Category Archives: marriage advice
I've been married for 13 years — these are the 3 things I think everyone should know before they tie the knot
When you talk to your spouse, are you really hearing what he or she is saying? I don’t mean the words alone; I mean the meaning behind them. Even many years into my relationship, I’m still at times reluctant to say certain things to my wife for fear of seeming needy or petty.
I might hope for a compliment on an outfit, for example, or want to vent about something I know is ultimately no big deal. Sometimes I’ll fish for a compliment rather than asking directly how I look; other times I’ll speak about something general (“Why would anyone ever park in front of a driveway?”) instead of just asking her to ask her friend who is visiting not to park in front of our driveway.
My wife does this, too, and so do you, and so will your partner. At times, we all try to express things without saying them, but when you are in tune with your partner, you will pick up on the hints. And if you ever feel like you might be missing the point, ask directly. Once you ask someone about they were trying to address anyway, they will likely open right up.
Sister gifts bride surprise from passengers on 130-seat plane during honeymoon
When Kelli Schultz discovered that she’d be on the same flight as her newlywed sister en route to her honeymoon in New Zealand, she couldn’t resist the opportunity to give her an extra special wedding gift.
With help from United Airlines’ flight attendants, Schultz got the passengers on the 130-seat plane from Austin, Texas, to San Francisco to write well wishes to her sister, Briana DuPriest, and her now-husband Robert, en route to New Zealand through a connecting flight.
When the two sisters discovered they were on the same flight leaving the DuPriest’s wedding on April 14, Schultz, 28, took it as a sign.
“The universe gives you gifts,” the maid of honor, who also officiated the ceremony, told ABC News. “And I thought, ‘OK, this is clearly like a smoke signal from God or the universe or whatever it is. I knew I wanted to do something a little extra, but I thought, ‘What can I do?'”
After consulting a friend who’s also a flight attendant, Schultz decided to bring goodie bags onto the flight filled with a single card and chocolates. The goodie bags included a note that read in part: “Hello fellow passenger, My sister Bri and her new husband Robert are on this flight on their way to their honeymoon in New Zealand. If you can write a piece of marriage advice or life advice and pass it up to Bri & Robert DuPriest in seats 8A and 8B.”
With help from flight attendants, who passed out the goodie bags and Sharpie pens for passengers to write messages, the surprise began to unfold.
A representative for United Airlines told ABC News in a statement that they were happy to aid in the heartwarming surprise.
“We know there is a special reason behind everyone’s journey with us, and we are happy to have done our part to make this trip that much more special for this couple,” a statement read.
Alisha Johnson, who was on board that United flight last week, was leaving a work trip in Austin when she received the card in her seat.
“I was listening to music and tuning out as I do when I noticed everyone around me was smiling,” Johnson told ABC News.
Johnson, 33, later caught on that there were newlyweds on the flight and was soon handed one of the goodie bags.
“Usually I’m in a bad mood and tired [when traveling] so it was a nice moment of levity when everyone became human, writing and smiling and pensively thinking through what to write to the couple,” Johnson continued, noting that she advised the couple to let their New Zealand honeymoon be the first of a “lifelong series of adventures.”
Briana DuPriest told ABC News she and her husband were caught “totally off guard” by the surprise.
“It’s so Kelli to find an incredibly personal and meaningful way to make us feel special,” the bride continued.
“People were coming up and handing us their cards with well-wishes, a flight attendant brought us glasses of champagne,” Briana DuPriest added. “Being in the middle of traveling, we were slightly overwhelmed by the attention, but so honored that so many people chose to contribute touching advice to us.”
The couple is now completing their honeymoon in New Zealand after, thanks to Schultz, getting off to a festive start.
“I am so lucky to have her as my sister. Her quick wit and entertaining personality eliminate the possibility of there ever being a dull moment,” Briana DuPriest gushed.
Jenna Bush Hager Reveals Marriage and Life Advice From Late Grandmother Barbara Bush
Jenna Bush Hager’s letter to her late grandmother, former first lady Barbara Bush, likely won’t leave any reader’s eyes dry. The sentimental letter, which Today correspondent Bush Hager shared with viewers Thursday, April 19, touches upon the lessons of life and love that Bush instilled upon those around her, and most especially her family.
“Dearest Ganny,” the letter begins. “When we lost you, we lost one of the greats. You were our family’s rock, the glue that held us together. I hope you know in your final days how many people prayed for you, how many people told me they loved you. It was like that my whole life — people stopped me everywhere — in airports, on the street and declared their love for you. It always felt good. We didn’t mind sharing you with the world.”
