Relationships Talk

I’ve always been more of a listener rather than a talker, and thus have been fortunate enough to discover that wisdom can come from many sources.  Outdoorsmen are notorious advice givers as are parents, wives, and now it seems my children. I’ve also received some valuable instruction where unspoken words were the medium. That’s probably confusing but I’ll explain it later.  

I’m also an avid reader and have realized that sound advice can also be gleaned from the written word if you look in the right places. Lewis Grizzard was a prime source of unearthing pithy counseling, especially if you are a good old Southern boy.

As we all know not every tidbit of guidance tossed our way is worthy of our attentions. Some of it is suspect, some ludicrous and much is just pure hogwash.  We must learn to weed through the rubbish in order to get to the stuff that really makes sense.

Today I offer you my own advice as handed down to me from several different sources and covering a variety of topics from outdoor sports to general life living guidelines. I hope you will not have to cull too much here because what I am presenting to you today is pure poetry. Ignore it at your peril.

One day I was bemoaning the loss of my fishing rods and tackle box.  

“I can’t believe someone took them right out of the boat,” was my thought.  Strangely enough, I later ran into a religious proverb that went like this: “Pray to Allah, but tie your camel.”  

See where I’m going here.  

Good advice doesn’t have to come in the form of complex or lengthy discussions.

Those same proverbs came in handy later on when rain and wind kept me and my fishing partner from heading out to the lake. My best recollection is that it said: “Sunshine all the time makes a desert.”  

That book of proverbs had some pretty concise advice. 

Fishing on Sunday morning during church hours is always a touchy subject around our house. My wife is not in favor of this activity no matter how good the fish are biting. I needed a comeback for her and a little research gave me just what I was looking for. An ancient Babylonian proverb astutely addresses this problem. It reads: “The gods do not deduct from a man’s allotted span of life the hours spent fishing.”  

Sounded brilliant to me but it didn’t work.

Daddy was always full of it (good advice that is) and he showered pithy one-liners on us. I’ve discussed some of these in earlier articles such as, “Don’t worry about the mule going blind, just load the wagon.”  

Roughly translated this means get your hind parts back to shoveling gravel and I’ll make sure the truck cranks.

Amazingly enough Daddy also had a proverb of his own where no words were actually spoken. It was a takeoff on the “toe meets leather” football saying. His was more of the “toe meets back side” variety, and there was no rough translation on that one. It was very specific in nature. It was simple, direct and brief and went like this: “Do not ever do that again.”  

Whether you were loafing in the butterbean patch or trying to sneak back into the house inebriated after curfew it carried the same message.

As mentioned earlier I also seek advice by reading. While looking for marital advice I once found a quote by Robert Heinlein that was quite enlightening. It said in part that, “Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should relax and get used to it.” I have now been married for more than 35 years and that bit of wisdom may be the linchpin to that run of success.

I have also read up some on child rearing and to my chagrin ran upon an Irish proverb that said, “A wild goose never raises a tame gosling.”  

After thinking that one over I now pray for my children’s safety each night they are away from me.

Perhaps the most dependable purveyor of sound wisdom of the millennia was Lewis Grizzard. His advice and opinions on various thorny topics have saved many a southerner from despair and ruin.

On marriage old Lewis spouted, “Don’t marry. Just find a woman you don’t like and give her a house.”

On clawing your way to the top of the corporate food chain he observed, “If you ain’t the lead dog the scenery never changes.”

On the instantaneous removal of Yankees from Atlanta he handed out this advice:   “In case of nuclear war, if you are a southerner take I-75 and head north or south immediately. If you are a Yankee get on I-285 and stay on it.”

As we wind up our session here are a couple of other things I’ve learned from various sources.

This one came from one of my favorite authors, the late Patrick McManus and it goes something like this: “There is a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot so make sure you buy good equipment so you will at least look like you know what you are doing.”

Finally, one that I came up with based on my own personal experience. Here’s how that one goes: “Endeavor not to be guilty of poor time management. I spend most of my time fishing. The rest I just waste.”

Selah.

Send your pithy advice to dar8589@bellsouth.net.

ALSO READ: Making love after having a baby: How long should you wait?

For more than five years or so, your buddy Nicholas has enjoyed all the freedom that comes with bachelorhood. He always laughed at you when you excused yourself to leave the pub, claiming that you are all a bunch of henpecked men, hell-scared of their wives.

In two weeks’ time, he will marry one of the most beautiful women you have seen, but you cannot vouch for her attitude.

You expressed your scepticism that she will run Nicholas down, but Nicholas said that his Maasai blood will not allow a woman to sit on him. How the mighty fall.

Nicholas is about to discover what American humourist Hellen Rowland said: It takes a woman 20 years to make a man of her son and another woman 20 minutes to make a fool of him.

You don’t even envy him. As the old wise men said, marriage is like a place besieged. Those in want out and those out want in.

Last weekend, you sat as men to bring Nicholas up to speed on what marriage entails. Here are the pieces of advice you collated.

1. Never say anything positive about the house help. Keep every opinion to yourself, unless it is something negative.

ALSO READ: Tales of men who eat the female cassava

2. Never borrow money from your wife. If you borrow, pay it back with interest.

3. Never ask your wife how she spends her money. Never. Ever.

4. Ban cabbage and ndengu from the word go – before they become a staple serving.

5. Always stand your ground – firmly. Let her know the boundaries she can’t cross. If you give women a mile, they will grab the whole world.

6. You will lose all the arguments in your marriage. When your wife is on the wrong, she will gaslight you to a point of losing your sanity. Just know where to draw the line.

