Relationships Talk

President Uhuru Kenyatta has urged young people to keep inter-marrying to help Kenya become more cohesive, secure and prosperous.

Speaking at Meru Governor Kiraitu Murungi daughter’s wedding on Saturday held at the Ngong Racecourse Nairobi, the president argued that a cohesive nation can be realized when Kenyans start accepting one another without necessarily using religion or tribe as a guide to determine who they should marry.

“We celebrate the coming together of our people. This generation is doing tremendous things because they do not see barriers between them. They see the person they went to school with, and the person they work with. That is whom they respect. That is who they fall in love with and marry,” stated President Kenyatta.

Governor Murungi’s daughter, Makena Murungi tied the knot with her longtime fiancée James Bukusi at the colourful wedding ceremony.

The invite-only event was attended by high profile government officials and politicians including Deputy President William Ruto, politician Ephraim Maina among other dignitaries.

Six months ago, I had my fairytale wedding. It was picturesque, filled with love, and ran smoothly. That magical day went better than I had ever imagined. But like most things in life, there were aspects I wish I had done differently in terms of the planning and how the actual wedding day was carried out.

Learning from my own bridal experience and in reading about wedding etiquette since being married, I’ve discovered there were a few things I didn’t do that I wish I did. Most weren’t a huge deal, but some things could’ve made those closest to me feel more loved during such a special time of life.

Here are a few things I would’ve done differently that might save you some mistakes in your own wedding endeavors.

But your wife has apparently shown no accommodating to you, other than for your money. And once there’s a child in the picture, plus its biological father and her various sex partners, your role in her life will be minimized even further … to just handing over the cash to pay for her growing demands.

What should you do? See your doctor about “size” and a sex therapist about learning how to satisfy a lover who’s a real partner.

Then run. Staying in this marriage is self-imposed entrapment.

Reader’s commentary regarding couples with a significant age difference that attracts attention:

Reader: “I’m in a same-sex marriage with a man who’s 32 years younger than me. We’re often aware of people looking at us and in one case (the only one in more than 10 years) a person actually made a comment to me, that “you must be very rich.”

“We’re sure that people often think that my husband is a “kept boy” and that the only way I can have a young “hot” partner is because I pay for it.

“But we know what the truth is and we tend to ignore the whispered comments and the stares.

“There’s nothing wrong with a “spring-December” relationship, provided that both members of the couple are on an equal footing (and that means age-appropriate).

“The gossips will have their day, for all kinds of reasons. Our job in this marriage is to make both members of the couple comfortable in our relationship.

“When we go out to a restaurant, for instance, my husband usually pays the bill. And we dress as is appropriate to our own ages.”

Ellie: It’s clear that neither of you is unaware of the speculation and gossip, and aren’t very bothered by it.

But to put the “chatter” in context, the ongoing #MeToo awareness and reaction to sexual abuses/assaults and coercion directed at both women and men, heterosexuals and LGBTQ people, has aroused some questions, as well as unsubstantiated and unfair gossip.

In a couple with such a visible age gap, people may (wrongly) assume that there was an initial predatory nature to the union, or that an ongoing power imbalance exists, forcing the younger partner to comply.

However, what matters is that both you and your husband are fully equal in the relationship.

Ellie’s tip of the day

Some “accommodations” in a marriage are too demeaning to accept.