Category Archives: Marriage & Divorce
Three money tips (and one life tip) to make 2019 your best financial year – Fox News
As we approach the end of 2018, you may be thinking of making a New Year’s resolution to have a more successful financial year than this one. If so, I have some advice for you.
Now, I am not a certified accountant or a professional investment adviser, but what if I could introduce you to a man who was known as the wisest and wealthiest man of his era – perhaps one of the wisest, wealthiest people of all time? He could offer you the advice you need to have a financially successful 2019.
His name is Solomon, and his counsel is known as the book of Proverbs. Here are three money lessons we can learn from his wisdom:
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EARN YOUR MONEY HONESTLY
The book of Proverbs was written thousands of years ago, but at times it seems as if it could’ve been written yesterday. For example: “A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest – and poverty will come on you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man” (Prov. 24:33-34). I bet some drowsy college students could use this advice!
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Even before the advent of get-rich-quick schemes, Solomon knew that true wealth is best earned honestly and diligently. “Dishonest money dwindles away, but whoever gathers money little by little makes it grow,” wrote the wiseman (Prov. 13:11).
We all have heard stories of people who got themselves into fishy money schemes and ended up in big trouble – maybe even losing their homes or their marriages in the process. And even if the scheme somehow worked out, whatever money they made soon disappeared underneath a mountain of debt.
“Such are the paths of all who go after ill-gotten gain; it takes away the life of those who get it,” warns Solomon (Prov. 1:19). When you make accumulating wealth your ultimate goal in life, you become its slave; and money can be a cruel master.
So, whatever you are doing – whether you are the CEO of a billion-dollar company or a janitor – earn your money honestly. There’s dignity in all work, and those who work diligently will reap the reward of their patience and persistence.
MANAGE YOUR MONEY WISELY
There’s an old Dean Martin song that says “money burns a hole in my pocket.” Despite the song’s jovial tone, there’s a somber truth behind its lyrics.
Did you know 78 percent of full-time working American adults live paycheck-to-paycheck? According to a report by the online employment hub CareerBuilder, 7 out of 10 working Americans are in debt. Even some people who make six figures say they struggle to make ends meet!
It has been said that you make a budget to tell your money where to go, instead of wondering where it went. Solomon understood this, too. “Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle,” he wrote (Prov. 23:5).
Nowadays, you can get approved for a credit card in the blink of an eye, and just as quickly find yourself buried under debt. It’s so easy to just swipe the card and see the transaction approved “magically.” But there’s nothing magical about it. Somebody is keeping track of your spending and will one day ask for their money back with interest.
“Do not be one who shakes hands in pledge or puts up security for debts; if you lack the means to pay, your very bed will be snatched from under you,” Solomon warns (Prov. 22:26-27).
So how do you avoid falling into this financial booby trap? Start by teaching yourself the most important word in our consumerist culture: No.
GIVE YOUR MONEY GENEROUSLY
As counterintuitive as it may sound, generosity is always a good business decision. When we open our hand to satisfy the desire of the needy, we release ourselves from the grip of greed and materialism. Generosity reminds us there are things in life more important than money, such as family, friends and our faith.
“A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed,” Solomon writes (Prov. 11:25). In the end, we are the ones who end up receiving the true blessing.
A GOOD NAME IS BETTER THAN GOLD
There are some things in life money cannot buy, and one of them is our reputation. Your character is the greatest asset you will ever have. It will follow you from job to job, town to town and community to community. “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold,” Solomon wrote (Prov. 22:1).
From all the New Year resolutions you may have, building a good reputation for yourself as a person of integrity, diligence, generosity and passion should be at the top of the list.
Abby: Man’s talk of suicide keeps woman in relationship – The Detroit News
Dear Abby: A year ago, after five years of marriage, I divorced my ex-husband, “Taylor.” We agreed to separate because I believed I had fallen out of love with him. We have remained friendly and communicate often.
Since the divorce, I have struggled with feelings of guilt and the creeping suspicion that I have made a mistake. I think I am still in love with him. Taylor desperately wants us to get remarried, and lately I have been considering it. However, I have another issue to consider.
For the past few months, I have been seeing another man, “Jacob.” Although he is sweet and affectionate, Jacob is needy, clingy and struggles with depression and anxiety. He often expresses suicidal thoughts over problems in his life, including the thought of me leaving him. He is in therapy, but it doesn’t seem to be helping.
I am terrified of breaking up with him to reconcile with my ex-husband because I honestly believe Jacob would kill himself, and I could not live with that. Any advice would be appreciated.
