Category Archives: Marriage & Divorce
15 people reveal the best marriage advice they ever received from their parents – INSIDER
- When it comes to marriage advice, parents are a great resource.
- After all, they have a lot of life experience to share.
- Here, 15 people share the best marriage advice they ever received from their parents.
My grandmother, who raised me, loved to give me relationship advice. When it came to marriage, one of her favorite sayings was, “Always respect each other. Once respect is lost, it’s hard to get it back.”
Toni Coleman, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach, said that parents can make a great resource for marriage advice. “Parents have years of experience that have taught them many lessons about love,” she told Business Insider.
Coleman said that many parents have learned what love is and is not, how it can change for the better or worse, and how, in marriage, it will be tested and tried in ways no one anticipates when they say “I do.”
“If we’re open to what our parents have to share, we could be spared a lot of grief learning it all the hard way,” Coleman said.
Here, I asked 15 people for the best marriage advice they ever received from their parents. (Responses have been condensed and edited for clarity.)
4 things a woman should do before saying 'I do'
4 things a woman should do before saying ‘I do’
All Woman Monday, November 12, 2018
BECOMING a bride is perhaps the dream of most women. Some women even select their wedding dress years before they actually walk down the aisle, but the big mistake that so many new brides make is that they fail to see beyond the wedding. When the reality of what marriage is about kicks in, many are already considering divorce. That is why it is so important for a woman to be able to see beyond the wedding celebration, know what is expected of her as a wife, and be ready to take on the role.
Before you say ‘I do’ you should:
Travel
If you can afford to, travel a bit, see the world, meet as many people as you can and experience different cultures. See what life is like outside the environment you grew up in. This kind of exposure will help you to have a better idea of how people live, and the options available to you rather than limit your choices to only the men you are exposed to in your everyday surroundings.
Empower yourself
Traditionally men are expected to provide for their families but in many cases, women are the main providers in their households. One of the main reasons for this shift is that more women are pursuing higher education and thereby putting themselves in a better position to be financially independent. Ladies, it is very important that regardless of what your husband to be has, you can manage to take care of yourself financially. This will reduce the need for you to marry merely for financial security. Having money doesn’t equate to happiness. Anything can happen to your spouse and if you are not educated or skilled enough to earn, and there is no attractive life insurance, you could be left in the cold. Be mindful, too, that sometimes stepchildren or that man’s family will fight you tooth and nail for his assets.
Talk to couples who have a good marriage
Experience teaches wisdom. If you plan to get married, start talking to couples who have been together long enough to teach you a thing or two about how they did it. Don’t take marriage advice from bitter people. You can listen to what they have to say but do not allow it to warp your perception of marriage. Find a few couples who are in long-lasting happy marriages and sit at their feet to learn. Read books about marriage and what is expected of a wife so that you can prepare yourself for that life-changing role (note that the Bible is a good guide for couples preparing for marriage). Encourage your husband-to-be to do likewise. It takes two committed people to make a marriage work.
Do premarital counselling early enough
Don’t wait until a few weeks before your wedding to do premarital counselling. Many couples make this mistake. Premarital counselling is a must-do as early as you both make the decision to be in a serious relationship with the intent to marry. Often it is during the premarital counselling sessions that you get a good idea of who your partner really is. A good counsellor will take you through probing questions that strip the mask from that person you intend to marry. The problem with late scheduling of premarital counselling is that often, by the time you go through the sessions and see the hidden flaws and the red flags, you may have already bought your dress and spent a considerable sum in preparation for the wedding. Consequently, you might not want to pull out at that stage, which is a mistake. Material things you can sacrifice, but never sacrifice your sanity, peace of mind, and perhaps even the rest of your life simply because you already spent money preparing for a wedding. Remember, you could divorce someone after two years and still spend the next 20 years of your life trying to break free from them.
Marriage is a serious covenant that should not be taken lightly. It’s far more than the gorgeous wedding gown and diamond rings. If you intend to be a wife one day, start preparing by getting exposure, empowering yourself, seeking advice and as much as possible, getting to know the person you intend to tie the knot with.
Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker, ordained minister and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Facebook and Instagram @MarieBerbick. E-mail: marieberbick@gmail. com .
Yay for Cedric; boo for Bieber
To the best of my knowledge:
- I sometimes open the cupboard just so I can ninja-dodge the falling Tupperware.
- “Returning the favor’’ is much nicer than calling it ‘’revenge,’’ said the nice lady to the snotty lady over coffee last week.
- The next time someone invites me to his house and says, “Bring whatever you want,’’ I’m taking my taxes for him to do.
- Everyone is a wannabe.
- Unsolicited parenting advice is best, especially when it comes from someone who doesn’t have children. It’s like marriage advice from the single or divorced dude.
- Never trust the stranger who knows more about your life than you do.
- Putting your earbuds in while the boss is asking you do so something is not a performance-review enhancer.
- Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any better. I recently heard a high school teacher say that to her class.
- Guacamole is a waste of time, energy and the color green.
- It takes a dedicated commitment to be lazy.
- Cedric the Entertainer rocks.
