Category Archives: Relationships
Naperville girl trades cheerleading for football at Neuqua Valley
NAPERVILLE — Tessa Kucharski has wanted to play football since seventh grade.
After spending the first two years of high school on the sidelines as a cheerleader, the Naperville junior is finally getting her shot at gridiron glory. She made the Neuqua Valley junior varsity football team as a safety.
“I didn’t expect to have so much fun on the football team,” Tessa said.
The journey for the 5-foot 3-inch cheerleader-turned-football-player hasn’t been easy.
“I knew it was going to be hard,” she said. “It was that intensity level I was expecting. … I feel like after this I’m going to be a better athlete.”
But, she added, “I’m scared to mess up; I want my team to be the best it can be.”
Once football season is over, No. 33, whose long, brown pony tail extends from the back of her helmet, will return to cheerleading for the winter competition season and then play on the school’s Ultimate Frisbee Club in the spring, where her role is similar to the one she has on the football team.
The 16-year-old has been involved in sports since she was little, her mother Kristen Kucharski said.
“We have every racquet, cleat, ballet slipper, ball, shoe or whatever you can think of,” she said.
But when her daughter approached her about playing football in middle school, Kucharski said she was a bit apprehensive.
It was less about Tessa’s physical ability than the possibility she wouldn’t be accepted socially by her peers. “It’s a shocking time of life,” Kucharski said.
Mom assumed her daughter would forget about football once she got involved in other activities in high school.
Tessa didn’t forget.
Varsity coach Bill Ellinghaus said when Tessa reached out to him last January about the possibility of joining the football team in the fall, he urged her build up her strength to handle tackling.
That meant joining the boys at 5:45 a.m. for conditioning workouts four times a week. Tessa followed through, missing only a few early morning sessions, Ellinghaus said.
While girls frequently have tried out for the football team, most quit before the season starts, he said.
Throughout the history of Indian Prairie School District 204, only three girls have been rostered on a high school football team: two at Neuqua Valley (Tessa included) and one at Waubonsie Valley, according to Louis Lee, assistant superintendent for the high schools.
Tessa would follow up conditioning with summer football camps and worked out in pads in August alongside her teammates. “She was with us all summer,” Ellinghaus said. “I’ve got to give it to her.”
Ellinghaus did notice some of the players at first didn’t want to run her over in practice. “I had to pull them aside and tell them we need to treat her like everyone else,” he said.
Even though Tessa’s a foot shorter than some of the players, Ellinghaus said he treats her as he would any other smaller athlete, making sure to pair her against comparable athletes for tackling drills or one-on-one in games.
Kristen Kucharski said her daughter’s safety is always on her mind, both on and off the field.
In cheerleading, girls don’t wear headgear or pads when they’re tossed into the air, she said. One missed catch can cause broken bones or a concussion.
“I think my odds are better with football,” Kucharski said.
What makes her mother most proud is how the fellow players coach her on the sidelines and how the coaches give her tips, all accepting Tessa regardless of her gender.
“It’s not just about a girl,” Kucharski said, but about how the team fosters her spirit and her dream of playing football.
Neuqua Valley Principal Bob McBride said the school encourages students to pursue a variety of activities and works to accommodate them where necessary.
In Tessa’s case, when the team is on the road the athletic director alerts the opposing school of the need to have a separate space for Tessa to dress.
McBride said schools either have a girls locker room or locker room for officials where Tessa can change before and after the game.
The principal said the concept of inclusion is incorporated into the school curriculum and ingrained in the staff, students and parents throughout the school year.
Tessa admits there were times she thought she’d never be accepted by her teammates. A big turning point was during a game when Tessa proved she could follow through with all the hard work.
“I made a good tackle,” Tessa said. “Everybody cheered. I felt pretty accepted.”
Two games into the season, Tessa says she’s one of the guys.
“They don’t treat me as a girl,” she said. “I don’t want to be treated any different.”
Tessa acknowledges there’s a different dynamic between playing on a team of boys versus girls, particularly when a football teammate intentionally belches or passes gas to get a rise out of her. Tessa says she’s unfazed.
That said, she says she doesn’t always feel comfortable bringing out her geek side. “I can be more of myself with my girls,” she said.
Despite that, playing on an all-boys team has given Tessa the chance to share her knowledge of the female psyche with teammates, some of whom might need dating advice or a better understanding of how girls think, particularly with the homecoming dance coming up on Sept. 29.
Tessa’s all set up for that, planning to attend with a Waubonsie football player.
Her mother says don’t be fooled by her daughter’s occasional tough exterior.
“Tessa’s all girl. She likes to get dressed up and curl her hair,” Kucharski said.
Symposium talk addresses dating culture at Franciscan with tips from the trenches
ELOISA GUTIERREZ
STAFF WRITER
Over a hundred students flocked to listen to a talk on dating and marriage, part of Franciscan University of Steubenville’s annual Gift of Human Sexuality Symposium, on Thursday, Sept. 11.
Over a hundred students flocked to listen to a talk on dating and marriage, part of Franciscan University of Steubenville’s annual Gift of Human Sexuality Symposium, on Thursday, Sept. 11.
With standing room only in the Gentile Gallery, Matthew Breuninger, who holds a doctorate in psychology, commenced his presentation, “Advice on Dating and Marriage from the Trenches.” Breuninger commented on the dating culture on campus and read retrospective advice from university alumni whose marriages have fallen apart.
Breuninger asked the audience, “Are you the kind of person that can be in the trenches (of life) with another person and be helpful?”
“You should be growing and cultivating the virtues that you need,” he said, “to be the kind of man and woman that can be in the trenches of life … and not … wave the white flag of surrender.”
Breuninger highlighted a major problem with modern dating when he described the economics of dating. As the national number of women graduating from higher education surpasses the number of men, the dating market for educated young people is tipped off balance.
