Relationships Talk

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Over the last year, our intrepid readers have traveled around the world, exploring new terrain, seeking out new experiences and generously sharing their trip photos and travel tips with us.

They climbed the Great Wall of China, clambered across the ice of Antarctica and bathed in Iceland’s Blue Lagoon. They indulged in the deliciousness of Italy — the No. 1 spot with readers this year — and cavorted across France and Peru, the second and third most popular destinations. And they tempted us with tales of adventure in 53 countries, including from Tunisia to Greenland, Albania and Mongolia.

We usually share “Wish You Were Here” submissions in small batches, two or three photos at a time. But it only seems fitting that we close out the year with a grand extravaganza to inspire your travel plans in the new year. Bon voyage!

ICELAND: Daly City resident Claire Padron and her sister, San Jose resident Joni Padron, spent a week in Reykjavik this fall “with side trips to the Golden Circle and the Blue Lagoon, while we chased the
Northern Lights during our stay,” Joni says.

Travel tips: “Be prepared for the initial shock of how expensive food is there! Find accommodations that have a kitchenette where you may be able to prepare a few meals, and do your food shopping at Bonus Grocery Stores — great assortment and prices. Book your reservation to the Blue Lagoon well in advance — every time slot fills up quickly! And splurge for the premium package. A terry cloth robe comes in handy when you have to run between the indoor lockers and the warm water and it’s 36 degrees outside! Check with the tour desks daily to ensure you get optimal viewing of the Northern
Lights. Overcast or rainy conditions can affect whether the Northern Lights tours go out that night. We were fortunate: We saw them the first night we arrived.”

ALASKA: San Jose residents Greg and Liz Winslow’s trip to Alaska and the Yukon included a jaunt to the Arctic Circle. “We chose a 1.5 hour, 10-person flight from Denali to Coldfoot, then took a 20-minute shuttle to Wiseman, 63 miles north of the Arctic Circle!” Liz says. “It was a fascinating tour of how the 10 people who live there survive year round — temperatures range from 60 degrees below zero to 80 degrees above — using solar power, well water, gardening and hunting.”

Travel tips: “Book the Holland America Land and Sea Journey, a three-week tour of the Yukon and Alaska. Select the land trip first. By the time you are ready to slow down and are losing energy, you are ready for the ship’s rest and pampering. Select Holland’s smallest excursions for the most personalized experiences possible. We were surprised how nice our land tour was; a group of 38 folks from around the country. Be prepared for cold weather, but take the last journey offered so you can see the gorgeous fall colors and wildlife foraging for winter, and because it gets dark, you might see a spectacular aurora borealis as we did!”

Boating on Germany’s Spree River was a highlight of the Grover family’s summer travels. (Courtesy of the Grover Family) Courtesy of the Grover Family

GERMANY: Lafayette’s Grover family — Dan, Kimberly, Taye (16), Ian (14) and Mia (7) — traveled to Germany and Switzerland this summer along with grandparents Phil and Susan Grover from Concord. “We embarked on a 16-day adventure this summer with our family,” Kimberly says. “We flew into Berlin and then traveled by train to Nuremburg, Rothenburg, Munich, Lucerne, Murren and Zurich. It was fun to do a mix of big cities and more isolated villages. Favorites included a boat ride down the Spree River in Germany, the Night Watchman’s tour in Rothenburg, and a day at Mount Pilatus in Switzerland with an exciting mountain luge ride!”

Travel tip: “Pack one rolling suitcase each and take the train from town to town. The trains were an easy way to see so much of both countries and provided a relaxing break when traveling between destinations.”

SINGAPORE: San Ramon residents Bill Lepere and his daughter Allison, a Sonoma State student, visited Singapore recently on a trip that included a visit to the Marina Bay Sands Skypark. “Singapore is a beautiful tropical city with modern buildings next to older colonial buildings constructed when it was a British colony,” Bill says.

Travel tips: “We recommend a local tour group to see many of the beautiful parks and sites. The leader of the tour group provided many tips on traveling through the city on our own by using the mass transit system. We used this for the rest of the trip.”

ALABAMA: A four-state Civil Rights tour of the Deep South took former Willow Glen High School classmates Gary Madden, Susan McCarthy and Gloria Loventhal — along with their spouses Lisa Madden and Richard Pederson and travel mates Bill Freeman of Hillsborough and Terry Becker of Oakland — across the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma. “In 1965, a voting registration campaign turned tragic when an African-American man was shot to death by a state trooper,” Loventhal says. “This event was followed by a 54-mile protest march from Selma to Montgomery led by Reverend Martin Luther King
Jr. and Reverend Ralph Abernathy.”

