Relationships Talk

James Brolin thanks his lucky stars for his lasting relationship with Barbra Streisand.

Brolin and Streisand tied the knot in 1998 and have successfully kept the spark alive, despite their hectic Hollywood careers.

“If you look at Cancer and Taurus – not that I’m into astrology, but I’ll click on that if I’m on the computer – almost every time, it says, ‘You guys are magic together,’” Brolin, 78, told Fox News. “‘You’re so opposite that you’re able to work it out.’ And that’s what a makes a great team.”

“I think we’re both very opposite and very good negotiators,” chuckled Brolin. “She sees a color that’s one shade and I say, ‘No, it’s another color.’ And then we are able to negotiate around it.”

Brolin revealed that despite their busy schedules, which at times can keep them apart, they always find a way to come home to each other.

“We both long to come home to see each other and yet we both love to be in the mix of things at our age,” he explained. “We should be retired and on rocking chairs. But she is so intent on what she’s doing. As for me, I’m busy all the time. But we come home to each other. The evenings we’re always together. The days are just us running and holding our pants up.”

And Brolin has plenty of reasons to be thankful these days. He’s currently filming Season 4 of CBS’ hit sitcom “Life in Pieces.” He revealed it’s a relief to finally return to his comedic roots for television.

“I grew up in a real comedic family,” he shared. “It was constant joking. … I’m surprised no one has ever hired me for comedy because that’s what my private life has always been about… It’s a blessing to do this… Sharing this with a bunch of people who are kind of like family? It’s really just wonderful.”

However, the real surprise is that Brolin, who’s had a passion for filmmaking since he was 10, has gone on to lead a thriving career in front of cameras.

Despite his hesitations, fate was persistent.

“I was in a play in junior high school,” he recalled. “And I got so scared, I didn’t show up. I couldn’t even give book reports… People kept pushing me in front of the camera. And when I was 18, somebody stopped me and said, ‘Would you be interested in driving a Dodge pickup in a commercial?’ I did and suddenly, I’m in the actor’s union. Then an agent came to me… I was pretty shy about it all. Especially when I had to talk.

“Then I got an appointment at Fox Studio when I was 19 years old. And I was put under contract to do various jobs a week. I would dub other actors’ voices in movies. I would do walk-on parts. And they thought I may have a future. At that point, I was getting this money, way more money that I had been making parking cars on Restaurant Row.”

Brolin said he used his earnings to attend acting classes every night in hopes of improving his craft and boosting his self-esteem.

And there was also that major flub in front of James Stewart. Brolin made his motion picture debut in 1963’s “Take Her, She’s Mine” alongside the star and teen idol Sandra Dee. It was during his time on that set that Brolin realized he needed to hit the books if he wanted to survive.

“What excited me was just being in the same room with the man,” said Brolin on working alongside Stewart. “It was a real confidence booster. But there I was, with all this confidence and opportunity, and I couldn’t remember my lines in front of 100 people… I couldn’t remember anything… It really scared the heck out of me.

“That’s when I really buckled down and I started going to school, to workshop every night. I spent every single nickel on trying to educate myself and humiliate myself until it became status quo…. I just thought to myself, ‘I’m going to sit in this awful feeling and enjoy it.’ That went on for quite a few years.”

James Brolin and son Josh Brolin in 1983. (Getty)

Since that unfortunate mishap, Brolin has remained working. He’s starred in numerous feature films, including 1973’s “Westworld,” 1979’s “The Amityville Horror,” as well as 2000’s “Traffic.” He’s also directed two Hallmark Channel films, including “Royal Hearts” and “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” In addition, he’s currently developing to direct the true crime tale of Ruby McCollum, as well as producing the romantic comedy “Smooth Operator.”

And while his son, fellow actor Josh Brolin, was wary of pursuing the family business, the famous patriarch gave him some no-nonsense advice.

“He had a chance of taking an acting class, metal shop or woodshop,” said Brolin about his son’s high school days. “He had to take one of these classes in his senior year. He asked me and I said, ‘What are you asking me for? I thought you hated the whole idea.’ You know what it was? It was the backlash from kids and gangs around the school that would say, ‘Oh, so your dad is like a bigshot?’ And they’d want to fight. It’s as if Stallone walks into a bar and somebody wants to pick a fight with him.”

“I said, ‘If you take an acting class, it’s better than a psychology class. It will apply immediately what you learn. You will put yourself in the other guy’s shoes, look back at yourself, and really see where the conflict lies.’ He didn’t say anything. And the next thing I knew, he was in the school play. … He soon started doing workshops every night. … Then he was in ‘Goonies’ with Spielberg.’ Now he’s booked for the next three years. Otherwise, he’d be making metal bowls.”

American actor James Brolin astride a motorcycle, as Dr. Steven Kiley in the US television drama “Marcus Welby, MD” 1969. (Getty)

Still, fans have wondered if Brolin would take on one other challenge. During the early days of his career, Brolin starred in the TV series “Marcus Welby, M.D.” from 1969 until 1976. With so many classic shows recently getting the reboot treatment in Hollywood, some have wondered if “Marcus” would join the bandwagon.

