Category Archives: Marriage & Divorce
An Intimate Wedding Ceremony with Just 14 Attendees
Will Watts and Laura Sibley met, as it seems soulmates so often do, when she wasn’t looking for anything serious. Laura had just returned home to Birmingham to be closer to family, after several years spent in the Midwest after college, and found herself in a bit of a transitional phase. Then, she and Will met through mutual friends and suddenly she was in love. On their first date at Good People Brewing, she knew that there would be subsequent dates, which then turned into a lifetime together. “From that first date, he knew how to make me laugh, which was super important to me in a partner,” Laura says. “Life never really works out the way you plan, but I’m very happy that it worked out the way it did!”
Mr. and Mrs. Will Watts!
Laura and Will had been together for four years and had been talking about getting engaged when they took a trip up to a cabin in the woods atop Lookout Mountain in early spring. They’d been away for a couple of days when an ominous approaching storm sent them down into Chattanooga for the remainder of their trip. After checking into their hotel, they went for a stroll along the Riverwalk when it started to rain. Laura suggested finding a place to stop for dinner and seek shelter from the storm, but Will kept stalling. The rain continued to pick up pace and, finally, he got down on one knee and asked Laura to marry him. “I said yes, we kissed, and then we ran to the nearest restaurant,” Laura says. “We got soaked, and we narrowly missed a hail storm, which started minutes after we made it inside!”
Laura had a simple vision for the wedding day, in an effort to both keep costs down and to keep the focus on what is truly important in a wedding ceremony. “I’m fairly laid back and didn’t want to get bogged down with a lot of details,” Laura says. “The most important thing to us was that we’d be surrounded by our friends and family.” They settled on a fall wedding date for an immediate-family-only ceremony, followed by a larger reception to allow them to celebrate with close friends and extended family members.
This bride was going for something slightly untraditional with her gorgeous cap sleeve beaded dress from BHLDN.
Rings sit and wait for the ceremony ahead.
Laura puts on the finishing touches as she gets ready to see her groom for their first look.
Art deco earrings featuring blue teardrop stones add a little “something blue” to this bridal look.
Laura’s relaxed approach to wedding planning made for a day that was absolutely perfect. “We really didn’t have a traditional wedding in any sense. No garter or bouquet toss, no wedding party, etc.,” Laura says. “What was important to us was to be able to celebrate with our family and friends and to have a day that we’d remember forever.”
RELATED: 7 New Wedding Trends to Watch
The bride approaches her groom in the gardens of the private Hrynkiw House.
One of the first things that Laura made note of on her first date with Will was that he made her laugh — an instant match!
This bride is beyond stunning and her bouquet is divine! The rich colors of autumn inspired this lush grouping of roses, dahlias, dusty miller and scabiosa seed pods.
Will’s classic suit and boutonniere complemented his lovely bride perfectly.
These two are beyond sweet.
With such a delightfully relaxed, non-traditional approach to the wedding day, Laura knew that she wanted her dress to reflect that same spirit. A traditional bridal shop wouldn’t quite fit the bill, so she made the trip to Atlanta with her mother and a close friend to visit BHLDN, where a bevy of gorgeous vintage-inspired dresses awaited them. “I really loved the vintage aesthetic of my dress when I tried it on, and at under $400, it wasn’t going to blow my budget,” Laura says. The dress, a shade of soft champagne with gorgeous detailed beadwork, flattered Laura’s skin tone and suited her refined style perfectly.
After a morning spent getting wedding-ready, the bride, with her dress on and her hair woven into a stunning braid, met her dapper groom in the garden of the private Hrynkiw House. Without a busy wedding party surrounding them, Will and Laura were able to truly soak in the weight of the moment together and pause for some photos before heading to the church.
Four simple rows of chairs flanked the altar space in the prayer garden at Trinity United Methodist Church in Homewood, where Will and Laura’s immediate family gathered on a warm Saturday in early October. As Laura descended the stairs into the private garden, it was like she was entering another world — quiet and private, just for her and her groom. Before the small congregation of 14, Laura and Will exchanged vows and rings and sealed their covenant with a kiss before exiting the garden as Mr. and Mrs. Watts.
RELATED: A Lovely Backyard Wedding in Mountain Brook
The bride makes her way down the stairs on her dad’s arm as her groom waits for her in the garden.
Laura and Will make it official!
With only 14 guests in attendance, Laura and Will exchanged vows.
