Relationships Talk

Oliver, a 32-year-old software engineer, has spent roughly $200 on Relationship Hero, with coaching sessions that have lasted between three and 46 minutes. (He requested his last name be withheld, because he worried women might have an “uncharitable” opinion of a man who was paying a coach to analyze their conversations and texts. “They might think, ‘What a loser,’” he said.)

Last fall, Oliver contacted Relationship Hero after an especially bad Tinder date. He told his coach that the woman had seemed normal in her texts, but in person she turned out to be obsessed with status. He asked how to avoid meeting women like this in the future, and if he did end up on another bad date, how to leave early without seeming rude.

“Oh boy. lol,” the coach wrote. “so would you say you are often drawn to women by their looks first? Because you will have to dive a bit deeper … you know what Im sarying?”

At the end of the chat, the coach suggested that Oliver write down his expectations before his next date and then compare them with his postdate notes. “Good advice but also thanks for listening,” Oliver wrote. The coach signed off with a smiley face.

Oliver doesn’t consider his coach’s typos or colloquialisms unprofessional. “It’s just a conversation,” he said. “Not a formal document.” He found the coach clear and helpful. “You just want someone to hear you,” he said. “It’s like a two-minute therapy session.”

Not a Therapy Substitute

Relationship Hero, which has 20 coaches and has raised $620,000 in funding, emphasizes it provides “tactical relationship advice,” not therapy. “We won’t tell you to search your emotions, but give you advice that we think is most proven to get results in the situation,” Mr. Shapira said. Though some coaches are psychologists, the company’s co-founder Lior Gotesman, who is also a lead coach, says he often rejects candidates with graduate degrees, “because they’re not as much in tune with their intuition.”

But neither intuition nor expertise can solve every problem. Hunt Ethridge, another lead coach, says clients frequently want help winning back their exes. “Should that not work out, we’ll help set you up for the next thing,” he said. “We can’t do magic.”

“I am here to show you how to Get. It. In.” Tiffany Haddish begins her very very wise, very very vulgar dating advice video for GQ. With the joie de vivre that has endeared her to most earth dwellers since her breakout role in last summer’s “Girls Trip,” Haddish delivers priceless advice on dating etiquette and hygiene for heterosexual men.

Here Are Her Best Points:

1.First dates should be conversation and activity-based (movies bad, amusement parks good.)

2.If you want to ask a woman out, start by asking her how she is and gauging her response.

3.It is thoughtful to know when a woman’s period is coming and then offer her a maxi-pad. You can also use a maxi-pad in your shoe to absorb yeast. That’s a bonus tip.

4.Don’t spray your you-know-what with cologne. (You don’t want it to taste like “alcohol and hibiscus!”)

5.Dirty nails are a red flag

6.Wait 8-12 hours to give the date-follow-up call. It may help to create a schedule for yourself.

7.”Thirst is the worst” (don’t be emotionally needy.)

8.Try to read womens’ body language to gauge interest.

9.If it’s only been 1-2 dates, you’re allowed to ghost. More than that and “you better be in f*****g jail.”

10.Don’t try weird sex things, or any sex things, without asking. Instead, have conversations about what you’re both into.

“Well. I hope you learned something today,” Haddish finishes. “If you didn’t — something wrong witchu. And I don’t know what to tell you. Cause I’m a great teacher.”

And with that, she’s done. And she flounces away, as if delivering six minutes of advice for men about dating that perfectly balances humor, pragmatism, and the ethics of consent is the easiest thing in the world.

via GIPHY

Jenny Singer is a writer for the Forward. You can reach her at Singer@forward.com or on Twitter @jeanvaljenny