Category Archives: Marriage & Divorce

Kiss & Tell: Advice To A Newlywed Spans A Spectrum Of Viewpoints

Dear Teresa,

What’s your best piece of advice to help make my brand-new marriage last forever?

— Hopeful in Hartford

Dear Hopeful,

We love this question! Happy to answer it again, with new replies. But my best piece of advice? Oh, honey. You don’t want my advice. But the Internet — otherwise sucking the life out of most of us — has its occasional benefits. While I have nothing to offer, many of my online “friends,” as usual, have plenty to share.

From my divorced or single yet optimistic friends:

  • Communication is key. (Can we just repeat that one, over and over again? Seriously, it’s so freaking important.)
  • Pick your battles. The little things don’t really matter. (Yes, yes, yes.) Go to the mat for the big stuff, like mutual respect and putting your partner first. Be prepared to give 80 percent most of the time, and don’t keep score.
  • Have open, honest communication and a sense of humor, and give support.
  • Follow the golden rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated.
  • Do the crossword puzzle together every weekend.
  • “Equal” and “fair” aren’t exactly the same in terms of household chores. Be flexible and generous.
  • Blended families can cause added nightmares. Make sure spouses know not to badmouth each other’s kids.
  • Maintain your friendships and activities.
  • If you make it about you, or her, you’re doomed. If you always make it about US, you have a fighting chance.
  • Continue to date your partner. Respect both time together and apart.
  • Practice saying “I’m sorry” in front of the mirror.

From the happily married (or at least they look that way on Facebook):

  • If something is irritating you or bothering you about your mate’s behavior, have an early, honest and kind-hearted conversation about it. Those things fester and build, and you can not expect your partner to understand their impact on you and attempt to remedy anything unless you discuss it with them.
  • Always act like you’re on the same team as your spouse and treat each other with respect.
  • You’re not perfect. Don’t expect him or her to be.
  • Talk to your partner as nicely as you do to your friends. Kindly ask for what you need, don’t assume they know what your needs are.
  • Communication, honesty, compromise. Support one another, and treat each other as equals.
  • Haven’t I answered this question before? (Yes, you have, but you’re so good at it!) Admit when you’re wrong. Say you’re sorry. Oh, and separate vacations.
  • It’s a marathon, not a sprint. And while marathons can be glorious and amazing, they take training, effort and commitment.
  • Every once in a while, look at your spouse as if they were not your spouse — just another person trying to enjoy this one life they have. Being a spouse comes with all kinds of seriousness, obligations and expectations. Looking at them differently just might help you look past all that and have some fun together.
  • Pick your battles. If you don’t understand it now, you will.
  • Keep a self-deprecating sense of humor. Never take yourself too seriously, and always be the first to apologize. If you can make your significant other laugh in the process, all the better.
  • Be sure this is someone you can make happy by being yourself.
  • Remember why you picked that person. Don’t complain about them to those outside the partnership.
  • If it’s a second marriage or one that involves kids, remember: Kids only get one childhood. Love your kids more than you hate your ex. Don’t force your new spouse onto your kids and vice versa. Always, always, always let the “step parent” be the good guy and don’t badmouth exes in front of the kids.
  • Don’t hide things. Money, feelings, “stuff.” Hiding things never ends well.
  • Always leave the light on for them. Light the whole way. It shows that you are eager to see them and that you’ve been thinking of/caring about them while they were out. (This is making my heart melt.)
  • Always make time for each other, and above all, have fun — lots of fun!

From those jaded and never remarrying. Well, maybe:

  • If you need to ask for advice, don’t bother entering marriage. Just use common sense.
  • Never believe it’s “just a friend from work.”
  • RUN!!

Teresa M. Pelham is a Farmington-based writer — not a certified or registered anything — and is the middle-person between you and free relationship advice. Please send your anonymous love-related questions to Teresa at tpelham@comcast.net.

The Last Word: Rod Stewart on Fatherhood, Jeff Beck and His 'Breaking Bad' Obsession

Rod Stewart may be months away from his 74th birthday, but he’s as active as he was when he was 24. He spent the summer touring America with Cyndi Lauper and he’s back on the road now playing more gigs in support of his new LP Blood Red Roses. Just weeks after that run ends, he’ll be back at Caesar’s Palace as part of his ongoing residency at the Las Vegas casino. Somehow he finds the time to raise his two young boys with wife Penny Lancaster and obsess over Glastow Celtic Football Club to the point where he honestly wants his ashes scattered on their field. We spoke with Rod about love, loss, his complex relationship with Jeff Beck, raising kids and his newfound love of Breaking Bad.

