Category Archives: Relationships
What in the world is 'gatsbying'? 5 confusing AF dating terms explained
You might consider yourself a bit of a dating expert. You’ve got your Bumble intro line down and your Tinder bio has been reviewed by at least three friends. You know which emoji to use and when. You’ve mastered the perfect ‘woke-up-like-this’ selfie. This ain’t your first time at the rodeo.
This is exactly what I thought when I saw a recent email from eHarmony. Dating in the modern world, the subject line screamed, the millennial terms you’ve never heard of.
Pur-lease, I thought. Do I look like some kind of amateur? I’ve been on more blind dates than most people have had hot dinners (yes, I’m aware how depressing that sentence is, thank you). I’m pretty sure whatever you’ve got, eHarmony, I’ve already heard about it, seen it happen, and then bitched to my friends about it over cocktails.
Oh how wrong I was. Although there were a few I was sadly familiar with, there were some that I genuinely had never heard of.
So without further ado, for your education and amusement, I present our comprehensive list of millennial dating terms.
1. Gatsbying
This term was coined by Aussie model Matilda Dods and is something we have without a doubt all been guilty of. If you’re confused I’d ask you to cast your mind back to English class and remember all those opulent parties Gatsby threw just to get Daisy’s attention. Now replace party with Instagram story and you’ve got the idea. This is for every social media post you’ve made just in case that special someone is watching.
2. Negging
This is that guy that messages you on Tinder saying he’s usually only into blondes but for you he’s willing to make an exception. You’re kind of offended but also a little flattered. Like it or not, your interest is piqued. This is negging, my friend. And it’s more common than you think with 25 per cent of respondents to eHarmony’s survey revealing that they had recently been negged.
3. Bread crumbing
This is another one we’re all guilty of. If you think you’re exempt then ask yourself if you’ve ever sent a potential lovely a text just to let them know you’re thinking of them. Just a little something to keep them interested? Yeah I thought so.
4. Benching
This is another extremely common one. Hands up if this scenario sounds familiar: you’ve been seeing someone for a while but you’re not anything official. You don’t talk all the time, but get together sometimes to have fun. Every time you think it’s finally played itself out, another text magically appears. Congratulations, you’ve officially been benched. Like 49 per cent of survey respondents under the age of 34, you’re being kept hanging just in case.
5. Sneating
Okay this is one that I’ve 100% done. You know when you’re chatting with someone and you’re not really feeling it but then they suggest a date at your favourite restaurant? You know this isn’t going anywhere but you also really want the vegan spaghetti. This is sneating and apparently girls are way more guilty of it than guys.
Plus, zombie-ing
So you know what ghosting is. Well zombie-ing is the next level. It’s the person that randomly disappeared a year ago, only to slide back into your DM’s one night to ask how you’re doing. As with actual Zombies, proceed with caution.
While we’re on the topic of dating, here are the 3 most compatible star sign pairings and why starting a new relationship could be your ticket to weight loss.
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Woman finds that Tinder isn't just a dating app, it's also great for unsolicited advice about toilet paper
It seems that this woman found quite the abundance of passion on a dating app. Unfortunately, instead of a passionate love affair, it was men passionately telling her that she hangs her toilet paper wrong.
Dating applications, as a concept, can feel pretty ridiculous. You upload a few flattering photos of yourself, try to create a witty bio, say how far you’re willing to travel to date someone, and hope for the best.
Hana Michels, a 30-year-old comedian and writer for Bunny Ears, approaches the ridiculousness of Tinder by introducing herself in a humorous way to potential suitors.
This is my tinder profile. I’ve had it for a year. 23 men have contacted me to say I’m incorrect about toilet paper pic.twitter.com/uBAcQlZ34r
— Hana Michels (@HanaMichels) July 2, 2018
Truly an iconic profile worthy of a right swipe.
Michels, who is bisexual, has had the profile for about a year, and it’s a great case study in how different genders react to specific stimuli.
For example, men continually comment that she hangs her toilet paper incorrectly. Women have never brought this up.
It’s possible that men think that pointing out her poor toilet paper form is a quirky opening line — however, telling a woman that she does something so unimportant incorrectly doesn’t really scream “Marry me.”
(Personally, I think the best route would be to compliment her on her oral hygiene.)
“I get typical negs and pickup lines and stuff, but the amount of responses that focus on that tiny roll of toilet paper in the background is stunning,” Michels told BuzzFeed. She even said that some men are less attracted to her because of how she inserted the toilet paper roll, with the sheet coming from underneath rather than over the top.
As your friend I say, “fuck them” but as your roommate I say, “they have a point.”
— Allie Goertz (@AllieGoertz) July 3, 2018
The proper toilet paper position is the subject of an ongoing debate, but according to science, the “right way” is to hang it so that the loose end is over the roll.
Is a person’s toilet paper roll technique a real deal-breaker? As long as it doesn’t leave you stranded with no toilet paper, it probably shouldn’t affect future relationships.