“In a dating market where men are in high demand … men don’t have to live up to any standard,” said Breuninger, and women are “willing to sacrifice a lot for something that is scarce.”
Breuninger listed concerns about Franciscan’s dating culture, such as students using “obscure language” to ask girls out on dates, gossip among households and “hiding behind Jesus (or) discernment” instead of being honest about one’s feelings.
The talk proceeded with advice from Franciscan graduates “in the trenches” of married life. For students considering dating, alumni suggested they pay attention to “the practical things” instead of getting distracted by the beauty of romance.
Many alumni attributed the difficulties in their marriages to weak communication, insincere apologies, disrespect of boundaries and not trusting God and their “gut feelings” about a relationship.
“It doesn’t matter how well you get along on the beach, it matters how well you get along in the trenches,” said Breuninger, comparing phases of life to locations of calm and struggle respectively.
With dozens of students laughing, applauding and staying for a Q&A session, Breuninger’s presentation resonated with his audience. Michael Walsh, a junior psychology major, agreed with Breuninger, saying, “Don’t overthink things … you know yourself.”
The final talk of the Gift of Human Sexuality Symposium will be on Nov. 5 at 9 p.m. in the Gallery. The talk will be given by Catholic apologist and chastity speaker, Matt Fradd, on the topic of “The Porn Myth: Exposing the Reality behind the Fantasy of Porn.”
'Millionaire Matchmaker' Patti Stanger Shocked by Julie Chen's 'Big Brother' Sign-Off and Shares Dating Advice in …
“The Millionaire Matchmaker” Patti Stanger thinks Julie Chen must really love husband Les Moonves to back him so publicly in the wake of the various sexual misconduct allegations that cost him his CEO job at CBS.
On Thursday’s episode of “Big Brother,” viewers — including Patti — were thrown when Julie closed the show by using her full married name, Julie Chen Moonves, clearly showing support for her (former) TV executive husband.
“That was kind of shocking,” Patti told TooFab Friday. “But I know a lot’s at stake. She has ‘The Talk.’ She’s got ‘Big Brother.’ That’s her job. It’s her livelihood. I don’t know. I really don’t know what’s gonna happen to them, but I do know that she loves him ’cause why would she say his last name? That’s love. She didn’t hide in a corner like Georgina [Chapman] did with [Harvey] Weinstein.”
“We don’t know what Julie’s doing with Les,” she added. “We don’t understand the dynamics of their relationship. She may be very deeply in love with him, and they have their own relationship going on. You can’t throw stones at people.”
Patti was less vague when it came to her thoughts disgraced movie mogul Weinstein, though, telling TooFab, “Weinstein’s wife had to have known, in my opinion … but at the end of the day, you know, it’s a lifestyle. It’s a whole lifestyle. You’re not just getting a guy. You’re getting private planes and fancy clothes and great parties, and you’re not willing to give it up. I mean, let’s be real, it’s not regular people. And I’m sure there are regular people doing sexual harassment at a lower level, but their wives are leaving them.”
Patti also said she knew “forever” that Matt Lauer was living up to his reputation of sexual harassment, explaining, “It was in New York all over the place. [Soon-to-be ex-wife Annette Roque] was eventually gonna say goodbye.”
“Here’s what I don’t get,” Patti added. “How come no one’s admitting that they hurt these women? How come no one’s giving a formal [apology]? Even President [Bill] Clinton gave an apology at some point. How come nobody’s giving an apology? I don’t understand. These women have been all abused. A lot of them reported to different police departments…and nobody has said anything to them. It’s all like, ‘Oh, my God. I’m losing my money. I’m losing my wife.’ What about the women that you hurt? I don’t really get that. That part is the part that pisses me off.”
As a professional matchmaker, Patti also said she’s noticed drastic changes in the way people are approaching dating, thanks in large part to today’s #MeToo and #TimesUp era.
“Ugh, men are passive,” she said. “I’m on the apps, I hear the complaints, I go on dates. Bumble has a passive energy — even though it’s better pictures and better quality men — next to Tinder because they have to put a little more information. But it’s got this like, ‘Oh, if I take you out, should I kiss you, or shouldn’t I kiss you?’ And you’re like, ‘You’re an alpha, good-looking guy. Why are you not kissing me?’ And I started to realize everyone was going through this recently. It’s because of the #MeToo [movement]. Like they’re afraid to cross the line.”
Patti went on to say that the art of flirting is “done” because men these days “want the women to chase them.”
So what exactly is the solution for a man who wants to date but is also cautious of today’s social climate?
“I would watch some 1950s movies and get the art of courtship down,” Patti advised, adding that the key is to be “very polite and very well-mannered.”
Back then, Patti said, “it wasn’t overly coming onto a girl and pouncing on her after two beers.”
“It was kind of like, ‘I’d like to take you out. I’d like to take you to dinner,'” she explained. “Start holding the hand, maybe putting the arm around her in the movie theater, and then going in for the kiss.”
Watch Patti’s interview above, and stay tuned for lots more nuggets from her chat with TooFab.
Got a story or a tip for us? Email TooFab editors at tips@toofab.com.
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How To (Nicely) Stop Someone From Flirting With You
Plenty of people have encountered that situation, whether at their own bar with a stranger or at their company holiday party with a flirty coworker. And it can be difficult to figure out how to let the flirt know that you’re not interested without hurting their feelings. When the person who’s flirting with you is creepy, it’s easy to tell them to get lost. But when they’re nice, getting out of the flirtation can be a little more difficult. But it’s not impossible as Sadie Allison, PhD, a sexologist and founder of Tickle Kitty, Inc., knows from experience. “I remember being in those situations,” she says, and she was able to get herself out using several different strategies.