You say on your new album that you can’t even boil an egg. Is that true?
Absolutely true. True, true, true, mate. In the Seventies, it was a different era. We used to have girlfriends we’d shack up with. And then you’d sort of get fed up with them and they’d leave, or you’d kick ’em out. Horrible, but then you realize, “Who’s gonna cook me dinner? Who’s gonna cook me breakfast?” And you find yourself walking down to the local cafe. I’m still absolutely hopeless. I cannot cook to save me life. The last time I tried to make a boiled egg, I had about 20 pans and things out of the cupboard. What a mess. Nothing to be proud of.

Have you ever cooked yourself a meal in your life?
Never. I’ve made a bit of toast and a cup of tea in the afternoon, but other than that, I’ve done nothing. Shameful. Shame on you, Stewart!

Do you ever think about how your life would have turned out if you didn’t develop your singing voice?
Well, that’s the million-dollar question. I don’t know. When I started, it was all I wanted to do. The two things I could do is play soccer, football as we call it here, and sing. I got a chance at being a pro footballer. I didn’t think I was particularly good. I did it because me dad wanted one of his sons to be a footballer. I was the last one, so I gave it a try, but I wasn’t good enough, and it was about the time that I fell into music, so I don’t what I would have done, mate. Christ, that was a scary thought.

What’s the one bit of advice you wish you could give your 20-year-old self?
Probably “Cut back on the drinking.” There isn’t much that I regret. I absorbed all the information I could, all the help that I could, so there’s not much I would change in my twenties. It all went so well for me, from being discovered singing on a railway station, and it just kept going up and up and up and up and up.

But you said you drank too much.
Yeah, we all did. Well, in the Faces we drank a hell of a lot. It was almost like a competition, which one can kill themselves first. No, that’s a bit morbid. It really wasn’t — it was more like which one’s gonna fall down first.

You’ve got two young boys. Do you think you’re a better father in your seventies than you were in your thirties?
Oh, I should hope so. My God. If I haven’t learned the trade now. Children have always been important to me — very important. But I had Kimberly and Sean in the late Seventies when I was considerably in debt, and I had to go out and work a hell of a lot, so I missed a great deal of their growing up. We’ve sat down, and we’ve talked about it. I’ve said, “You know, your dad wasn’t going out, going to parties, and shagging and drinking. I was working me ass off trying to get out of debt.”

I’ve built a lovely AstroTurf pitch for my two youngest boys. One’s 12, and the other one’s seven. We go out there every evening. I try and teach them a few things. That is the most wonderful thing ever, just playing football at my age with your kids.

I read that you just binge-watched all of Breaking Bad.
I don’t even have time for them TV shows, but on our long tour last year I just watched it and just enjoyed it so much. I don’t want to see anything else. People say, “Oh, now you must watch …” I said, “Nothing is as good as Breaking Bad.” But there’s another one now without the main characters. It’s all about Saul, apparently.

It’s really great. You should watch that, too.
Alright. I’ll start watching that tonight.

Who was your favorite character on Breaking Bad?
Jesse Pinkman. He’s just a little shit, but there was something about him that was loyal. He saw through all the bad stuff.

You’re one of the few classic-rock icons that’s not on a farewell tour right now.
Yeah, and I’m also the right side of the grass still, thank the lord. I got in a lot of trouble for slagging Elton off when I maybe should have kept my mouth closed. I was on that program, Whatever Happens Next, where it’s just you get drunk as a skunk. I just said [his farewell tour] reeks of scraping in the money since he’s already said that he’s gonna do more concerts after the 300. I mean, we all have to retire sooner or later, but it certainly is the furthest thing away from me at the moment. I’m having too much fun.

So you’ll never do a farewell tour?
Well, I won’t say never, but I don’t think I’ll do it like that. I haven’t even thought about it, mate. It’ll be a sad day, ’cause it’s been a huge part of my life.

What have you done so far today?
It was a wonderful day today. I’ve got this wonderful indoor swimming pool built here in England. It’s just gorgeous. I’ve spent a lot of money on it, and my two brothers came over today, and we all jumped in the pool. I said, “I bet this is the first time we’ve ever been in any body of water together — the ocean, a pool, anything like it, the three of us.” And it was true. We’d never done it, and my brother, he’s going to be 90 next year. My sister’s gonna be 90 next year, almost. Now the brother’s eighty one, and here he was up and down swimming, and he absolutely loved it. We all looked at each other and said, “Wow, wish mom and dad were here.”

