of capturing the spirit of an iconic space, especially when hosting your wedding at a venue like The New York Public Library. “Finding the nooks and crannies that make your space unique (whether it’s showcasing architectural features or capturing moments outside on the venue’s iconic steps), is something that will translate throughout your final photos and evoke the essence of your chosen venue,” Robbins says.

Find the balance between refined and relaxed.

When hosting a wedding in the Hamptons, Sarah Duke, co-founder of Duke + Van Deusen, suggests finding the balance between a sophisticated design aesthetic and a relaxed country aesthetic. “For this wedding, we sought to accent the beautiful sculpture gardens of Longhouse Reserve without competing with the surrounding beauty,” says Duke. Loose greenery, wood accents, and hanging lights complemented the elegant style of this outdoor affair.

Don’t shy away from iconic venues.

With a city famous for iconic buildings, there are a plethora of museums and sites in which weddings can be held. “If you are looking for a stunning and timeless venue, the beautiful architecture at these buildings will ensure that your wedding is both classic and elegant while still giving you the freedom to customize your event to be as unique as you are,” says Tracy Taylor Ward, founder of Tracy Taylor Ward Design.

Match your menu with your venue.

Depending on the ambiance of your reception site, curate your menu to evoke that same feeling (whimsical, formal, casual, etc.) For this wedding at the Central Park Zoo, fresh flavors, vibrant colors, and playful entree options were all considered for the final execution of this unique menu. “Sophisticated, fresh and timeless marked the vision for this couple’s New York City nuptials, characteristics we worked hard to replicate in the food choices,” says Carla Ruben, owner and creative director, Creative Edge Parties.

Transform your space.

“Just because your day is hosted at an iconic New York venue, doesn’t mean you should compromise your wedding style,” says Caitlin Campbell, senior event coordinator and designer at True Event. “It can be easy to forget your original day of design when faced with your ceremony or reception space, but remember that any space can be altered to fit your original vision.” For this ceremony, saturated florals and an aisle rug were added to create a modern feel.

Focus on timeless florals.

Maria Zois, event coordinator at Ariston Weddings & Events, emphasizes the use of classic and elegant florals when working with New York venues full of architectural details and rich wood tones. “We worked with our bride to create sculptural, winter white centerpieces to complement the room and create something modern yet timeless,” Zois says.

Take advantage of the city spirit.

New York weddings are unlike any other because of the energy that radiates from any hosted event. Sara Wight, founder and lead photographer at Sara Wight Photography, has captured couples from Brooklyn to the Bronx and knows a thing or two about this intangible spirit. “Photographing couples on their wedding day is always exceptional, but there’s something extra special about capturing New York City couples who have embraced the magic of the city, and its iconic venues, for their day,” Wight says. “The energy is always magnetic,” she adds.

Promote contemporary.

With a modern venue, finding the right design elements to incorporate into your day is something that should feel fresh and effortless. To embellish this Lucite chuppah, Kristin Doggett, co-founder and creative director at Bellafare, worked with poppies and posies to add bold florals and loose greenery to create a contemporary feel throughout the ceremony that complimented the sleek entryway of the Brooklyn Museum.

Keep the seasons in mind.

Festive decor is a staple for Big Apple weddings hosted in the heart of the holiday season. “We played off of the décor of the venue while incorporating other pieces that showcased the magic of the season,” says Kerri-Lynn Mulhearn, owner of Stella Day Events. Ornament-adorned trees, twinkle lights, and crisp white florals created a space worthy of a holiday affair.

Customize your cuisine.

For this reception held at the Bronx’s Wave Hill, inspiration was drawn from the site’s ever-changing gardens. “A customized culinary experience for each wedding, we love to incorporate the personality of the couple with the flavors of the season to make sure all guests feel that love,” mentions Amanda DiUglio, event director at Great Performances.

Capture quintessential city elements.

“New York City is an incredible backdrop for your wedding,” says Roey Yohai, owner of Roey Yohai Studios. “Don’t be shy to ask if you can go into MOMA, get a hot dog from a colorful stand, stop traffic on 5th Avenue; it’s thrilling!” No matter if it’s yellow taxis, traffic cops, a parade, or whatever else is around, a good photographer will take any ingredients given and turn it into a beautiful photo.