In A Hard Spot in Alabama
Dear Hard Spot: Jacob is in therapy. Write a letter to his therapist and explain your concerns. That way the therapist will understand in advance that his/her patient may be heading for a rough patch. Regardless of whether Jacob is serious about killing himself should you end the relationship, for your own sake, you must not allow yourself to become a prisoner of his illness. That dynamic is unhealthy for you.
I must caution you, however, not to allow yourself to be pressured into reconciling with your ex unless both of you have premarital counseling so you won’t fall back into the pattern that destroyed your marriage. Whether it was lack of communication, boredom, a dull sex life —you both must understand where it went off track and take steps to correct it before remarrying.
Dear Abby: My husband and I are close friends with another couple we love dearly. Lately the wife has been concerned about her husband’s continued weight gain. She makes comments when we are all out to dinner about what he wants to order and insists they share a meal or that he choose something lighter.
I know she’s concerned about diabetes and heart disease and all the other ills obesity can bring, but I don’t think this is helping. In fact, I think it’s pushing him to want to eat more. How can we as friends help them to overcome this? For the record, he now weighs more than 300 pounds.
Best Friends in Texas
Dear Friends: Your friend’s husband is dangerously overweight. She may be panicking at the reality that the load he’s carrying could shorten their marriage. What she doesn’t realize is that the motivation for him to deal with his weight problem has to come from him, not her.
Rather than second guess what he’s eating when you are all out to dinner, she should encourage him to talk with his doctor and a nutritionist about what he needs to do to get healthy. Please tell her that. It won’t happen overnight, and she should expect him to fall off the wagon sometimes. But with determination, it can be done.
Dear Readers: Well, 2018 is on the brink of being over! Out with the old, in with the new. Please accept my heartfelt good wishes for a happy, healthy and prosperous 2019. And, as I caution every year, if you are out partying to ring in the new year, please make appropriate transportation arrangements and be safe!
Love, Abby
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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Should never-married man with no kids get involved with single mother? – Detroit Free Press
Dear Carolyn: Is it advisable for a never-married man with no kids to get involved with a single mother? I know it’s never a good idea to generalize, but the answer I hear most often is an emphatic no, for many reasons. The main one is the man will always be a lower priority than the woman’s children, and there’s also potential drama with the woman’s ex. There is also the asymmetry in life experiences of a single mother and a never-married man with no kids. — Dating
I advise your own advice: “It’s never a good idea to generalize.”
(1) Millions of children live with their biological mother and a stepfather. Do you really think they’re an “emphatic” 0-for-millions on happiness ever after?
(2) Couples who have children, however they get there, always accept some responsibility for making that child a higher priority — than themselves, much less a partner. A minor child’s last line of defense in the world is the adult guardian. Sometimes the circumstances and the child’s needs dictate that Mom overrules Dad, Dad overrules Mom, spouse overrules spouse, or one or both parents overrule their own needs. Should you become a stepfather, you might have to prioritize your stepchild’s needs over the mother’s/your wife’s. That’s parenthood.
If your goal is to be somebody’s undisputed No. 1, then that’s valid — but then, don’t be a parent, step- or otherwise.
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(3) “Amicable” and “split” do sometimes agree to be seen together in the same sentence. Some exes also are mature enough or drama-averse enough to be co-parents without dysfunction.
(4) Asymmetry happens. Do you love the mom? Do you want to be a parent to her kids? Are you honorable? Are you humble enough to admit what you don’t know (and cough give up certainties and generalizations), invested enough to learn, and flexible enough to withstand jagged ups and downs without losing your nerve? Mind? OK then.
Please know, I have zero interest in talking anyone into being a parent or stepparent. It has to be what you want, fully and freely.
But that’s why it’s so important for you to think it through carefully, and choose. What you “hear” only counts if you’re just looking for an out.
Dear Carolyn: Whenever I am quiet or thinking or distracted or frustrated (it happens — I use Windows), my wife asks if I’m mad at her. If I say no – well, I’m not – it might become, “Why are you mad?” or, “I feel like you’re mad at me.”
I feel trapped in a no-win situation. Yes, I’ve told her that.
She says she knows I’m not mad but it’s almost reflexive. Her first husband was angry All The Time and quite controlling.
We’ve been together five years; I feel this isn’t going to abate with time and I really don’t know how to answer her. — Don’t Know How to Respond
I hope she will consider therapy to retrain those reflexes. She escaped the controlling marriage, yay for her, but some ghosts came with her. Good cognitive behavioral therapy might help her spot them sooner and shoo them away.
