Relationships Talk

And if you’re sick of swiping but still want to meet someone, there are other ways to do that, too. Apps might make it easier for some of us to put ourselves out there, but Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid aren’t the be-all, end-all. Still, if you are on dating apps, it’s easy to feel FOMO when there are literally millions of people across different dating apps and the options seem so limitless. But if you’re more exhausted by your options than you are excited, take note of Sussman’s advice and know that you have time to date and maintain your sanity.

And if you’re sick of swiping but still want to meet someone, there are other ways to do that, too. Apps might make it easier for some of us to put ourselves out there, but Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid aren’t the be-all, end-all. Still, if you are on dating apps, it’s easy to feel FOMO when there are literally millions of people across different dating apps and the options seem so limitless. But if you’re more exhausted by your options than you are excited, take note of Sussman’s advice and know that you have time to date and maintain your sanity.

I always wanted to be the real-life Carrie Bradshaw.

I remember watching “Sex and the City,” one episode after the other, season after season. It never ceased to amaze me. I was in awe of it and the lives these ladies lived, though Carrie was the most relatable character to me. Everything about this show was fascinating: their jobs, clothes, parties, brunches, social lives and above all, their dating experiences.

Whoever came up with these scenarios must have had a brilliant imagination, I always thought. Fast-forward 20 years as I currently binge watch the anniversary marathon and reflect on my own life. I never knew how real this show was, until it became my truth.

When it comes to dating over the age of 30, this show had it pegged, as crazy and far-fetched as it seems. Who knew “Sex and the City” would have been the crystal ball that told our future.

There’s a particular episode where the ladies are brunching and Miranda declares that single men over 30 are all “freaks.” Either they’re all commitment phobic, playboys or weirdos. They wonder why it’s so hard to find a normal guy and why there are so many more “normal” single women than men on the market.

I LOL as I recall some of the episodes. The young man who had a filthy apartment and no toilet paper, the “we” guy who painted a beautiful picture of his and Samantha’s future and said whatever it took just to get in her pants, the talk-dirty-to-me guy who was way too vocal in bed, the sloppy kisser who was perfect until he licked Charlotte’s entire face, the socially inept dweeb with halitosis who Samantha tried to transform into the perfect man after she got stood up by someone else, the charming cheater Samantha was crazy about, Mr. Average who only dated models, the commitment-phobe who told Carrie he was in therapy for losing interest once he slept with a woman, right after sleeping with her, and it goes on and on.

This is not a man-bashing session. There are plenty of great men out there, they are just harder to find. And sometimes women don’t give them a chance (at least not right away).

In another episode, Carrie decides to conduct some research. She interviews men who are over 30, single and actively dating. Some of what these guys had to say was unsettling and infuriating. “It’s our turn now,” one guy said. “Do you remember how things were when girls were young and hot and we got rejected? Well, now it’s our turn to have our pick of the litter.”

My mouth hung open as I heard these words coming through my television. Was this true? Are men motivated by all the options out there for them and the lack thereof for the ladies? Does the pressure that women feel due to their age and biological clocks put them into a box marked “desperate”? (Said in Carrie Bradshaw’s voice.)

And then Miranda comes in to represent the ladies. “We’ve waited this long, why should we settle now?” she says. Bravo to that notion, but how do we break this cycle? It’s all fun and games on TV, but how do single women and good, commitment-minded men come together and prevail in the real dating world?

There is a happy ending in real life, just as there was in the show. For the most part, these women ended up with their life partners. Although some of the guys were not what these gals envisioned, they became their dream men. They won the hearts of these strong, fierce, amazing ladies. And there was no settling, only genuine love, respect and adoration. Hang in there ladies, but don’t always count on Mr. Big to come around; give the good guys a chance, too. And fellas, I know you crave companionship just as much as anyone else. Brush up on your dating skills if you must. And open your eyes when you meet a woman of quality. It’s time to recognize and appreciate someone valuable.

The greater the struggle, the greater the reward. That may seem like a cliché outcome made for TV, but I see it as reality.

Julia Bekker, aka the Hunting Maven, is a Connecticut native and matchmaker at huntingmaven.com.