Do you still get the same thrill from performing that you did in your younger years?
Even more so now. What a job I have. I get paid for getting on a stage and singing, sending everybody home happy. It’s not like being a footballer or a sportsman. You can send people home unhappy if you lose, but I’m in a win-win situation. It’s just wonderful.

At what point in your life were you the happiest?
Now. Without a shadow of a doubt, now. I’ve never been so content in all my life. I mean, look at what I’ve got. I mean, apart from the financial side of things, lovely houses, I know that’s all materialistic stuff, but I have the most gorgeous wife, and I have eight wonderful children, and two little ones. It’s just fabulous. They’ll be home from school in a minute. They’re all gonna jump in the pool, and I can’t wait to get in there with them. This is the most wonderful period of my life.

When were you the least happy?
Probably going through the divorce from Rachel Hunter around 1999. But lo and behold, out of the sky came my darling wife, Penny. On the same day that I broke up with Rachel, Penny appeared at the Dorchester hotel. She was dared by one of her friends to go over and ask for Rod Stewart’s autograph, and she did. Talk about a simple twist of fate.

What have you learned about relationships from your many marriages?
First of all, don’t have your arguments when you’ve got a glass of wine and you’re about to go to bed.  Wait until the morning. I’m also a much better listener now than I’ve ever been before. I let my wife, more or less, have her own way. You should always talk about things, be able to listen and still share romantic things. I’m a terrible old romantic. My wife and I, when the kids go to bed, we have candlelit dinners every night. It’s so lovely.

Do fans need to let go of this fantasy that you and Jeff Beck are going to one day put aside your differences and make music together again?
Well, my voice and his guitar is a match made in heaven. It would be a lovely thing to do. It’d be a complete lefthand turn. We did try it once, but we couldn’t see eye to eye — I mean, a serious clash of egos, but you know, never say never. I know it’s a cliché, but really, I’m up for it if he’s up for it. The thing is, we both want to produce. That’s the thing.

A blues-rock record with both you guys could be absolutely explosive.
You’re right. You’re spot on. Well, you put it out there, my man. Let me know what he says.

What’s the most indulgent purchase you ever made?
Wow. It would be a Ferrari Enzo. I bought it for $600,000 and now you can’t get one for under a million and a half. I sold it because I didn’t look into the seating situation. My wife being six foot one and a half couldn’t get into the car. That’s why I sold it. I also spend a lot of money on art and a lot of money on private planes going to watch my football team all over Europe. But you know, anybody whose got the money, I bet would do the same thing. Too many of my friends are under the grass now. Just go ahead and enjoy yourself.

Do your young kids like your music?
The one likes a lot of the rap stuff, which is difficult for the listening, too, because it’s so many of the F and cussing words in there, so we have to be careful. The younger one likes Dad’s music a bit, but they’re both hung up on this Fortnite now. Jesus Christ, they are obsessed. “Dinner is on the table.” “Dad, I’m just finishing the game! Dad, no!” I have to say to them, “If you don’t do what you’re told, I’m gonna cut the Internet off from the whole house.”

Tell me about your fitness routine.
Well, today, I was let off lightly ’cause I had a band dinner last night, and we all got well plastered. But I started off in my gym strengthening legs for half an hour with the rubber bands and things around them. It builds the muscle up, and then I went straight to my new pool and did 12 lengths, and I’ll start doing diving. I’ve got a trainer. It’s like the Navy Seals. He throws a weight in, and then I’ve got to go down and get it, swim back with the weight to the other side of the pool. It’s very interesting. I don’t always love working out, but I certainly couldn’t do it if I was left to my own devices.

How much time do you spend on your hair each day?
I can do my hair, wash it, dry it, get it standing up in 10 minutes at the most. It’s real quick. I’m also just lucky I still got it.

Virushka's advice to Deepika- Ranveer on All Things Marriage

(Friendly warning : This is a work of satire)

Hey Deepika and Ranveer,

We are so happy that you’re tying the knot and because we did less than a year ago, we thought we could probably make it a little easier for you (haha just talking from experience you know).

Honestly, you have made a bit of a mistake by announcing your marriage dates. 

