Category Archives: Marriage & Divorce
Spouse struggles to share husband’s losses – Detroit Free Press
Dear Amy: My husband is 56 and I am 31. During the five years we’ve been together, he has lost countless friends, family and acquaintances.
He’s a union rep, so he knows many people, including retirees, and goes to several funerals a month. The hardest ones are obviously for his close friends or their children whom he watched grow up. Some have been truly tragic.
He has an extremely difficult time expressing his emotions – happy or sad.
I have to listen very closely for cues to understand how affected he is. For instance, today he insulted his favorite football team after hearing about another friend’s death.
I don’t know any of these people and I have not been invited to their services. They are people my husband knew for decades but doesn’t necessarily hang around with anymore. He’s more comfortable going to these services by himself and I respect that.
During this same time, I have been blessed to not lose anyone close to me. Naturally, my friends have been getting married and having children.
We are aware of the differences in our stages of life, but it doesn’t make it any easier to relate in the moment.
My question is, what more can I say other than, “I’m sorry you lost your friend.”
He responds well to gestures. I try to cook a special dinner or at least try to be less annoying than usual.
Is it overstepping to send flowers to the services? What else could I do?
– Spouse in the Dark
Dear Spouse: It would not be overstepping for you to attend calling hours or a service – or to send flowers (or make a donation to the family’s preferred charity). Your husband seems to prefer to attend these services alone, but I wonder if you have offered to go with him. Standing by his side could be a powerful way for you to honor both your relationship to him, and his relationship to the deceased person. In addition to saying, “I’m sorry you lost your friend,” you should ask your husband to tell you about the deceased person. Sharing an anecdote with you could help him to open up.
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It is especially powerful to attend with (and to) your husband when the loss has been tragic (as in the death of a child). You are young. Bearing quiet witness during these rituals will teach you so much about life, and will make the more joyful ceremonies (such as weddings and baby showers) all the more meaningful and resonant for you.
You are wise to look for non-verbal ways to comfort your husband. It sounds as if he values “acts of service.” For more insight into the various ways people communicate, read “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts,” by Gary Chapman (2015, Northfield Publishing).
Dear Amy: Months ago, I started talking to a guy I really liked. I learned that another girl had started to text him.
We all work together, so I stopped speaking to him outside of work and pretty soon they started dating. They dated for a few months and then he broke up with her.
This girl and I became friends after they started a relationship.
A couple of weeks ago, we started Snapchatting. I realized that I like this guy again, but I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want this girl to hate me and I don’t want to make the work environment awkward. But I really want to see where a relationship could go. I know that he is a caring guy. I have never related to someone the way I can with him. What should I do?
– Unsure
Dear Unsure: This guy may be a major workplace player. Know this and anticipate the professional fallout before diving into a relationship with him. And then act accordingly.
If the relationship progresses, girl-code dictates that you should politely give this guy’s ex, who is also your friend, a heads up.
You could say, “I know it’s awkward, but Brad and I have been talking, and I hope you’re OK if we start seeing each other.”
Dear Amy: I’m responding to the question from “Grunged,” who was grossed-out by his disgusting roommates.
I lived in a group house and our landlady handled this by hiring a cleaner and charging each tenant equally.
– No Longer Grungy
Dear Grungy: This is a great solution, although of course I don’t envy the cleaner who would have to deal with this house full of grungies.
You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: ASKAMYamydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.
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6 Wedding Tips We Learned from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel – Brides
You may not be an aspiring comedienne in 1950s Manhattan, but you could certainly stand to learn a thing or two about wedding planning from The Marvelous Mrs. Miasel‘s Miriam Maisel, the feminist fast-talking Upper West Side heroine of Amazon’s hit show. Although we only see Midge’s impeccably styled wedding to her ex Joel in flashbacks throughout the series, she is a savvy, creative wedding planner who has a take-no-prisoners approach to achieving her vision—even if it means having to ruffle some feathers along the way.
Midge may be perfectly time-capsuled in the mid-20th century, but many of her no-holds-barred planning methods still work for a modern bride.
Here are seven wedding planning lessons to learn from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
1. Don’t be afraid to negotiate.
Even when it’s not her own wedding, Midge will stop at nothing to make sure (demand, really) that every bride gets her dream day. While helping her B. Altman coworker Mary with her wedding plans, Midge is horrified to find out that the reception will take place in the “punishment room” at a Catholic church. The room—dingy, dirty, and complete with a crying child in the corner—is a less-than-ideal spot to toast a new married couple.
Midge then sets to work on the priest, whom she convinces to bump a ladies’ bingo game and let Mary have the cleaner, brighter “window room” for an early evening reception without an additional fee.
The lesson here? Don’t be afraid to ask your venue’s coordinator for something that you want to negotiate. Without asking, you may never know what’s possible in your ceremony or reception space.
2. Lighting is absolutely everything.
In addition to the crying child in the corner (“The walls are stained with tears”), Midge disapproves of the punishment room because it has very little light, giving it a damp and lifeless appearance. Midge points this out to Mary and eventually steamrolls her way into a reception room that’s filled with natural light.
When you start touring ceremony and reception venues, one of the most important things to check for is a room with plenty of natural light. Great lighting will help your photographer get better shots, and it will make the space feel cheerier and festive.
3. Themed weddings can be fun and gorgeous.
When you hear the words “themed wedding,” you may think of plastic tablecloths and tchotchkes, but Midge proves that a themed wedding doesn’t have to be cheesy or involve any kind of sacrifices when it comes to décor.