Travel tip: “Be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster ride as you revisit Civil Rights history with Nation Magazine Tours.”

Ginny and Jerry Kaminski, from San Jose, visited the Greenland ice cap in September. (Courtesy of the Kaminski family) Courtesy of the Kaminski family

GREENLAND: Ginny and Jerry Kaminski, from San Jose, visited the Greenland ice cap in September. “We made it to 78.5 deg. N latitude before our ship was stopped by the ice,” Jerry says.

Travel tips: “Traveling aboard an expedition ship is great. We didn’t have to pack and unpack each day. Be sure to have your muck boots and warm jackets.”

ITALY: Santa Cruz residents Sienna and Haig White’s recent trip to Italy and Greece included a stop in Positano on Italy’s Amalfi Coast. “We chose to stay in the lovely town of Amalfi as our home base,” Haig says, “while we explored the coast with its picturesque cliffside towns overlooking the Mediterranean.”

Travel tips: “If you visit the Amalfi Coast and do not stay in Positano, take the once-in-a-lifetime white-knuckle bus or taxi ride to upper Positano where the rubber hits the road, then walk downhill to the waterfront shops and cafes. You can ferry back to your home base viewing the lovely coastline from the water.”

FRANCE: Fremont residents Annie and Raymond Lim visited the Eiffel Tower during a 35th wedding anniversary trip to Paris in August. “We had a wonderful time,” Annie says.

Travel tips: Local tours were a must for visiting the city’s landmarks and tourist attractions. “Tour guides helped us understand the history and culture. We also signed up for the hop-on, hop-off bus to explore the city at our own pace. You can simply hop off the bus when you want to explore more.”

MONGOLIA: Lafayette residents Bill and Margaret Espey’s recent trip to Mongolia including a stop at the Flaming Cliffs site of the Gobi Desert. “This is an area where many important dinosaur fossils have been
discovered,” Bill says. “It is still possible to find dinosaur fossils quite easily.”

Travel tips: “Mongolia is a fascinating place to visit, but it has minimal infrastructure. Even paved roads are scarce. It is essential to have local support, such as guides and drivers. Be prepared for very basic
accommodations once you leave the capital. Traveling by vehicle requires long off-road treks in four-wheel drive vehicles. The weather is highly changeable and can be extreme any time of the year. Be prepared for a heat wave, a thunderstorm or cold snap on any given day. Most of the country is not connected to the internet, so enjoy being disconnected from your social media. The capital city, Ulaanbaatar, has all the modern amenities, nice hotels, good food, WiFi, etc. — and shopping for cashmere products can be quite productive.”

CHINA: San Jose residents Pete and Debbie Anderson recently took an 18-day trip to China with their grandchildren Jacob and Jessa Tobani, older daughter Leah and her husband Steve Tobani, and younger daughter Marah and her husband Gus Straub. They spent five days in Beijing, where they visited “Mutianyu, a section of the Great Wall just outside the city,” Debbie says, “before heading south to visit their maternal ancestral village in Kaiping, Guangdong Province, and ending the trip in Hong Kong.”

An 18-day trip to China brought the Anderson family to Beijing, where they visited a section of the Great Wall just outside the city. (Courtesy of the Anderson family) Courtesy of the Anderson family

Travel tips: “Always have the address of where you are leaving from and where you are going to written in Chinese, as many taxi drivers do not speak English.”

CHILE: Oakland residents Bob Chope and Bobbi Johnson visited Easter Island, or Rapa Nui, this fall to see the “hundreds of huge, heavy carved stone statues or moai,” Bobbi says.

Travel tips: “There is a daily flight from Chile and occasional embarkations with cruise ships, but harsh weather and rough seas can prevent both from landing. We were lucky. Holland America offered a cruise
that included Easter island and had a schedule with some built-in flexibility. Once on the island, there is an $80 charge for a National Park card that allows visits to all important sites for 10 days. You can take an organized tour, hire a taxi and negotiate time and price, or rent a car and drive yourself.

“We think the best site is Rano Raraku, the crater lake where moai were carved. Rolling hills, winding paths, hundreds of statues, most partially buried, make this site truly memorable. Some people hike to the ancient city, Orongo, and up to the top of the volcano – beautiful views, takes a few hours. Many people walk to the small main town to buy tourist things and visit cafes and restaurants. The food is delicious.”

