Relationships Talk

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a 20-year-old wanting to follow manners more closely and inform others in my age range.

Judith Martin 

What is the proper first-date invitation timing? I remember as a kid being told not to accept a date for the weekend after Wednesday. So should a first-date invitation be given out/accepted for two days or more later?

GENTLE READER: Your honesty about how you intend to apply Miss Manners’ advice makes her leery of offering any.

Correcting one’s friend’s manners is not only rude, but also likely to diminish their numbers. While there is no definite rule about how far in advance a date must be proposed, Miss Manners thinks that would-be suitors who cut it too close are liable to learn that someone else has beaten them to it. She has no objection to your leaving them with this impression — even if it is not strictly true — in the hopes that they will plan ahead next time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What can one say that sounds like “congratulations,” but is perhaps a bit like offering condolences?

My friend has just volunteered for an unpleasant and difficult job at a large organization we’re both active in. It is the sort of job that involves telling people “no” to things that they believe are reasonable, except that they are not in possession of relevant confidential information.

I happen to know that he offered to do this solely because he learned that the few original candidates were entirely unsuitable for a position requiring sensitivity and tact.

Why he volunteered, however, is not public knowledge. In theory, he is honored that they chose him after interviewing many excellent candidates.

What can I say to him (in public) that will sound like “Congratulations, you must be so pleased to win such an important position” (especially if the people who were not chosen, and who might be feeling disappointed or rejected, are within earshot), but that actually means something closer to “You poor thing, I’m so sorry that you got stuck with this miserable, time-consuming, friendship-destroying, soul-sucking job, even though I agree with you that the other candidates were impossibly unsuitable”?

GENTLE READER: Much as she likes a good challenge, Miss Manners wonders why it is necessary to convey all of this information in a single, public pass. Is your friend planning to make his new duties easier by relocating to an office across town, where neither you, nor anyone else, is likely to see him again? She also wonders what is accomplished by conveying your agreement that the other candidates were unqualified, other than to demonstrate that you have inside knowledge.

Those, however, were not your questions. Approach from an angle that puts you facing your friend but leaves your back to the other inhabitants of the room. Move in close, shake his hand, and say, “Congratulations. That’s wonderful that you got the job. There were so many qualified candidates. It’s a challenging assignment.”

So long as no one else can see you roll your eyes when you speak of the “many qualified candidates,” or smirk at “challenging assignment,” Miss Manners will not report you.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

Dating expert Matthew Hussey shares five ways The Single Wives stars are going wrong on their first dates… so are YOU making the same mistakes?

By

Candice Jackson For Daily Mail Australia

Published:
07:04 EDT, 18 July 2018

|
Updated:
12:49 EDT, 18 July 2018

Channel Seven’s new dating series has enlisted the advice of international dating expert, Matthew Hussey, who charges clients up to $14,000 for his services.

And on Tuesday’s debut episode of The Single Wives, he gave the female stars four helpful first-date tips that any single person can use.

Giving away his sought-after pointers on the free-to-air program, the women appeared to improve dramatically after taking on his advice. 

Scroll down for video   

International dating expert Matthew Hussey shares five ways The Single Wives stars are going wrong on their first dates… so are YOU making the same mistakes?

Matt will give widow Nikki Mitropoulos, 31, and divorcées Emma Wynne, 28, Sunnie Khakh, 30, and Sheridan Buchanan-Sorense, 41, advice on their quest for love.

The ‘world’s number one dating coach’ and New York best-selling author of Get The Guy claims to have helped 19 million women in the past 10 years. 

Though the Los Angeles-based social media sensation is a hit among celebrities – he counts Eva Longoria, Christina Aguilera and Tyra Banks as fans – he’s a firm believer in sharing his knowledge with as many as possible. 

Throwing the ladies into a ‘crash course in dating’, he sent each of the women on 10 blind dates, noting that dating can be a numbers game.  

Getting back on the dating scene! Throwing the ladies into a ‘crash course in dating’, he sent each of the women on 10 blind dates, noting that dating can be a numbers game

Dating coach Matthew Hussey’s first-date tips 

1. Don’t interrogate – Ask questions, and answer them regardless of being asked “what about you?”

2. Don’t talk about dating on a date – Prioritise getting to know someone over discussing relationships and dating

3. Take it slow – Control your breathing and don’t rush through the chat

4. Silence is sexy – Patiently listen to your date without jumping in with “okay”, “yep” or other words of acknowledgment

5. Ditch the small talk – Speak about things you care about

Watching their dates unfold, his first tip was directed at Emma, 28, who appeared to interrogate her dates.

‘You can ask a question, but when he gives his answer, even if he doesn’t say “what about you?” I want you to give him your answer,’ Matt said after telling Emma she sounded like she was conducting an interview with the men.   

He also noticed many of the women were making the same mistake, talking about dating and relationships. 

‘You’ve just known this man for three minutes! What? You can’t learn that in the second 20 minutes? All you need to know is “do we have fun together?”‘ Matt said animatedly to Emma.