Bush Hager, 36, added that Bush impressed upon her and her twin sister, Barbara, a sense of humility from a young age, and recounted one time when the girls attempted to order peanut butter sandwiches at the White House as though they were calling hotel room service.
“I will never forget when Barbara and I as 7-year-olds snuck to the bowling alley and ordered presidential peanut butter sandwiches,” she wrote. “We couldn’t wait for someone to deliver what was sure to be the fanciest sandwich of our lives when you opened the door, scolding us, telling us under no circumstances could we order food in the White House again, this was not a hotel. You taught us humility and grace.”
The family matriarch also taught Bush Hager lessons in authenticity and humor as well; the Today correspondent reflected fondly on family gatherings in Maine wherein everybody would be laughing uproariously at the dinner table.
Perhaps one of the biggest lessons Bush taught Bush Hager, however, was one about love and its enduring legacy.
“You and Gampy embodied unconditional love,” she wrote of Bush and her husband, former president George H.W. Bush. “At our wedding, Henry and I asked you to read because we so hoped we could emulate your love story. Your love letters will be passed down to my girls so they know what true devotion looks like.”
Barbara and George H.W. Bush were married for 73 years after meeting at a Christmas dance.
“I married the first man I ever kissed,” then-first lady Barbara Bush told Time magazine in 1989, during the first year of George H. W. Bush’s presidency. “When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up.”
Related Articles
7 Secrets Newlyweds Need To Know For A Long-Lasting Marriage
As wedding season approaches, couples across the country are scrambling to put the finishing touches on their impending ceremony — but a wedding and a marriage are two entirely separate entities. With that in mind, married couples are always willing to share advice for newlyweds and impart their years of wisdom. Learning from others’ experiences offers newlyweds the opportunity to avoid the same mistakes many couples make during the first few years of marriage. While said marriage advice for newlyweds isn’t foolproof, these tips can provide the clarity and confidence necessary to endure anything life throws their way. Here are seven essential tips for newlyweds who want their marriage to last a lifetime:
1. Express gratitude by focusing on your partner’s positive traits.
World traveler, writer, editor, and co-author of The Knockoff, Jo Piazza notes that complaining about marriage has practically become an Olympic sport in America. Spouses choose to fixate on their partner’s negative characteristics, which inevitably puts strain on their fledgling marriage. Newlyweds, however, have the capacity to rewrite this stereotypical narrative by focusing on gratitude, not attitude.
“Women all over the world, in literally every country I visited, called out American visitors as some of the worst offenders when it came to complaining about their marriages,” Piazza writes for TIME. “Indian women living in small villages along the banks of the Brahmaputra River advised me that having unreasonable expectations for my spouse or comparing my relationship to others’ were surefire ways to feel unsatisfied. Instead, they encouraged me to practice gratitude, being truly thankful for the good things my husband brings to our relationship through regular verbal expressions of thanks. Pay attention to the great things your partner does instead of pointing out the negative. Even a small text message saying thank you can go an incredibly long way.”
2. Maintain your individuality by taking responsibility for your own happiness.
Preparation cannot negate the fact that, once couples tie the knot, they run the risk of losing themselves. They transform into this new unit and, in some cases, feel compelled to do everything together. However, as you enter into your first year of marriage, you must remember that your new spouse fell in love with who you were before you exchanged rings — and vice versa — and you owe it to yourselves (and your marriage) to maintain that individuality if you wish to sustain your happiness.
“Taking responsibility for one’s own happiness has the potential to drastically improve the quality of your relationship,” Emma Seppälä, Ph.D., science director at the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University School of Medicine, told Reader’s Digest. “Personal happiness is associated with intensity of love, especially for women.”
Happiness, after all, must come from within. Plus, in this situation, absence truly has the potential to make the heart grow fonder. If you and your partner spend some time apart, even if only for an evening, your reunion will all the more romantic.
3. Keep the spark alive by allowing Netflix to guide your conversations.
Did you know that discussing five movies about relationships over a month could cut the three-year divorce rate for newlyweds in half?
According to one study, simply watching and talking about romantic movies can prove to be an inexpensive, fun, and relatively simple marriage intervention technique that’s just as effective as other more intensive therapist-led methods, ultimately reducing the divorce or separation rate from 24 to 11 percent after three years.
