Category Archives: marriage advice
6 'Hello, Dolly!' Dancers Get Engaged During Run of Broadway Show About Matchmaking
Performing in a Broadway show about matchmaking has apparently paid off for these six dancers, who’ve all gotten engaged during its year-and-a-half-long run.
“I think there is a weird connection to the show,” said “Hello, Dolly!” dancer Jessica Lee Goldyn, who was one of the last in the group to say yes. “I think it’s incredible.”
“Hello, Dolly!,” which is playing at the Shubert Theatre in New York City, follows Dolly, currently played by Bette Midler — a widowed woman who helps couples find love while seeking marriage for herself.
The first in the cast to get engaged was Taeler Cyrus, who is from Los Angeles. Her boyfriend, Bill, popped the question on July 3, 2017, a few months after the show officially opened.
Just a month later, on Aug. 10, 2017, Sarah Meahl’s boyfriend, Ed, asked her to marry him at a restaurant.
“That is kismet,” Meahl, of Orlando, Florida, told InsideEdition.com. “It started to get weird that we were all getting engaged.”
Next up was Leslie Flesner of Miami, Florida. She got engaged to her boyfriend Justin the following month, on Sept. 17, 2017.
“It’s honestly the craziest thing,” the bride-to-be said. “It would be one thing if we were doing “Les Miserables” — this sad musical — and everyone was getting engaged. There seems to be a lot of parallels between the stories we’re telling on stage and our lives outside the show.”
It was three months before Elizabeth Early, of West Chester, Pennsylvania, got engaged on Dec. 10, 2017. She was, however, the first to marry.
“My dad was not in great health and so we were trying to get married in front of him,” she said. “We didn’t quite make it, but these girls took incredible care of me.”
Before Early and her fiancé, Emilio Tostado, got married this past May, her fellow cast mates threw Early a surprise bridal shower.
“I thought it was someone else’s party,” she said. “It was at the theater in between shows. I came out and everyone surprised me and decorated the place and turned the alleyway of the theater into this magnificent party space. While I was grieving, these girls picked me up and helped me celebrate life and the matrimony I was experiencing too.”
Jessica Lee Goldyn, of Parsippany, New Jersey, was the fifth dancer to say yes.
She joined the cast single — “almost swearing off guys” — but is now a married woman.
She was introduced to her now-husband, Luke Ballantyne, through a friend. They first spoke on FaceTime. “I came into the wig room and I said, ‘I think I just met my husband,'” she recalled.
Ballantyne swept Goldyn off her feet.
“I got to share that with the cast, coming in every day taking about dates, talking about getting to know him and falling in love with him,” she said.
Referring to the musical about love, she added, “It’s almost like the show found me.”
This past spring, the couple went to Zambia, where Ballantyne asked Goldyn to marry him on March 30.
“He used the last family heirloom, the pearl earrings his father gave to his mother on their 30th wedding anniversary. [It was] very special as Luke’s dad passed [away] of cancer three years ago,” she said.
Last week at their New York City engagement party, the pair surprised everyone — including her fellow “Dolly” girls — with news they had eloped in secret that morning.
“It was so amazing,” said Cyrus. “There was not a dry eye in the house.”
When the last actress, Amanda LaMotte of Orlando, Florida, got engaged to her boyfriend Ben on April 30, she knew the reaction she’d get once she told her co-workers.
“The best part is the day each girl walked in and said they got engaged because the love and support from everyone else is so fun,” she said.
Cyrus agreed that she loved sharing the experience with her cast mates, who perform together in eight shows a week.
“What other reaction is there than absolute surprise and happiness for everyone in the cast?” she said. “It’s amazing to share that with people you’re with every single day.”
Even with multiple women planning weddings, there’s no competition or cattiness.
“We’re very lucky to have a loving room of girls who are supportive,” LaMotte said. “It’s been a really fun experience for us to go through this together.”
In fact, they’re helping each other get organized by sharing information about florists and DJs.
“Our tastes are different, so it’s a lot of fun to collaborate and share,” said Cyrus.
As a courtesy to each other, they all plan to wear different color dresses for their engagement photo shoots and different wedding dresses.
One of the show’s former leading ladies, Bernadette Peters, got each bride-to-be a tiara and offered them solid advice about marriage.
“[Peters] said, ‘At the end of the day, it’s about you and Justin,'” Flesner said. “What’s most important is what’s at home and that’s your person. So that’s something she taught me.”
The women also learned from each other during the experience.
“I’ve learned to have fun especially because I was going through so much with losing my father,” said Early. “These girls were the ones to remind me to pick myself up. It was completely analogous to the actual Dolly story in our show.”
Meahl added, “I think why we are thriving … is because it’s a wonderful group of women who keep lifting each other up.
“When your heart is happy, even at work, everything is happy.”