A nervous Sunnie, 30, is seen speeding through her dates, to which Matthew claimed daters can have more impact on a date if they slow down and control their breathing. 

”You’ve just known this man for three minutes! What?’ Matt advised the ladies to avoid the topic of dating and past relationships on a first date

Another suggestion he gave to divorcee was to stop interrupting the other person’s responses with words of acknowledgment, because it was ‘sexier’ to listen silently.

‘When someone else is speaking, you’re jumping in and saying “okay”. It’s just breaking the habit.’

His final piece of guidance was given to single mum Nikki, 31, who said she was struggling to keep the conversations flowing. 

‘Ditch the small talk. Talk about things you care about’: Another helpful tip to avoid boring conversation was to ditch small talk

Matt simply said: ‘Ditch the small talk. Talk about things you care about, and then make it your mission to find out what they care about.’  

Over the next four weeks, Matt will continue to hone the stars’ dating skills and build their confidence as they enter the dating scene again.

The Single Wives returns on Thursday night from 7.30pm on Channel Seven 

The Single Wives returns on Thursday night from 7.30pm on Channel Seven

Advice: “Dating” does not carry with it a guarantee of love. Your relationship with your husband should have shown you that.

DEAR ABBY: I was widowed seven years ago. When my husband died, I thought it was the end of my suffering. It had been a mentally and physically abusive marriage for 30 years. We were complete opposites and were always financially stressed.

I have decided to start dating again. I want to meet someone and hopefully feel loved. I joined a dating website, but the men on it look disturbed and creepy. I have no friends, and I feel like I’m dying. I’m 57. Where are all the good men? I am at a loss.

My boss told me I should consider dating women since I have had no luck meeting men. She is pushing me into meeting her lesbian friend. Her friend was in an abusive marriage, and her husband is no longer in her life. Abby, I’m shocked that she would even suggest it.

I’m considering quitting my job because it’s awkward being around my boss. She started joking about it with other co-workers until I told her to stop bringing up the subject. Even though she has curbed her tongue, the fact still remains that my co-workers know she wanted to match me with a woman. I cringe working around her and want to crawl under a rock. Please help. — LONGING TO BE LOVED

DEAR LONGING: It’s time to join some different dating sites and enlarge your pool of dating prospects. However, when you do, keep in mind that your marital history may have negatively affected your judgment about men. “Dating” does not carry with it a guarantee of love. Your relationship with your husband should have shown you that. Also, because a man doesn’t photograph well does not mean he’s disturbed or creepy. (One woman’s creep can be another woman’s Prince Charming.)

That said, if I ever heard about creating a hostile work environment, what your boss did is a textbook example and should have been discussed with HR. “Joking” about an employee’s sexuality is considered to be both discriminatory and a form of sexual harassment. Her behavior was beyond the pale, and you should start looking for another job.

DEAR ABBY: My 47-year-old son is employed at a prestigious university. His position involves a considerable amount of travel.

Over the years, he always emailed us his travel plans along with flight information. Lately, he tells us when and where he is going but omits the flight, hotel information, etc. When we ask, our requests are ignored. When we tell him we think it’s irresponsible for him not to share this information, his response is, “My secretary has the information if there are any problems.”

We always give our children our travel information, flights, hotels, etc. when we travel. Our question is, are we out of line for wanting this information from him? — LOVING PARENTS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR PARENTS: You are not out of line for wanting the information; you are out of line for insisting your adult son give it to you over his objection. Your son is 47. He is no longer a child. It’s time to back off.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

– Thabiso, 20, said he’s dating a 53-year-old woman

– The woman’s kids are aged 33 and 27

– However, Thabiso said they do not respect him

PAY ATTENTION: Click “See first” under the “Following” tab to see Briefly News on your newsfeed!

A 20-year-old man from Durban, KwaZulu-Natal, revealed on Twitter recently that he’s dating a 53-year-old woman whose kids do not respect him.

Thabiso said the woman’s two kids are aged 33 and 27, Briefly.co.za gathered. However, they refuse to call him “daddy” and simply laugh when he asks them to make him tea.

A concerned Thabiso therefore asked his Twitter followers for advice on how to handle the situation.

Tweeps responded to Thabiso’s hilarious plea in different ways. Some asked what he’s doing with such an older woman, while others asked him to give the woman’s sons time.

However, others mocked him and joked that he should accept his status as the baby of the house. See more reactions below.

READ ALSO: Top highlights from Barack Obama’s Nelson Mandela Day lecture

Some tweeps advised Thabiso to get a lady his age.

One joked that he should laugh along with the sons.

For one tweep, the sons simply need some time. In fact, they need 10 years.

“You’re the baby in that house.”

It’s unclear whether Thabiso was serious or simply having some fun when he posted the tweet. Either way, he got tweeps laughing and cracking jokes.

READ ALSO: 5 amazing 67 minutes for Mandela pics that keep Tata’s legacy alive

Watch a funny animated joke in the video below from our Briefly – South Africa YouTube channel.

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Source: Briefly.co.za