Relationships Talk

I met up with Mary Anne Carter of Party Hat and Colleen Louise Barry of Mount Analogue the day after Carter’s actual bachelorette party. (Carter is marrying Stranger contributor Sarah Galvin on Saturday.) Over the course of that party there were, according to Carter, “three matching tattoos, two active pukers, and one concussion.”

“I was involved in all of those situations,” Barry says, pointing to a pretty significant wound on her forehead.

After we get settled, Carter and Barry immediately sink into the characters they’ve adopted for the purposes their month-long installation at Mount Analogue, which opens tonight for First Thursdays in Pioneer Square. The project is called, Destinations’ Wedding Chapel and Wig Sales. (Yes We Buy Sell Trade Wigs) [Eds note: They don’t.]

Maybe you’ve seen their promotional materials around town? Colleen Louise Barry

So let me get this straight. You’re turning your bookstore into a wedding chapel, Colleen?

Barry: Yes. Mary Anne is Destination the Elder. And I am Destination the Younger. My role as Destination the Younger is to officiate all of the weddings, which are free and which can take place every day in August.

Carter: As Destination the Elder, I’m in charge of buying, selling, and trading wigs. I’m also offering free marriage advice. I’ve been married nine times, and I love marriage. I just want to share my love of marriage with the world.

Barry: I don’t love marriage, but I do love brides. I’m 17. Destination adopted me and renamed me 6 months ago.

Carter: We met at a trade show.

So the whole installation is just you guys officiating random weddings in character?

Barry: Well, Rob is a pretty special part of the chapel.

Carter: We’re showing a real Robert Mapplethorpe. One of two artists proofs. Rob rests on 425 square feet of plush, burgundy, authentically faux fur.

Tulip, 1984. 2/2 AP. Silver Gelatin Print. On loan from the Bill & Ruth True Collection.

Barry: Patti Smith wrote the book on Robert Mapplethorpe. It was called Just Kids.

Carter: Our book on Mapplethorpe would be called Just Kidding.

Barry: He and Patti were lovers.

Wasn’t he gay?

Carter: It happens.

Barry: Another big inspiration for the chapel was Danielle Steel’s writing desk. Have you ever seen it?

Yeah, it’s created using giant replicas of her own books.

Barry: That’s right. I would say our installation could best be described as a cross between Robert Mapplethorpe and Danielle Steel’s writing desk.

Carter: We also have a gift shop, which will be useful for anyone getting married with us. We’re calling it The Fantasy Shop: Where the prusuit (sic) of happiness is not a crime. “Glamour before Grammar” is the slogan of the shop.

Barry: We’re selling socks in case you get cold feet. Mints for 25 cents.

Carter: We’re also selling perfumes. We have Only She, which is based on Justin Bieber. Streak Ray. And My E.A.D.

What does E.A.D. stand for?

Carter: We have no idea. We bought them at the dollar store.

Barry: I’m really proud of the grotto.

There’s a grotto?

Carter: It’s a disco grotto. All of the stones are authentic geodes made of foam.

The grotto. Colleen Louise Barry

Carter: I should say we’re divorcée-friendly. First and second marriages in the space are free. You have to pay for the third one. But if it’s your first third marriage at our space, it’s totally free.

Are these marriages official?

Barry: I’m ordained. But you have to get your marriage licensed.

Carter: We specialize in spiritually and “legally binding” weddings—whatever that means. If you don’t want to get legally married but you want to get spiritually married, we offer that. As a queer person who’s getting gay married in three days, I’ve been hearing a lot of stuff. People say, “If you can get gay married, what’s stopping you from marrying your horse? I say bring the horse! I think it’s wrong that queers can get married but people can’t marry horses.

Barry: I hope we get a dog. Or a cup. I’d marry a cup.

Could you get a horse-bride into Mount Analogue? The entrance seems too small.

Barry: Hell yeah. We’ve done it.

Have you all married anyone yet?

Barry: The grand opening is Thursday, and we have six confirmed couples already. If people are interested in getting married they can email themountanalogue@gmail.com
.

Is the public invited to these marriages?

Barry: On First Thursday it’ll be a free-for-all. We’re doing ‘vow karaoke,’ where people can recite real or spiritually binding vows to one another. But as for people who book an appointment to get married? Public viewership is up to their discretion

Carter: However, weddings may be recorded for quality assurance purposes.

Barry: I’m also really excited that this is our Seattle Art Fair show.

Carter: Yes, and we have a deal going on related to the art fair. Show your art fair pass for up to three free marriages and free mints. Otherwise the mints are 25 cents.

Carter: It’s also relevant that this installation marks the first anniversary of Mount Analogue and also Women In the Style of Taco Bell, which was my first solo installation. We’re celebrating our first anniversaries by giving you an opportunity to create your own anniversary.

Oh, cool! What will be happening at Mount Analogue when there isn’t a wedding going on?

Barry: We’ll be selling romantic books all month on the Mount Analogue side of things.

This sounds amazing.

Barry: We hope the Shotgun Wedding Chapel in Pioneer Square is sweating it.

I bet they are.

Carter: Our goal is for Jeff Bezos to get married in our chapel. We’d also be flattered if Mike Pence got gay married there. And I should just add that, yes, we do celebrity weddings. For an extra dollar you can wear Prince Harry’s face when you get married. In that way, everyone can take part in a true celebrity wedding.

Why not have your own royal wedding? Colleen Louise Barry

Barry: It’s actually kind of sacred in a way.

