Tag Archives: dating advice
'First Dates' barman Ethan's advice on dating: 'Don't think too much. A date is not a job interview'
First Dates barman Ethan Miles has charmed viewers and daters alike on the RTE show – but he insists he has never gone on a date with any of the singletons who didn’t find a match on the series.
The 35-year-old Canadian confirmed he is single, but said he would not go looking for love on the show.
“At the end of the day, I’m not there for that,” he said. “I don’t get involved in that. I’m there for a role.”
RELAXED
When participants head into the First Dates restaurant in the Gibson Hotel, they are greeted by maitre d’ Mateo Saina who takes them to the bar where they can get a drink from Ethan.
Along with waitress Alice Marr, Ethan has become a popular addition to the show and often helps put people at ease before their date in front of the camera.
“They took a chance on me. Before I was on the show, I was in bars for a long time. I was in the UK before Ireland and the US, the cultural mix is interesting,” he said.
Ethan, who works in bars away from the cameras and has also acted, told how his number one piece of advice for anyone going on the show would be to relax and not treat the date too seriously.
“They think too much. A date is not a job interview.
“Now with the dating apps and all that, it’s hard to meet people spontaneously,” he said.
“It’s always interesting when people don’t think too much. They just show up and they’re relaxed.
“I don’t want to butt in too much because it’s not my place.”
Having taken part in the show since the first episode, Ethan has paid close attention to the drinks the daters ordered and found that mojitos and whiskey sours are the beverages of choice for many of the participants.
Ethan is not sure what he would be like if he was a dater on the show, but can understand why some of the people who go on the show are so nervous when they come to see him at the bar.
“I think the short answer, is, luckily, we will never know. I’m pretty comfortable but it all depends on the person next to you. If she’s cool, yeah. I try to put myself in their shoes and I can see why it would be pretty nerve-wracking,” he told the Herald.
applications
First Dates Ireland has aired three series and is currently accepting applications for the fourth, which is expected to air early next year.
Coco Television, the production company behind the show, recently issued calls for more older men to apply and they are also looking to receive applications from more LGBT contestants.
Ethan was speaking at the launch of the HB Iceberger bar. The airstream van will visit Dublin on Saturday July 21 from 12pm to 4pm at Barnados Square, Dame Street.
Herald
Woman's MeToo moments lead to despair
Dear Amy: I have a history of attracting unkind, angry men. I had recently come off a two-year break from dating, when my mom’s neighbor asked me out. He is about my age, and my mom liked him. He seemed like a nice guy, so I took a chance.
I think he had been drinking before he picked me up. He brought me to a bar and started touching me and trying to kiss me. He also insisted that I drink more – and faster. He seemed to get angry that I wasn’t drinking fast enough.
I looked him in the eyes and asked him to please stop, because it made me uncomfortable. He didn’t stop.
We then left to go to another bar where we both drank more until the bartender cut him off. I was eternally grateful because I didn’t know how to get away. I thought about taking a cab but I don’t know the area, and was scared. I thought of Uber or Lyft, but it was late and a holiday. My mom can’t drive at night, and was already asleep.
Afterward, we went back to my mom’s house and fooled around. He left in the middle of the night. I felt guilty and told myself it was my fault.
What exactly do you do when speaking up and saying no isn’t enough? How do we protect ourselves from these predators who won’t listen?
I’m so scared I’ll be beaten or killed, that I end up allowing men to just do what they want. It’s wearing my soul down, and I deserve better.
How can I handle this?
– Heartsick
Dear Heartsick: You used your voice. Good for you. But never, ever, go with a drunk to the second location. What I mean is – when a drunken lout makes you uncomfortable physically, that’s when you excuse yourself, get the bartender’s attention and ask for help. You say, “I came here with this guy, but now I’m scared. Can you help me?” (The Good Night Out Campaign – goodnightcampaign.org – trains bartenders and servers for how to intervene when customers are being harassed.)