“My wedding had a Russian winter wonderland theme. You know, like Doctor Zhivago,” Midge says to her friends. “Everything was white, and there were trees painted like they were covered with snow. It was really, really beautiful.”
Themed weddings can show off a couple’s unique personalities and interests, but they don’t have to involve decorations you might find at a child’s birthday party. To keep it elegant, make subtle gestures to your theme around your wedding in the form of signage, cake toppers, or props in the photo booth.
4. Keep your guests on their toes during the reception.
Sure, your wedding guests attend to witness your vows, but the main event is the reception, where they’re hoping to be entertained (and, let’s face it, well fed). Keep your guests on their toes by providing some surprise entertainment like a ’90s cover band, a magician, a caricaturist, confetti cannons, or anything else you can think of to wow them unexpectedly.
You could also take a page out of Midge’s playbook and hire some professional dancers. After Midge and Joel were hoisted on their chairs during the hora, some guests broke out of the circle and started to show off their skilled dance moves. “I wanted to make sure there were great dancers at our wedding, so I hired some chorus boys from Pajama Game to come and dance,” Midge says to Joel. “Two of them did “Steam Heat.” Notice the great hat work.”
5. There are no “rules” if it’s your second wedding.
In season two, when (spoiler alert!) Midge unexpectedly falls in love with Dr. Benjamin Ettenberg, all that’s needed is approval from her father Abe for their engagement to be official. As they await his decision, Midge discusses potential wedding plans with her mother, Rose, who turns her nose up at every white dress that Midge holds up for approval, citing that age-old ridiculous rule that second weddings mean no white and no fancy halls for the ceremony.
Just because it’s your second wedding doesn’t mean you have to plan more conservatively or celebrate less. Your previous marriage may not have worked out, but it shouldn’t prevent you from having an equally (or more) fabulous wedding.
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6. Don’t be shy: Say a few words to your guests.
Midge certainly knows her way around a microphone, and even before she starts her career as a fledgling comedienne, she takes the opportunity to stand up at her wedding reception and talk to her guests, who hang on her every hilarious word. Though she takes the moment to talk about how she’s been on a liquids-only diet to fit into her dress (not a great idea) and discuss the expense of the affair (also not a great idea), in the act she provides us with this tidbit of advice: Don’t be afraid to say a few words to your guests during the reception.
Who says the only speaking roles during the reception belong to the best man and maid of honor? Grab the mic with gusto and thank your guests for coming on your own terms.
Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin Are Having a Big Christian Wedding in February – The Cut
Four months after legally (and secretly) tying the knot in a Manhattan courthouse, it sounds like Justin Bieber, 24, and Hailey Baldwin, 22, are finally having their big Christian wedding ceremony.
While Baldwin and Bieber “realized that they actually felt like husband and wife without having a religious ceremony,” a source told People after the couple’s September marriage, insiders told “Page Six” that the young lovebirds are still going through with the big celebration — and soon. Below, here’s everything we know about the upcoming wedding ceremony.
Where and when is the ceremony?
Per a “Save the Date” that the couple reportedly sent out to friends and family, the ceremony will be somewhere in Los Angeles on February 28, “Page Six” reports. However, a conflicting TMZ report claims the wedding will take place over the weekend of March 1 — which just so happens to be Bieber’s 25th birthday. Regardless of the date, it doesn’t sound like the couple will push back their ceremony any longer. A source told TMZ that Bieber aspires to be married before turning the ripe age of 25, so he and Baldwin can’t afford to drag their feet on their ceremony any longer.
What can we expect?
A big Christian wedding, where guests can simultaneously partake in the married couple’s favorite pastimes: praying and partying. There will apparently dancers (who are already rehearsing!) and Bieber’s personal DJ, Tay James, will be the behind the music.
Who’s on the guest list?
Per TMZ, one major celebrity couple has already received their Save the Date (which is apparently the third invite the couple has sent out): Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott. It remains unclear whether the rest of the Kardashian family has been invited, or which Baldwin family members will be going; the only confirmed attendees are Alaia and Ireland Baldwin, both of whom will be in the wedding.
Fingers crossed that Alec Baldwin is also in attendance, to give his niece some of his signature marriage advice (and manage not to punch anyone).
What Chrissy Teigen and John Legend usually fight about – Page Six
Chrissy Teigen and John Legend’s marriage appears to be like many, with periods of bliss and periods of fighting.
“It helps that John and I fight very differently,” the 33-year-old supermodel told Good Housekeeping.
Teigen and Legend have been married since 2013 and share two kids, 2-year-old Luna and 7-month-old Miles.
“I get very passionate and loud, and he’s very much a diffuser,” she added. “But in the end, we’re both apologizers; we don’t like to dwell on the same thing.”
Teigen, who is known for sharing intimate details of her life, said she and the EGOT winner usually fight over “scheduling, communication, or ‘You told me this, but I was holding Luna, and I was baking cookies at the same time, how was I supposed to listen to this and have a conversation?!’”
Although the couple doesn’t fight often, she tries to listen closer to what the actual issue is.
“I’ve learned to listen to what the other person is upset about and try to make sure that I’m doing everything to not let that same, dumb fight happen again,” she said.
Early in 2018, Teigen shared her marriage advice.
“I think it’s really important to be complete partners in crime,” she told Well+Good. “I love the mentality of ‘us against the world.’ Even when you have kids, never forget your relationship as partners and lovers – that’s so important.”