Carter: Yeah, marriage is supposed to be sacred, but there’s the trashy gross disgusting part of the wedding industry. Our chapel is completely free. We’re entering the wedding industry with no motivation to make money (because we’re artists) and a pure desire to facilitate lasting happiness in whichever way our patrons choose.

Barry: We’re facilitating a moment, which is really what art galleries do, too. The installation is self aware, and it’s self-critical, but it’s also really earnest and genuine. It’s an installation, but it’s also real. I mean, these people are getting married.

Carter: And in our work in general, Colleen and I are always trying to subvert the Capital “A” white-wall art. And yet here we are showing one of the most famous photographers of all time, perhaps the most prized piece of artwork we’ve ever presented. And yet, Robert Mapplethorpe died young as queer artist and got elevated to this paragon of high art. But he was also just a punk artist who was just trying to fuck things up. This is kind of our chance to put him back in his original context.

STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — Today’s archive page is from July 2, 1957.

Columnist Amy Vanderbilt says that if the wedding is cancelled, the gifts should be returned.

If the marriage breaks after the wedding, then the bride has a right to keep the gifts. The second wedding shouldn’t be large and friends aren’t obligated to give gifts — but people often send them any way.

Divorce is unquestionably difficult. During the process, one experiences heartbreak and anger and a sense of grief similar to what one feels after the death of a loved one. But, when, after a divorce, do you finally come to terms with it? Is there a lightbulb moment, or is it something that becomes easier to deal with over time? It’s hard to say, and letting go of the anger and pain and grief can take years. But like all loss, things do eventually, somehow, get back to normal. Just ask these five divorced dads, who explain how they finally came to terms with the end of their marriages and how, eventually, they moved on. 

“Our Divorce Felt More Like a Death”

“I think my desire for things to improve was much greater than anything else. It took years for me to cope with the loss of my marriage. Mine felt like a traumatic loss. I reeled for years, trying to understand it. We agreed it was best to not communicate. Talking or seeing one another hurt too much as we both still loved one another but we also knew it wasn’t meant to be. Our divorce really felt more like a death. It probably took me about the length of time I was with her to get over things: about six years.

I ended up getting married again about four years after my divorce was final. She had also gone through a divorce and understood what that was like. What was healthy about it all is that we would mention things as they came up, but each of us had done enough work that those things were not constant.”

— William, Texas

“I Realized I Wasn’t Stressed Out Anymore.”

The end of a marriage is psychologically pretty devastating. At least it was for me. But we had gotten to the point in our relationship where there was no salvaging it. For the sake of our children, I would have suffered through a miserable marriage. But she wasn’t willing. So I asked for a divorce. One day, when I was sitting in my apartment, I just sort of realized that I wasn’t totally stressed anymore. But I will always, until the day I die, regret not having my kids with me full-time. That’s never going to be something that goes away.

You know how there are those Claritin commercials? “There’s clear; and then there’s Claritin clear.” My life, before my children came along, was clear. On a dime, it became Claritin clear. But I don’t have the stress; the hypercriticism. I realized that it was easier for me to work out some things for myself, that I don’t think I would have had an opportunity to do had we stayed together.

 — Brian, Pennsylvania

“I Had to Learn How to Be Comfortable With Myself.”

My then-wife actually moved out. I came home to an apartment complex agreement on the counter. I think the reality hit me then, but I actually kind of expected it, but wasn’t in a place where I could say our relationship wasn’t working. Once she left and I moved out — we both got our own places — it was very calming. It put me in a place of, as crazy as it sounds, tranquility. I became a better overall person.

I had to learn how to be comfortable by myself. That following year, I traveled, I took vacations by myself, I went to the movies by myself. I had to find happiness in me. And then I had to address, and get comfortable with, acknowledging my PTSD and my Tourettes. I had to learn what was right for me, from a medical standpoint. I saw a shrink and professionals to help me along that journey. Divorce changed who I was as a person.  And now, I’m remarried, and I’m in a place where I can love without expecting anything in return. I know who I am; I know what my non-negotiables are; I have standards of self. And I can enjoy life with people who want to enjoy it with me.

— Dom, Arizona

“I Just Took The Time I Needed.”

I was trying to think about an event, like where something happened to help me move on, but I really just think it was the passage of time. It just sort of happened. Maybe, once I decided I was ready to go out and meet new people, new women, that made me realize, yeah, it’s over. Before that, I didn’t really have that interest.

You have to come to the point of asking yourself: what do I have to learn from all this? After divorce, I started realizing I had a lot to learn. Realizing how I should have been different. You have to look back and say: I’ve learned, I’ve grown, and I’m a different person because this forced me to learn about myself.

— Elliott, Toronto

“I Had To Let Go Of My Ego.” 

I’ve been divorced twice. The first time, I was young: 24. The second time I was in my late 30’s. My biggest issue was overcoming the anger and resentment. My ego was so tied up in it. When divorce happens, I felt like, maybe I didn’t do something right. Or maybe there’s something wrong with me. It’s this weird thing where you want absolutely nothing to do with that person ever again, and you want them back, because your ego is tied up into it.

The biggest thing for me was to realize was that chapter of my life was done. I had to come to terms with the fact that my life is not going to be the same, and that this is my new reality. And that it’s actually okay. If I had to really boil it down, it was about letting go of my ego.

It’s like breaking a bone. You’ve gotten used to having your arm or your leg in this one position. It’s uncomfortable. You want it to be done. And yet, when you finally get it off, it feels really weird, and yet free at the same time. Divorce is kind of like that. Especially my second divorce. It took a year and a half to negotiate and once that was done, I finally let go of the anger. It was like the cast was off. Why was I so silly to hold on to that? Let go! Life will be better.

— Daniel, Florida