The series, which starred Robert Young as the leading role, explored how Doctor Marcus Welby and his young assistant (Brolin) try to treat patients as individuals in an age of specialized medicine and uncaring physicians.

Brolin isn’t opposed to the idea.

“My manager keeps mentioning it,” he explained. “There’s so much nostalgic stuff being reshot now, I don’t know why we couldn’t do something. But to have a sweet doctor that everybody loves? I don’t know if that will work today. But to have an old guy like me riding motorcycles and maybe even having some Hell’s Angels buddies that he rides with on the weekends? You can go in several directions with this… It’s a possibility. I need a walker. Then I’ll do it!”

Relationship problems are pretty predictable …

How long have you been married? Determining the age of your marriage, based on which wedding anniversary you’re celebrating, can actually help predict what kind of relationship problems you’re currently experiencing with your spouse — and teach you how to save your marriage from them, too.

Just as there is a list of traditional anniversary gifts by year, there is some commonality to the types of conflict marriages face when they reach certain milestones.

Perhaps it has to do with the different work you do in your lives at different ages. Perhaps it has to do with the model your parents showed you of what a marriage was like. Or perhaps it is just what happens to a relationship as it ages.

RELATED: The #1 Root Of Your Relationship Problems

Seeing this list may make you feel pessimistic about your chances of making it through the gauntlet of fights that come along with married life. However, knowing about what is “normal” or “usual” can give you a tremendous amount of control and a feeling of empowerment.

Once you’re aware of these major milestone fights, you and your spouse can prepare your marriage to survive them. You might even find a way to ward them off entirely, thanks to this marriage advice!

Here are the 5 most common relationship problems spouses are most likely to run into, based on milestone wedding anniversaries by year.

1. The 2-year anniversary fight

Doubt is your biggest issue.

If you and your spouse are around your second anniversary, you may be doubting your choice of a partner. You’ve just gone through the very difficult adjustment of becoming a “wife” or a “husband,” and you’re looking at your partner with a new perspective.

What you need has become clearer over the past few years, and you’re able to verbalize these needs in clearer ways. The work for you now is to talk through these needs and look for creative ways of getting them met.

2. The 7-year anniversary fight

A wandering eye may be trouble your marriage.

It is true that many couples experience a “seven year itch” around their seventh wedding anniversary, which is also known as the “affair anniversary.”

There are many theories as to why seven is the magic number for a wandering eye — one idea is that this would be when your child (perhaps 6-7 years old) is becoming independent and doesn’t need the caveman protection of a warrior in the house anymore.

Your seventh anniversary is a time to watch for the appearance of your own seeds of disinterest and work on reconnecting both emotionally and sexually with your partner.

RELATED: 7 Last-Ditch Ways To Save Your Marriage (When You Feel Hopeless)

3. The 10-year anniversary fight

You don’t feel like you’re being appreciated.

This is usually a blow up over feeling unappreciated and invisible. You’ve had ten years of hard work around building careers, houses, families, and communities together. A tenth wedding anniversary is a natural time to pause, look around, and feel a rush of resentment if there hasn’t been a pattern of gratitude, appreciation, or acknowledgment of sacrifice.

In a marriage, it is not usually both partners that feel this build up or blow up — it tends to just be one person. This can be confusing.

The work with your tenth anniversary is to add gratitude or acknowledgments for daily gifts, chores, jobs or even how well someone is taking care of themselves. Start your sentences with “I notice …” and end with “Thank you.”

4. The 15-year anniversary fight

Apathy is undermining everything you’ve worked to build.

The fifteen-year anniversary fight is not really a fight at all. After 14-17 years of marriage, many couples report that the main emotion in their relationship is apathy. You still love one another, but find you can’t remember what connected you early in the marriage. You feel disconnected and not particularly interested in reconnecting.

These are tough years in a marriage, and the work is to find small ways to connect. For some couples, you’ll need to recall and reenact inside jokes, and for others, you’ll need to find new ways to connect. For many, the work is just to survive this time of marriage knowing that a deeper intimacy is coming.

5. The 20-year anniversary fight

You’re probably wondering what to do.

The twentieth or twenty-fifth-anniversary fight is all about free time. There is usually a retirement on the horizon, or a slowing down in one partner’s life. The struggles are around how to reconnect as life is once again changing.

There is time for travel and more intimacy, but not everyone wants more intimacy right now. If you’re in this stage, you might also be struggling with grief as your parents become ill or pass. The challenge here is to continue the work you’ve already put into your relationship: Continue to talk, connect, reconnect, and share your needs.

Of course, not all couples go through these specific fights.

In sharing this insight, however, perhaps it will inspire conversations and opens doors toward greater intimacy within your relationship.

RELATED: The Best Traditional Wedding Anniversary Gifts By Year (From Your First Anniversary To Your 50th)

Ashley Seeger, LCSW, is an experienced couples’ counselor located in Boulder, CO, who specializes in working with couples as they move through life-transitions. For more information, visit her website.

This article was originally published at Ashley Seeger . Reprinted with permission from the author.