All smiles as they head back up the aisle
Carrigan’s Public House was the perfect reception space for these two Birmingham natives. Its proximity to the railroad tracks and industrial vibe captures some of the magic of the city.
How lovely is this classic cake? And with three flavors inside, it was equally delicious! “We really couldn’t choose, so our cake was vanilla, red velvet and almond,” Laura says. “I specifically wanted a very simple, basic cake design to go along with the simplicity of everything else from the day.”
About 50 close friends and family members gathered in the upstairs event space at Carrigan’s for Will and Laura’s reception.
“Our first dance was to the song ‘God Only Knows’ by the Beach Boys,” Laura says. “This song has always been one of my favorites, even from the time I was a little kid. I grew up listening to music my parents loved, which was a lot of music from the Beatles and the Beach Boys. To me, the song perfectly describes being in love and being a better person for it. Will makes me want to be the best version of myself possible. The lyrics, ‘God only knows what I’d be without you’ really reflect that, I think.”
Among Laura’s favorite little details from the day were the little cards on the reception tables prompting guests to leave marriage advice and date ideas for the bride and groom.
Cake time is always a highlight of the reception!
The sweet ceremony was followed by a joyous reception at Carrigan’s Public House in downtown Birmingham, the venue that Laura says best captured the vibe of the city for them. “The industrial atmosphere along with the view of the railroad tracks make the venue feel very Birmingham-esque,” Laura says. “Especially with friends and family coming from out of town to celebrate with us, we wanted the venue to reflect the city we call home.”
Friends gathered to share a meal and celebrate the happy couple, who entered the reception and hit the dance floor for their first dance as husband and wife to “God Only Knows” by the Beach Boys. Those moments on the dance floor are among the most special in Laura’s memory of the day. Will’s sister and brother-in-law are former competitive ballroom dancers, so they helped the bride and groom plan their first dance routine. “Admittedly, we never got really good, but we did put some time and practice into trying to make ourselves look like we knew what we were doing,” Laura says. “When it came time though, we didn’t do anything we’d learned. Instead of trying to remember the right steps, I was focused solely on him and how happy I was to be his wife. In that moment, that was the only important thing to me.”
That thoughtful focus on the true purpose and priority of the day made for a celebration unparalleled in its sweetness and authentic joy. Just a month removed from her dreamy wedding day, Laura encourages other brides caught up in the planning process to keep things simple. “You really aren’t going to care about a lot of things you think you’ll care about,” Laura says. “It’s super easy to get wrapped up in the planning and let things get out of hand, but try and resist. You’ll save yourself some headaches and a lot of money.” Prudent advice from a truly lovely bride!
Cheers to you, Mr. and Mrs. Watts! Thank you for sharing your utterly enchanting day with us!
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Ask Ann Cannon: Readers take their turn as advice gurus
Sometimes as an advice columnist, you receive e-mails offering a different take on a given situation. Here are a few recent examples.
We are the unhappy owners of a house where the previous owners had buried a pet in the backyard. They had double-bagged it in black garbage bags, and I can tell you that this is a terrible idea. After 18 years (we don’t know when it was buried — only how long we’ve owned the house), it had not decomposed fully and was mostly an intact but unrecognizable blob of spoiled flesh. The local police came to make sure we hadn’t dug up a buried baby.
If you want to bury a pet, skip the garbage bags so it will naturally decompose and not become a nasty surprise down the road for the next homeowner … or skip the backyard altogether.
I’m weighing in on your answer to “In a Quandary.” Entitled little brat? Here’s my story. My husband and I had several cats early in our marriage, so we are not “cat haters.” When our firstborn son was 5 years old, we discovered that he was severely allergic to cats, so when we went out of state to visit my parents, we gave him Theophylline so he could be in their house. It soon became apparent that he would end up in the hospital if we stayed, so we went to a nearby motel for the rest of the vacation. His asthma was severe, so we continued with the medication. Turns out he should have had his blood levels checked (the pediatrician did not direct us to do this). Our son ended up having two seizures because of the medication. The doctors at the time told me to put him on phenobarbital, saying they did not feel Theophylline was to blame. Well, I chose not to and he never had another seizure. (He’s 40 now.)
What I am saying is that some people are severely allergic to cats, and taking massive medication may not be adequate or even healthy for them. The son-in-law said he would not be able to be in the mother-in-law’s home. She didn’t say he wouldn’t visit her at all. Maybe he is willing to visit and stay elsewhere. That wasn’t made clear from her letter.