Strategize transportation.

Transportation is key! “Moving people throughout the day can become a major issue in the city,” says Lyndsey Hamilton, owner and creative director of Lyndsey Hamilton Events,. “To ensure that everyone arrives where they need to be and at the correct time, create an appropriate and realistic timeline to smoothly move the bride/groom, family, and guests.” Also, consider getting ready as close as possible to your ceremony location, which will make for some great photos as well.

Don’t compete with your venue.

Opulent and lavish buildings are a New York City staple. “When working with a grand space like The Plaza, it’s important to keep in mind the intricate details in architecture that comes with such a historic space,” mentions Danielle Elder, founder and creative director at Classic Events. Find the balance between adorning your space with added décor but don’t go as far as to compete with the venue itself.

Vary between indoor and outdoor shots.

The streets of New York provide a backdrop for glamorous and memorable photos. “Central Park’s Conservatory Garden at 105th and 5th Ave. is great for photos,” says Melani Lust, owner of Melani Lust Photography,“especially when working with large wedding parties.” Opting for a collection of outdoor shots will provide a nice variety.

Make a grand space feel intimate.

Leah Hoos, director of catering for the Mandarin Oriental, New York, wants couples to know that making your grand space feel intimate is one of the best ways to fully utilize your venue with a smaller guest list. “Considering how many people you are hosting for both your ceremony and reception can make a huge difference regarding the setup of your space, and the overall feel of your day and design,” Hoos says. Don’t become overwhelmed by the grandeur of some of New York’s more opulent spaces, and make sure to work with both your venue and your vendors to create a space that fits you and your day.

Create an authentic experience.

“To really highlight the qualities that make New York special, we suggest bringing in authentic foods from local purveyors such as warm pretzels from a cart upon departure, candied applies from Coney Island, bagels and coffee to go, black & white cookies, and plenty more!” suggests Christine Viola, director of events at Exquisite Affairs Productions. Blend the sights, smells, and sounds of the city to create one cohesive and original event.

Emphasize your story.

Your venue, décor, and menu choices are as much a part of your story as a couple as your engagement. “Think about every detail as part of that story you’re telling, including your food and drinks,” says Cheryl Stair, owner, Art of Eating Catering. “It’s okay to go beyond wine and deviate from the rustic, casual menus we see so often at outdoor weddings.” You can still have a menu from the surrounding farms, highlighting what’s in season, that speaks to you as a couple.”We recommend talking to someone who has experience; reach out to vendors on your preferred vendor list before you book your location,” Stair says.

Allocate room for your stage.

Plan and visualize your New York wedding by imagining a packed dance floor. “Live music not only captures that height of energy surrounding your couple, but it also brings a whole new level of elegance to a room,” says Marianne Bennett, CEO and founder of Element Music. Live music can communicate the vibe that the couple wants to convey on their special day, allowing them to infuse their unique personality into the celebration. “It’s so important to create an environment that sets live music up for success: great sound, ample space for a stage and speakers, and plenty of room for your guests to dance the night away,” Bennett adds.

Get inspired by your venue.

One of the best ways to get the most out of an iconic New York venue, is to use the color palette, architectural details, and overall style of the space to create inspiration for the design of your event. “The classic architecture of the Celeste Bartos Forum at the New York Public Library provided the perfect backdrop for a dramatic yet intimate interpretation of traditional décor with a contemporary spin,” says Meredith Waga Perez, founder of Belle Fleur. “Estate china and silver pieces were selected to evoke a sense of New York in the Gilded Age,” she says.

Have a rooftop ceremony.

Nothing encapsulates city romance better than one of New York’s intimate rooftops. “Wow your guests and make your New York fairytale wedding come to life with a stunning rooftop ceremony,” says Julia Krylovskiy, assistant to Anthony Vazquez at Anthony Vazquez Photography. “With a rooftop ceremony, you can experience the best of both worlds: a romantic outdoor affair and the city’s dramatic urban skyline right at your fingertips,” she adds.