ITALY: Brentwood residents Monika and Dominic Filardo’s Italian adventures this fall included stops in Venice, Florence, Pompeii, Naples and Rome, where they visited the Colosseum.

Travel tips: “Airbnb is a great way to find lodging. You get more bang for your buck. We found a nice two-bedroom flat with great views near the Vatican,” Monika says. “Also if you don’t drive like a Formula One race car driver, taking public transportation, the subway and trains is your best alternative to get around. Lastly, ensure you always have change since most public toilets will cost you on
average 1 Euro.”

Dear Carolyn

DEAR CAROLYN: Is it advisable for a never-married man with no kids to get involved with a single mother? I know it’s never a good idea to generalize, but the answer I hear most often is an emphatic no, for many reasons. The main one is the man will always be a lower priority than the woman’s children, and there’s also potential drama with the woman’s ex. There is also the asymmetry in life experiences of a single mother and a never-married man with no kids.

— Dating

DEAR DATING: I advise your own advice: “It’s never a good idea to generalize.”

(1) Millions of children live with their biological mother and a stepfather. Do you really think they’re an “emphatic” 0-for-millions on happiness ever after?

(2) Couples who have children, however they get there, always accept some responsibility for making that child a higher priority — than themselves, much less a partner. A minor child’s last line of defense in the world is the adult guardian. Sometimes the circumstances and the child’s needs dictate that Mom overrules Dad, Dad overrules Mom, spouse overrules spouse, or one or both parents overrule their own needs. Should you become a stepfather, you might have to prioritize your stepchild’s needs over the mother’s/your wife’s. That’s parenthood.

If your goal is to be somebody’s undisputed No. 1, then that’s valid — but then, don’t be a parent, step- or otherwise.

(3) “Amicable” and “split” do sometimes agree to be seen together in the same sentence. Some exes also are mature enough or drama-averse enough to be co-parents without dysfunction.

(4) Asymmetry happens. Do you love the mom? Do you want to be a parent to her kids? Are you honorable? Are you humble enough to admit what you don’t know (and cough give up certainties and generalizations), invested enough to learn, and flexible enough to withstand jagged ups and downs without losing your nerve? Mind? OK then.

Please know, I have zero interest in talking anyone into being a parent or stepparent. It has to be what you want, fully and freely.

But that’s why it’s so important for you to think it through carefully, and choose. What you “hear” only counts if you’re just looking for an out.

DEAR CAROLYN: Whenever I am quiet or thinking or distracted or frustrated, my wife asks if I’m mad at her. If I say no — well, I’m not — it might become, “Why are you mad?” or, “I feel like you’re mad at me.”

I feel trapped in a no-win situation. Yes, I’ve told her that.

She says she knows I’m not mad but it’s almost reflexive. Her first husband was angry All The Time and quite controlling.

We’ve been together five years; I feel this isn’t going to abate with time and I really don’t know how to answer her.

— Don’t Know How to Respond

DEAR DON’T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND: I hope she will consider therapy to retrain those reflexes. She escaped the controlling marriage, yay for her, but some ghosts came with her. Good cognitive behavioral therapy might help her spot them sooner and shoo them away.

Do recommend it to her, but choose a moment with some pleasant distance from your last, “Why are you mad?”/“I’m not mad” dance. Then say you feel bad that she has these reflexive doubts and encourage her to dismantle them.

In the meantime, or if she refuses, upgrade your communication. Instead of, “I’m not mad” — which verges on gaslighting if she’s right that you’re out of sorts, and only wrong about the reason — give her validation and an explanation. First, generally: “It’s not you.” And then, specifics: “I am quiet because/thinking about/distracted by/frustrated over [true reason here].”

Then, where practical, recruit her as an ally: Ask her to join you for a coffee break, or read something aloud to see what she thinks, or describe your obstacle and ask for her ideas, etc. Inclusion is worth a thousand words.

DEAR CAROLYN: As a little girl I asked my mother if Santa is real or fantasy, and she chose to say he really exists. A few hours later I found out he is fantasy.

I felt betrayed and never trusted my mother ever again. It did permanent harm.

When I had sons, I told them from the beginning that Santa is make-believe and it’s nice to pretend he really exists.

I think it is plain stupid to let children believe in something that is not true.

— B.

DEAR B.: Fair enough. I was uncomfortable with it as a mom myself.