Do not leave the public place. Other women (and men) will help you. (Recently, I witnessed a drunken harassment situation turning aggressive in a bar, and I called the police.)
You used your own best judgment, but your own alcohol consumption made this harder for you to manage.
Read more:
The way to handle your fears is to learn to be strong. Never override your own fears. A self-defense class could give you more confidence.
The next thing to work on is your own discernment. You are right; you do deserve better. If you say “no” and the person doesn’t respect it, the date should end immediately.
There are great and nice guys out there. They will meet you for coffee as a way to get to know you.
Dear Amy: A few months ago, I received a “save the date” card from cousins for an upcoming wedding reception, to be held six months from now.
This couple has been married (with three children and a home) for the last 10 years!
This week, I received an invitation to a bridal shower for this couple.
When they got married 10 years ago, they did not have a wedding reception or any other celebration, because they were wed at the local courthouse.
This wedding reception and bridal shower will take place as if this couple is just being married without this 10-year history. No expense has been spared!
Do you follow usual rules and amounts for gift-giving, or do different rules and amounts apply?
– Awaiting Your Answer
Dear Awaiting: This is confusing, because the couple is already married. Consider this party to be their wedding reception, on a 10-year tape delay.
Given the lead time to this reception, it sounds as if they have been planning and saving for this shindig.
Having a bridal shower is a strange choice, but yes, if you attend the reception, you should plan to give them a gift. You can assume that they are registered somewhere.
Dear Amy: I’d like to join others who are appalled by your so-called “advice” to “Say no More?” the person who refused to house an illegal. Your political correctness really gets in the way.
– Appalled
Dear Appalled: First of all, a human being is not “an illegal,” as many readers pointed out. Also, being in the U.S. without proper documents is a civil offense, not a criminal one.
You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.
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Who is Matthew Hussey from Single Wives?
The world’s number one dating coach is a New York Times best-selling author of the novel Get The Guy, plays matchmaker on NBC’s Ready for Love, regularly writes a column for Cosmopolitan and currently holds the title for YouTube’s number one women’s relationship advice channel with over 1.3 million subscribers.
Matthew on The Single Wives
The 31-year-old forged his career as a dating expert at the age of 21 when he launched the site How To Get The Guy and he continues to dish out relationship tips on a daily basis.
Aussie celeb Fifi Box is set to work alongside him as a love coach in Channel Seven’s The Single Wives.
The show will track the dramatic, emotional and romantic transformation of four women searching for their second chance at love.
Each of the four women have walked down the aisle before, but each of their marriages ended in heartbreak.
Matthew often shares his dating advice YouTube but now hopes to impart his wisdom with the women on The Single Wives.
‘I have a huge demographic of women who have been through breakups or divorce and are looking to get back out there again,’ he told Seven. ‘I love helping those types of women because the right advice can mean the difference between someone hiding from love, repeating negative patterns in the people they choose, or finding happiness.
‘This show focused on that group of people and I knew it would therefore speak to a huge number of women across the country.’
Who is Matthew dating?
Matthew is currently loved up with ex-Fifth Harmony member Camila Carbello.
The 20-year-old singer confessed to being a fan of Matthew before having met him, revealing ‘I love him. He’s great. He gives good advice’ months before the pair were romantically linked in February 2018.
Although Matthew and Camila are yet to publicly address their relationship, the smitten couple were spotted on a romantic vacation in Mexico earlier this year.
Who are his celebrity clients?
The love coach boasts an impressive number of A-list clients, including Eva Longoria, Giuliana Rancic, Tyra Banks and Ryan Seacrest.
‘Matthew is a genius whose magic needs to be shared with the world. His incredible understanding of love and relationships make him the absolute best love guru,’ Eva Longoria shared.
Where can you see Matthew live?
Matthew often takes his shows on the road, touring around the world to share his love advice with women and men across the globe.
