Tag Archives: dating advice
15 High School Dating Lessons That Still Work When You're An Adult
First relationships are like tornados — they’re bound to do some damage. Many couples go through first relationships together, which doesn’t necessarily set them up to be a shining example of a healthy relationship. Add the fact that a lot of first relationships happen in high school — when people are hyped up on hormones and don’t yet have fully developed brains — and it’s no wonder that first love often ends in heartbreak. You could look back on that time and groan about how immature you were, or you could recognize all of the important lessons you learned that make dating so much better today.
Dating advice from Tinder's most-matched UK users
The dating app has spoken, and so have its most eligible singles
The UK’s most eligible digital singles have been revealed this week as Cosmopolitan has published a piece about Tinder’s 30 most successful and swiped-right users in the UK and Ireland.
The list is made up of a number of good-looking and tech-savvy singles who dissect their online-dating game bit-by-bit, showcasing what is it that deems them worthy of a top spot.
The top six also posed for a sultry black-and-white photoshoot that your 16-year-old self would be proud of.
Mostly quoting simplicity and particular aesthetics as their reasons for fancying someone upon first glance, the top 30 delve into exactly what makes them reciprocate their right swipes.
Upon being asked what characteristics make him take notice of someone, 23-year-old Bristol student Vincent explains exactly what tickles his fancy.
“I quite like it when people have done cool stuff. Anything that’s not just five selfies.”
Advertisement
This apparently is a common theme, as 34-year-old Pablo says something quite similar.
“Someone who looks natural and whose photos were taken by others.”
David
26, Bradford, Compliance Worker
What’s your Tinder bio? My name and my location.
Opening line? “Hello :)” It’s worked out so far.
Advertisement
Best date you’ve had? At Go Ape, on a whim. It was different, and sometimes one-to-one can be a bit intense.
What makes you swipe right? Nice hair, that’s always a bonus.
What makes you swipe left? If they come across as judgemental in their bio.
Vitaljus
33, London, Cabin-Crew Manager
What’s your Tinder bio? “I like it simple and honest. Chemistry is all that matters. Terms and conditions apply.”
Opening line? “How’ve you been?”
Advertisement
Best date you’ve had? I matched with someone who lives in Panama, but we didn’t manage to meet. We kept in touch and ended up going on a date in London six weeks later.
What makes you swipe right? A genuine look.
What makes you swipe left? When all the pictures are selfies.
Immy
18, Surrey, Student
What’s your Tinder bio? “Happy chap.”
Advertisement
Opening line? “Hola!” Often they’ll be like, “Oh, are you Spanish?” and I’m like, “No…” It’s worked every time.
Best date you’ve had? We played Top golf. I couldn’t do it, so we just had a laugh.
What makes you swipe right? If they’re good-looking!
What makes you swipe left? A crude bio. Or if all their photos are group ones.
Robyn
22, Dundee, Sales Assistant
Advertisement
What’s your Tinder bio? “Stunner x.” It’s a Dundee thing.
Opening line? I always let them speak first because I think it’s more gentlemanly.
Best date you’ve had? At the cinema. It was just so comfortable and normal.
What makes you swipe right? A tan and good teeth.
What makes you swipe left? When the picture they use is not a photo of them.
Amy
Advertisement
24, London, Marketing Assistant
What’s your Tinder bio? I don’t have one, but I’ve set my Spotify anthem [on Tinder] to Hall & Oates’ ‘You Make My Dreams’.
Opening line? I’m never the first to talk… that’s really bad!
Best date you’ve had? At a bar and then on to a cocktail bar.
What makes you swipe right? Tall rugby players!
What makes you swipe left? Something weird in their bio, like references to foot fetishes.
For more on Tinder’s UK and Ireland top 30, you can check out the full list here.
Professional pictures Credit: Cosmopolitan / Antonio Petronzio, all others users’ own.
If You Bring a Date Home, Here's What Will Make Them Run for the Hills
There are plenty of things that could make a date you asked back to your place bail pretty quickly. But the date went well, they’re back in your place, what could go wrong now? A lot.
Since your home reveals just about everything about you, take a good look around at the way you are living. Dirty laundry on display or unclean sheets on your bed can make someone change their mind about you in an instant.
According to nearly 1,000 people surveyed, these are the top turn-ons and turn offs in your home.
For both men and women, smells made it to the top of their turn-ons list. Your signature scent may be one of the first things a new date notices, and how your home smells matters too. Research shows smells trigger our memories and emotions, which means if you don’t get this one right the first time, it could haunt you forever.
For men, they noticed a comfortable bed and a TV in the bedroom, and women were more impressed when their date lived alone, had a doormat, and evidence of President Obama support.
Both men and women were especially turned off when their date’s roommate also happened to be their ex, if there was a pregnancy test in the trash, and if there were remnants of a previous relationship. Dirty dishes and dead plants turned off men. Women, on the other hand, were turned off by evidence of Donald Trump support or weapons on display.
Men were twice as likely (30 percent) to wash their sheets before every date regardless of whether they were planning to bring someone home.
Another 45 percent of men and 46 percent of women made sure to wash their sheets only if they prepared for a cuddle session at the end of the evening. Thirty-nine percent of women and 25 percent of men didn’t bother washing their sheets regardless of post-date plans.
While men and women averaged three dates each month, men were far more likely to invite their dates back home. Those avoiding cleaning up before bringing a date home might want to reconsider, as 36 percent of women left their date’s home because it was too dirty.