But humor me: How (emotionally) smart is it to hold a lifelong grudge against someone for, at worst, a clumsy attempt to extend your childhood innocence a little bit longer? And using culturally prevalent means to do it, at that? She didn’t make it all up herself just to mess with your head.

Maybe in the spirit of also-made-up Baby New Year, embrace rebirth and forgive her. In your heart if not out loud.

Sonali Porwal and Parijat Choudhari, who tied the knot recently, want to take the first step towards a stronger financial life together.

On this special year-end episode of Portfolio, Gajendra Kothari, managing director of Etica Wealth Management, lists out the basic rules that newlywed couples should follow.

How Many Accounts Do You Have?

For most working professionals today, it’s common to have more than one savings bank account. A new job usually comes with a new salary account, quite often with a different bank.

Kothari advises that a couple should have a bank account each as well a joint account for expenses and investments. They should also have a credit card that is used for all the regular bills–essentially a “regular expenses card”.

After identifying the usual run rate of expenses every month, a couple should ideally transfer this amount to the joint account as soon as they receive their salaries. And one person should take responsibility of paying all the bills or at least to keep a tab of all the bills so that none remains unpaid.

An Emergency Fund

A contingency fund is an absolute must. If both partners are employed in relatively secure jobs, the amount set aside can be as low as six months’ worth of expenses. They should also should keep at least a year’s worth of expenses in a liquid debt fund.

Insurance

With the cost of healthcare rising exponentially, Kothari said it’s always good to supplement their company-provided health and accident insurance with another cover.

For newlyweds, he advises an insurance plan that also covers maternity costs. These kick in two years after a policy is bought and also cover pre- and post-natal care.

A couple should also ideally get term insurance as early as possible to minimise the premium outgo later in life. The cover should be at least 10 times a couple’s annual salary, he said.

Investments And Long-Term Goals

Many couples question the need for retirement planning. Their focus invariably drifts towards the here and now. Sonali and Parijat are no different, and prioritise their goal to see 50 countries by the time they’re 50. That’ll require them to travel twice every year.

Kothari cautions that the burden of saving for retirement rises the longer you postpone it, and advises them to at least make a start.

Watch the full episode here:

Spending forever with someone is not a day’s job; it takes a lot of commitment, perseverance and love. Hence, with each passing day and year, couples who have promised to remain in a relationship for the long haul like to celebrate themselves.

In line with this, Nollywood actor and politician Richard Mofe Damijo took to celebrating with his wife as their marriage clocked 18 solid years. Being together for 18 good years is no joke and RMD knew this.

Hence, the 57-year-old who married his wife Jumobi Adegbesan after his first wife May Ellen passed away could not help but gush about her as they celebrate their 18th wedding anniversary.

He took to his Instagram page to share an image of himself and his wife. In the picture, the couple who appeared to be in a restaurant were having the time of their life together. Their cosy posture proves just this.

READ ALSO: 8 photos to prove that veteran actor RMD has a first class degree in looking dapper

More than just sharing an image, RMD also celebrated his wife Jumobi with sweet words. He thanked her for being with him all these years and for making him a better person.

He said: “18years. Grateful. Humbled by your love and strength. Thank you for making me a better man Abike.”

READ ALSO: NAIJ.com upgrades to Legit.ng: a letter from our Editor-in-Chief Bayo Olupohunda

See the full post below:

Many of RMD’s fans could not but drool over the image and his relationship with his sweetheart. They celebrated the couple on this auspicious day of theirs.

PAY ATTENTION: Get your daily relationship tips and advice on Africa Love Aid group

See some of their reactions below:

ajibademuhydeen: “Happy wedding Anniversary sir more years together in sound heath and wealth.”

maggie_catherine: “Congratulations on your wedding anniversary”

ileogebeauty: “More grace …new wine ..in Jesus name.”

yvonneenuke: “Happy Anniversary to you both, wishing you many more wonderful years”

bellzbeautyworld: “Congratulations….more sweetness in Jesus name.Amen”

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Richard Mofe Damijo and his wife have indeed come a long way. But beyond this, the prolific actor has a history that is very interesting and intriguing. In light of this, Legit.ng published an article about him detailing his biography.

NAIJ.com (naija.ng) -> Legit.ng We keep evolving to serve our readers better.

Nigerian Celebs Who Are Happy Together Despite The Age Gap – Dare Art-Alade, Kaffy and Peter Okoye – Legit TV

Source: Legit.ng