Relationships Talk

Have you heard about Tiv traditional marriage? In this article, we are going to tell you the details of this beautiful ceremony that came to us from ancient times. Read on to know the steps and other aspects of this great event.

Photo: blog.jiji.ng

Steps of Tiv traditional marriage

Tiv traditional wedding is known as one of the richest among all tribes of the country. Traditionally it was a very multi-component rite including the kidnapping of a future wife, giving numerous gifts and difficult ritual procedures.

Here we will consider the rites of Tiv traditional marriage of present days. We have the list of requirements and steps of all the marriage procedures. See also: Edo culture and traditions

The steps of Tiv marriage:

• The procedure starts from an official introduction. The groom should officially visit the bride’s family with the company of few of his family members. The groom should bring palm oil, salt, a bottle of wine, and bushmeat (optionally). At this official meeting, the families choose the date of the wedding ceremony. They also discuss the list for bride price.
• The next step after all the preparations is a wedding day. At this great day, males and females of the family of the bride are separated into two different rooms. The groom with the company of his family members enter the room with men of bride’s family, and they discuss the amount of dowry payment.

Photo: correctng.com

READ ALSO: Tiv names and meaning for baby boy and girl

• Step three is the presentation of bride price. After the payment of dowry, the list of gifts should be presented to the bride’s father. This is a very important part of Tiv traditional marriage. Here we have the usual example of bride price list:

Gifts for father:

• Pig
• Local Gin
• Additional Alcoholic Drinks (which is expected in the form of money)
• Azenga (cowries)
• Matches
• Danchiki (an attire for the bride’s father)

Gifts for mother:

• Bush meat
• Umbrella
• Palm oil
• Wheelbarrow
• Salt

Photo: fabmimi.com

• Mudu (measuring Bowl)
• Mat (Tabruma)
• Chair
• Broom
• Table
• Necklace
• Soft Drinks
• Basin
• Clothes

Many of these gifts can be easily substituted or replaced with cash.

After this payment the bride should be shown to all senior men of her family, they are considered as her fathers. After that, they go together with the groom to the room with female members of bride’s family. Here the bride shows her groom to her mother and receives marriage advice from her and other women of the family. See also: Latest Yoruba traditional wedding decoration ideas

At the next step youths of the bride’s family demand some money from the groom. But this step is not mandatory.

Photo: bellanaija.com

When the rites are done, it is time for final part that is called “kwase kuhwam”. The family of groom performs ‘Swonge’ and plays traditional music as a greeting of bride’s arrival.

Tiv traditional marriage attire

Usually, the time of preparation for Tiv traditional wedding takes a lot of time, and the preparation of clothes is sometimes one of the most time-taking processes. Tiv people prefer to wear their traditional clothes at the ceremony.

Tiv people wear colorful clothes, the groom and bride attire looks like the most important elements of a wedding. The most unchanging element is black and white stripes at the clothes that are made of A’nger material. Wedding attire is also impossible without a number of accessories, such as headdresses, bracelets or necklace. Black and white beads are the most popular element.

Tiv culture is very rich and developed in many aspects, and of course, the marriage is one of the brightest element of this culture. Tiv traditional marriage is still practiced as a great cultural event. Tiv people love their traditions and continue to save and support them even in a modern world.

READ ALSO: Tiv traditional attire

Source: Legit.ng

by Andrea Wurzburger 1h ago

T.I. needs help figuring out how in the world he can make amends with Tiny, and there’s only one woman who thinks she is fit for the job: Toya Wright.

“Every marriage, every relationship, you’ve got the good times, the bad times, the ugly times, but communication, that’s the key!” Miss Toya is here to teach her friend T.I. a thing or two about communicating in his marriage. Tip seems to think that he and Tiny have both “done dirty,” but feels like everything that has gone wrong in their relationship is always blamed on him. Toya tells him, “None of us are perfect, but at the same time we have to learn to move a little different because we need to have respect for our families.” Okay, Toya! You’re preaching now!