On his website, he’s currently offering a retreat for those seeking love advice, and he’s also available to book for speaking arrangements worldwide.
Follow Matthew on social media
Instagram: @thematthewhussey
Twitter: @matthewhussey
Facebook: @CoachMatthewHussey
YouTube: Matthew Hussey
The Single Wives starts on Wednesday, July 18 and continues July 19 at 7.30pm on Seven.
Love Yoga? Hate Tinder? MeetMindful Was Made for You!
Amy Baglan, co-founder of the online dating platform MeetMindful, is convinced that technology has disrupted the way human beings are supposed to connect with each other.
“Social media and technology in general has taught us that it’s okay to connect on really surface-level, quick ways, and that’s not how I think we’re wired as humans,” Baglan says. “There is an underlying anxiety that it’s not enough, that something’s missing.”
That underlying anxiety is what MeetMindful, her Denver-based startup, set out to address. Baglan wants her niche dating site to be a tech fix for tech stress — enabling people to connect in meaningful ways with others who are also interested in “mindful living.”
That term might bring to mind yogis and vegans, but according to Baglan, MeetMindful is popular with a wide audience of people who are dedicated to holistic health and personal growth. “This stuff isn’t just fringe hippie shit anymore,” she says.
The origins of MeetMindful date back to 2006, when Baglan was the vice president of a New York City startup, Ez Texting. She started to practice yoga and meditation, and found that they “filled a void” in her personal life. In 2010, she quit her job, sold all her stuff, and embarked on a journey to India and Southeast Asia. “It was very Eat, Pray, Love,” she says, laughing. “I wanted to take life by the reins and create something that was in line with my values and my passions.”
MeetMindful wants to be the first stop for singles interested in mindful living practices.
MeetMindful
While abroad, Baglan studied partner yoga and Thai massage, and met communities of ex-pats who were invested in various ”mindful living” practices. “It didn’t matter what somebody’s practice was or what they were studying, because that ebbs and flows throughout someone’s lifetime,” Baglan notes. “What mattered was this similar dedication to the integration of mind, body and spirit.”
In 2012, Baglan returned to the United States and moved to Denver, a city she’d visited once, on a whim. Right off the bat, she founded a company called Yoga Dates, which hosted events like “Yoga Speed Dating” and “Vinyasa and Vino.” The events were instantly popular, Baglan recalls, and they were a hit not only with yogis, but with people who were tired of trying to meet potential partners on sites like eHarmony and match.com. Baglan realized that the community of singles interested in some kind of holistic wellness practice was larger than she’d assumed, and it got her thinking about an online platform that would not only reach a wider audience, but provide a more consistent way for yoga aficionados to meet each other — and also save Baglan from having to coordinate meet-up logistics herself.
In 2014, Baglan met Adam Taylor, and together they created a successful prototype of the site she’d envisioned. The next year, Baglan and Taylor launched a beta version and were accepted into Techstars Boulder Accelerator. The Techstars program, which Baglan says was a “big catalyst in our growth,” was co-founded by gubernatorial candidate Jared Polis; it provides mentorship, networking opportunities and seed funds for a selective class of startup entrepreneurs each year. MeetMindful has been growing ever since, nearly doubling the size of its team over the past six months and recently raising $5.5 million in a round of investments.
Although marketing efforts are concentrated in seven major cities, MeetMindful is now available worldwide. Although Baglan declines to share how many singles have joined the site, she notes that the Denver/ Boulder area is the most active on MeetMindful.
One of the challenges Baglan faces is that MeetMindful is a social network designed for and marketed toward people who might be skeptical of meeting potential romantic partners online, seeing online dating as inauthentic.
As a result, the company has had to look beyond the usual social-media platform strategy of “hooking” users with almost addictive features. Baglan has paid close attention to how Tinder and other swipe-to-date apps have changed the dating scene for millennials — adversely, she thinks, noting that most people end up using the apps for superficial conversations or “mindless swiping” rather than real connections.
