Relationships Talk

You may have heard the saying, without risk, there is no reward. That’s especially true for relationships. If you’re willing to take some very essential risks early on in your relationship, experts say, your partner just might be “The One.”

“The reality is, many people don’t take risks,” Chelsea Leigh Trescott, breakup coach and podcast host of Thank You Heartbreak tells Bustle. Some tend to feel like their relationship is “too fragile” or isn’t special enough yet to engage in a deeper way or put in more of an effort.

Just think of the types of dating advice that gets thrown around a lot. For instance, first dates should be kept light. Don’t talk about “taboo” topics too soon. Keep your options open and don’t seem too hung up on one person unless it becomes exclusive. But as a result, we end up offering “the bare minimum while internally nurturing the fantasy that one day this relationship will be more than it currently is,” Trescott says.

But love doesn’t always work that way. You can’t get to a place of closeness by waiting around and giving your partner the bare minimum. “You have to work your way toward the day where your relationships are deeper and rawer and more allowing,” she says. “The way you get yourself there is by risking yourself a little bit more.”

Taking risks mean getting out of your comfort zone. Some people you’re with will make it easier more than others. So if you’re able to take the following risks early on in your relationship, your partner just might be “The One.”

When a woman immigrated to the US to get her college degree, she had no idea how difficult dating in a foreign land would be for her. She had a noticeable accent and didn’t understand dating etiquette that most Americans took for granted. She wound up in a relationship that was going nowhere, yet it was hard for her to let go and move forward.

The woman knew she needed dating and relationship advice, so she hired Annie Gleason as her dating coach. Annie specializes in working with singles over the age of 40. She taught the middle-aged woman, who had never been married, how to date with confidence and attract relationship-ready men.

After working with Annie, the woman got her footing, started online dating, and met a widower who measured up to her expectations. They began dating and got into a committed relationship. The woman recently got in touch with Annie to announce her engagement.

Annie said that hearing about her client’s upcoming wedding made her beam with pride for days. Such success stories remind her of why she got into the dating industry in the first place. Her mission is to have a lasting impact on singles and give them the advice they need to break their negative patterns and attain the relationship of their dreams.

Annie’s message resonates with a diverse clientele — she told us that a third of her clients are from other countries — and she often adapts her advice to suit her client’s individual needs. Whether she’s helping a single woman gain self-confidence or advising a foreign-born man how to adapt to American dating culture, Annie breaks down the essential dynamics of attraction, romance, and love, and then offers concrete solutions to get a love life.

“I’m good at cultural translation because I’m from England,” she said. “I can translate American dating in the 20th century to someone from another country.”

You can get Annie’s advice every week by subscribing to her Free Dating Tips Newsletter, which dispenses instructive videos and articles on a regular basis.

Don’t Let Your Anxiety Control Your Actions

We all feel insecure in a relationship every now and then. That’s natural. But acting on those fears and anxieties isn’t the best way to build trust, intimacy, and respect with someone you like. Annie said singles can overreact to an ignored text, for instance, and create a story in their minds that has no grounding in reality.

“You worry more about what might be going on rather than what’s actually going on,” she said. “And then you act prematurely and create more problems.”

Annie said she has often seen her clients shoot themselves in the foot by sending a why-haven’t-you-contacted-me text or call that makes them appear overly clingy or insecure.

A love interest can fail to respond for a number of reasons, and only one of them is because they’re ghosting. That person may be unsure about his or her feelings and want to take some time to think it over. In that situation, one accusatory text could push that waffling person over the edge.

Or, it’s possible that the reason someone isn’t responsive is simply because he or she is busy with work or family, and pestering him or her during a hectic time isn’t going to endear you to that person.

Annie recommends taking a breath, stepping back, and practicing patience whenever you feel worried that a love interest is neglecting you. She said that waiting to see what happens is often the wiser dating strategy because it keeps you from acting out of fear, hurt, or desperation.

“A lot of the times, waiting two or three days will give you the answers you need,” she said. “You have to give them time to sort it out for themselves.”

Create Good, Respectful Boundaries With a Partner

The #MeToo movement has had a tremendous impact on the workplace, particularly in Hollywood, by empowering women to speak out and combat sexual harassment. Now it’s having a ripple effect on the dating scene as well.

Dating in a Post-#MeToo environment can be confusing for men and women who are no longer sure what the rules and roles are. Men may worry about appearing too aggressive, while women feel unsure how to take the lead in a relationship. They may not know how to bridge the divide and voice their needs in healthy and appropriate ways.

“One of Annie’s strengths is she tells you what’s going on on the other side of a date.” — Paul B. in a Yelp review

In response to these growing concerns, Annie has begun dedicating herself to addressing how to date and adapt to changing gender dynamics.

Annie said she has focused on teaching women how to encourage men and teaching men how to behave responsibly so neither feels threatened, disrespected, or unsafe.

“Creating good boundaries around sex is one of the most important things,” she said. “You have to figure out what works for you.”

Give Yourself Time to Mourn & Detox After a Breakup

When you fall for someone, chemicals race through you and make you feel on top of the world. You can get a natural high from the endorphins, adrenaline, norepinephrine, and other chemicals flooding your brain. You can’t get enough. That significant other becomes like a drug dealer who helps you experience euphoric feelings and sensations.

