Tag Archives: dating advice

6 Tips For Approaching Your Crush IRL, According To A Dating Coach

While this may seem like a no brainer, Ettin encourages people to avoid corny pick up lines. Although they can sometimes be effective, more often than not they can lead to awkward conversations. Pick up lines can also be interpreted as insincere, because they are so widely syndicated. Some people might not take them seriously, because it can seem as if you did not care enough to come up with something original.

Going from not talking to someone, to saying something like, “Did it hurt when you fell from the sky?” will likely make your crush feel like you’re not serious about getting to know them.

In the era of pre-internet dating, clinical psychologist and professor, Dr. Chris L. Kleinke conducted a study that explored different forms of approach one can use when talking to a stranger. Psychology Today notes that overall, their research revealed that both men and women think pickup lines a the least effective way to ask someone out. Even if you can’t come up with a relevant question, retire your one-liners in favor of a simple one-word greeting.

Let's Talk About What to Do If Your Roommate Is Dating a Guy You Hate

Your living space should be the place you come home to and feel comfortable plopping down on the couch, covering your skin in a lotion-y face mask, and having catch-up convos with your roommate. It shouldn’t feel like a place that you have to tiptoe around and stay captive in your room, avoiding the other people that are coming and going.

Sadly, that’s how it can feel if your roommate is dating someone that makes you want to hide all the toilet paper when they go to the bathroom (or even something much less dramatic). And, while most of us aren’t stuck sharing a tiny cabin on a boat while also working together like Brooke Laughton and Hannah Ferrier are on Below Deck Mediterranean,  it doesn’t make the situation with guys we meet (on dry land) any easier. 

Here’s how to handle your life — and your living situation — when they become infiltrated by a boyfriend (like João Franco) who is starting to feel like another roommate, the annoying kind that never washes the dishes and always watches the TV on full volume when you’re trying to snooze. (Or makes out with your friends.)

Protect Your Personal Space

The first thing you should do is make sure that your stuff and your belongings are protected. Install a protective lock on your door or let your roommate know that what’s behind your closed door should stay there. Keep your room off-limits, that way you don’t have to worry about him snooping around, borrowing a pillow, or invading your privacy when you’re hiding out in your bed to seek some alone time. 

If you’re sharing an actual bedroom (or bunk on a boat), it can be much trickier … but it’s still possible to lock up your essential items in a trunk or case. 

Set Boundaries

Your house is your space. Even though you share it with your roommate doesn’t mean that you should also have to share it with the person she’s choosing to bunk with. Let her know that her man can’t just stay over or be over every second of the day. Set boundaries and rules on how many nights each week he’s allowed to crash there before it’s appropriate to ask him to start paying rent or to ask her to move out.

Be Vocal About What’s Irking You

If you and your roommie are BFF’s, it might be hard for you to want to express how much you don’t like her bae, but you have to do it in a mature way. If there’s something about the way he acts or behaves in your apartment, let your roommate know those specifics so she can help curb the things he does in your space that bothers you. If it’s his overall personality and the way he treats her, you can let her know that you love her and the time you spend together, but when he’s around you don’t want to be around, and since the apartment is shared space, you’d appreciate if she wouldn’t bring him around as much as she does.

Now … when you’re still stuck sailing around the Italian Riviera, sometimes you’ll (sadly) just need to suck it up until you hit the shore again.

Personal Space is Bravo’s home for all things “relationships,” from romance to friendships to family to co-workers. Ready for a commitment? Then Like us on Facebook to stay connected to our daily updates. 

Dating app for 'beautiful people' is offering PLASTIC SURGERY advice to applicants deemed too ugly to join – and one …

Dating app for ‘beautiful people’ is offering PLASTIC SURGERY advice to applicants deemed too ugly to join – and one woman reveals she’s having LIPOSUCTION based on her feedback

  • Dating website BeautifulPeople.com accepts members based on their looks
  • It is now offering plastic surgery advice to those who are unsuccessful 
  • Aspiring dater Natasha Johnson, 28, of California, was told her body is ‘thick’ 
  • She is now undergoing liposuction in a bid to improve her chances of joining 

Stephanie Linning For Mailonline

A dating website that accepts members based on their looks is now offering plastic surgery advice to unsuccessful applicants. 

US-based site BeautifulPeople.com claims nine million singletons have been rejected from the site after failing to impress its members, who vote based on appearance.

It is now giving unsuccessful applicants and wannabe members the option of paying $45 (£35) to receive feedback from a plastic surgeon on their physical flaws – and advice on the procedures they could undergo to ‘improve’ them.