EXPAND
What shows up first in a MeetMindful profile? Not only your pictures, name, and age, but your “mantra” and the mindfulness practices you’re most interested in.
MeetMindful
A 2016 study by researchers in the Netherlands indicated that while millennials might be using Tinder to find love rather than no-strings-attached hookups, they were getting sucked into another primary motivation that surfaced in the study: “self worth and validation.” And when consumer-financing company LenEdu analyzed data compiled from polls of college students, 44 percent of Tinder users said that their main reason for using the app is “confidence-boosting procrastination.” But Tinder may not even fulfill that motivation: A study by the University of North Texas revealed that men who use Tinder have lower self-esteem than men who don’t, and indicated that all Tinder users tend to have a more negative perception of their own body image.
Profiles on MeetMindful are much more comprehensive than Tinder’s allotted six pictures, location, age and short bio. Users are asked to share a “mantra,” a favorite quote that appears on the top of their profile along with the mindfulness practices to which they are most dedicated. The next section asks users to share how their friends would describe them, then describe themselves in their own words. The remaining questions on the profile, according to Baglan, are meant to both establish open honesty and offer opportunities for users to make the move: suggestions for what potential partners should ask about, and “imperfections I’m embracing or changing.” Users can also identify their diet, religion, level of physical activity, and whether they smoke, use drugs or drink. Then they can select and publicize their “dealbreakers” (i.e. “Vegans aren’t for me,” or “Previously married people aren’t for me”).
This approach struck a chord with Longmont resident George Morris, who joined MeetMindful in February 2017. “I was highly skeptical when I was first using it,” Morris says. “I thought, ‘Another dating site, been there done that.’” But Morris was pleasantly surprised by how many women on the site were just the type of person he’d been looking to meet: “mindful, athletic, live an intentional type of lifestlye.” He soon met his current girlfriend; they’ve been dating for a year and a half.
Even though they enjoy many of the same activities, Morris thinks it’s unlikely that they would have started dating without the app. “You’re not going to yoga class thinking you’re gonna find someone to date; you’re going to be mindful. It’s kind of the last place you want to go to meet someone,” he explains. But MeetMindful saved him from having to think of a pick-up line while trying to meditate in his satsang class. Through the site, he was able to make a deep connection quickly, he says.
That’s partly because MeetMindful has integrated features into the site and app that gently urge people to date mindfully, keeping in sight their goals of making meaningful connections and taking them into the real world. “We want people to actually do this with intention,” Baglan says. To further that, the company plans to roll out a new pricing model this fall that actively works against the typical Tinder tendency of mindlessly swiping. Right now, MeetMindful users must purchase the premium version in order to message their matches. The in-the-works free version prioritizes communication over mindless swiping: Users will be able to message their matches for free, but can only see a limited number of profiles each day, and they must view each profile for a certain amount of time before deciding whether to “like” them or not. “We’ve made it so you have to actually look at the person before you make a decision, and not just their picture,” Baglan explains.
MeetMindful publishes a dating advice column on the website, where mindful-dating gurus post articles ranging from “How to Make the Move from Online to a Real Life Date” to guidelines on addressing holistic health seekers’ deepest concerns, such as “How Can I Tell If My Partner Has Genuine Self-Love?” Community guidelines are in the works, as is a feature that will allow users to politely say “Thanks, but no thanks” to decline a date, rather than ghosting their matches by simply not responding to them.
Baglan hints that even bigger changes are on the way, which may lead MeetMindful to expand beyond dating. “We want to be the place for anyone who’s interested in learning about this stuff. This is the place they can go for making inspiring connections both online and offline in real life,” she says.
If all goes well, Baglan envisions MeetMindful facilitating the kind of community-building she saw in her travels abroad. “The mantra that we’ve been saying recently is that personal growth shouldn’t happen alone,” she concludes. “That’s going to be our guiding light.”