Your column today TOTALLY MISSED THE MARK. A senior who has started strange behavior and, more important, inappropriate speaking and language should be seen immediately by a health care professional. There are many things that could be causing this behavior, and simply watching and talking to the dad is not the answer. Strokes, vascular dementia, prescription drugs, along with many other problems, could be the cause for this behavior.
I have read your column many times and wonder why you are still giving advice, because it is often wrong. But this time you really did miss the mark.
Maybe you should stick to answers that only require Dr Pepper as the response.
7 Things I Wish More People Understood About My Arranged Marriage
As a first generation Iraqi-American born and raised in the U.S., I have been asked if my marriage was arranged more times than I can count. In my early 20s, it was the first thing out of people’s mouths when they found out I was Muslim and newly married. I heard it from coworkers, hairdressers, and acquaintances, and it always gave me pause. I didn’t want to be associated with the stereotypes arranged marriages conjure up—the prodding parents, the exchange of dowries, the unwilling bride, and the pitiable loveless life.
My story was nothing like that. Even though I never dated my husband before we got engaged, we met when we were children. We’d grown up together, and my husband told me he had feelings for me before his family officially proposed. But that backstory was too much to share in casual conversation, and I always walked away from these exchanges feeling as if my very existence had fulfilled the stereotypes of the person in front of me.
I’ve now been happily married for over 20 years, but the myths surrounding arranged marriages persist. I don’t want another generation of people, choosing to uphold their families’ or their cultures’ traditions, to feel as if their relationships are in any way inferior to couples who have had more typical love stories.
Here are seven things I wish more people understood about match-made marriages like mine.
1. An arranged marriage is not the same thing as a forced marriage.
My father actually thought I was too young to get married. Over the course of my engagement, he repeatedly asked me if I wanted to call things off, but he never pushed me to change my mind either. He knew that who I married was ultimately my decision. The most pervasive and damaging misconception about arranged marriage is that the couple, and more commonly, the woman, is coerced. While I would never deny the occurrence of forced marriages in different communities across the world, this practice is very different from arranged marriage. The far more common scenario is for a couple to be introduced through family or friends—or a growing number of Muslim dating apps and online matchmaking services—and then for both parties to agree to a courtship.
2. Listening to your parents’ advice about who to pick as a partner is not necessarily a bad thing.
Television and movies repeatedly offer the message that having your parents involved in the choice of your partner is preposterous and backwards. During the rare circumstances when we do see a character from an immigrant background from a culture where matchmaking is the norm, it is almost always in the context of standing up to their parents to marry the person they love.
Truthfully, the most difficult thing about my mother’s role in choosing in my partner was explaining it to my American friends.
During my engagement, I complained to my mother that my fiancé wasn’t as goal-oriented and driven as I was. My mom told me that I should be grateful. There wasn’t room for two big egos in one household. Over the years, I have come to see the wisdom of her words. One of the things I appreciate most about my spouse is that he is not motivated by a never-ending to-do list. I turn to my husband when I need a dose of perspective and someone to calm me down.
3. There’s an upside to knowing a prospective partners’ intentions are for marriage from the outset.
When I was a teenager, I longed for the element of surprise in romantic relationships, much like what I saw in romantic comedies. But I’ve since come to see the benefit of knowing a partner’s intentions from the outset.
My husband and I may have been young when we got engaged, but we also skipped the surface level, getting-to-know-you stage, where everyone is worried about showing that they care too early in the relationship. Clear intentions are a fast track to intimate and deep conversation, and right away, we were able to talk openly about the issues that really matter in a relationship—compatibility, values, and goals.
Courtesy of the writer
4. Sharing the same background, traditions, and values as your partner means one less thing to navigate as couple.
My husband and I never had to discuss whether or not we’d pick Arabic names for our children, teach our children to say their daily prayers, or spend our religious holidays at the masjid. All these were a given in our household.
Not only were we raised with the same religion and traditions, but we both embraced them and wanted to carry them on. As the first generation in my family to be born in the United States, this means a lot to me. I have already lost so many of my family’s culture and traditions, and I appreciate having a spouse that can help me pass down as much of my heritage to my children as possible.
5. You don’t have to have previous relationships to know what you want in a partner.
I had several close non-Muslim girlfriends in college who were under constant pressure from well-meaning family and friends to date other people before settling down with their first serious boyfriend. They were repeatedly asked how they could know if their boyfriend was the one if they hadn’t dated anyone else. I reassured these friends that seeing other people was not a universal prerequisite for marriage, and that there were so many parts of the world where their relationship would have never been questioned.