John-David Duggar's 'Creepy' Wedding Vows To Wife Abbie Burnett, Per 'In Touch'

  Marriage & Divorce, marriage advice

Fans were thrilled to learn of the courtship and marriage of perpetual Duggar bachelor John-David to Abbie Grace Burnett. For those who chose to watch TLC’s webisodes of the event, watching Duggar recite his handwritten vows to his soon-to-be Mrs. had a creepy slant.

The couple, who wed on Sunday, November 4, was showcased in a series of clips that provided much juicy material for fans of the family’s television series Counting On. But it was one part of the couple’s actual wedding that creeped viewers out, according to In Touch.

During his personalized vows to Abbie Duggar, John-David vowed to kiss her at the most “inopportune times” and when she “least expects it.”

While that seems adorable for a younger couple, John-David is 28-years-old and his declaration of affection was something that should have likely been kept private between the two, not stated in a church filled with their family and friends.

Reading from a handwritten letter, John-David promised to respect and lead Abbie, giving himself wholly to her and staying faithful and then, he dropped the bombshell.

“I purpose to kiss you when you least expect it at the most inopportune times and in the most random places we may be in the world just because I love you so much,” said John-David in the clip.

Still, in keeping with the Duggar clan’s displays of public affection, his admission likely drew applause from those in attendance.

Remember, this statement comes from a young man who was raised in a family where women are told to always be “joyfully available” to their husbands, even when they aren’t “in the mood.”

Back in 2015, Michelle Duggar added a now-infamous blog post to the family’s official page where she shared some marriage advice given to her from her friend Gala for newlyweds.

Remember, this is from a couple who have 19 kids and eschew any form of birth control, allowing God to dictate how many children they would have.

“You are the only one who can meet that special need that he has in his life for intimacy. You’re it. You’re the only one,” said Duggar in the post. “So don’t forget that, that he needs you. And so be available, and not just available, but be joyfully available for him.”

“Smile and be willing to say, ‘Yes, sweetie I am here for you,’ no matter what, even though you may be exhausted and big pregnant and you may not feel like he feels. ‘I’m still here for you and I’m going to meet that need because I know it’s a need for you.’”

John-David and Abbie’s wedding will air on TLC’s Counting On November 27.

Amy Dickinson: Pot-smoking husband wants to toke freely

  Marriage & Divorce, marriage advice

Dear Amy: My husband and I are at a crossroads. I learned several years ago that he had been smoking marijuana daily for nearly the whole of our 25-year marriage. I always knew he used pot, but I had no idea of the extent.

He finally said he wanted to be able to smoke freely. I agreed to this, and then I was shocked. He smoked in the morning, at night, on walks, on the porch after dinner and on dates. It began to make me feel as though he needed to be high to get through our life together. Out of the blue one day, he told me he wanted to quit. I was thrilled, but then he struggled mightily to quit. He finally did quit for 10 months.

Now he has started smoking again. He says he won’t smoke as much, but that he can’t make any promises. He says he spoke with his doctor about it, and his doctor was not concerned. Pot is now legal in our state.

I do not want to go back to the way things were, and have made that clear. He says that he’s an adult who can make his own decisions and that it shouldn’t matter to me because it does not alter his personality. He does not want to talk to our family counselor about it. Should I give it time, or make my own decision? — Too High-Minded?

Dear High-Minded: Your husband seems to have become dependent on (or addicted to) marijuana; after a lot of effort, he was able to quit, and now he has relapsed.

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (drugabuse.gov), “…studies suggest that 9 percent of people who use marijuana will become dependent on it, rising to about 17 percent in those who start using in their teens.” Your husband is a very longtime daily user.

His statement: “I’m an adult and I can use if I want…” is correct. He is an adult and he gets to make choices.

You are also an adult, and you get to make choices, too. He will not quit his pot use because you want him to. He will only quit if he wants to.

You ask if you should give it time, or make your own decision, but I think you should give it time AND make your own decision. He may be able to modulate his use. Are you open to this? But if his pot smoking affects your life in intolerable ways, then you may need to leave the relationship.

