Relationships Talk

Learning to love your body is no walk in the park. 

We live in a world where thinness is equated with value and from a young age, we’re taught that fat is unattractive, which obviously affects our attitudes to relationships and dating.

But this notion that thinner is better is, slowly, changing as the body positivity movement gains speed.

And one of the women spearheading this movement is Megan Crabbe, who has over a million people following her BodyPosiPanda Instagram account. 

This week on The Independent’s Millennial Love podcast, Crabbe revealed her three top tips for loving your body and being more confident in your own skin while dating.

1. Touch your body with kindness

Learn to appreciate the softness of your body, rather than feeling bad about it. “For me it was always my stomach, it was my most hated body part,” Crabbe says. 

“I couldn’t stand my belly rolls, I was terrified of being on top [during sex] and my body moving. And one of the big things for me was to stop being so physically rough with myself. I used to tug on my skin […] and it was horrible.

“Actually just touching myself with kindness – spending a little bit of time before I go to sleep stroking my stomach, being thankful, thinking softness is lovely – my stomach feels like a roll of velvet and that’s lovely, and just getting used to being kinder to myself in that way.” 

2. Unfollow people who make you feel bad about your body

Curating your Instagram feed with people who make you feel good can have a huge effect on your relationship with your body.

“It’s the easiest thing in the world and it makes such a difference,” Crabbe says. “I think people don’t realise how learned our idea of beauty is and you can actually change your perception of what is beautiful and what bodies are worthy and lovable.

“I used to follow all the Kardashians and I was obsessed with them but at some point I just had to be like: ‘Kim, you’re making me miserable. Bye.’ Unfollow, block.”

3. Keep questioning 

“We need to spend more time questioning where the idea comes from that thinness will make you more lovable or more worthy or more deserving,” Crabbe says. “I think hugely it comes from diet culture and the diet industry.”

Crabbe explains that the idea that when we lose weight, everything in our life will fall into place is a lie we’ve all been sold by companies selling weight loss products, but this simply isn’t true. 

She says we need to keep asking ourselves: “Why do I think everything in my life would be better if I was thinner? Where has that idea come from? Why am I hurting myself to fit this image that maybe I’m not supposed to be?”

“It’s no wonder we feel like we are not worthy of finding someone good for us until we’re thin.”

Because actually, you’re great exactly as you are. 

The Independent’s Millennial Love group is the best place to discuss to the highs and lows of modern dating and relationships. Join the conversation here.​

In the 1960s, you took advantage of an option in your contract with CBS that allowed you to host 30 hours of a variety show. But network executives wanted to put you in a sitcom because they thought variety was a man’s job.

I never thought, oh my gosh, it’s a woman and dah, dah, dah. I just knew that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted an actual rep company, which is what our show was, even though it had my name on it. There were times when I would be supporting Harvey, or Harvey would be supporting Vicki. Everybody got a chance to shine, and I learned that from “The Garry Moore Show,” because I remember sitting around the table, reading the script, and Garry had a funny line or two. And he looked up and said: “You know what? Give this to Carol, or give this line to Durward [Kirby]. They can say it funnier than I can.” The generosity — but he was also smart because he said, “Whatever makes the show better is going to make our show successful.”

In your 2016 memoir, “In Such Good Company,” you wrote about trying to maintain ladylike qualities while making demands of your male staff.

Back in the day, the men — Jackie Gleason and Sid Caesar and Milton Berle — if they said: “Hey guys, this sketch sucks. Get with it! What’s the matter with you?” they were fine because they were guys. But if a woman did it, she would be labeled a bitch. So I tap-danced around it a lot. Like, if a sketch wasn’t working, I’d call the writers down to rehearsal and I’d say: “Can you help us out here? I’m not saying this right. Maybe you could come up with a different line that would make it easier for me to get a laugh.”

But now, because women are more accepted as producers, writers and stars, like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, I would say: “Guys, this isn’t working. Let’s go back to the drawing board.” Still, that’s a nice way to say it. I can’t stand confrontation. It makes me crazy.

What about the censors?

We never got called on anything except one time. We were doing a scene where I was in a nudist camp, and I’m behind a fence that says “Keep Out,” and my shoulders and legs are bare, and Harvey was interviewing me about what nudists do for recreation. He said, “How do you nudists dance?” My line was, “Very carefully.” Well, for some reason the program practices thought that was too dirty, and so we came up with the line we wanted in the first place: “Cheek to cheek.” They bought it.

Female vs. male comics: What’s the difference?

Now, I don’t think there’s much difference. You know, in stand-up, the ladies can get as graphic as the men — not that I like it in either case. I’m not a prude, but gratuitous blue material to me is not only not classy, it’s a cheap laugh. If you look at “All in the Family,” Mary, Dick Van Dyke, Bob Newhart, that was classy writing. They didn’t have to get blue to shock. If I hear another penis joke, I’m going to throw up. Or vagina.

“There are a LOT of great people out there, so whatever your preferences get out there and meet new people.”

Signing off her dating tips, she added: “Finally, don’t commit too quickly if you are new to the dating game. You haven’t signed up to a ‘relationship’ on date one, have you?”

Carol’s advice seemingly comes from her experience with her own relationships.

The maths whizz first married Christopher Mather in 1985, before they split after just one year.

The brunette went on to marry Patrick King in 1990, but the pair parted ways 10 years later.

Carol and Patrick have 27-year-old daughter Katie and son Cameron, 21, together.

In 2012, the presenter began dating her on-off partner Graham ‘Duffy’ Duff, who was 14 years her junior.

Just when you thought ghosting was the worst possible relationship-plaguing dating trend, in swoops “orbiting.” And, honestly, it sounds even more horrible.

While ghosting occurs when someone totally disappears from your life, orbiting—according to Man Repeller, which coined the new term—is when that person vanishes but also “keeps you in their orbit,” by continuing to watch your Instagram Stories and favorite your tweets. Despite not directly communicating with you, these suitors-turned-scumbags make sure you’re the digital equivalent of being “close enough to see each other and far enough to never talk.” AKA pure torture when it’s someone with whom you were just feeling good vibes.

Basically, an orbiter stays in your universe by keeping tabs on you without having or intending to have any semblance of a real relationship.

Basically, the person stays in your orbit by keeping tabs on you without having or intending to have any semblance of a real relationship. And whether the could-have-been flame wants to keep their options open, is using orbiting as a power move, or just has FOMO—”fear of missing out (on you)”—it’s wildly frustrating.

Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about orbiters besides hitting that “block” button. (You don’t need another stressful person in your life—or, er, orbit—right?) Come to think about it, in comparison, the whole ghosting thing isn’t looking so bad after all.

Here are seven tips for staying happy, confident, and sane while online dating. Or, read one woman’s story about how a body-positive photo shoot helped her heal after dating a narcissist.