One aspiring dater, Natasha Johnson, 28, from California, asked for advice ahead of applying and was told that while she had an ‘amazing smile’ and ‘open face’, she also had a ‘thickness to her abdomen, waist and back’. Miss Johnson is now planning on undergoing liposuction in a bid to boost her chance of being accepted to the site.  

Self-conscious: Aspiring dater, Natasha Johnson, 28, from California, pictured, submitted her photo for analysis by a plastic surgeon in a bid to improve her chances of being accepted to BeautifulPeople.com. She was told she had an 'amazing smile' and an 'open face'

Self-conscious: Aspiring dater, Natasha Johnson, 28, from California, pictured, submitted her photo for analysis by a plastic surgeon in a bid to improve her chances of being accepted to BeautifulPeople.com. She was told she had an ‘amazing smile’ and an ‘open face’

Identifying 'flaws': Miss Johnson paid $45 (£35) to receive personalised feedback from plastic surgeon Dr Linda Li, star of reality TV show Dr 90210. Dr Li said based on the left image, Miss Johnson showed signs of a 'less than successful breast augmentation'

Identifying 'flaws': Miss Johnson paid $45 (£35) to receive personalised feedback from plastic surgeon Dr Linda Li, star of reality TV show Dr 90210. Dr Li said based on the left image, Miss Johnson showed signs of a 'less than successful breast augmentation'

Miss Johnson, pictured, submitted herself in a bid to improve her chances of being accepted to the site

Miss Johnson, pictured, submitted herself in a bid to improve her chances of being accepted to the site

Identifying ‘flaws’: Miss Johnson paid $45 (£35) to receive personalised feedback from plastic surgeon Dr Linda Li, star of reality TV show Dr 90210. Dr Li said based on the left image, Miss Johnson showed signs of a ‘less than successful breast augmentation’ (point one) and a ‘thickness to her abdomen, waist and back’. Right, another image of Miss Johnson’s figure

Expert feedback: Dr Li provided this professional advice based on photos Miss Johnson was planning on submitting to BeautifulPeople.com. The applicant is now planning plastic surgery

Expert feedback: Dr Li provided this professional advice based on photos Miss Johnson was planning on submitting to BeautifulPeople.com. The applicant is now planning plastic surgery

Expert feedback: Dr Li provided this professional advice based on photos Miss Johnson was planning on submitting to BeautifulPeople.com. The applicant is now planning plastic surgery

BeautifulPeople.com came up with the idea after its own founder, Greg Hodge, 43, was rejected by members.

He said: ‘After eight years of being off the site, I wanted to get back on the factory floor and experience my app as a customer. 

‘When I couldn’t get voted back on, it was a blow. It was a bit of a sting to be kept outside the velvet ropes, but in all fairness, I had let myself go.

‘It wasn’t good enough to just be told your application wasn’t successful. Like any break-up, you must know why.’

'Ugly truth': BeautifulPeople.com came up with the idea of the expert advice after its own founder, Greg Hodge, 43, was rejected by members. Mr Hodge sent his photo to a Beverly Hills surgeon and asked for honest feedback. Pictured, a graphic illustrating the advice he received

'Ugly truth': BeautifulPeople.com came up with the idea of the expert advice after its own founder, Greg Hodge, 43, was rejected by members. Mr Hodge sent his photo to a Beverly Hills surgeon and asked for honest feedback. Pictured, a graphic illustrating the advice he received

‘Ugly truth’: BeautifulPeople.com came up with the idea of the expert advice after its own founder, Greg Hodge, 43, was rejected by members. Mr Hodge sent his photo to a Beverly Hills surgeon and asked for honest feedback. Pictured, a graphic illustrating the advice he received

'Improvements': The entrepreneur, who founded the site in 2003, had Botox and a procedure called Treat Sculptra to replace volume in the temples. His subsequent application, which included the photo above, was successful 

'Improvements': The entrepreneur, who founded the site in 2003, had Botox and a procedure called Treat Sculptra to replace volume in the temples. His subsequent application, which included the photo above, was successful 

‘Improvements’: The entrepreneur, who founded the site in 2003, had Botox and a procedure called Treat Sculptra to replace volume in the temples. His subsequent application, which included the photo above, was successful 

Mr Hodge, who founded the site in 2003, sent his photo to a respected Beverly Hills surgeon and asked for honest feedback on his appearance. 

The surgeon recommended that Mr Hodge have Botox, a procedure called Treat Sculptra to replace volume in the temples and laser genesis treatment to ‘create a more youthful look’.