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6 dating tips for divorced parents
All relationships have challenges and issues. Even in the best of romances—those with an amazing connection, intense passion and a genuine friendship – times can get tough, and that’s when you find yourself at Starbucks telling your friend over an iced cinnamon dolce latte that you are feeling frustrated, disappointed and unsure about the relationship you thought just a week ago was blissful, even perfect.
Relationships take on a whole different set of complexities when one or both people are divorced parents. This reader is a good example:
I have been dating a divorced woman with a 5-year-old daughter for a year and a half. I love her and her daughter greatly, and it seems they both love me, too. The only wrinkle is, her ex of 11 years throws fits when she or they go anywhere with me. He does not have a good place to visit the child, so she lets him use her house. If I leave anything over at her house, she has to hide it before he sees it, i.e. cough drops, shampoo, etc. I try to be patient and understanding, but the other night we had a date and he was supposed to come over to stay with their daughter. She told me not to come to the door when I got there, that she would come out and meet me because he didn’t want to see me. He texted her the entire time during our date. When we headed back to the house, she had me stop and let her out, and told me to drive around and that when he left, I could come in.
Let’s start with the mom. It seems like she is trying to keep everyone happy – her daughter, her boyfriend and her ex-husband. While understandable, I don’t think she should have to walk on eggshells around her ex-husband or hide her boyfriend from him. They have been divorced for over a decade, plus she is doing her ex a huge favor by allowing him in her home to spend time with their daughter.
As for the boyfriend, I don’t blame him for feeling frustrated, and I suspect he is a bit resentful by his girlfriend so often putting her ex first. But, it’s important to realize that it’s not the ex, but rather the daughter she is putting first. She wants her girl to have a relationship with her dad, and this might feel like the only way.
I think the ex-husband is being selfish and immature, and isn’t doing anyone any favors by throwing fits and requiring his ex-wife to hide her boyfriend. He should be grateful that his ex-wife is accommodating his needs. He needs to understand that she has moved on and found happiness in a new relationship.
This is only one of countless scenarios that can occur when it comes to divorced parents dating. Here are six pieces of advice for those in a relationship when one or both people are divorced with kids:
1. Don’t introduce the kids too soon or try to force a connection. When people find love after divorce and they are ecstatic and giddy over the new relationship, they often want the kids to jump in and join in their happiness. They don’t realize that the kids might need more time to adjust. They might still be grieving their parent’s divorce. Also, just because you are now dating your soulmate, that doesn’t mean your kids feel connected to his or her kids. Be patient and give everyone time to accept your new love. Never force them into spending time with the other kids.
2. Mix up the time you spend with everyone. It is important to spend time three different ways: alone as a couple, alone with your kids, and together as a blended family. Don’t be hurt if you aren’t invited to everything with your new guy or girl, and don’t feel obligated to invite him or her to everything either. Balance is the key to a happy and peaceful relationship.
3. Don’t take it personally if his or her kids don’t want to meet you. Almost all kids have a hard time with their parents entering into a new relationship. Reasons include that they might still be hoping their parents reconcile, they have a hard time trusting someone new, they feel scared or awkward around a new person, or being connected feels disloyal to the other parent. If they won’t meet you, it is not personal, and if you can be patient, the kids almost always come around.
4. Don’t try to be a stepmother or stepfather. The kids already have a mother and father. They don’t need two. Even if their parent has died, they don’t want a replacement. The best thing you can be to the kids of your boyfriend or girlfriend is a friend, and/or a source of support. Let the child dictate how close he or she wants to be to you. All you have to do is be there when the kids need you and you’ve done your job.
5. Try to get along with the ex-spouse and put pettiness aside. No matter how you feel about your boyfriend or girlfriend’s ex, remember that he or she is the parent of your boyfriend or girlfriend’s kids, and for that he or she should be respected and treated with kindness.
6. Remember that the kids don’t define your relationship. Dating after divorce can be very special and meaningful. Most people are pleasantly surprised and elated that they were able to find love again after the heartbreak of divorce. So, what you have with your new love should stand on its own – with or without the support of the kids. In other words, leave them out of it and just enjoy the beauty of the connection you have found. You don’t have to be the perfect family. The only thing that has to be perfect is how you feel when you’re spending time with the person with whom you’ve fallen madly in love. Trust me, the kids will eventually come around.
• Jackie Pilossoph is a freelance columnist for Chicago Tribune Media Group. She is also the creator of her divorce support website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Pilossoph lives in Chicago with her two children.
Ask the Astro Poets: How Do I Finally Get Over My Exes?
Ask the Astro Poets is the monthly advice column by W‘s resident astrologers, Alex Dimitrov (Sagittarius) and Dorothea Lasky (Aries). At the halfway point of every month, they take a breather from writing poetry and horoscopes, and take your questions about love, career, even the big existential questions in life. From matchmaking and compatibility, to friendship, professional, and dating advice, the poets of the stars are here to guide you through any challenge:
Dear Astro Poets,
I’m a Cancer who can’t stop thinking about my exes—even in my current relationship. I’m dating a Leo and it’s going great, but I’m always in a state of “what if?” when I remember my old flames, an Aries and a Scorpio. Are Cancers ever able to get over anyone or anything? Please help!