7. Act unreasonable sometimes. Scare them a bit. A comfortable wife is a dangerous one. (This in no way advocates for violence).

8. Buy her gifts. Once a year.

ALSO READ: How to celebrate your child’s birthday

9. Women like pushing buttons, all the time. They like provoking the man. They derive pleasure in provoking you. Act cool and annoy her.

10. Don’t be too boring. Modern women like excitement. Find something exciting occasionally. Take her to the village and let her cool with wet pieces of wood. She will love it.

11. Minimise contact with her as much as possible. More contact begets friction. Friction is bad for your soul.

12. Beware of the silent treatment. The many nights you will come home from a night of bingeing, she will give you the scary silent treatment. Don’t succumb to pressure and panic. Enjoy the golden silence.

13. Your worth is your bank balance. Don’t be cheated that she will stay because you lay the pipe well, or some silly idea like romance. After 25, women are all about bills, vacations and everything money can buy.

If you don’t have the money, she will a) despise you, b) cheat on you, c) find a reason or excuse to leave you.

14. Always pay the rent. Armed with that, remember better or worse is a lie. Marriage to women is only for better times.

There will be many bad patches. Don’t quit. Stay and fight, until nothing is left. By then you will be too old. Wish you all the best Nick.

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Marvin Santiago’s vision wasn’t the problem, but he wasn’t seeing his future when he accompanied his father to the optician’s office in 2003.

His father, Mariano Santiago, had been there earlier buying a new pair of glasses, and he had met Krista Douthit.

Krista was born in the Philippines and adopted at 5 weeks old by a Caucasian American couple. She grew up in Faulkner County. The Santiagos are also Filipino; Marvin was born in Little Rock.

“He said, ‘Oh, you’re a Filipino girl, I’m going to bring my son in because he needs a wife,'” Krista recalls of meeting her future father-in-law. “I’m sure my eyes were bugged out, but I giggled and said OK.”

When he returned later that day to pick up his glasses, he indeed had Marvin — who he had said needed a wife — with him.

Marvin hadn’t realized this was an attempted setup.

“I think my dad probably just told me he needed a ride,” he says.

There were no fireworks. Krista says that as she fitted his father’s glasses, Marvin sat across from her, silent with his hands shoved in his pockets.

“When I first saw Marvin, I thought, ‘Wow, he looks like he belongs in a boy band,'” she says. “He had spiked hair, a blue track jacket, and probably Puma shoes. He just sat down in the chair beside his dad, didn’t say a word to me, all slumped in the chair. I could tell his dad probably forced him to come in and he probably thought I was not cute.”

The “not cute” part wasn’t true.

“I thought she was a very attractive girl, but I never expected that someone like her would be interested in me,” Marvin says.

Krista told her friend Linda about the experience later and discovered Linda knew the Santiagos, who owned Asian Food and Gifts.

“Fast forward to October 2006, I was at the State Fair with my friends Jason and Linda,” Krista says.

Just after they left the Arkansas State Fairgrounds and drove down Roosevelt Road, Jason’s car had a flat tire. Jason needed a tire key to be able to change his tire so he called a friend to help.

“His friend drove up in an Infiniti G 35, which at the time was my dream car. I looked at my friend Linda and said, ‘OK, I don’t care who gets out of that car. I am going to marry him!'”

She didn’t recognize the young man who stepped out, but she asked if she could sit in his car to get out of the cold, dark night air. While she and Linda waited for them to change the tire, Linda informed her that the car’s owner was Marvin Santiago, the guy whose father had said he needed a wife.

“I told her no because this guy is cute and I don’t remember the other guy being cute,” Krista laughs.

Marvin and Krista hadn’t realized they had mutual friends — Linda grew up with Marvin and he and Jason were also longtime friends.

When Jason’s tire was fixed they all went downtown for drinks at a pizza place, and Marvin and Krista got to know each other better.

“I laughed a lot because this guy was funny,” she says. “He asked for my number and I gave it to him.”

Their friend groups started hanging out together more often and gradually Krista and Marvin started doing more things alone, just the two of them.

Their first date was lunch at Iriana’s in downtown Little Rock. Krista was worried about getting pizza in her teeth or on her face so she ordered soup, and Marvin teased her about her menu choice.

On Sundays, their friends got together and the guys would play basketball and the girls would talk. On Tuesdays, Krista cooked and everyone came over to eat. She had been accepted to culinary school at the Art Institute of Dallas before she met Marvin, but when they fell in love she decided to stay in Little Rock.

“While we were dating, I couldn’t get over the feeling that he was perfect for me. We both had our faults but we just fit together,” Krista says. “We didn’t have a traditional proposal, it was just very causal. Just us two talking about it and were like — sure let’s do it.”

They were married at the Pulaski County Courthouse on March 21, 2009.

Marvin and Krista have two children, Madalynn and Maddox. They live in Little Rock where Marvin works as a user experience developer for Perks Worldwide. Krista is a registered nurse at Baptist Medical Center Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and is pursuing a pediatric nurse practitioner primary care degree.

“I know we were meant for each other,” Krista says. “We are the perfect team and completely opposite. He is very organized and punctual, introvert, into hip-hop and boy bands, where I’m not very organized, always late, extrovert, and into old ’80s and ’90s bands. We can both make each other laugh. Every day I am so thankful God blessed me with a second chance with him, because I am absolutely in love.”

If you have an interesting how-we-met story or if you know someone who does, please call (501) 425-7228 or email:

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High Profile on 11/04/2018