Toya also tells Tip he needs to be a little more mushy when it comes to his wife: “Women like that sometimes…especially when you’re in trouble.” Tip seems to think that his car-sized “olive branch” should have been enough for Tiny, but maybe with a little nudging from Toya, he’ll realize that Tiny needs more than just material goods in order to forgive his past transgressions.

Check out the clip above to hear the rest of Toya’s advice and see if Tip will take any of it to heart on T.I. & Tiny: Friends & Family Hustle on Mondays at 9/8c.

WHILE marriage can be a wonderful and fulfilling experience, no lifelong commitment is likely to run smoothly at all times. Life can be full of ups and downs which can sometimes challenge the strength of your marriage. Marriages get strained for a number of reasons, where arguments erupt out of nowhere and get exhausting. A strained marriage is caused by a breakdown in communication.

HOW TO HANDLE A STRAINED MARRIAGE

Life coach Lifi Tlhaka from Burgersfort, Limpopo, says it’s a number of issues that lead to a strained marriage. He says communication, financial problems, in-laws involvement and decisionmaking are some of the common issues. “When couples grow apart, they no longer see the best in each other. It may be that calling and checking on your partner happens out of obligation as opposed to out of love. When one would rather spend time with friends than with his or her partner, then there’s a problem,” he says. He advises that there is actually a lot that can save the marriage to avoid being strenuous and handle it better. “Understand your own negative attitude in the marriage and the damage it inflicts on your relationship. Also initiate contact if a relationship has become tense, be proactive in setting things right,” says Lifi. He adds that sometimes it is about forgiveness of any situation that is being encountered in the marriage. “We all make mistakes. Leave the door open for transgressors to make amends. When you are wrong, don’t avoid saying you are sorry,” says the life coach. “Be sorry for the pain you have caused your loved one. To save your marriage, set the stage for reconciliation.” Lifi says in a marriage couples need to accept the situation. “There is little a couple can change. Be welcoming and gracious, and prevent a situation where problems escalate,” he says.

COMMON CAUSE

Lifi explains common causes that can strain your marriage. “Finances can easily become a source of stress and worry in your marriage. In difficult economic circumstances, couples can have worries about employment, bond repayments, bills, school fees and healthcare. The resulting stress and strain can impact on both individuals, making the marriage to be under pressure,” he says. Lifi says it is important to be able to discuss financial matters with one another in a supportive and constructive manner in order to be able to manage them in the best way possible.  

PARENTHOOD 

According to an online article by Catholic Marriage Care Service, having children can be one of the most wonderful experiences in life. However, parenthood can also put a strain on a marriage. “Deciding when to have children can be difficult for couples. One of you may not feel ready to commit to having children early in your marriage or may want to wait until a later stage for a variety of reasons such as career prospects,” he says. “Parenthood brings with it a change in lifestyle. In addition to the joys of having a baby, parenthood can involve sleepless nights, concerns about feeding and managing a baby which can all be a shock to the system for couples.”

DON’T AVOID SIGNS

Lifi warns that the isolation of one from another or when their presence starts to annoy you, can be a signal to a change of behavioural patterns. “Some couples would say ‘we used to go shopping together; now one prefers just to shop alone or we used to do household chores or even bath together and all of a sudden, somebody no longer feels like it’,” he says. “One needs to do some self-introspection and take stock of the current situation. Remember that most people won’t even notice that you are struggling or your marriage is strained. You are the one who will sometimes have to swallow your pride and go knock on doors that can help save what is left of your marriage.”

GET HELP

Lifi says it is important for people not to ignore the advice of their marriage counsellors. “It’s more like consulting a medical practitioner after experiencing some health challenges, after you are diagnosed and given the medication, the call is with you whether to take the medication,” he explains. “Marriage counsellors as well will give you solutions to your problem, whether that will work for you, the other 50 percent of the answer is dependent on your application. “Seek help, get mentors or people who speak to you guys from time to time. Always avoid running to your respective relatives to tell them of your every problem. Always get professional help.”

USEFUL CONTACTS

The Family Life Centre 011 788 4784