I do not doubt that the life experience gained from past relationships can teach us something about ourselves, but that does not mean that there is less opportunity for self-discovery and growth from within a committed relationship. Being with one partner your entire life is not a deterrent to self-knowledge. It’s just a different path.
6. It shouldn’t be taboo to get married for pragmatic reasons.
When I married my husband, there were several things I was certain of—his character, how much I trusted him, how safe I felt with him, how much he respected me. But I didn’t know if I was “in love” because the language for love in American culture was all about butterflies, sparks, and chemistry.
Now I question why we are encouraged to research and get input on every decision—from the cars we buy, the colleges we choose, to where we live—but who we spend our lives with and have children with is, at least at first, based on such ambiguous feelings. While I have no doubt that those feelings can point us in the direction of wonderful people, I don’t think it’s the only way to find them.
7. There is not one kind of love story.
For years, I wondered if I’d been “in love” with my spouse because my relationship was so different from any of the love stories I’d encountered in books and movies. I never stopped to question why these stories were so incredibly narrow. I’d known my husband since childhood, and the kind of attraction that is based on novelty and “the chase” was not going to happen for me. But, I now see what a unique privilege it is to have shared so much of my life with my spouse. And even though it’s not your typical love story, I’m so glad it’s mine.
Related: What 12 Women Wish They’d Known Before Getting Married
Huda Al-Marashi is the author of the memoir First Comes Marriage: My Not-So-Typical American Love Story (November 13, 2018).
Nancy Campbell's Most Toxic Marriage Advice Ever?
You may have noticed in the last year that Above Rubies Nancy Campbell has started to share some pretty horrific marriage tales of her followers. Tales of medical situations ignored, or not treated by doctors. Abusive behaviors that led to eventual surrender to God. A long list of “Don’ts”. Today’s is possibly the most toxic marriage advice ever to land on her blog.
I would advise reading the entire thing in its entirety on Above Rubies. It’s the history of a lady that fell in love with a guy with a criminal history, married him, started having babies before she came to the Lord during one of his prison stints. Lovely story, up until the point where her husband is released from prison.
What does she do when he’s released? Have a “Come to Jesus meeting” with him, and establish ground rules with the consequences being the end of marriage? Leave him? No, she allows him back and through the many years he keeps leaving her. He keeps reoffending. She keeps forgiving, he keeps committing crimes. She does not explain the nature of his criminal behavior, if it’s drugs, or petty theft or violent offenses. He keeps ending up in prison yet again. Even the prison guards urge her to divorce him. She refuses, she keeps allowing him back to treat her like a doormat. No divorce because God hates divorce.
If the print is too fine click on the image to bring it to a readable size. The gist is that he found religion in jail after many years, came out and started being Mr. Perfect Christian before asking her for more babies.
While I’m happy it w0rked out for this lady it’s pretty foolish to think that this is the best course of action. Remember, past behavior usually is the best indicator of future actions. He was that rare person that managed to change for good.
Everyone must make that individual determination of where their personal line is, what they can and cannot accept in a relationship. Expecting someone to stick by a foolish choice they made in their youth is extremely narrow-minded.
We’re all human, and part of being human is having relationships that do not always work out, being mature enough to realize this, and realize you’re worth more than what you are willing to give. People change, people grow and that’s okay, no matter what the Nancy Campbell’s of this world will tell you.
Quiverfull will tell you that you’ll have regrets if you break up your marriage. You might, you might not and either way it’s okay, you’ll grow and move past that. It might just buy you the peace and self-respect you need. I think it’s normal to have some regrets. Right now I’m reading the autobiography of The Who’s Roger Daltrey and early on in the book he expresses regret for not putting more effort into making his brief first marriage work. We all have various regrets.
Quiverfull will also push the lie that your value is determined by how few emotional entanglements you have had. Like your heart is an Entermann’s coffee cake with only so many slices to give out. I prefer to view hearts like bottomless endless barrels of fun sized candy bars being dispensed as needed to those around you. Ever full, ever giving.
But the most disturbing thing about Nancy’s ideas is that by posting this she is implicitely approving of spousal abuse. Make no mistake about it, a man that will not participate in family life, runs away, cheats, and is committed to a life of crime is abusing his wife. No one should have to put up with abuse in their marriage, not even Nancy’s fans.
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