Most common ‘flaws’ of rejected applicants

BeautifulPeople.com revealed unsuccessful applicants commonly possess at least one of the following:  

1. Badly lit application photo

2. Overweight

3. Backdrop that fails to inspire

4. Moody facial expression

5. Bags under eyes

6. Bad hair

7. Sallow skin

8. Larger than average facial feature

9. Unflattering hair style

10. Visible paunches, or signs that you’re overweight

Mr Hodge said: ‘Constructive criticism can be a bitter pill to swallow but it did me the world of good, it got me voted back onto my site. It gave me the idea to give the same “ugly truth” to failed applicants.’

Applicants are only admitted if the existing members vote and deem them ‘beautiful’ enough. 

Those who are unsuccessful can pay $10 (£8) to receive general feedback on their profile or $45 (£35) for the tailored advice from Dr Li, star of reality show Dr 90210.

There is no guarantee after following advice that applicants will get voted back into the site with acceptance up to the existing members who vote. 

Wannabe member Miss Johnson, a businesswoman, told how unlike many potential members, she had asked for the advice before submitting her application in the hope of improving her chances when she did decide to join.

She has now booked for liposuction and corrective breast augmentation with Dr Li.

Miss Johnson, who owns a brokerage firm, said: ‘I wanted to become a member to build my social and professional network but I was nervous about the possibility of being rejected and I didn’t feel like I was looking my best.

Feedback: Unsuccessful applicants can pay $10 (£8) to receive general feedback on their profile or $45 (£35) for the tailored advice from Dr Li, star of reality show Dr 90210

Feedback: Unsuccessful applicants can pay $10 (£8) to receive general feedback on their profile or $45 (£35) for the tailored advice from Dr Li, star of reality show Dr 90210

Feedback: Unsuccessful applicants can pay $10 (£8) to receive general feedback on their profile or $45 (£35) for the tailored advice from Dr Li, star of reality show Dr 90210

‘I’d previously had breast augmentation but was unhappy with the results and suffered complications. Being able to get detailed feedback from an amazing plastic surgeon was helpful and reassuring.

‘Dr. Linda was great and made me feel relaxed and secure in my decision. The changes I am making are for me to feel more confident and assured in my appearance.  

She continued: ‘I never submitted to the site because I wanted to look and feel my best before I did and with the way my bust is and the stubborn fat I have, I wanted to wait until after my surgery.

Reality star: Dr Linda Li, pictured, said her 'objective and professional evaluation allows the applicant the option of safe and realistic physical improvements'

Reality star: Dr Linda Li, pictured, said her 'objective and professional evaluation allows the applicant the option of safe and realistic physical improvements'

Reality star: Dr Linda Li, pictured, said her ‘objective and professional evaluation allows the applicant the option of safe and realistic physical improvements’

‘This is all personal and how I approach all things in life is don’t do something unless you’re going to do or give your best.’  

Dr Li added: ‘Rejection from the website means that there is something visually unappealing about the image.

‘Sometimes that’s a reflection of the photograph. Sometimes it’s an indication that physical improvement might increase the applicant’s chances for acceptance.

‘My objective and professional evaluation allows the applicant the option of safe and realistic physical improvements.

‘The most common non-surgical cosmetic procedures are Botox/neurotoxin and Juvederm/facial fillers.

‘These relatively non-invasive procedures can improve facial appearance and make a person appear more open and receptive to a new relationship.’ 

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Dating Tip: Try Going Against Type

Years ago, back when I was single, I was lamenting to some friends about the state of my love life when one of them asked what, exactly, I was looking for. I rattled off a fairly extensive list of all the traits — physical and otherwise — I was attracted to (tall, funny, big nose, glasses, maybe a swimmer’s body, dimples, etc., etc.), and she said, “Oh! I know the perfect guy for you!” Long story short, she set me up on a blind date with this guy who didn’t wear glasses, wasn’t particularly tall, didn’t have dimples, wasn’t a swimmer, and had an average-sized nose. In short, he wasn’t really my type. And you know what? My friend was right. He WAS perfect for me. We’ve been together ten years this May, married for seven, and have two pretty great kids.

One of the best pieces of dating advice I can pass along to those of you who are looking for a serious/longterm/committed relationship, is…

to date someone who isn’t your type. Date several people who aren’t your type! Start making a habit of dating against your type. Instead of swiping left, go out for coffee with him (or her). HE may not be the perfect guy for you, but a cool thing happens when you break the pattern of dating the same type of person — you begin breaking the pattern of having the same type of relationship (and if you’re single and wanting a longterm relationship, this is probably a good thing, assuming none of your relationships have worked thus far). Dating against type is the equivalent of stepping outside your comfort zone. And that’s exactly where exciting things can happen.

