Relationships Talk

Dave Simpson / Opinion columnist

It’s graduation time, when callow (devoid of feathers) young people cross stages in silly hats, and are handed diplomas that may or may not land them a job.

So, once again, it’s also time for Dave’s Swell Advice to the Graduates, real, hands-on tips for success in life from a certifiably old guy who learned by making mistakes you don’t have to:

• Most of what you worry about in life won’t happen anyway. I worried that I wouldn’t graduate, wouldn’t find a job, wouldn’t get married, wouldn’t have kids, wouldn’t succeed, and wouldn’t have enough saved for retirement. At one point, I worried that my neck was too long. All of that worry for nothing. If you find yourself worried sick, go to bed early. You’ll feel better in the morning.

• Don’t be one of these people who hold everyone up in parking lots, waiting for the best parking spot to open up. I’ve had the best parking spot, and while nice, it wasn’t a life-changing event. Like your team winning the Super Bowl, the thrill fades pretty fast.

• Don’t look down on people who work with their hands. While you may have gone to college, chances are your plumber, your electrician, or the guy who fixes your car makes more money than you do, especially if you were an English major, like I was. When the toilet’s backed up, the last thing you need is an English major.

• It’s easier to be a Democrat than a Republican, because Democrats can always count on the support of the news media. Journalists will tell you that’s not true, but that’s fake news. You’ve got to be a masochist to be a Republican, these days.

• If you think socialism is a pretty cool idea, Google “Boris Yeltsin goes to the Supermarket” on your cell phone and see what a former Soviet leader thought about the incredible abundance we have in the United States. It may be cool to say you like socialism, but capitalism has brought more people up from poverty than any other system. What is it about freedom and options at the store that you don’t like?

• Speaking of cell phones, look up every now and then. Real life is as exciting as “Candy Crush.” And people walking into traffic peering into their cell phones is nature’s latest way to cull the herd. Don’t get culled.

• Save some money from every paycheck. You’ll need it when you get old like I am. And money in the bank is the best defense against jerk bosses. Always have enough money on hand to say “I quit.” This is way more important than most of the junk you spend your money on.

• Don’t eat at restaurants all the time. It’s too expensive. Get a Crock Pot.

• Things won’t make you happy. They just take up space in your garage. Money in the bank beats a bass boat in the garage for all but a tiny number of days per year.

• If you have a dollar, don’t spend $1.30. That sounds simple, but for most of my 67 years, it is a level of discipline that has eluded American politicians. (You and your kids, by the way, will pay the price for our profligacy. Thanks a lot.)

• Mow your lawn, don’t play your crazy music too loud, and feed your kid breakfast every morning. Don’t make the rest of us feed your kid at school. And know that if you text while driving, you’re an idiot, plain and simple. Wake up and smell the coffee.

• The notion that marriage will be endless bliss is pure bunk. Successful marriage is about doing dishes and taking out the garbage, not that Romeo and Juliet stuff. Endless love works in date movies, but marriage is a whole different kettle of trout.

• Go to the shooting range every now and then. It’s oddly therapeutic.

• Everyone gets to be a little crazy about something. For my wife, it’s Elton John concerts. For me, it’s a little cabin in the mountains. Savor it, because life is short.

• Call your mother. Someday, she won’t be there.

• And last, once again, the classic career advice from the great newspaper columnist Mike Royko:

“Bathe regularly.”

Contact Dave Simpson at davesimpson145@hotmail.com.

MINNEAPOLIS – Love is in the air and wedding season is in full swing! It’s a wonderful time to celebrate but as many of us know, one of the toughest hurdles in marriage can be getting on the same financial page.

Justin Halverson joins us with advice on how best to blend two financial ideologies into one financial plan so that you can start your marriage off on the right financial foot.

Take Financial Inventory: Once you’re married and begin to merge your finances, first start by getting an understanding of all the moving pieces. Your financial inventory should be documented and should include:

• Income and expenses – create a budget by understanding what’s coming and what’s going out.

o Income – do the math to determine exactly how much money is coming in – along with your combined income, be sure to include any money coming in from side gigs, rentals, etc.

o Expenses – take note of all bills, monthly expenses like groceries and utilities as well as memberships and subscriptions.

o Debt – Determine your combined debt. Consider student loans, credit cards, auto loans, etc.

• Benefits – from 401(k)s to healthcare insurance, get an understanding what each spouse qualifies for at work.

