Category Archives: Marriage & Divorce

Would You Marry a Virgin Or Not? The Real Housewives of New Jersey Break It Down – Bravo

  Marriage & Divorce

The Real Housewives of New Jersey got deep about their own sex lives after discussing Jennifer Aydin’s conservative views on sex and marriage. The Turkish beauty is married to a plastic surgeon, and they share five kids. But the RHONJ wife had a (sort of) arranged marriage. “So, I was actually set up. I didn’t have to marry him if I didn’t want to. We set each other up, and I would hope to do the same for my kids,” she says. Jennifer says they never had sex before they married.

The cast had some strong opinions about that. Melissa Gorga said, “Most of us have tried out our husband before we married him.” Joe Gorga says “sex is number one” and if he didn’t have it often, he couldn’t function in his daily life. Teresa Giudice piped in that “you gotta test drive before you get married,” and she wasn’t talking about a car.

Basically everyone agreed there has to be sex before marriage — especially with the person you’re marrying.

Then there’s The Bachelor’s Colton Underwood, who at 26, is still a virgin with 30 women in one mansion all fighting to change that.

The first episode of this season repeats the fact that he is a virgin over and over. And over. In case you didn’t know. They’ve basically made it his whole identity. It’s pretty suspenseful actually, watching to see if some lucky lady will be the first to win him over in the show’s famed Fantasy Suite.

Mindy R. Schiffman, PhD., clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist who runs a private practice in Greenwich Village, New York, says that she thinks you don’t necessarily have to have sex before marriage.

She explains: “What is important is how you feel treated by your partner and to understand and be accepting of each other’s expectations,” she says.

Tell that to Teresa.

Well, it’s actually very common in her practice to see couples who marry without having had sex — with anyone.

“I can’t say how common it is for couples to remain virgins until they marry,” Schiffman says. “It might depend on how you define sex. Many couples are very sexual but reserve intercourse for after marriage. These couples already have a good idea about one another’s sexual responsiveness and needs. For couples who have little physical contact before marriage, sexual interactions may be more awkward. It is essential for heterosexual couples to think about pleasuring one another in varied ways, learning one another’s bodies, rather than racing toward intercourse.”

She adds it’s not about the experience in bed, but how much you are willing to communicate with your partner about your wants and needs.

“Experience matters if you are willing to learn from your partner. People, especially women, require individualized attention to their response to stimulation. Partners who think they know what to do but aren’t sensitive to their partner aren’t learning from their experience,” she says. “Couples who are willing to talk and learn in a new relationship are often the best lovers.”

John Marchini LCSW specializing in sex therapy, disagrees. “If being sexually active with each other is important to the couple, I believe consummation of the relationship should happen early. Sexual compatibility is tested in the field, not the classroom,” he tells Personal Space. “Being sexually educated is necessary. Being aware of one’s sexual desires and expectations is a plus. Having the capacity to accept and express and communicate about these desires and expectations is ideal. This ability can come with more experience, but not guaranteed.”

He adds that he has not yet met a client who has remained a virgin until marriage.

Dr. Maha Nasrallah says that from what she’s seen in her practice, having sexual experience can lead to better sex. “Specifically because the person knows their body and sexuality better, and builds confidence with time,” she says. “It is natural for sex to feel awkward and even not very enjoyable in the beginning because the person is anxious and not very knowledgeable regarding his or her body and sexuality. The more comfortable you are with your body and with sex, and the more connected you are to your body, your pleasure, and your partner, the better the experience.”

But, she adds, “this doesn’t necessarily mean that people should have penetrative sex with a partner to feel more relaxed and in control of their sexuality.”

“One can achieve many of the same benefits by exploring their own sexuality through reading and learning, reflecting, discussing, and physically exploring their body,” she says. “Of course this doesn’t mean that I encourage people to do anything that does not feel comfortable or good for them, nor that they should change their personal values and beliefs as a result. If having sex is something that is only comfortable for them within the confines of marriage, then it could potentially be a negative experience if they engage in it in ways that are conflicting with their values … I practiced in the Middle East for several years, and it is quite common for people from religious backgrounds to stay virgins until marriage. I assume it is the same for religious communities in other countries.”

Therapist Sandi Kaufman says she would advise people to try to have sex before they marry. “Sexual chemistry is so important and I would advise it. If people can’t have sex before marriage due to religious reasons, obviously there are ways to get around full-on intercourse,” she says. “I’m not sure of the percentages of people remaining virgins until marriage. It’s religiously and culturally influenced. I’d say it’s uncommon but it exists.”