A Nostalgic Cancer
Dear Nostalgic Cancer,
Your question comes right at the beginning of Cancer season, a time that’s usually more reflective for Cancers as is. Birthdays are often bittersweet for your people because it’s like being dipped in the sea of time—you feel and remember everything, sometimes all at once. First, I should say that all of the signs you list as having dated or are dating are very hot matches for a Cancer. No wonder you can’t forget them. Maybe you should all just get together and have a… never mind, I’ll just answer your question!
Cancers are ruled by the moon, which is constantly shifting in how it reveals itself to us. It’s moody, elusive, and entirely singular. This makes Cancers quite mercurial. You’re prone to wild mood swings and longings for the past, even if that past isn’t necessarily happy or how you imagined things. You find comfort in the intimacy that was forged there. Even if it wasn’t ideal, Cancers have a hard time getting over any intimacy they’ve had with someone. The crab’s impulse to protect, nurture, and create comes from the past’s residues, which of course does not make for an easy life. Emotionally, it’s daunting. It’s also daunting for your partners, who have to learn how to navigate your complicated relationship with past and present dramas.
I truly believe that this struggle is real for you. My two longest relationships were with Cancers, born on July 7th and July 4th. To this day, after many months, both will text me out of the blue, and by the fourth or fifth text it feels like we’re dating again. (Not that we are, but the aura behind a Cancer text is usually deeply emotive.) They can’t just ask me to get a drink or invite me to an event—they have to feel out what I’m thinking and feeling about them through a series of passive questions. What I’m telling you is: Don’t do that. It doesn’t work. At least not with a fire sign. I’m a Sagittarius, and one of your exes is an Aries, and I can tell you that it will just drive a fire sign crazy. Just text us when you want to get a divorce. We really don’t have time to write Remembrance of Things Past (Proust, obviously a Cancer) over text.
As for your other ex, the Scorpio, are you kidding? Unless you absolutely want to be in bed with them after the first drink, don’t text them. That’s a whole other kind of storm. Scorpios are just as nostalgic and sensitive as Cancers, but much more manipulative. You’ll both end up trying to use each other, and the Scorpio will likely peace out unharmed. I say stay with your Leo. Just make sure you tell them their hair looks great. (In addition to charming them in the kitchen, which is every Cancer’s domain.)
Your Cancer-loving Sagittarius,
Alex
Dear Astro Poets,
I’m a Pisces and can feel myself falling in love with an Aquarius. But I don’t know how to let my guard down and actually get to know them because I instinctively keep things extremely light and funny and don’t express my feelings well. My intuition is strongly telling me this could be a wonderful thing, but I’m afraid I’ll ruin it before it starts. What do I do to take this thing to the next level?
A Pisces Feeling Feelings
Dear Pisces Feeling Feelings,
I’m a hopeless romantic, so I got excited to answer your question as soon as I saw it. I’ve known quite a few long-term and successful Pisces-Aquarius relationships, and I think it can work. It’s an interesting love connection because you’re not a classic match. You’re water and air—two elements that don’t naturally go together. You tend to be more on the emotional side, whereas your Aquarius can be more cerebral about their feelings, and always mediate them with a bit of reason. You’re also both not leaders, although each of you (especially Pisces) can sometimes pretend to be, making it hard for anyone to take the lead at the beginning stages of a relationship. This is why—sorry to say—if you do want this, you might have to be the one to make a move.
Something that you both share is intensity. Some people describe Aquarians as aloof, but I think that they simply don’t know Aquarians well. When Aquarians like someone or something, they are extremely obsessive, passionate, and possessive. They’re fixed signs, so once they’ve made a commitment, they don’t stray too far from it. As you’ve probably figured out by now, you’re pretty intense yourself. You thrive on a lot of attention from your partner, and if an Aquarian is into you, they’re well equipped to give you everything you’ve dreamed of.
You’re also next to each other on the zodiac’s karmic wheel, meaning that you’ve learned a lesson in your past life that your Aquarius needs to learn in this life. This attracts you to them and they to you, as they’ll want a source of solace. Karmic connections also produce a high level of sexual energy, so when you do get together physically, it’ll be wild and likely just as great as you imagined it to be.
All of this is to say that you should tell your Aquarius how you feel. They won’t be scandalized by someone expressing themselves honestly—they’re an air sign. I hope they’ll confess their feelings too, but if they don’t in that moment, don’t give up hope—they’ll do so eventually. Last thing: in the midst of all this, don’t feel any pressure to refrain from being light and funny, except when necessary. “Funny” is every Aquarian’s middle name. Not taking anything too seriously? They like things that way.
Sending you love luck from here,
Dorothea, an Aries
Related: The Astro Poets Can Confirm That You’re in For a Lusty Summer