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Shared wisdom on a silver anniversary
To commemorate my 25th wedding anniversary this week to my husband, Jesse, I asked readers on Facebook to share their own secrets to a long happy marriage.
In short, the crowdsourced recipe for marital endurance includes faith, forgiveness, romance, kindness, selflessness and a healthy dose of humor. A union built to last begins with a promise and persists through compromise and commitment. It is about keeping your word, choosing the right words and knowing when no words are necessary.
Teri L. emphasized: “Marriage is WORK. You have to put effort into it. You have to love and nurture the relationship. It has to be priority. You have to respect it.”
Cathy G. advised: “Be careful with your words. Once they are out in the universe, there is no taking them back. And laugh — a lot! 41 years and counting.”
Vincent O. opined: The “key to a long marriage is forgiveness and understanding. You must also end your arguments and misunderstandings the same day. Never let it linger.”
Tony G. kept it short and simple: “53 years ago, I learned how to say, ‘Yes, Love.’ “
Marie G. also administered pithy wisdom: “30 years. It’s all about RESPECT.”
Hugh W. counseled: “Our secret to a long marriage: I always let my wife think she’s in charge!”
Terence C. gave the opposite instruction: “As far as a secret to a successful marriage, I always tell everyone: ‘My wife lets me think I am the boss!’ “
Walt S. weighed in: “50 years here … keep God and common sense in your marriage. Simplicity, Trust and Utility inside of our wedding bands.”
Pamela N. shared: “We celebrated our 51st last March. My advice is to apologize when you’re wrong and forgive when you are wronged. Don’t throw in the towel when hardships come. Hang on. There will be hills and valleys … and beautiful meadows. Embrace it all together.”
Robert S. reflected: “Will be married 50 years this August 2018. I carry a picture of my wife that I have had for over 51 (years).” She “sent it to me when I was in Vietnam. I look at that picture every day to remind me why I married her. It hasn’t failed me yet.”
Barbara M. posted: “Never take each other for granted and make memories, even if it’s just dancing to a tune on the radio in the kitchen. Laugh as much as possible and trust God to bring you through the storms. Be grateful for all that you have and most of all always be KIND and FORGIVING!”
Stark G. suggested: “Commit to the relationship voyage” and “always remember that this is a LONG-TERM voyage.” Moreover, “never forget that you are not an Adonis or a diva. Your partner didn’t have to marry you. They did you a favour.” And “go out for a coffee or a drink once a week to remind each other that you are still a couple.”
Rod K. divulged: “Having my wife of almost 44 years lying in a bed with terminal cancer and other pressing issues, the adage of ‘live each day with one another as though it may be your last’ has a tremendous message we are now facing, but equally for any married couple.”
Joan H. similarly noted: “My 25th was spent with my husband in a nursing home dining room where the staff had prepared a beautiful meal in a private room. I think my advice for a long lasting marriage is believing and living the part of your vows that say ‘in sickness and in health,’ because you just are never prepared or know what the future holds.”
From my mom and dad, who marked their 48th wedding anniversary this spring: “Today, as you reflect on the 25 years of journey through your married life, you can rejoice, be grateful, and take pride in all that you have accomplished and weathered together. Marriage indeed is hard work, but it becomes lighter when lived in love and perseverance, with patience and humility.”
Finally, Neil S. joked: “Never be stupid at the same time.”
We’ll take it all to heart. Stay tuned for another longevity update in 25 years.
Michelle Malkin is host of “Michelle Malkin Investigates” on CRTV.com. Her email address is writemalkin@gmail.com.
Read or Share this story: https://www.thespectrum.com/story/opinion/2018/07/26/malkin-wisdom-marriage-silver-anniversary/836965002/
My marriage ended badly, and now my kids won't talk to me: Ask Ellie
I haven’t seen my children — daughter, 27, son, 26, in five years.
My marriage had ended badly. My kids sided with their mother and cut off all ties with me, my family and long-time family friends.
I’ve reached out several times, received nothing in return.
The “well was being poisoned” long before the marriage ended.
I endured 25 years of my then-wife’s emotional, mental and physical abuse and infantile behaviour, but my kids didn’t see this side of her.
I remained in the marriage because of them, not wanting to jeopardize their future.
Their mother refused marriage counselling, or seeing her doctor or a personal therapist.
I sought professional help and the advice was always the same:
My wife must get help or I must leave the marriage.
She refused, but I couldn’t break up my family back then.
Post-divorce emotional pain can be as hard on the parent who’s rejected as on the children who turn away, Ellie writes.
My kids and family were the centre of my universe. I was a hands-on dad, very involved throughout their upbringing; always there for them, with school, and extra-circular activities.
Yet my kids didn’t attend my mother’s funeral last year. They did, however, accept an inheritance from her estate.
I’m concerned about their financial future as both are in jobs with no pensions and few benefits. They’re my sole beneficiaries. But I’m not prepared to reward them for being cruel or insolent.