Remember, every movement of yours will be captured and some will make front page news. Media didn’t even spare our family pandit and his arrival at the airport was the big news story that day.

Anushka’s family leaves for Italy. (Photo: Twitter)
Panditji spotted! Panditji spotted! (Photo: Twitter)

But well, done’s done, can’t be undone.

Get Yourself a Better Hashtag

First things first, ‘DeepVeer’ is so not working buddies. We know you didn’t come up with this just like we didn’t come up with ‘Virushka’. Please take charge of the situation and fix something better before these newspapers and online media popularise ‘#DeepVeer’ and then the situation is out of hand.

Desi Designer Drama

Remember, what you’ll wear for your wedding is not JUST your business. There are high stakes on whether there will be a His and Her Sabyasachi lehenga, Anuradha Vakil or a Gabbana. You better make your decision soon, and make it right, and make everyone happy.

(Photo: Twitter)

Beware of the Rain!

You’re rumoured to get married in Italy’s Lake Como and we tied the knot in Italy’s Tuscany. Kid you not, Italy’s weather can be a b*tch. Make sure people around you are well equipped with raincoats and umbrellas. You can be all dolled up in designer wear and airbrushed make up but there’s nothing that bad weather can’t spoil.

Where everyone will perhaps be wearing warm coats, the two of you will have to keep each other warm with just your love.

The mandatory ‘vidai’ picture. The mandatory ‘vidai’ picture. (Photo: Instagram) 

Be Ready for a Paparazzi Fry

Be sure that your wedding will be ALL OVER social media even before you announce it’s done. We aced the varmala scene at our wedding so you guys can perhaps try the sindoor moment as your big Instagram moment. Whether or not you match our ‘cute’ quotient there are always points for trying.

because moments like this don’t come everyday

We heard you’re planning two receptions — one in Bangalore and another one in Mumbai. Watch your step, everything will be on Insta.

Good Luck Keeping Whatever You Can a Secret

We know weddings are a big affair and especially so when peeps are calling your wedding the ‘Indian Royal Wedding’.

You know who can really let out secrets? The Mehendi ladies. Make sure you approve what they put out on Instagram because it will be etched in the memories of millions of people…forever.

You guys have been in the limelight for about six years now, ever since you started dating but getting married amidst all the public attention will be a different ball game altogether. Here’s wishing you a very happy wedding day…and we hope we’re invited!

Yours lovingly,
Virushka :/

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Candace Cameron Bure Says 'Putting Your Spouse On A Pedestal' Is Her Secret To A Long, Happy Marriage

It seems like more often than not a Hollywood marriage ends in divorce, but after being married to her husband for over 22 years, Candace Cameron Bure knows what it takes to keep the spark alive. “I always say, put your spouse on a pedestal,” she revealed to Us Weekly. “And in return, you’re hoping, which my husband does, we have the same respect for one another other… and some days neither of us deserve it, but we do it because we honor one another and respect each other.”

The Fuller House actress, 42, knows the recipe for a happy marriage and dished all her advice to Us Weekly while promoting her new book, Candace Center Stage. “We’re apart a lot,” she said of her husband, Valeri Bure. “Because I travel a lot, that’s the secret! Because, you know, being away from each other makes the heart grow fonder.” Candace assured that she doesn’t have all the answers, but gave some guidance for what works in her relationship. “Marriage is a wonderful, beautiful thing but there’s always going to be tough times. There’s no one that has this amazingly perfect marriage.”

This isn’t the first time we’ve been blessed with Candace’s relationship and marriage advice. Candace once revealed to People that her and Valeri’s Catholic faith is to thank for their steady, successful marriage. “The reality is the glue for us is Jesus,” she said. “It’s the Bible. You know, when there are arguments or we’re compromising and in ways, it’s always like, ‘Well, let’s just go back to the Bible.’ It’s the foundation for us. So it’s not about winning or losing. But doing this journey together.”

Besides juggling her business life and romantic life, Candace is also a mom-of-three to Natasha, 20, Lev, 18, and Maksim, 16. For Candace, having a healthy relationship with her children is just as imperative as having a healthy marriage with her husband. “It’s important to let them know that you’re there for them no matter what,” Candace revealed to People. “As a mom, I’m always going to have an opinion, but not in a judgmental way, if that makes sense. I’m going to give my best advice as a mother, or my husband as a father. But we want to be open enough that they don’t feel scared to be able to talk to us.” Candace’s advice must really work because she has never looked happier or better!