It is very rare that a newspaper article makes me laugh out loud, but Emma Jacobs’s wonderfully droll piece (June 2/3) on her mother choosing to marry a tattooed fiancé rather than take up her offer of a granny annexe did just that. What made me guffaw was her reaction to Debrett’s dating advice (to throw caution to the wind and go for an overnight stay): these were “words I cannot unsee”.
Colin Hines
London TW1, UK
“Hey, can I play on your dating apps?!” If you’re single and attempting to online-mingle, I’m sure one of your very well-meaning, but very monogamous friends has requested a turn on your phone. You probably thought, “IT’S MY DATING LIFE, DAMNIT, NOT A GAME!” and then subsequently and less dramatically, “I mean, if you must.” Because if you’ve spent any significant amount of time on apps, you start to see the same funny dating app bios, so much so that you begin to believe there’s no such thing as an original joke.
For those of you who like originality, it can feel bleak out there on the dater-net, but I actually think it’s entertaining that everyone seems to describe themselves similarly. Every profile mentions the outdoors or traveling, and everyone is “fun.” But to be fair, there are millions of people on the apps, so it’s statistically pretty hard to be original in your bio. Maybe it’s just a numbers game. Or maybe everyone’s reading the same dating advice online (hey, if it’s good, it’s good).
Since exhaustion loves company, here are the dating app bios you’ll see over and over again whether you’re single and swiping, or taken and “playing” on a friend’s app.
While I think it’s definitely helpful to know where people are from, I find it super funny that somewhere along the way, people collectively decided the best way to share your city-history was to use airport-style abbreviations, but without actually using the actual three-letter airport codes. (New York’s airports are JFK and LGA, so… what?)
I really appreciate when matches clarify this fact because I myself would prefer a humorless grump who takes everything super seriously. I know, I know, I’m being a jerk. But again, it’s LOLz to me that people feel the need to clarify they like being around people who make them laugh. Um, SAME! Who wouldn’t?
I have a private Instagram, so maybe I just don’t understand this. Are you trying to get on The Bachelorette, are you trying to get more followers, or are you genuinely confident in your Instagram game? To be fair, with all of the social media fallout with this season’s Bachelorette contestant Garrett, it’s actually not a bad idea to vet your bae as soon as possible. Keep this going, friends!
This is more male-specific, but there are many bios that simply list height, and I honestly understand why. Well, sort of. I’m a straight 5’2 woman, so I’m usually not to worried about being taller than my date, but some women care about that. Putting height in your bio is totally fine, but just be honest about it, no matter your gender or orientation. I feel like every dude on the internet is “5’11” which usually means “Two to three inches under 6 feet” IRL. Another strategy: list a height like one inch shorter than you are, so that when you turn up, you look super tall! (But, I mean, honesty is best.)
Or any other combination of three or more random words that I think are things you like? I find it interesting when people quite literally objectify themselves by putting the objects they like on their dating profile. It’s cool to share your interests with someone else, but I also like complete sentences… or at least phrases.
I understand that dating someone with a child is very different than dating someone without a child, but can’t you mention that in the messages? Also, if this isn’t your kid, isn’t it a bit strange to be putting them on blast on dating apps? I know the goal is to look like you’re good with kids, but it’s funny how many people write “not my kid,” and nothing else. Got it!
This is important, because I’m definitely swiping on that fluffy retriever puppy and not you. I actually find “not my dog,” to be entertaining and transparent. It’s less of a disclaimer, and more of a declaration of “I’m not going to get your hopes up,” which I appreciate, because it’s no fun when hopes get crushed in dating.
I’m so impressed by how many people on apps love adventures and being outdoors and fitness. I’m also surprised at how many of those people who love being in shape also love tell you who they are before you get a chance to know them. No shade, just sayin’…
Emojis are to dating app profiles what cereal is to breakfast: they’re quick and easy, but are not entirely offensive. They’re also sometimes a colorful pop to an otherwise drab situation. (See: Lucky Charms.)
I would imagine, much like the sense of humor bit, that we all love to travel. But this does lead to a few not-entirely-drab conversation starters: “Where was the last place you traveled?” or “Where’s the top spot on your travel list?” Acceptable.
I always forget about the Myers Briggs personality types until I go on a dating app and see one million of them. But I kind of like it, because then I try to remember what I was (ENTP) and what all the categories are (check them out here) and I go down a fun rabbit hole of considering whether it is nurture or nature who made me who I am?
I saw at least five Myers-Briggs types during the refresher-swipe that I did to research this article. (And I probably only swiped 30 people total.) In my pass of the apps, I also found what should be a new trend — or that is a trend that I am just not up on yet — in a profile that read, “Zika free. 805 credit score.” I swiped right.
Meanwhile, Kendra took to Twitter last month to ask for dating advice in the wake of her break-up.