I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and support group to help deal with this, but it’s still painful when all you can do is wait, hope and pray. I miss my children.
My latest attempts (and they haven’t been frequent) to contact them via emails or texts resulted in them notifying security at their jobs and threatening to go to the police if I contacted them again.
My lawyer has advised to desist for fear of having trouble with the law. Your advice?
Heartbroken and Childless
Stick with your psychiatrist and support group.
I’ve published your story because it reflects the many post-divorce parents who write me of being cut-off by their adult children.
In each case, readers and I naturally only get one side. So, it’s impossible for me to respond (as you may’ve wished) that everything you’ve done is exemplary, or that your ex did everything wrong, and your children have been turned by her.
What’s clear, though, is that getting professional help to get on with your life, is crucial.
Focus on interests and activities that help you enjoy a healthy, positive, lifestyle involved with other family, old friends, and making new ones.
Your children are young adults, with major experiences ahead of them. They may see things differently over time, they may not.
Sometimes children of divorce can’t deal with the pain of separation from a parent — especially one who had been very involved with them — until they seek their own professional help.
They know where you are and how to reach you.
My brother, his wife and their son, 22, are all anti-social.
They don’t invite anyone over to their lovely home. My brother blames his wife and son.
But he’s always projected his problems on others.
I feel it must change. But he won’t accept there’s a better way to live.
Missing Them
Try to be an example for his wife and son through gentle means: Invite them to your place for a casual dinner (family only), send flowers for an occasion, drop in for coffee and bring a pie.
Go slow and steady in creating small get-togethers. It’s worth a try.
Tip of the day
Post-divorce emotional pain can be as hard on the parent who’s rejected as on the children who turn away.
Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Follow @ellieadvice.
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Points of Financial Advice for Married Clients
Here’s a news flash for you: Money is the No. 1 cause for divorce in the U.S., according to marriage.com, but that doesn’t mean financial trouble automatically will sink your marital boat.
A recent study about Couples and Money by Fidelity reveals five key ways that married couples can agree (or disagree, we suppose) about money concerns. However you agree or disagree, communication is very important.
A recent Fidelity survey found that 1 in 7 couples couldn’t accurately report their spouses’ employment status. Almost half — more than 4 in 10 — disagree on when to retire—and more than half aren’t on the same page about how much to save for retirement.
“That may not be surprising, since money can be a tricky topic in families,” says Ann Dowd, CFP, a Fidelity vice president, in a prepared statement. “But not laying the groundwork for open money communications can undermine relationships.”
There are five recommendations for marital bliss. We’ll add a sixth: Talk a lot. Here are a couple more:
1. Sit down, have a nice glass of wine (that’s our recommendation), and list your financial accounts
List them all — checking, savings, credit card, investment, 401(k), IRA, the works. Let each other know what accounts each of you has and which banks and investment firms they are with.
Create a spreadsheet with account numbers to keep track of the accounts. Consider sharing passwords and PINs with your spouse for funds that may be needed immediately. (We’ll skip the trust factor here.)
Take an inventory of your accounts to get organized, which can also help lay the foundation for investment decisions that you may want to make jointly or individually. Cybersecurity breaches are rampant so consider whether or not you want to use your financial firm’s virtual “safes.”
2. Set up and name account beneficiaries
Naming beneficiaries is as important as writing a will, according to Fidelity. Because that means that assets in the accounts go to the beneficiaries, account custodian, trustee or plan administrator – and generally supersede instructions in the will.
Special note here: Retain the best estate attorney you can afford. Check your state’s Bar Association to see who heads the Estate section and contact that person.
Updating beneficiaries on financial accounts isn’t hard and many financial service providers let you do it online. Naming beneficiaries on all accounts can help avoid legal complications in the event of a death.
Here are the accounts that Fidelity’s study thinks you should consider:
- Retirement accounts: Keep in mind that, if you’re married, some employer-sponsored retirement plans automatically name your spouse as the beneficiary unless you name someone else and your spouse has signed off on that. Check with your company.
- Nonretirement bank or brokerage accounts: Designating beneficiaries on these accounts may set up a “transfer on death” registration for the account. That allows account ownership to transfer to the designated beneficiary upon your death.
- Insurance policies: It’s important that your beneficiaries reflect your current wishes on life insurance policies. If you forget to change the beneficiary after a big life event like a marriage or a divorce, insurance proceeds could go to the wrong person if anything were to happen to you. (Trust us, there are court cases about this.)
The 2018 Fidelity Investments Couples & Money study (formerly the Couples Retirement Study) analyzed retirement and financial expectations and preparedness among 1,627 couples (3,254 individuals). Respondents had to be at least 22 years old, married or in a long-term committed relationship and living with their partner, and have a minimum household income of $75,000 or at least $100,000 in investable assets.