Like millions of people, I enjoy settling in to watch a good show. And while I stan for series like This Is Us, Queen Sugar, and Insecure, I also love grabbing a glass of vino and tuning in to the delicious messiness of reality TV.

As Love and Hip Hop: Hollywood winds down (and the ladies of Married to Medicine continue to argue over trivial issues), VH1 blessed us with a new show to add to our guilty pleasure watch list: T.I. & Tiny: Friends & Family Hustle. Though I was excited to dive in, by the end of the first episode I was dismayed that once again, women are being encouraged — and congratulated! — to put their needs aside and suffer for the sake of supporting their man.

RELATED: T.I. Says ‘Dime Trap’ Album Addresses ‘Challenges And Transgressions’ Of Marriage

RELATED: Tiny Harris On Her Marriage To T.I.: ‘We’re Just Taking It Day By Day’

The couple’s original series, T.I. & Tiny: The Family Hustle, ran for six seasons and gave the world a look at the inner workings of the Harris clan. But this time around T.I. and Tiny are not the lovey-dovey pair we once knew. Instead, they are trying to work on their marriage after tip toeing back from the brink of divorce. Although that would certainly make for compelling TV all on its own, this season the Harris family is joined by their daughter, Zonnique Pullins, and friends R&B singer Monica and her family; writer and Lil Wayne’s ex-wife, Toya Wright; Wright’s daughter, Reginae Carter; and singer and actor LeToya Luckett and her husband, Tommicus Walker.

Given their very public relationship issues — rumors of T.I.’s cheating continue to abound — I wasn’t sure what to expect from the show. But instead of tap dancing around the issue of T.I.’s infidelity, the couple got right into as soon as the episode began when Tiny confronted her husband about a video of him getting a little too cozy with a woman this past summer.

When Tiny asked him why he would do such a thing when they are supposed to be working on their marriage, T.I. tried to use his best Jedi mind trick to wiggle out of the situation.

“I know that you are upset, but not with me,” he told his wife. “You are upset with the people who keep calling you and bothering you.”

If that weren’t enough, instead of apologizing, T.I. went on to blame whomever posted the video to social media instead of taking responsibility for his own actions.

Thankfully, Tiny rightly corrected him, telling T.I., “I’m upset with you. They wouldn’t be calling me if it weren’t for you.”

By the end of the tense moment, however, the couple professed their love for one another as T.I. concluded, “The chemistry of you and I cannot be duplicated.” In a private moment, though, Tiny confessed she wants her husband to start acting like he’s committed to repairing their marriage and fight for her.

Unfortunately, it looks like she’ll continue to wait for that miracle to happen, because when T.I. met up with his friends later in the episode he all but said he doesn’t plan on changing his ways.

“Whatever I am, I’ve been that way from the beginning,” he told his boys when asked if he wants to be with Tiny forever. “I can do this forever, as long as I can remain me forever.”

Prince Williams/Getty Images for PUMA

Translation: I’ll stay with Tiny as long as I can cheat in peace.

Because of T.I.’s commitment to being a f–kboy, I’m rooting for Tiny to start putting her needs and wants above holding on to their troubled marriage. Sadly, some of her friends don’t seem to have her best interests in mind.

Before the episode wrapped, Tiny headed to a housewarming party for Luckett and Walker and somehow the conversation turned to her marriage. Luckett, who used to date T.I. back in the day, said she was “so happy” the couple had put their divorce plans on hold and got back together. Luckett’s friend also gave Tiny props for standing by her man in spite of his many faults.

“Even your resilience toward your family and your husband, people admire that about you,” the woman said. “You’ve stood the test of time. You’ve shown how to stand by a man when it’s not easy. People respect that about you.”

After Tiny confessed that, on the verge of their eighth wedding anniversary, she and T.I. are struggling to make it work, Luckett echoed her friend’s words.

“A lot of people don’t know how to stick with it,” the former Destiny’s Child member said. “And that’s what marriage is.”

Pastor John Gray couldn’t let the moment pass, sharing a quick sermon about “the resilience of the right woman.”

“The resilience of a woman, the right woman, where she can crush you and expose you, she’ll cover you and propel you,” he told Tiny. “I believe that’s what you represent for your husband.”

Here’s the thing, while I don’t advocate couples calling it quits at the first sign of trouble (unless there is abuse involved), telling a woman who’s been repeatedly disrespected by her husband –publicly — that she could be the woman who helps him change his life, so long as she continues to “cover him” while he’s cheating, is not only terrible advice, but it’s also harmful.

As I mentioned on Twitter while talking about the episode, encouraging and praising women for swallowing their own emotional needs and sticking by their trifling partners while they continue to hurt and disrespect them often leaves women broken. But since we live in a society that teaches women to do everything in their power to support, uplift, and hold on to their man (because being single is somehow seen as a failure), few people care about the emotional toll being “ride or die” takes on women.

Whether Tiny stays with T.I is her own personal business, but it’s time to dead the narrative of the long-suffering woman who goes through hell in order for her marriage to survive. From here on out women need to start putting their happiness first. Perhaps then they’ll attract a partner who will do the same.