“We thought the movie treatment would help, but not nearly as much as the other programs in which we were teaching all of these state-of-the-art skills,” Ronald Rogge, associate professor of psychology at the University of Rochester and lead author of the study said in a news release about the research. “The results suggest that husbands and wives have a pretty good sense of what they might be doing right and wrong in their relationships. Thus, you might not need to teach them a whole lot of skills to cut the divorce rate. You might just need to get them to think about how they are currently behaving.”
4. Establish shared financial goals in order to prevent future disagreements.
Now that you’re married, your finances are intertwined, too. As partners, you will both share the burden and the benefits of the money matters that arise during your lifetime together. With that in mind, you must engage in conversations about you financial goals early on in order to avoid disagreements that could lead to divorce down the road.
“… It’s vital that you’re on the same page with regards to what goals you have and how your income is working toward those goals,” Trent Hamm writes for The Simple Dollar. If you’re not working on the same goals, then you’re going to be literally working against each other in terms of your use of money and time, which will hold you both back from what you want to achieve.”
“The best approach is to sit down together and figure out goals that you share, then figure out a plan to work toward those goals,” Hamm adds. “It might not be an easy process. You might not even know for sure what goals are most important to you. That’s also going to be part of the conversation.”
5. Address any pet peeves that arise in an effort to avoid arguments.
Reader’s Digest interviewed newlywed couples to learn what tidbits of advice they’d share with those who are about to embark upon the same journey. Sam and Kelly, a couple from New York City, told the magazine that, because they hadn’t lived together prior to marriage, they needed to address the matter of “pet peeves” soon after saying “I do.”
“Seeing gobs of his toothpaste in the sink made my blood boil,” Kelly admits. “Why does she eat most of her Greek yogurt but put the cup and spoon back in the fridge?” says Sam.
“Finally I confronted him about the toothpaste by rubbing that gob on his nose one morning. We both broke out in hysterics,” Kelly tells Reader’s Digest. “I kissed it off and told him I could no longer deal with a sloppy bathroom.”
As Reader’s Digest writes: She says that’s when they ended up having a boozy brunch in Brooklyn and making a list of all the silly stuff that bugged them: “the pantyhose and thongs jungle” drying in the bathroom, clipping his toenails in bed and making a (cringe) little pile … and the list went on. “Talking about things we always did in private made us realize we are a unit now,” says Kelly.
Instead of allowing these issues to mount, the couple spoke to one another openly and honestly so they could come to a mutually agreeable solution, which inevitably brought them closer together.
6. Determine whether you want to have children and how you’ll raise them.
While many couples discuss the prospect of children prior to tying the knot, such major life decisions often get pushed to the back burner as the couple prepares for their impending nuptials. Thus, if you haven’t talked about whether you want children or not, how many you’d like to have, and when you’d like to have them, it’s best to tackle this topic during the early stages of your marriage to ensure your expectations are aligned.
“Do you want children? Does he? When? Settling this now, even if you’re unsure about whether or not you want to be a parent, will prevent trouble later on,” writes Everyday Health. “It’s tough enough to focus on your marriage when a couple can agree on the planning and execution of this very important part of life. But if there are issues regarding children that go unresolved, you run the risk of putting your marriage in jeopardy before your future together even begins. If you are certain, tell him. If you’re not, tell him. Consider each other very carefully. Also keep in mind that sometimes even the greatest plans fall apart. Planning doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll have children when you want them–or at all.”
If you both wish to have children, you’ll also want to determine how you’ll raise them. From religious affiliations to educational opportunities, there are many factors at play that you will both need to agree upon to reduce friction when the time comes.
7. Follow your grandparents’ example and never go to bed angry.
Older couples always advise newlyweds to put their qualms to rest before getting some sleep themselves. And they’re right. At the end of the day, no matter how frivolous or serious your disagreement might’ve been, young couples must uphold the notion that nothing good can come from going to bed angry.
“This might sound cliche, but its not,” Rent.com writes via Forbes. “Couples living together often allow their emotions to get the best of them because they feel comfortable in their mutual home. However, it’s best to maintain some sense of level-headedness around your partner. If you two have an argument, make sure you make up (or at least agree to disagree) before bed. If the dispute hasn’t been settled, agree to tackle it in the morning–you’ll likely have forgotten why you were even angry in the first place.”
In the same vein, always kiss your S.O. goodbye before you leave for work in the morning. Even if you two aren’t speaking quite yet. Don’t let your pride get the best of you, for you’ll ultimately regret your actions (or lack thereof) if circumstances were to intervene and rob you of your favorite verbal sparring partner for good.