Before I share with you some other success stories from people who have dated against type, let’s talk for a second about the idea of “comfort zone,” or why people have types they’re afraid to stray from. I have a theory. I think that being attracted to a certain type barely even factors when staying inside one’s dating comfort zone. Rather, my theory is that people seek out partners who help sell an image they’re trying to project to the world or help tell the narrative they’ve created for themselves. For example, a woman who believes she was an unattractive child and then grew up to be pretty might seek out only the hottest guys to help sell her Ugly Duckling narrative. In her mind, having a hot boyfriend will affirm for her — and, very importantly, for everyone else – that she is, indeed, pretty now. Someone who grew up socially awkward and not very popular might seek the super cool, bad-boy kind of guy because he affirms for her that she’s no longer awkward if she can land a guy like that.

Essentially, these relationships are much less about connecting, and much more about compensating for a long-held insecurity. Dating against type can help shift that focus. (But, of course, doing work on yourself — going to therapy, fostering friendships, building a career and social network — are also essential in breaking the pattern of seeking affirmation through dating). If you’re someone who dates the same type over and over and has the same kind of relationship over and over (usually with your being “ghosted” or rejected or somehow disappointed), think about why you keep perpetuating the same pattern. Is there an image you hope to project through your potential partners? Is there a narrative about yourself that you’re desperate to sell? Or do you simply really, really like tall guys with dimples? These questions are worth exploring, and if they feel uncomfortable at all, that’s a good thing. Exciting things happen outside your comfort zone.

But don’t take my word for it! Here are some examples from DW readers who have dated against type and found happiness in doing so:

“I like short guys, my husband’s tall. I like nerds, he’s a sweet ole country boy. I was a widow and married more than once, he had never even been engaged. I have four boys, he has no kids. I am eight years older than him. I’m an introvert, he’s a social butterfly. He’s an animal lover, I never was, but now we have six pets! I’m a homebody, he can’t stand sitting still. He’s goal-oriented and I’m a free-spirit. Our religious, political, and personal views are opposite. He likes country music, I like punk/pop…but we have both learned from one another, our personalities are similar, and our differences make us stronger. We’re a good team.” — T.

“I wasn’t ‘excited’ to meet my husband. More neutral, like ‘might as well.’ And I can’t imagine being more compatible with someone. And yes, he makes typos in his emails, he’s dyslexic. And I’m an English major. And I make twice what he makes. So what? We’re very happy.” — K.

“The guy I’m currently dating is the opposite of my ‘type’ in many ways, the most notable being that I’m an athiest who always actively avoided dating religious guys while he is a practicing Catholic. We met by chance last fall and became friends, then started dating around the end of last month and quickly fell in love. To say it’s working out would be an understatement because I’m pretty sure he’s the one.” — A.

“I have a friend who’s a super high-powered saleswoman in finance and fell head over heels for a cook. They are living together, engaged, and she’s pregnant.” — L.

“I gave up on my ‘type’ a long time ago. The type I always gravitated towards (cool guys with glasses, basically) always were totally wrong in so many ways. Once I gave up that ‘idea’ of what I ‘should’ go for, I found I was pleasantly surprised by who I found. And yes, I’m still single (so none of them have worked out for the long run) but I feel good being open to any possibilities that I may come across in the future!” — M.

“My husband wasn’t my type at all but he’s caring, compassionate, loving and makes me laugh. I can be myself around him and he accepts me for me. We’ve been together for three years — yesterday was our 2-year wedding anniversary.” — A.

“I honestly never in a million years would’ve thought I’d marry the man I did. In high school, he was the really smart guy and I was the popular one. I made fun of him, I teased him, and I probably annoyed the hell out of him, but I also wanted to know more about him. He ended up moving away, then moving back a little while before his father passed away. Because I knew his sister, I went to the funeral. We met up and things kind of just clicked. He melted my heart and I kept wondering how stupid was I to have passed him up during our school years. We’ve been together for almost five years, are married, and have a beautiful seven-month-old son. They’ve been the best of my life.” — C.

And, there you go. Exciting things happen outside your comfort zone, even/especially outside your dating comfort zone. So step outside of it. Swipe right. Go out with that person who isn’t your type and see if maybe you’ve been wrong about your “type” all along.

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Originally Published on Dear Wendy

Photo Credit:  Pixabay