• Insurance coverage – again, list all insurance policies

• Estate plans or wills – for many newlyweds there may not be a lot to this area yet, but if you have any beneficiaries currently listed on insurance policies or savings accounts, be sure to take note

Update & Create a Plan Together: Once you take financial inventory you may quickly start to notice areas that need updating. In addition to updates, you should also discuss a game plan for the various financial aspects of your life, including:

• Savings goals – now that you have a combined income, as well as the possibility of new financial goals (like purchasing a home), you’ll likely need to update your savings plan. It’s a good rule of thumb to saving 20% of your income, but if you may find it necessary to cut some additional expenses so that you can set aside more and reach your savings goals quicker.

• Payment plan for debt – Taking on each other’s debt can be tricky to navigate and can easily lead to arguments down the road. Be honest and upfront with how debt each of you is carrying. Rather than getting overwhelmed or frustrated, create a proactive game plan that determines how much per month will be allocated to paying off debt and have a understanding of timeline until you hit a zero balance.

• Benefits – Arguably one of the most important financial tasks to take care of once you wed, updating your benefits can not only help cut cost, but also ensure you’re setting enough aside for the future. When it comes to your healthcare, compare each employer and determine which one best fits your needs. In addition to this, also review any retirement plan options like 401(k)s – you both should have retirement savings account so if one spouse doesn’t have a 401(k), consider opening an IRA. IF a 401(k) is an option, make sure you’re contributing enough to maximize any employer match.

• Insurance –Now that you have a better understanding of the policies you currently have, you may find that you have some missing coverage. For newlyweds, this is often life insurance since you may have not seen the need for this prior to marriage. Shop around and find a policy that works for you and your spouse.

• Update your beneficiaries – From life insurance to your retirement savings accounts, anything that lists a beneficiary likely needs updating now that you’re married. This is a crucial step that many newlyweds forget to take, and it can leave you in a world of hurt if one of you were to pass. If you choose to expand your family eventually, you should also revisit this step each time you have a child.

© 2018 KARE

TODAY’s Jenna Bush Hager and husband Henry Hager had a big event to celebrate Thursday — 10 years of marriage.

Back in 2008, the couple swapped vows at her parents’ ranch near Crawford, Texas, and to mark the occasion, Jenna shared a heartfelt message for her husband, as well as stunning photos from the big day.

“TEN years with this one by my side,” she wrote in the caption. “Could never imagine on that day in May how beautiful life would be. Love you H.”

The pictures that accompanied that sweet sentiment included a shot of Henry wiping away her happy tears at the altar, several glimpses of their honeymoon and one moment from their big day that they’ll never forget.

Jenna and Henry exchanged vows on May 10, 2008, at Prairie Chapel Ranch near Crawford, Texas. Shealah Craighead / White House

Former President George H.W. Bush and his wife, the late Barbara Bush — aka Jenna’s beloved grandparents — are pictured side by side, delivering an important message.

(Be sure to click or swipe to see all the shots in the post.)

Before the event, Jenna and Henry asked the duo to speak about their enduring love in hopes that they would impart some valuable wisdom along the way.

My mom has been married to my dad for 30 years. He’s the first and only guy she’s ever dated, which I have trouble wrapping my mind around most days. She, on the other hand, doesn’t understand how I can date someone without being exclusive. When it comes to millennial dating practices, we’ve agreed to disagree. Still, I think moms’ advice about marriage might be more important now than ever before. With trends like ghosting, orbiting, and zombieing — which are definitely not mom-approved, BTW — it’s worth reminding yourself of the basics.

For example, my mom’s one bit of marriage advice is that things will never work if you don’t respect each other first. My mom’s theory is that relationship staples, like trust and open communication, can only exist between two people who genuinely respect each other’s opinions, feelings, interests, and boundaries. Without mutual respect, you’re just two people co-existing more like acquaintances rather than partners. You might as well be seat mates on the subway at this point.

Her advice reminds me of the scene in The Wedding Planner when Salvatore (played by Alex Rucco) tells his daughter Mary (played by Jennifer Lopez) the story of how his and her mother’s marriage came to be so successful. It wasn’t love at first sight for the fictional couple, who had an arranged marriage. For them, he says that appreciation grew to respect, respect to like, and like to a deeper love than he could ever hope for.

You may not do things exactly like your parents did but you can learn a lot from their wise and experienced takes on life and love. These six moms shared the best marriage advice with their millennial kids.