Personal Space is Bravo’s home for all things “relationships,” from romance to friendships to family to co-workers. Ready for a commitment? Then Like us on Facebook to stay connected to our daily updates. 

Jeff & MacKenzie Bezos' Divorce Beats Most People's Marriage; Here's Why – D'Marge

  Marriage & Divorce

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos has announced he is separating from his wife of 25 years, novelist MacKenzie Bezos. In a statement uploaded to Twitter, the world’s richest man revealed that a successful “trial separation” gave them the confidence to make the decision final.

“As our family and close friends know, after a long period of loving exploration and trial separation, we have decided to divorce and continue our shared lives as friends,” the 54-year-old billionaire wrote on Twitter.

The tweet suggests the split was on good terms, with Jeff remarking: “We feel incredibly lucky to have found each other and deeply grateful for every one of the years we have been married.”

“If we had known we would separate after 25 years, we would do it all again.”

In response, many have praised the pair’s maturity, while going through a challenge most often associated with resent and bitterness:

Some went as far as to suggest that Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos’ divorce is classier than most peoples’ marriages…

However not everyone was convinced by the announcement, with various commenters pointing out that with shareholders watching, it is in both their interest for the split to appear amicable, so as to cause minimal disruption to the trillion dollar business they both have shares in.

As reported by News.com, Jeff and his soon-to-be-ex-wife MacKenzie have an estimated net worth of more than $US136 billion ($A189 billion), mostly thanks to Jeff’s holdings in Amazon.

As they got married before Amazon existed, it’s unlikely they had a prenuptial agreement, meaning MacKenzie could be entitled to up to $60 billion dollars.

“People get prenuptial agreements when they have assets to protect,” said Stuart Slotnick, chairman of the matrimonial department of law firm Buchanan Ingersoll & Rooney in New York City. “In this case, they had no real assets vis à vis Amazon because when they got married Amazon did not exist,” (News.com).

That said, the details of the couple’s divorce settlements are unknown, and “legal experts agree it’s unlikely to impact Amazon or turn bitter,” (News.com).

Also possible is that the pair got a postnuptial agreement instead, once Amazon took off, other legal experts have suggested.

MacKenzie does not hold any Amazon shares directly, meaning that if the split were ugly, there may have been concerns over Jeff Bezos liquidating shares and funnelling the money into assets that he could not be forced to split.

But even if that were the case, Liat Sadler, a San Francisco matrimonial lawyer told Reuters, “Spouses owe a fiduciary duty to one another… They have duties not to waste or devalue marital resources, and to keep the value of marital property as high as possible.”

“I don’t think there is an issue of concern for shareholders as to what will happen to Amazon because of the divorce.”

So the big question is: will Jeff buy out his wife or will MacKenzie will retain shares?

“If she trusts that he would manage Amazon well, either he should pay her for her share of the stock, or they could enter a more complicated agreement where she keeps stock and he keeps voting rights,” Sadler said.

In the meantime, the good people of Twitter have more pressing advice for the soon to be divorced couple.

RELATED: Money Saving Tips To Get Filthy Rich In Your Forties

Long-lasting wedding day makeup tips – KHON2

  Marriage & Divorce
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8 Bad Habits That Could Really Lead To Divorce – 10 daily

  Marriage & Divorce

Look we hate to break it to you, smug marrieds, but those seemingly innocent but annoying daily habits you have could be destroying your marriage.

Being married isn’t all breakfast in bed and hanging out with “your best friend”, sharing the chores equally and reading the paper on a Sunday afternoon. Well, not for all of us anyway.

Image: Getty

For some maybe.

And we don’t really like you people.

As for us, real-life lovers will know, being married is HARD WORK. It’s about knowing what to fight about, and how, and for how long. It’s about how you speak to each other, investing time in your relationship, navigating the bad bits and celebrating the good bits. It’s also about socks on the floor, sleeping on the couch and long nights drinking wine with your friends trying to work out just what the HELL is going on with your partner.

READ MORE: Scientists Say Open Relationships Are Just As Good As Monogamy

But if you’re not careful, all that work you put in could be in vain.  You see, it can be the little things that ultimately destroy a marriage.

“Research shows that there are a lot of little things that people do that can indicate serious problems in relationships,” couples therapist and certified Gottman master trainer Carrie Cole, told Harpers Bazaar UK recently.

Our advice? Watch out for these bad habits that can seriously end in a split.