It’s easy to become addicted to that person and those feelings. And that can make breaking up an extremely painful experience. According to Annie, some singles can experience symptoms similar to withdrawal when going through a breakup.

“The first 21 days are always the worst,” she said. “A lot of people want to stay in touch with that person, so they send a text, and now they’re back to being addicted. It’s only extending their pain.”

Annie advises her clients to cease contact with an ex after a breakup. No lingering messages. No social media stalking. Cold turkey. That distance can give you a chance to cope and move forward while giving your partner a chance to realize he or she misses you. Maybe giving each other some space will make you both realize you want to get back together, or maybe you’ll come to see that you’re better off apart. Either way, taking care of yourself and weaning yourself off your dependency to your ex can only be a good thing.

To help clients get closure, Annie encourages her clients to get out five sheets of paper and write down five things — the first is what they loved about their ex, then what they admired, then what they liked, then what they could do without, and, finally, what didn’t work in the relationship. These five lists can help singles gain clarity on what they want and need from a relationship. It can be healing for them to reflect on the past and analyze what went wrong.

Annie’s guidance can help singles overcome unhealthy addictions to an ex, mourn a dead relationship, and move forward without sadness or regret. “Love has a kind of pull on people,” the dating coach said, “because it’s something we really need, and it’s so hard to lose it.”

Annie Gleason Encourages Daters to Think Things Through

The search for love is universal. People of all ages and from all cultures want to find that connection and happiness in their lives, but they may struggle with how to get there. Fortunately, dating coach Annie Gleason can provide valuable guidelines to help singles from all walks of life navigate common dating and relationship obstacles. She equips her clients to rid themselves of false beliefs and tackle dating with a positive mindset. This is increasingly important as dating becomes more complicated and singles become disconnected from one another.

“We’re living in a crazy and unpredictable world right now,” she said. “Dating is getting more broken, and fewer people are willing to be vulnerable — and that means fewer people are finding love.”

Annie’s steadfast support energizes singles navigating this potentially frustrating and demoralizing dating environment. In her private coaching practice, she offers rational and realistic dating advice to prepare singles for healthy and fruitful relationships.

“I enjoy helping people find love,” she said, “because that’s the thing that’ll save the world.”

The last time K-pop boy group GOT7 appeared on SBS’ ‘Running Man’ was in 2016, that is if Jackson’s appearance on the Chinese version of the variety show is not taken into account. Fans of the idol group needn’t worry as GOT7 will appear on ‘Running Man’ once again.

As noted by website Soompi, on September 4, a post was made on SBS’s instagram page for ‘Running Man’ with the caption, “Yes, this is real life! It’s really GOT7! Guess what they did with ‘Running Man’?”

The full group will be appearing on the ‘Running Man’ show after almost two years. Their first appearance on the variety programme was in November of 2016. As mentioned above, GOT7 member Jackson appeared as a guest on ‘Keep Running’ or ‘Hurry Up Brother,’ the Chinese version of ‘Running Man.’

While ‘Running Man’ began in 2010, ‘Keep Running’ started in 2014. Six episodes have aired of the Chinese variety show to date.

GOT7, who will be releasing their third full album titled, ‘Present: You’ on September 17, will also be appearing on JTBC’s ‘Idol Room’ for its September 18 episode. This will be their first appearance on the show. As noted by Soompi, this will be a reunion of GOT7’s Jackson, Big Byung’s Wang Kong and Big Byung creators Jung Hyung-don and Defconn.

As for ‘Running Man,’ in the latest episode to air, Lee Kwang-soo was forced to reveal some hilarious dating fails from his past. In episode 548, which aired on September 2, the members played a game of truth or dare. Kwang-soo chose truth but instantly regretted upon realising that the cast wanted him to talk about some embarrassing dating experiences from the past.

One such experience occurred due to Yoo Jae-suk’s advice. “I went to Yoo Jae-suk at night for some advice about a girl. [I said at the time,] ‘I think she has feelings for me and I currently like her as well.’ I went in front of his house and the two of us talked in the car,” Lee Kwang-soo said.

The ‘Running Man’ member added, “Then, Yoo Jae-suk said, ‘Kwang-soo, if you don’t confess your feelings right now, you may lose her.’ The next day, [I sent her a text message saying,] ‘I think I like you. Do you want to try dating?’ She replied, ‘Kwang-soo, I think you’re misunderstanding something. We don’t have that kind of relationship. We’re colleagues.'”

The advice to ‘seize the moment’ is a cliche. However, suffice to say it does not always work out. Lee Kwang-soo is famous for being the unlucky member in ‘Running Man‘ and in this instance, it was no different, sadly.

Obviously, Kwang-soo felt betrayed at the time. “This guy ruined my precious relationship. When I think back to that even now…,” he said pointing at Yoo Jae-suk.

Lee Kwang-soo also mistakenly revealed how a woman he was involved in a casual fling with once, was involved in a dating rumour at the same time. He was responding to a question from the ‘Running Man’ staff on the number of times he was rejected after confessing his feelings. Hilariously though, Yoo Jae-suk told him, “That’s not the one,” after the other members had their fill of laughter.

The next episode of ‘Running Man’ airs on September 9 at 4.50 p.m. KST. Watch the clip below.