Relationships Talk

Investments are like marriages, some are good and steady. Some fluctuate radically between good and bad times, while others, well, they end in divorce.

As with bad relationships, we can bring our past emotional baggage into a potentially successful new investments. You need to know what went wrong, reflect on what you feel and figure out how to get over it so that you can start getting what you want in the future.

Common reasons for it ending up sour

* You are not an expert. Unless you’ve studied finance, the chances are you will find it hard to know what is true. It’s easy to follow advice and go with the flow and before you know it you’re in a long-term commitment. Being an outsider is never fun, often confusing and sometimes very stressful.

* You don’t know who and what to ask questions about. With investments, it really does pay to know how to ask the good questions that will give you the good answers that lead to good decisions. A common mistake is not to ask about the adviser about their background. That’s like expecting sound marriage advice from a divorcee. Check your expert’s advisory experience, their approach to investments and the reasons for their approach. Always ask how they get paid.

* You are intimidated. Let’s not beat about the bush — Making decisions about things you don’t know is terrifying. It’s easy to ignore your instincts and go with the advice of a strong, opinionated adviser. Remember, they get paid by your investment, either directly or indirectly. Their job is to coach you in making good decisions by explaining and interpreting their world in a way that makes it easy for you. If they don’t, fire them.

* You want a quick fix. We all know couples who met and are married within two months. Does that make speed a guarantee of a happy marriage? If it sounds too good to be true, 99 per cent of the time, it really is too good to be true. Like quick-fix marriages, quick-fix investment products usually make great stories and bad experiences. Avoid.

* Getting over it — know what really happened. You will keep making the same mistake again and again unless you know exactly how it went wrong. Take a long, hard look at your decision-making process. Make sure you take responsibility for yourself; after all, you made that choice. Be specific and more importantly, non-judgemental. This is about learning from mistakes rather than being hard on yourself.

* Be specific about what you want. The more you know what you want, the easier it is for an expert to help you. Think of your life as milestones. Be specific about how much you want to earn at each stage.

* Do your homework and be picky. Before you get involved make sure you check that person’s background. Ask for referrals from friends or contacts in the industry. Confirm credentials and do reference checks.

* Grow up, be wise. You are the only one responsible for your own life. Do your own research and make sure you are convinced by the solution offered. Go online, there are thousands of blogs, forums, groups and opinions you can ask. Only you can make the call on what is right for you so the more you learn, the better decision you will make.

* Trust your gut. It’s a wonderful thing — instinct. You may not know the exact reason for something feeling odd, but if it feels fishy, trust your read and find an alternative. After all, there’s always more fish in the sea.

As with any long term relationship, your investments may not always be a bed of roses. A happy financial future takes a lot of attention to detail, effort, patience and time.

— Rania Laing is Managing Partner of Your Neuro Coach, while Rebecca Ellis is Managing Partner of Pomona Wealth.

Sarah Michelle Gellar is getting real about what it’s really like after 16 years of marriage.

In honor of her 16th anniversary with Freddie Prinze Jr., the Buffy the Vampire Slayer actress revealed the one thing she’s learned since marrying the actor: Get a deck of cards.

Gellar posted a selfie on Instagram and wrote, “Someone told me—Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. But years later, you wish you had a club and a spade.”

On September 4, 1988, Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon got married, and in the resulting three decades, they became one of the longest-lasting couples in Hollywood. Now, they’re celebrating their 30th anniversary in style—and, well, song.

On Instagram, Bacon posted a video of him and his wife singing a duet of “To Love Somebody,” by the Bee Gees. “30 years with this amazing woman. She is the music in my life,” he wrote.

Soon after, he followed up with another post, which showed Sedgwick posing in front of the Utah desert, at what looks suspiciously like the Amangiri resort.

Not to be outdone, Sedgwick followed up with a touching picture of her own. She called herself a “lucky lady.”

But, before you swoon—Sedgwick and Bacon would prefer you didn’t consider them #goals.

No, really. When asked for marriage advice by Entertainment Tonight, Bacon replied: “Whatever you do, don’t listen to celebrities on advice on how to stay married. That’s my secret.” Sedgwick echoed similar sentiments in 2012 to Piers Morgan. “I always feel like, the secret to a happy marriage is to not take advice from celebrities about marriage,” she said.

Except, of course, if it is to take their advice on not taking advice. And, hey, in 30 years, they must have learned a thing or two.

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