Discovering your date has a perfectly clean and well-furnished home certainly ranked as one of the best first impressions they could make.
Personal Space is Bravo’s home for all things “relationships,” from romance to friendships to family to co-workers. Ready for a commitment? Then Like us on Facebook to stay connected to our daily updates.
3 Things Nearly All Dating Coaches Get Wrong About How To Find A Lasting Relationship
These are key.
While everyone has good intentions, there is a lot of bad dating advice that could be keeping you single. I’ve been on both sides.
I was single into my 40’s and went through the plethora of relationship techniques and workshops to fix myself. Then, I became a love and relationship coach, working with singles.
What I realized by being on both sides is that many of the techniques that I was given when I was single were actually keeping me in my old story. With everyone trying to heal me, how I could I feel whole?
Here are the top 3 dating advice that love coaches have wrong and the real secret to finding great love.
1. Wrong: The right behavior attracts and keeps the right person.
Wrong! The idea that someone loses interest because of how you acted — texting too much, acting too available or slept with him too soon — is way off the mark.
First, it is disempowering to have to change your behavior to get someone else’s approval. This advice puts women in a submissive position trying to get the guy. Think about it: if you are a “good girl”, you get rewarded with another date and if you don’t act right, then you are a “bad girl” and you lose him.
Second, men don’t leave because of something you did, they leave because you unconsciously picked men who leave or not committed. You need to get the root of why you are drawn to the wrong people because that will change your love destiny.
New Dating Rule: You are the prize. You don’t need to convince someone to love you by playing dating games. When you know your true, soulful self, the universe knows who to match you up with. You will then automatically express yourself in a powerful way to draw in someone who loves and accepts you exactly as you are.
2. Wrong: You need to heal yourself and your wounds to find love.
Nope! This destructive idea that you need to heal wounds to find love is so harmful and limiting. When an authority figure (such as a coach) tells you that you are wounded, they are implying that you are not whole and that something is wrong with you.
Once you get the “broken” label, it is almost impossible to escape that identity. No matter how much work you do on yourself, you will continue to feel not good enough.
Personally, I spent decades using various healing modalities but, instead of getting better, I was actually going deeper into despair. I was led by teachers who made the group regress to the past, cry a lot, pound pillows, and made me believe my childhood screwed me up when I actually had a pretty good childhood.
I was hypnotized into believing something terrible happened and that’s why I was single.
I could not feel empowered on a date after a weekend of crying with my inner-child. Every time I experienced heartache, I was filled with dread thinking I am still broken and I have to go back to one of those classes and heal something else. This cycle was exhausting and not getting me anywhere.
The practice of healing wounds is so pervasive in personal development that no one seems to question it. Of course, there are some people who do need therapy and they should seek a licensed professional. However, the majority of single people just need coaching and real coaching is not supposed to be about healing or therapy.
New Dating Rule: There is nothing wrong with you. Find a way to be empowered on your journey to self-discovery based on your potential, not past problems. Challenge anyone who suggests you are single and wounded, let’s change the conversation!
3. Wrong: You need to get clear of negative emotions.
Not at all! First of all, there are no negative emotions. Some emotions, if not dealt with, can lead to problems. Emotions are just energy and energy cannot be destroyed or cleared. The use of so-called healing techniques only suppresses rejected emotions in the unconscious.
Yes, these techniques may make you feel better superficially because of the placebo effect, but the repressed emotions limit your self-expression. You are not free if you are a slave to avoiding negativity. You don’t feel like yourself and you hold back or pretend to be positive and spiritual while inside there is a raging angry person who is afraid to be mean.
In dating, you won’t be able to make a close intimate connection if you are afraid of your own emotions.
According to research by psychologist Shannon Sauer-Zavala of Boston University, mindfulness training works by not minimizing negative feelings but training patients to accept them.
My husband, psychologist Dr. Robert Maldonado, teaches our clients a technique similar to mindfulness called “meta-consciousness” where the clients witness their feelings without judgment. The client doesn’t judge herself for feeling a certain way and is more accepting and self-loving when she enters romantic relationships.
New Dating Rule: Embrace all emotions. Emotions are like children. You cannot let them drive and you cannot shove them in the truck. You have to deal with them. By having access to the wide range of emotional energy available, you can cultivate the joy and bliss that draws in true love.
The personal development industry needs to be better at serving the millions of singles seeking answers to finding love. You need to feel empowered, not broken.
There are plenty of married people who settle for mediocre relationships and who don’t have life all figured out. Being single is not a pathology.
Psychologist, Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. coined the term “Singlism: the stigmatizing of adults who are single. It includes negative stereotyping of singles and discrimination against singles.” If you are frustrating with your dating life, you don’t need someone telling you things that make you feel worse about yourself. You deserve to be empowered.
As a successful, smart woman, you should not contort yourself into a pretzel to win a man, you should meet men who will match your personal power. Ultimately, you match up unconsciously with people based on your personal psychology.
The important thing to remember is that your psychology is not fixed, and your patterns were created because of a healthy mind, not a wounded mind.
You are resilient, powerful and amazing. Your true self has never been harmed, hurt, and damaged in any way. Find a way to connect with the true you and that is where you will easily meet your true love.
Debi Berndt-Maldonado is the author of Let Love In and the co-founder of Creative Love(r) with her partner, Dr. Rob Maldonado, psychologist and relationship and Jungian specialist.
This article was originally published at debianddrrob.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.