While you are pondering your options, you should stop bargaining with him. Detach from his choices and focus on yourself. A “friends and family” support group could help you.

Dear Amy: I recently got married, but the planning process was awful.

My mother and sister were horrible and hurtful.

Long story short, I ended up temporarily disconnecting all contact with my sister until I am ready and until she can be respectful toward me and my husband.

My question is — how will I know when I’m ready to reach out? My parents are pressuring me to make up with her and I do miss my nephews, but it’s only been three months and I’m not sure if I know that I’m ready.

What should I do? — Newlywed

Dear Newlywed: You don’t mention whether your parents are also pressuring your sister to make up with you. Nor do you say whether your sister has made any attempts — it doesn’t sound as if she has.

If you want to move this along, you could contact your sister and ask her to meet with you privately.

Describe your concerns, including what she did that caused you distress. Stay calm and assume a neutral attitude of listening. If you create plenty of space for her to acknowledge her own behavior and she doesn’t, then you’ll have another decision to make — whether to forgive her and try to move on, or whether to continue to keep your distance from someone who doesn’t seem to respect you. This will be up to you — not your parents.

Dear Amy: “Loving Children” described the tension for their adoptive father when they try to see their biological family.

You made a huge mistake. This adoptive father is not their real father. He might be wonderful, but he is a stepparent, not a parent. — Upset

Dear Upset: This man had adopted his stepchildren. An adoptive parent IS a “real” parent in every way, except for DNA.

Sister's accident changes everything

  Marriage & Divorce, marriage advice

Dear Annie: Nearly a year ago, my sister was in a devastating accident. She had been drinking heavily. Thank goodness, no one else was involved. She has a massive brain injury and will never be the same.

Throughout the years, we used to discuss the idea of living in such a condition. She and I both expressed the feeling that we would rather die than live in such a negatively altered state. I find myself praying that she will die. I feel terrible having these feelings. Am I a terrible person?

— Heartbroken Sibling

Dear Heartbroken Sibling: No, you are not a terrible person, but you need to reframe your prayer. Rather than pray for your sister’s death, pray for the death of the condition that your sister is in. You are a wonderful sibling who is understandably having a difficult time seeing her sister with a massive brain injury.

You must feel very torn about the fact that you both previously discussed this possibility. Keep praying for a recovery or peaceful ending, and focus your prayers on your sister not being in pain anymore.

Dear Annie: I just read your response to the gal who wants her wedding guests to be dressed properly at her wedding. While I agree that she should state her wishes, I think you should know that there are many people in the West and Midwest who wear jeans to everything and do not mean to be disrespectful. Even the groom and groomsmen often wear jeans for wedding ceremonies. Our neighbor and his groomsmen wore bib overalls at his wedding. People who knew them said it wouldn’t have been right to see them dressed in tuxedos.

— Ranchin’ in SD

Dear Ranchin’: I stand corrected. When I said that I didn’t believe anyone would wear jeans to a wedding, I didn’t realize that this is a custom in the Midwest. I appreciate your bringing that to my attention, and I’m sorry for my ignorance. In that case, if the bride really wants to be sure that no one wears jeans to her wedding, she might want to specifically say “No jeans, please” on the invitation.

Dear Annie: I read with interest the letter from “Gift-Giving Guru.” I think that perhaps the importance is not in the actual gift but in the intent.

The most romantic gift I ever received was a dishwasher! During our first few married years, I was a stay-at-home bread-maker — till my best bread board was used to cover the stopped-up kitchen sink for almost a year, at which point it and the multicolored mold on it were trashed. My husband promised to replace it “someday.” Fast-forward to our 25th anniversary. I came home from work to find, complete with a big ribbon, a dishwasher with a carving board top in the kitchen. My honey had remembered his promise! It doesn’t hurt that I haven’t ever had to load it, either. He still does it, 20 years later. He was definitely a keeper!

Dear Susan: A keeper indeed. Thanks for making me smile, and congratulations on 45 years of happy marriage.

Annie Lane, a graduate of New York Law School and New York University, writes this column for Creators Syndicate. Email questions to dearannie@creators.com.

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