Talking behind each other’s back

That night with your friends sitting around badmouthing your partner? Not a good idea, said Cole. “Women may fall into this habit if they’re surrounded by people doing the same thing,” she says. “If your close group of girlfriends are constantly talking poorly about their own husbands, it may feel more normal for you to chime in and say, ‘You think yours is bad? Listen to mine.'”

“It shows a lack of respect for your relationship, even if they never find out,” she explains.

Constantly nagging each other

Everyone knows that nagging in a relationship can be exhausting, often leads to a fight, and if it’s constant, it can lead to a divorce,” Lysn COO and Clinical Psychologist Tahnee Schulz told 10 daily.

“Over time, nagging can feel increasingly frustrating for both parties. Those on the receiving end get sick of hearing the same thing (you think?) and those doing the nagging feeling like what they’re saying falls on deaf ears. Those on the receiving end will also feel like their partner is fixating on things they might not do well, or small incidental things that shouldn’t really matter.”

READ MORE: Science Reveals Why We Stay In Miserable Relationships

Being critical of each other

If a person is constantly critical of their spouse, over time their partner can start to harbour feelings of resentment and contempt.

“If you’re prone to negativity or dishing out criticism to your partner, try to focus on the things you feel positive about,” suggested Schulz.

“Sometimes perspective can go a long way. When you imagine life without this person, what would hindsight tell you? That you should have left earlier or that you should have given the relationship more care? It’s okay to sometimes want better and express this constructively. But when it comes to long term happiness, we often grow stronger when our partner lifts us up, not puts us down.”

Being negative all the time

“Negativity in any relationship can cause problems because it can make a person feel belittled, degraded, unloved and overall can contribute to a pessimistic outlook,” said Schulz. “A negative person can easily rub off on someone else, so if it’s a constant attitude, it can over time make for a constantly sour relationship.” And who wouldn’t want out of that?

Negatively comparing your spouse to others is another subtle kiss of death. “Even if you’re only making notes in your mind, it can kill a relationship over time,” said Cole.

READ MORE: The 5 Dealbreakers That Should End Any Relationship

Stonewalling each other

Stonewalling is when a person refuses to communicate, evades fights or avoids conflict by not talking.

“They can withdraw from discussions, give the silent treatment and refuse to address any of their spouse’s concerns,” said Schulz. “Stonewalling can destroy a relationship because it makes the partner feel rejected and emotionally isolated.”

The solution? “If you’re prone to stonewalling, let your partner know you need some space, set yourself a time limit for thinking things over, then force yourself to address the issue at a later stage rather than avoiding it altogether,” suggested Schulz.

Not letting go of arguments

Some people just cannot deal with not having the last word, or they have to find a way to bring back the argument into a conversation.

“When this happens it can be exhausting,” Schulz told 10 daily, “but if it happens time and time again in a relationship, it can be detrimental. If someone doesn’t know when to stop bickering or when to just let it go, the other person can start to feel helpless, hopeless and trapped. It can also build up a lot of pent up stress and tension for the person who doesn’t let go of the argument.”

If that sounds like you, work on ways to learn how to tolerate your own distress and to pick a constructive time to express how you feel in a solution focused manner.”

Being bad-tempered with each other

A bad temper can easily turn what could have been a light-hearted conversation into a full-blown fight in a matter of seconds. It instantly takes any positive energy out and replaces it with aggression.

“Science proves that the louder you speak, the less people hear,” said Schulz. “Arguments activate our inbuilt ‘threat response’, which can cause the other person to be consumed in a fight, flight, freeze or faint mode as a primal defence mechanism — this means they can only notice how they feel, not what you are saying. This can cause your partner to shut down and close off from the conversation and can slowly damage their emotional wellbeing.

“Next time you feel your temper rising, try to implement ways to calm yourself down, whether it be with breathing exercises, by counting or (with permission) recording the conversation so you can become more aware of overreactions and how you’re behaving.”

Not fighting at all

OK so it may sound totally weird, but if you don’t fight at all, ever, experts say you may have just given up on the relationship.

According to Diane Gehart, a professor of marriage and family therapy, when you don’t even bother to bring up something that annoys you, it means you’ve stopped putting energy into the relationship and could be emotionally checking out. While that doesn’t mean you should be picking fights in order to show you care, if there’s a sense of quiet resentment or ambivalence, it’s better to bring up the issue than let it simmer.

Just do it in a nice way, OK?

Feature Image:  20th Century Fox

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