Do recommend it to her, but choose a moment with some pleasant distance from your last, “Why are you mad?”/”I’m not mad” dance. Then say you feel bad that she has these reflexive doubts and encourage her to dismantle them.
In the meantime, or if she refuses, upgrade your communication. Instead of, “I’m not mad” — which verges on gaslighting if she’s right that you’re out of sorts, and only wrong about the reason — give her validation and an explanation. First, generally: “It’s not you.” And then, specifics: “I am quiet because/thinking about/distracted by/frustrated over [true reason here].”
Then, where practical, recruit her as an ally: Ask her to join you for a coffee break, or read something aloud to see what she thinks, or describe your obstacle and ask for her ideas, etc. Inclusion is worth a thousand words.
Dear Carolyn: As little girl I asked my mother if Santa is real or fantasy, and she chose to say he really exists. A few hours later I found out he is fantasy.
I felt betrayed and never trusted my mother ever again. It did permanent harm.
When I had sons, I told them from the beginning that Santa is make-believe and it’s nice to pretend he really exists.
I think it is plain stupid to let children believe in something that is not true. — B.
Fair enough. I was uncomfortable with it as a mom myself.
But humor me: How (emotionally) smart is it to hold a lifelong grudge against someone for, at worst, a clumsy attempt to extend your childhood innocence a little bit longer? And using culturally prevalent means to do it, at that? She didn’t make it all up herself just to mess with your head.
Maybe in the spirit of also-made-up Baby New Year, embrace rebirth and forgive her. In your heart if not out loud.
Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her at noon Fridays at www.washingtonpost.com.
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Watch: Ayesha Curry help sister-in-law Sydel Curry find her perfect ‘sexy’ wedding dress – The Mercury News
We already know this romance has a happy ending: In September, Stephen Curry’s little sister Sydel Curry married her sweetheart Damion Lee in an elegant ceremony in Charlotte, North Carolina.
Sister-in-law Ayesha Curry served as matron of honor, nieces Riley and Ryan were flower girls, and Sydel’s NBA star brothers Stephen and Seth performed groomsmen duties for Lee, who also is a player for Steph Curry’s Golden State Warriors.
Very important for the bride, she was wearing her “perfect” wedding gown, an elegant and form-fitting strapless column by Israeli wedding dress designer Pnina Tornai.
It turns out that Sydel Curry, a 23-year-old former volleyball player and graduate of Elon University, found her gown at the famed Kleinfeld Bridal salon in Manhattan.
Fans of the reality TV show “Say Yes to The Dress” will recognize Kleinfeld as the show’s setting.
And — guess what? — Sydel Curry’s wedding gown search is the subject of the show’s upcoming season premiere Saturday, Jan. 5.
Adding to the fun, Sydel Curry was like all “Say Yes to The Dress” brides in that she got help from an entourage in figuring out which gown was right for her — and that would make her feel beautiful, elegant and sexy. In her case, the entourage consisted of her mother, Sonya, sister-in-law Ayesha, godmother Michelle Bain-Brink and niece Riley.
In a clip shared by Entertainment Tonight, the entourage comes in handy by letting Sydel know that the first dress she tried on — a strapless, cleavage-baring gown — might be a little too sexy.
When Sydel first tries it on in the dressing room, she proclaims that she loves it.
“This dress is very sexy,” Sydel says. “It’s very romantic. I feel like a woman in this dress. I felt very grown up, which I’m always looking for a little bit.”
When she steps out of the dressing room to show her family, they at first react with awe. But then Ayesha and her mother express some reservations about the sheer lace panel up the front. Ayesha also worries about the pattern of the lace, which directs people’s gaze to what she calls Sydel Curry’s “lady parts.”
“I love your butt, but I will say the thing that I don’t like is the bullseye to the lady parts,” Ayesha says with a laugh. “That’s all they’re going to see.”
Later, Ayesha speaks directly to the camera, saying, “In my head, she’s still that little teenage middle-school girl. It’s surreal and crazy.”
“Say Yes to The Dress” fans will be happy to see that Sydel gets some advice from Kleinfeld’s star consultant Randy Fenoli, who tells her to show her entourage her second-most favorite dress first.
“I always find the first dress you put on, they just nix it,” Fenoli says. “Start with the second-most favorite and work up.”
Later, when sharing photos from her wedding, Sydel is apparently pleased with her final choice, and with the help she received from her family.