Kendra Wilkinson is “super open” to the idea of dating.
The 32-year-old reality star split with her husband of almost nine years Hank Baskett – with whom she has son Hank IV, eight, and daughter Alijah, three – earlier this year, and seems to be ready to put the past behind her and move on with someone new.
A source told People magazine: “She’s not dating right now, but she’s super open to the idea. She’ll definitely be dating sooner rather than later. She needs to go out and have fun. She’s separated and there’s no chance for reconciliation. The relationship is 100 percent over.”
The comments come after a source recently said the Kendra On Top star was “looking forward” to moving on and starting the next stage in her life with somebody new.
They added: “[Kendra is] ready to really put herself out there in the dating world. [She is] looking forward to this new chapter of her life. She feels like she is going to make a comeback and have a full revival.”
READ: Kendra Wilkinson pays tribute to Hugh Hefner
Meanwhile, Kendra took to Twitter last month to ask for dating advice in the wake of her break-up.
She tweeted: “What’s your opinion… do i start dating/sex now or give myself more time? My heart is broken but i have needs. Lmaoooo #gimmelovin #notgettingyounger #33hereicome. (sic)”
After one fan told her she should wait longer in order to “get [her] head straight” and suggested she use sex toys for the time being, Kendra joked that she had already exhausted that option.
She replied: “All out of batteries. It’s time my friend (sic)”
Kendra announced her split from Hank last month in an emotional Instagram post which followed months of speculation about the state of their marriage.
She wrote: “Today is the last day of my marriage to this beautiful man. I will forever love Hank and be open but for now we have chosen to go our own ways. I’m beyond sad and heartbroken because i did believe in forever, that’s why i said yes but unfortunately too much fear has gotten in the way. We are both amazing parents and our kids will be happy n never know the difference other than seeing mama smile.
“Sometimes love looks funny. We are told to make sacrifices in life if it’s true love well in this case it’s me. I want to see happy Hank again… i miss that. Marriage was just a piece of paper and a piece of jewelry but our hearts will always be real. U will prob see us together a lot but it’s because there’s no hate. Love wins in this case it’s just looks a little funny. Thank you Hank for a beautiful 8 years of marriage and 2 beautiful kids. I feel so thankful and blessed. (sic)”
If there is anything the recent royal wedding taught us, it’s that you can successfully date after divorce.
In my twenties, the bulk of my friends were getting married. Sadly, in our thirties, half of those couples are no longer in committed relationships. Now that the tables have turned, they look to me to offer guidance on dating. In chatting with my newly separated friends who are ready to start anew, definite themes have emerged. Here are a few.
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Stephanie married at 25, and was divorced 10 years later. It’s the first time she is single since university.
This may be the first time since you were single in your early twenties, and maybe you didn’t play the field as much as you would have liked. Your new found freedom has you thinking it’s about time to date all the types you didn’t encounter while you were taken. Go for it!
Yet you still need to treat people with respect. Dating three people at once without their consent might be a bit much. Try not to ghost. (Guilty as charged!) Sometimes it’s much easier to disappear and erase a profile than to explain exactly why you don’t want to go out again, but fight that feeling and be upfront. Take a step back from dating if you need to.
Irene, married for five years, is newly separated and the only one of her friends to be single in her early thirties.
There is no time limit on love, finding it or losing it! A newly separated or divorced person will be the first to tell you that nothing is guaranteed (especially if they don’t have a separation agreement). So what if you now have checked baggage (kids, alimony, debt), such is life. And if it isn’t that, there might be something else. Count your strengths and use your relationship history to your competitive advantage.
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Kristie, married for two years but together for five. The back and forth of finally deciding to cut the ties was exhausting. Her ex moved on quickly, well before she was ready.
Depending upon the history of your love life, you might want to take a time out. Love doesn’t stink. Hurtful scenarios do. Taking the time to re-evaluate your life goals is always good for the psyche. Work on “you,” and really process everything that has happened. But, don’t keep yourself so busy that you tuck it away only for it to blow up in your face. Because yes, that will stink. Plus, you never want to approach a fresh new relationship with old feelings: it’s just bad form.
Michelle was cheated on various times throughout her four-year marriage. She didn’t leave because she didn’t want to be alone. It ended when he left for someone else.
Victimization can play into all of the above scenarios or play out all on its own. Taking ownership of your own actions will help you decipher where it went wrong. There are two people in a relationship and it’s very unlikely that the whole reason for the demise of your relationship was the other person.
More from HuffPost Canada:
If someone has taken advantage of you and you let them, it’s time to figure out why you would sell yourself short. Check your self-esteem.
Dating after divorce can be a difficult time, but it does not need to be. Being aware of where you are as an individual and what you learned from your prior relationship can help you grow and move on to a successful second act. Maybe this time you’ll snag a prince.
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