- If I were in a coma, I’d wake up to turn off Justin Bieber.
- I used to look forward to pulling an all-nigher; now I’m hoping not to nod off at work before noon.
- The world needs more Mr. Thanksgivings, more Reggie Freemans, and more John Gripps, Dave Wraths, Chip Fillers, Rob Burkheads, John Scallys, Ray Hamiltons and George McDoniel Jrs.
- Christmas music playing round the clock on station 96.1 FM beginning Nov. 4 is a breach of all that is seasonal. I refuse to use satellite radio so I can support local programming that has been fabulous to me through the years, but this is the end. It has to be some corporate yahoo making this call, because the folks running 96.1 are solid radio people.
- I would vote for a Kim Reynolds-Cheri Bustos presidential ticket.
- It’s November; it’s the Midwest; and it snows. Slow down and deal with it.
- The sticker I received for voting reminds me of a participation trophy. Don’t reward me for exercising my obligation to be heard.
- The new concession stand and paved parking lot are things of beauty at Rock Island’s Douglas Park.
- Baseball’s Bryce Harper is not worth $400 million, and Tim Tebow has no business being on the fringe of playing in the big leagues.
- There was no sign of the Pilgrims eating green bean casserole at the first Thanksgiving. I am, however, certain they had that canned cranberry thing.
- Mike Parker, the legendary Chicago TV reporter at station WBBM, passed recently at age 75. Parker, known in his younger days as Mike Fishel, was a 1961 Rock Island High School graduate who got his start in media at the famous KSTT in Davenport.
Regarded as one of Chicago’s top reporters for three-plus decades, he covered the shooting of Pope John Paul II in Vatican City in 1981, the release of Americans held hostage in Iran, the downtown Chicago flood of 1992, and the legal troubles of imprisoned former Gov. Rod Blagojevich.
Parker gained worldwide attention for his true-to-life “Home Alone” story in 1992. Two years after the release of the famous Macaulay Culkin movie about an 8-year-old boy accidentally left behind when his family went to Paris, Parker broke the story of real-life parents David and Sharon Schoo taking a nine-day Christmas vacation in Mexico, leaving their 4-year-old and 9-year-old daughters behind in west suburban St. Charles. The story gained worldwide footing.
A Kane County grand jury indicted the Schoos on charges that included felony abandonment, neglect, endangerment and cruelty to children. They avoided trial through a plea deal and were sentenced to two years of probation. They gave up parental rights to their two girls in 1993.
- The playing of taps always makes me cry.
Dear Abby: Diamond ring comes between couple planning marriage
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I love each other very much and have been living together with our children for five years. We intend to get married soon. Here is the rub: She’s “old school.” She believes she should receive a diamond ring as part of the marriage proposal.
I would marry her tomorrow, but I don’t believe in spending thousands of dollars on a piece of carbon. I understand that somehow she equates her value/social status with the size of her wedding ring (“I deserve a nice ring”), but I don’t agree. I think the expense is unwarranted and, quite frankly, as the person paying for most of it, unfair.
She has offered to chip in and even buy one from a used wedding site, but I’d rather spend that money on something we could both enjoy or at least on something more practical that she can enjoy. I can find the money to buy the ring, but in my heart, I don’t see the value or buy into the fantasy the diamond industry has put into some women’s heads.
What do I do? Cave in and give her what she wants because I love her? Or push for a compromise, which will definitely be an uphill battle and potentially spoil what is supposed to be a special thing in our lives? – HUNG UP ON THE RING IN RENO
DEAR HUNG UP: I’m glad you asked. Give her the ring. It will be cheaper in the long run. Trust me on that. And in the future, when she asks what you would like for a gift, tell her YOUR fantasy is that she’ll make a comparable down payment on your next car. That way, she can make your dream come true.
DEAR ABBY: My father and his wife are retired and live across the country from us. Dad is hard of hearing and doesn’t like to use the phone, even with hearing aids. He also won’t text, so we mostly communicate by email.
The challenge is that he and his wife share an email account. She reads every message I send to Dad and often replies without telling him, so I’m never sure if he receives them or not. Also, if we’re discussing something sensitive – like finances or issues with my siblings – she’ll weigh in when it’s not really her business. In one case, she posted parts of our discussion on her social media!
I have talked to Dad about this. He says married couples don’t have secrets. I suspect he may not want his wife to be able to communicate privately with other people (she’s much younger than he is) and prefers the shared email for this reason. Is it unreasonable for me to want a direct line of communication with my father, or must I save up private conversations for the one time a year we are able to visit in person? – DISTRESSED DAUGHTER IN IDAHO
DEAR DAUGHTER: I’m sorry I can’t wave a magic wand and change your father. What’s going on should not be blamed on his wife. Because he has made plain to you that he sees no reason for privacy and wants her to be privy to your conversations, saving up those private chats until they are “in person” is exactly what you are going to have to do.
DEAR VETERANS: I salute your service to our country. My thanks to each of you, as well as to the brave men and women still on active duty, some of whom are in harm’s way. You personify patriotism and self-sacrifice with your dedication. I also would like to acknowledge your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made and continue to make every day. – Love, ABBY
